Sunday 1st October

Jongin’s P.O.V:

Whilst I danced yesterday, I felt like my whole world was perfect. I was in that room, doing the thing that I love the most whilst being watched by the one I love. My world was at peace. It takes a lot for me to say that, after what I’ve been through in the past, but it’s true. I’m happy with where I am in life right now, nothing can ruin it, just so long as I have Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo and I are currently laying on my bed, simply enjoying the others company. He lies on top of me, his head buried into the crook of my neck. We’ve been like this for the last twenty minutes, during which time neither of us have spoken a word. But we don’t need to. This is one of those times where there is no need for words, the comfortable silence that surrounds us is enough for us to be content. I’m grateful for days like this. Days where we can just laze around and enjoy the comfort that we are able to give to each other. These are the types of days that I live for.

“Jongin.” Kyungsoo’s voice comes across as muffled and quite quiet, due to this he moves his head to one side so his lips are no longer pressed up against my neck.

“Yes babe?” I reply, my voice soft, calm and full of pure happiness.

“Can I ask you a question?” Kyungsoo asks, moving so that he is now sitting up next to me, it’s rather cold without his body heat providing warmth to me as well. I sense that whatever he’s going to ask is going to be quite serious or important as he never asks if he can ask a question before actually asking it.

“Of course.” I reply, causing him to smile softly down at me. I now move so that I’m sitting up next to him, before turning my body to face him, crossing my legs in the process. It’s not the comfiest of positions but it shall do for now.

“What are your family like? You’ve never really talked about them before.” That’s the one question I didn’t want to go into. My family is an extremely sour topic with me. I sigh softly, bowing my head as I think of the right way to word things.

“I..I mean you don’t have to talk about them if you don’t want to.” Kyungsoo is quick to cover up the question as he spots my reaction.

“No no, Kyungie it’s fine. You’re right I’ve never really talked about them before but I’ve just never known the one to word myself without becoming overdosed with emotions.” I tell him, shrugging softly in the process. I lift my head to see him sitting there with a soft smile on his face, it’s one of those smiles that I never want to forget.

“We have all the time in the world, Jongin. If you’re not ready to talk about them you don’t have to.” He reaches out to place his hand on the top of mine, rubbing soft patterns onto the top of it with his thumb as he speaks. It’s one of the actions that makes butterflies flit around in my stomach, it’s the type of action that makes me giddy with love. Because it’s the type of action that shows me how much he cares for my well being, how much he wants to make me happy, comfortable and at peace. I couldn’t ask for anything more.

“I am ready to talk about it now, but promise not to get scared if I do get worked up, okay?” I need the reassurance that I won’t scare him away if my mood takes a turn for the worst. My family are people that I haven’t had to think about or talk about for the last two years of my life. I have so many emotions and feelings towards them that have been locked up since I left them, I don’t know how well I’ll be able to control them once they are free.

“I promise Jongin.” Kyungsoo says, his smiling growing wider as he does so. What did I do to deserve him?

It takes me a moment to compose my thoughts, having to reply memories which I haven’t dared to think about for months. During this time Kyungsoo continues to smile at me, love present in his eyes as he does so. The small circular patterns that he rubs into the top of my hand doesn’t cease, it’s something that I can focus on to make me feel safe.

“My family is...complicated. I never really had a good relationship with my parents, even from an extremely young age and when my rebellious teenage years started to kick in things just got worse.” I start to speak, already knowing that the next few minutes are going to be taking up purely by my speech.

“I guess it’s easier just to start from the beginning, right? Well, the earliest memories I have are ones from where I was five years old, bordering on six. At that time we were still living over here, in Suncheon to be precise. I lived in an extremely large and expensive house with my mother, father and two older sisters. I won’t go into their names or ages as it’s not important.” Kyungsoo raises his eye brows at this but doesn’t question it. He must think it’s better for me to speak for ages and then ask questions later.

“My dad owns an entertainment company called JYP Entertainment, he’s the one that got me into performing in the first place. My mum used to work there as his assistant, but really she doesn’t do anything except from sit in her office all day eating and drinking. Back then, when I was five everything was fine. We were a seemingly happy family. I used to go to a great dance studio, even back then at that young age. It was then that I met Chanyeol for the first time, we became close quick. But by the time I was eight our perfect little family started to fall apart. My mother and father started to fight a lot, sometimes over the tiniest of things and within that year they got a divorce. My mother won custody of me and my father won custody of my sisters. That’s the day I started to hate him, for making my mom so upset and for choosing the girls over me.” I’m not staring down at my hands, my right one holding onto Kyungsoo’s like my life depends on it, our fingers perfectly intertwined.

