MY heart was beating a hundred miles an hour and I could stop looking directly into his eye. He his lips and swallowed once.

“Sam, your putting me in a difficult position.” He said low but it was loud and clear to me.

“I wouldn’t say you’re the one in the difficult position.” I wiggled my fingers, and his attention was put to my wrist that he was pining to the ground. He rolled his eyes. “Are you going to let me go?”

“Should I let you go?” he said it as if he was talking to himself.

“YoonGi…” I groaned under my breath, I felt if I whined too loud he’d get irritated.

“Hyung!” we both froze. My heart stopped beating and his soul let his body. Our eyes both wide, then we heard the footsteps, coming our way and YoonGi shot up, but still sitting on me. Jimin was standing on the other side of the couch looking down at both of us with his childish smile. “I honestly don’t see Sam as a woman.” He mocked YoonGi, and he cursed under his breath. Then looked at me.

“Are you the only one who’s home?” YoonGi asked getting off of me and onto the couch, he shook his hair out and sighed heavy.

“Yeah, I came to get those strawberries for Kook.” Jimin was looking out the side of his eyes at YoonGi as he went into the kitchen.

I joined YoonGi on the couch again; of course keeping a respectable distance. “Thank God.” YoonGi said under his breath.

“Why? Scared one of the other Hyungs would come home and catch you two in the act?” he began to giggle under his breath.

“Jimin, it’s really not what it looked like.” I tried to back YoonGi up. “That’s what they all say. ‘We were wrestling,’ ‘She had a cramp,’ ‘there was a bug,’ ‘She was hiding the remote’ Blah blah blah.” He mocked us more. He came back into the living room. “I’ll keep what I saw to myself. Only because I think telling anyone would ruin the ‘ Ed’ class we have later.” His smile was devious. “I think I’ll be home a little earlier than normal just to get a … good seat.” He smiled and headed back out the front door.

YoonGi and I were speechless. We sat on the couch watching TV for about two commercials, but YoonGi got up and rushed up the stairs. I didn’t question his actions; he might have felt as awkward as I did or maybe he was on the edge of whatever control he still had. Lately his commentary has been a little absurd.

About 20 minutes before everyone was to come home, I was preparing some snacks in the kitchen. I had a large tray of fruit all cut up into little squares with tooth picks in each one and vanilla yogurt in the middle of the tray in a bowl; like a dipping platter. There were peaches, pineapple, pears, oranges, apples, and strawberries. I heard the front door and looked up; Jimin came around the corner. He looked around after we made eye contact.

“Your moving around freely, I don’t see any limping and you’re not ‘glowing’ like how a woman is said to glow so… I’m assuming YoonGi held on for dear life.” His face was slightly red like he was a little embarrassed of his own comment.

“Ha ha.” I mocked him. “Are you the only one home?”

“Kook, and the hyungs will be home in 20 minutes.” He stole some fruit without dipping it.

“So you and YoonGi huh?” “Jimin, it’s really not what you think.” He held his hands up.

“I know, I know. Your seriously not that type of girl and everyone knows it. I was shocked that father even caught Ho Seok in your room in the first place. I thought you’d a heeded Jin’s warnings.”

“Jin’s warnings were so long ago now that I think about it.” I sighed. “It was seriously a mistake on my part to even have lead Ho Seok on with a conversation.”

“Sam, you gotta understand that Ho Seok is a pusher and he has a way with getting what he wants. Honestly the only woman who wouldn’t give him everything-”

“WERE HOME!!!” Yell Tae at the top of his lungs are he and Kook wrestled through the door.

“Hey, hey, calm down you guys.” NamJoon nagged and Ho Seok was already rolling his neck and pulling at his tie to loosen it. Jin wasn’t with them, I wonder if he was okay, or if he was planning to stay out again. They all shuffled into the kitchen and while they took their places at the table I put the tray in the middle. They all spontaneously dug in and began to enjoy the light snack.

YoonGi came around the corner and entered the kitchen. He and I did a small smile to one another, and Jimin obviously saw the small interaction and spoke up.

“Hey Hyung, what did you do today?” he looked at his older brother with a small smile and Kook and Tae joined in by pure curiosity.

“Yeah, how was your day today? Did you sleep all day or spend some time with Sam?” Tae questioned and the three oldest at the table froze. Jimin’s was holding in his giggling with everything he had.

“Today YoonGi got out of bed for a few hours to watch TV with me. But he headed back to bed after Jimin came home to steal some fruit. Ho Seok and NamJoon continued their eating while YoonGi fixed his posture in the chair.

“It was nice but staring at a screen is what I do at work. I rather lie in bed and enjoy my body resting.”

“I bet your body would enjoy it.” Jimin said under his breath, and YoonGi gave him a threating look. Jimin bowed his head in an apology. Ho Seok looked around.

“I guess Jin didn’t come home?” YoonGi nodded to him. “Sheeshh.”

“He’s got a lot going on, and a lot on his mind. Him having a few days to himself is always fine.” NamJoon added. “I do hope he comes back to reality soon, I don’t want any chairmen talking.”

“It’s fine. I’ll be back Monday so I’ll need a rundown tonight of any news.” NamJoon nodded at YoonGi. The food was almost gone.

“Noona, are you still going to give me a lesson on ‘the birds and the bees’?” Kook asked and everyone kind of stopped to listen in. I felt kind of embarrassed.

“Umm… Well…” I shuddered. “Don’t you think this is something you should talk about with you dad?” I asked quietly.

“Awe. Sam is backing down now.” Ho Seok chimed. “It’s okay little brother. I’ll hook you up with some good… material.” He winked, and I thought about the corruption of Kook’s mind. “I’m sure that NamJoon knows some good sites.”

