I stayed in my room, my emotions were getting the best of me at this moment. I had realized that my feelings for Ho Seok and NamJoon may be love and that everything between me and Tae may have just been heat of the moment. But for Tae to say he would be wrong to love me if his brothers also did hurt me deeply. If you love someone, shouldn’t you fight for them? Maybe its just me being American to think this way.

            I laid in bed, curled in a ball on my side. Hair a sloppy mess on my head; I had put it up in the shower and never looked at it again. I couldn’t talk to Tae, the one how had become my rock through these months. Nor could I talk to Ho Seok or NamJoon; I don’t want either of them to look like their receiving special treatment now that the whole proposal was “off”.

            I sighed heavily. What am I going to do?

            The next few weeks felt so dry. I felt like I wasn’t doing anything anymore. I barely had to clean the house since no one was ever home to make a mess, and cooking was as simple as Kookie being a bottomless pit. YoonGi had made arrangements for the local grocery store to deliver goods bi-weekly, and the furthest Jin and YoonGi allowed me to venture was the front law. When I was with Kook, we could only go to the neighboring town. My eye surgery went by flawlessly, and I didn’t seem to be needed. For five days, there was a housekeeper that came in to take over my daily tasks. The hardest five days ever; on top of my job being taken by someone else, the pain medication made me into a potato, so Kook and I didn’t hang out often.

            NamJoon and Ho Seok were still feuding, and I was told to stay out of the mix. Jin and Isabel had been busy with wedding preparations so he couldn’t hang out as often as he used to. I was kind of connected at the hip with Kook. When Jimin had days off he would switch off with me and have “bro days” with his little brother. Tae was hanging out with Ho Seok again, they were a two peas in a pod. Then YoonGi and NamJoon would be together, talking about business stuff mostly but also studying up on things.

            This was how things were in the beginning. Minus Jin preparing for his marriage. Was there a place for me here? Now that there would be an official, by law of marriage woman in the house was I needed? I know Kook would be upset at me breaking my promise to him, but what would become of me once he gets a role at the company?

            “Are you upset that I’ll be leaving?” he nodded and fell back on the bed, arm out. I chuckled. “Kook, I’ll still come visit. Matter of fact, I’m pretty sure Ho Seok, NamJoon, nor Tae will want me to leave. And if I tired, they’d find me.” Kook rolled to his side then sat up again. He stuck his pinky finger out.

            “Promise you won’t leave without telling me where you’re going. No! Where ever you go, you have to tell me and my hyungs.” I smiled and looked away from him. “Sam, I’m serious!” I snatched his pinky with mine and promise.

            “Jeung Guk, your family to me. Your brothers have been there for me and I have no reason to want to leave you or your family.” This made Kook smiled, but not like usual, he brightened up and his eyes sparkled.

            “Good, cause you’re the only Noona I want.”

            The memory of the promise I made to Kook broke my heart into pieces. Though he would tag along with his hyungs majority of the day, it was odd for me. Like a mother being away from her child for too long. He was in his rightful place, so who am I to say?

            No one came home for dinner tonight, so I packed the left overs up as good as I could and put it away in the fridge. I went into my room, locked the door and has a teenage moment.

            I hadn’t felt so alone in such a long time. I hadn’t felt like this since my first few weeks in Korea. I grabbed my phone and went through my contacts. Home. Last time I called my brother picked up. I wonder who would pick up this time? I called.

            One ring. Two, a third.

            “Hello?” James answered. I hesitated. “Hello?”

            “James!” I called out.

            “Who is this?” his voice was so mean.

            “It’s your baby sister…” I said low.

            “Sam! What The Hell?! Where have you been? Why haven’t you called? Your old number is off and you didn’t care to tell us?!” once again, my tear just did their own thing and flowed down my face as I sat in the middle of my room on the floor.

            “James.” I cut him off. “I’m coming home.”

            “Wh-what?”

            “I’ll be home in a week.”

            “Sammy, what happened? Are you alright?”

            “I really miss home. That’s all.” He sighed heavy, I could tell he was doing his famous ‘pinching the in between of his eye brow’ stance. “Don’t tell mom and dad.”

            “There in Arizona, Aunt Kay is getting divorced.”

            “Again?” he huffed a laugh.

            “Yes; Again.” He took a deep breath. “Are you sure everything is okay? Jian treating you okay?” I felt sad again. Jian and I grew up as neighbors, going home meant facing him, or worse; his parents.

            “I’ll explain everything later. I’ll call you before I get on the plane.”

            “Fine, I want every detail then. Be safe Sam. Love you.”

            “Love you too James.”

            The next morning, I woke up bright and early, and headed to prepare breakfast. I felt like I hadn’t seen the guys in days, due to the long lonely hours I had spent the previous day.

            It seemed like everyone was into their own conversations and I was just serving them. I just did my job and continued to work. What was going with me?

            After breakfast, everyone went their ways. Kook and Jimin were going to an arcade, from what I overheard. Jin would be with Isabel’s family for dinner and YoonGi had files to go over with NamJoon. I guess Ho Seok and Tae would be going to Ho Seok studio.

            About an hour passed and Tae and Ho Seok were still home. It was refreshing. They blasted music loud from the dance room. every other day I would clean the floors and mirrors in there; I was sure I wouldn’t get dusty just for days like this.

            I walked up to the door and listened to them laughing and giggling. It broke my seemingly permeate emotionless face into a slight smile.

So... things are going to get extremely emotional... just a heads up. If your weak hearted or just a er for cuties stuff... my goodness... be careful. lol. sorry for this y chapter though... i just wanted to reflect alot on things that were said and how things were 'suposed to go'... ya know