"As you sat there and cried, you forgot about me and was consumed into your own pain"

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My head starts to feel dizzy again. I massage my temples, again. . It hurts. My vision starts to distort, my stomach starts to feel like its my inside in. I clutch my stomach, coughing loudly. I turn my head to the left, averting my eyes to a reflection that scares me. I wince at the sight of me. The body I hated so much, looks back at me. Dark circles, abnormally skinny. I just look awful and I'm sick of myself. I glance around me, no one was here to witness my anxiety attack. My hands start to twitch, my lips quivering. The tears already forming in my eyes.

I hold back my sob, so a croak just comes out as my sobs becomes louder. I crounch down on my toes, crying my heart out. The fact that I have to go back to Busan scares me. The place that made me suffer, consumed by darkness. Trapped in it. I start to laugh hysterically to myself. I'm ing patheic, aren't I? Can't even ing face my own fears. I stop laughing, there is no way I could get out of my dark mind. I bury my face with my hands, sobbing. I hate it. What the I am doing? They never loved me. If I die right now, I could easily be forgotten. I'm a son they barely knew. I'm a damn stranger in their household.

That ing room caving in, making me my stomach drop. My brother left me alone in this big empty dark room. I lie in bed, looking above. I hear the voices of my mother crying hysterically. For my father. I cried that day, I didn't know what to do. I cried with her, but she told me to shut the hell up. I felt unwanted. Unknown. I don't get her. If she hated my father so much, why did she always still keep contact? Everyday, emotions start to feel stoic as if I'm dead inside. I am dead inside.

My phone vibrates, I look at the caller ID. Junghyun was calling me again, I stand up straight. I recollect all my calm thoughts, breathe. Breathe Jungkook. I start to breathe heavily. No, not now. Calm down. I need more comfort. I answer the phone. "What?"

"Are you here yet?" Hearing his voice makes me want to cry out of anger. I hold in my anger. I cried because I was angry at them and alone, not being able to even ing cry out of frustration in front of their damn face. I'm just so ing done.

"No," I just want to hang up. Please, God . . . .please just  . . .kill me . . .

"I can't wait to see you again," he softly chuckles. I didn't reply back. I don't ing want to see your ass, you just can't wait til mom dies! You left me too like dad. You're no different from him.

"ing liar," my breaking point hits fast. I just blurt out what I really felt. My heart starts to beat, faster than normal. "You just can't wait til the dies. All of a sudden, you're here. I ing hate you!!"

He gets oddly quiet a little too quiet at my outburst. " . . .sorry  . . . I'm---," he starts to sob. "I'm so ing sorry for being such a bad older brother".

"It's a bit too late to save your younger brother you once knew," I lower my eyes and frown. My tears already dries. "But thanks for trying to apologize"

"Really?" There was a hope in his voice that sickens me.

"No you ing . I lied," I scoff at him. "You think after all these years I'd forgive you, your mom, and that man?" I didn't want to say father or our mom because at the end of the day, they treated me like now they want me. I hate the fact that they think I forgive them. I never will. I'm not going to stoop that low. I don't give a flying ery of what they think.

Junghyun becomes silent again. I like that type of silence. When people think they're right but they're wrong. "I know you're furious with us, but for mom . . .could you at least pretend to be happy?"

"I did that so many ing times!!" I'm tired of pretending. I always did that when I was child until I hit college. I start to become the real person I was on the inside. "When I was sixteen, your mom had the ing audacity to tell me to just die if I kept acting I was depressed. I wasn't acting like I'm depressed. I am ing depressed, god damn it!!"

"Jungkook, don't you ing understand that the past is the past!?" Junghyun screams at me. I wince a bit. I freeze, maybe he's