“Aye!” I yelled, and Ho Seok jumped. “Kook, I’ll teach you but you have to promise me you WILL NOT listen to anything your brother tells you.” Kook was smiling, I don’t think he understood the information he was going to get and how it was going to change how he thought about a woman he liked forever.

After the snack we went into the library and I assume the potion that Jin normally took at the desk. Kook sat in front of me and everyone else sat around the desk but on the sides. They wanted to watch the lesson as well as see the reaction on the young boy’s mind.

“Okay. Kook, do you know the difference between a male and a female?” he nodded. “Male body parts and Female body parts. As NamJoon said at breakfast today, a man has a key and a woman has a treasure that every man wants. However, this treasure can only be experienced once between a one man and one woman. This treasure is called ‘ity’.

“ity is when a man or a woman has not experienced a ual encounter. But there are so many different types of ual encounters. But what we’re going to start with, it the main ual encounter. Regular .”

*An Hour Later*

“And by this time, the man will e or ‘’ or release his , either in or outside of the woman, and this choice will result in a child or not. But sometimes this practice, the doesn’t make it to the egg or the egg doesn’t fertilize. Any questions?”

I looked at Kook whose face was pale and his emotion was stone hard. I turned to look at his brothers. Tae’s jaw was just hanging, a small amount of droll slowly creeping out, Jimin’s face red, and the other three were sitting in awe.

“No questions?” I asked again, but Kook didn’t say anything like he was still processing the images. “Okay then, let’s move on to the different type of positions.” I said in a cheery tone but Kook’s eyes dropped and his expression was perplexed.

“There’s more?!” He asked swallowing hard.

“Of course there’s more baby brother.” Ho Seok answered. “You have to learn what positions there are for max pleasure, , oral , ing, contraception and all the other wonders.” Ho Seok had made his way up next to me and was stand in front of Kook.

“Then you have to learn the stages of how a baby is made and born. The first, second and third trimesters, then the birth itself along with all the possible complications.” NamJoon came in with more information. Kook looked completely overwhelmed and frustrated.

“Why would Hyung do that to himself! He must be so tired and sore.” Kook said to himself. I think he got the wrong impression. “I don’t even care anymore, I’ll wait until I find a girl I want to marry, before we put each other through all of that.” He stood up and started for the door.

Ho Seok went up and put his arm around him.

“I’ll show you some videos, it’s more fun than it sounds.” He tried to whisper but his excitement was over flowing.

At this point I wasn’t going to try and stop him.

“Wow…” Jimin said. “I… umm… I didn’t know that you knew so much.”

“I just told him everything I know from what school taught me.”

“School in America teaches you about ?” Tae questioned.

“Yeah, don’t schools in Korea do the same?” They were all quiet.

“Well, we all went to a high class private school, boys and girls were separated during the actual classes.” YoonGi informed me.

I nodded. It was strange to me, learning new things about the place I was in only days before departing. Later that night, while I was lying in bed I thought about if I should leave the notes behind for them. Should I tell them I’m sorry and that I’ll be in America? Or should I just leave? If I tell them I went home, Jin will be able to find me in before I even get off the plane. Should I request for them not to find me? Tell them I need time to just see and be with my family? Jin would respect that. But if I say I just wasn’t happy anymore, that would crush them all to pieces. It would crush me to pieces.

I wish it wasn’t so hard. I wish could leave behind a part of me to them.

Sunday

In Three Days I will Be Going Back to America.

Sunday came and went like nothing. Jin came home, he was stressed as holly hell. It seems he didn’t spend the night with Isabel having a fun time but spend the night talking to different people about his wedding. He and Isabel were handling everything themselves without help. What was supposed to be a romantic evening turned to work. I didn’t see Jin, YoonGi or NamJoon at all the rest of the day, they were in the library going over everything.

Their only day off during the week and they were working still, Tae, Jimin and Kook were playing games in Kook’s room, while Ho Seok was at his studio. It was their bi monthly showcase for the advanced classes. It also helped Ho Seok as the owner to see who should be moved to the next class. By dinner time, no one had anything to really share, and I was left as the live in help again.

Monday

In Two Days I will be Going Back to America

I woke up in a cold sweat. The stress was really beating down on me. Leaving them would be the hardest thing for me to do, but it would be something to benefit me in terms of happiness. I decided that today was the day I would be writing my letters to the them all. Nine letters all together. One for each of the boys, so seven, one for Papa Cha, eight, and one for the entire Family, nine.

The day went as any other, after breakfast I saw everyone off to their jobs and was left alone in the large house. I needed to write the letter so I got a pen and papers in the library and began to write the letter to the family first.

Dear Cha Brothers,

I’m so thankful and grateful to have had the pleasure of having all of you in my life. I found that though the same blood isn’t flowing through all your veins, the same family values are flowing through all your minds. You all keep each other close and though I felt that at time I was breaking you apart, you’ve proved that nothing will break you up.

I’m sorry to leave like this, so suddenly, but I felt like my role in this house wasn’t needed anymore. The day I couldn’t bring myself to speak a word was when I knew I couldn’t stay anymore. It hurts to say, but I have a family that raised me and I left them because I thought I would be happy. I was in fact the happiest when I was with all of you. I’m forever thankful for all of you taking such good care for me when I was injured.

I will forever be in debt to all of you. But for right now, I need to go home.

I love all of you so much. Please, don’t come find me.

Forever Yours,

Samuel Haul

I hid the letter away under my pillow and continued out my day as normal. I found myself here and there breaking down in tears, but whipping them away quickly.

At dinner everything seemed normal, and everyone had a story to tell. It was like before, constant talking and laughter. I felt my heart ache for this moment and my eyes began to tears up again. I pulled myself to her in an instant. No one noticed. I sighed in relief. The last normal day wasn’t going to be one full of heart ache and pain or dread.