“I didn’t hear from my dad anymore, he never called or dropped round to visit me. My sisters would call every now and then, but we never held a good conversation. When I was nine my mom developed a big alcohol problem. She would drink at least one bottle every night, often going out to clubs and leaving me alone during the night. She ended up losing her job, and then we were helpless. We had no money coming in and my whole life started to fall apart. She couldn’t afford to send me to school anymore never mind dance practise.” A shaky sigh leaves my lips, tears building up in the corners of my eyes. I knew that I was going to struggle talking about this again.

“Wh...When I was eleven my mother passed away. Well when I say she passed away, she took her own life. She overdosed and left me all alone in this world, at the time I used to think that life hurt, that it did nothing except play with your feelings in such a way that things will always turn bad. I ended up moving back in with my dad, his new wife and my sisters, and they were not happy to see me. I can remember my oldest sister spitting on me as soon as I walked through the door, till this day I don’t know why she did that.” Kyungsoo’s grip on my hand tightens as one of the tears I was trying so hard to hold back rolls down my cheek, falling to splash against our hands. He brings his free hand up to press his palm softly against my left cheek, rubbing away the salty trail that the tear hand left.

“You don’t have to continue if you don’t want to.” I tells me, his voice so soft and caring, it’s as if his voice was given to him by angels.

“It’s okay, I’ve started now I should finish.” I tell him, flashing him a quick and weak smile as I lean into his touch. After a moment or two I’ve managed to catch hold of my thoughts, Kyungsoo drops his hand back down to his lap, looking on at me with those caring eyes that I love so much.

“My father didn’t talk to me for the first month, neither did his wife or my sisters. The only people who would talk to me were the maids and butlers that were hired to serve us. They became my only friends. I continued to dance, but I taught myself. I watched videos and tried online courses and in the end it paid off. The same thing happened with my schooling, my father didn’t send me to a public school, instead he bought me online tutors. I would lock myself away in my room for days on end, that’s where I lived as I clearly wasn’t welcomed throughout the rest of the house.”

“Please tell me this story gets better soon.” I hear Kyungsoo mumbling, his eyes are now pressed shut as if he’s praying. Was he really praying for my life story to get better? Surely he should know that it does, my happiness is him after all. I decide not to pick up on what Kyungsoo had said and carry on talking, he obviously didn’t think I could hear him anyway.

“When I was thirteen we made the move over to England. I didn’t really know what was happening when we first moved, my father wouldn’t tell me and we had now lost our butlers and maids from the old house. Of course when we moved we moved into another big house, I’d even say this one was bigger than the previous one. We got new workers who would serve us, but I couldn’t talk to them. I knew no English at that time, but I was determined to learn. I started to take online courses for English, this was around the time that I was finally allowed to go to a public school. High school. Those were some of the best and worst years of my life. During my first year there, I was bullied, a lot. I was the new Asian kid in class of course I would be a target. One of the reasons why I don’t stand for bullying now is because I experienced it first hand back then.”

It’s weird to think of those days now. The days where random boys and girls would come up to me and say something extremely racist. The days where boys would come up to me in the corridor, push me over and beat me senseless. The first year there was a dark one.

“It wasn’t all bad though. I joined the school’s dancing team and managed to make a few friends few that programme. We were good, one of the best teams in the country in fact. I think I still have a few trophies and medals from those times.” I say this with a smile on my face, the good memories trying to overpower the bad at this point in time.

“When I was fifteen a new boy joined our class, that new boy was Sehun. That day was one of the happiest days that I ever had in High School, it was the day that I would no longer be truly alone. My English had improved a lot by that point, but I still didn’t feel comfortable with talking to many people. Sehun, at the time knew no English at all...”

Flashback: [Jongin is explaining this to Kyungsoo in his own words]

3^rd Person P.O.V:

“Class, today we have a new student. He’s come all the way from Korea and knows very little English, please make him feel welcome.” Year ten’s form tutor announced as she walked into the class, a boy following in her steps. He was constantly staring at the floor, not once looking up to take in the scene of the classroom. He was shuffling about nervously on his feet as he heard the odd whispers from around the classroom.

A fifteen-year-old Jongin, stares at the new boy in shock. He never thought that someone from his home country would be joining the school.

“Please introduce yourself.” The teacher prompts the shy boy to say something to the class. His head shoots up, fear filling out his features as he thinks about what to say. He knows no English, he can’t even pronounce the word ‘hello’ correctly. He takes a big gulp of air before turning to face the class, his eyes quickly settling on Jongin, their eyes locking shortly after.

“Annyeonghaseyo, je ireum-eun Oh Sehun imnida.” [“Hello, my name is Oh Sehun.”] The boy now confirmed to be named Sehun, timidly says, bowing as he speaks. Several people start snickering at the way he introduced himself, the racist comments already starting. Jongin, knowing all too well what it’s like to have to stand for that sort of treatment, does not want to see the new boy go through the same thing. So he stands up, his chair scraping against the floor and earning the attention of everyone.

