Define Neverland - EPIONE and MintySHINeeBoutique
The Casting Director Review Shop (Busy/Closed/Hiatus)Define Neverland by EPIONE and MintySHINeeBoutique
Story Title – 4 of 5
It’s an eye-catching title and suits well with this story. However, I have seen gazillions of allusions to Peter Pan on AFF, so “Neverland” is not exactly a unique thing.
Description/Foreword - 4 of 5
The description actually spans over to the foreword as well. In general, the description is longer than average, but does provide a good hook for potential readers. However, I would actually like to see your inspiration for this story (ie. how did this idea come about? Why did you decide to write about these two characters? Etc.) or, some kind of prologue in the foreword (which is really what the foreword is used for).
Story Layout – 4 of 5
Nice, readable fonts and a clean layout. The poster is a bit awkward…I feel it should be more dreamy and light-hearted than this. The current poster gives me a bit of a pressuring type of feeling, maybe because of the brick wall.
Grammar/Spelling/Writing Style – 20 of 20
No major flaw came to my attention. Very nice writing style - philosophical and poetic.
Story Plot/Flow/Description – 23 of 30
[If you think she was the only one who ever wanted to escape the world, it shows how completely you have forgotten your own young days.
Whenever children heard this story, first they were quite certain that they had never tried to escape. But I would tell them to think back hard, and when they did, hard, and even harder, they would distinctly remember a youthful desire to return to the tree-tops, and with that memory came others. Of being laid in bed, planning to escape as soon as their mothers were asleep, and how the grown ups may or may not have once caught them half-way up a chimney, or, say, on the balcony.] – Chapter One – forced sentiment. Most people’s reality would tell them that this description here is not true. Most children remember days when they want to escape in one form or another (usually to a fantasy world).
[She never liked fortune tellers, nor any
Comments