.

“Mannaseo bangapseumnida Oh Sehun. Je ireum-eun Kim Jongin imnida.”

[“Pleased to meet you, Oh Sehun. My name is Kim Jongin.]

End of flashback

Jongin’s P.O.V:
 

“You’ve always had a thing for standing up in front of your school peers then, haven’t you?” Kyungsoo comments, earning a small chuckle from the both of us.

“Yeah I guess I have.”

“Please tell me that your story gets happier from here, Jongin.” My smile fades ever so slightly as he says this, because it doesn’t. It doesn’t get as bad as it once was, well at least I don’t think so, but it doesn’t stay happy.

“I’m sorry that the answer is no. Six months later, I was in a really bad place. My father and I had started having frequent fights, I was sixteen and I had finally opened my eyes up to the world. I had seen the differences between mine and Sehun’s family and I knew something needed to change. I wanted a family set up like he had, but I knew that could never happen. My sisters had moved out by this point, leaving me with my father and step-mother. I despised her and still do to this day. She tried to act like my mom, but she wasn’t. She could never be my mum and I would never except her.”

I sigh softly, thinking back to past actions, conversations and fights that I had between both her and my father. I don’t regret a single one of them, but some could have been handled in a much better way.

“It was at this age, that I realised I was gay. It was during a heated argument with my father that I came out, not really the best circumstances.

Flashback:
3^rd Person’s P.O.V:

It was a cool autumn evening and Jongin had just arrived back into the house that he hated so much. One of his families maid’s greeted him as soon as he walked through the door, taking his coat and school bag from him as he did so. Jongin did say anything, but the workers here were used to this by now.

“Jongin!” Jongin’s hated father calls from where he sits inside the giant kitchen. Jongin voices his frustration through a rather long sigh as he turns to walk into the kitchen, his hands shoved into the pockets of his school trousers as he does so.

“What?” Comes Jongin’s cold reply as he enters the room, his father sending daggers his way.

“What have I told you about addressing me with a certain level of respect?” The older male snaps, dropping his newspaper to the table as his full attention is now on his son. His son that he couldn’t care less for. There is a reason that he didn’t want him in the first place.

“I will never address you with a certain level of respect. You’re the reason why mom died! You left her and hooked up with the you now call a wife!” Jongin yells, making wild hand gestures as he does so. It’s not the first time they’ve had an argument like this, it’s quite common for someone to walk in on the two of them in the middle of a heated argument.

“I am not the reason why your mother is dead! She was a poor excuse of a wife and I am glad I left her when I did. She took her life with her own hands, Jongin. Most likely to get away from you.” Jongin’s jaw falls open at this statement. His father has said some harsh things to him before, but nothing quite like that. Jongin’s brain shuts down and before he has time to think about is actions he’s punched his dad square in the nose, said body part cracking under his touch.

“How dare you say that!” The teenager yells, on the verge of tears. He shakes his hand as pain courses through it from just the impact his own punch had on his fist. But he smiles, just imagining the pain his dad is in, the pain that he deserves. His dad on the other hand, stands there clutching his nose, blood pouring out of it like a tap.

“You’re a disappointing excuse for a son! I hope no woman ever has to get married to a boy like you!” He spits, blood now splattering across the white tiles of the kitchen floor.

“Well then aren’t you in luck! No woman will ever get married to me, they won’t even lay their hands on me, because I am gay! Okay? Gay! I am going to make a better husband to my husband than you ever did to your wife!”

End of Flashback

Jongin’s P.O.V:

“I ran upstairs after that. I packed a bag and left that night. I haven’t seen my dad since that day.” I say, shaking my head at the way past me came out. Way to burst out of the closet.

“You did the right thing.” Kyungsoo assures me, giving my hand a light squeeze.

“I know I did. If I didn’t do that I never would have lived with Sehun. I never would have gone to the same dance studio as him, I never would have been reminded of Chanyeol and I never would have started to talk to him again. And if that didn’t happen, I would have never gotten in contact with you. I wouldn’t have fallen off of the stage and broken my ankle, I wouldn’t have a failed visa so I wouldn’t have been able to come over here and meet the boy I love...that’s you by the way.” I say, a smile now filling out my lips. It’s true, without my past I wouldn’t be here today.

“I’m thankful for the choices you made in the past Jongin. I’m thankful that your choices led you to me.” Kyungsoo tells me, launching himself into my arms as he does so. He wraps his arms around my neck, clinging onto me for dear life. I wrap my arms around his small waist, holding him close as we sit in silence once again.

“I’m thankful too Kyungsoo...but I’m thankful for you.”

//AN:
Ayyyooooooo~ [wassssup?] Sorry that this is the only update tonight, but it is my longest one yet so I hope that it is okay! Lemme know what you think? Thank you so much for reading, I love you all~! <3 – Kai