Cheque Mate - snowflake16
The Casting Director Review Shop (Busy/Closed/Hiatus)Cheque Mate by snowflake16
Story Title - 5 out of 5
I like it, it fits the genre of mystery and before even reading it the title had me hyped! Also I love the way you incorporated it into your story, nicely done.
Description/Foreword - 4 out of 5
I don't understand why you quoted the description, but nonetheless it's very intriquing. Although one thing that somewhat bothered me is the transitioning between the sentences. It sounded disconnected.
As for your foreword, it's great! It definitely left me curious for what was to come.
Story Layout - 5 out of 5
There are no problems here.
Grammar/Spelling - 18 out of 20
Barely any mistakes, and if any, I suspect they were typos(?)
Original: This was normal... Sort of.
Corrected: This was normal... sort of.
I'm sure you understand what elipsis are used for, thus I'll move on to why it's wrong. (Or it may not be, depending on how you wanted this particular sentence.) If 'sort of' is meant to be apart of the sentence then it isn't captalized. Unless you wanted it on its own, such as: "This was normal. Sort of." then it does need to be capitalized. I assumed it was a part of the sentence, because it sounded better that way (in my case, it's all up to you though.)
Original: He couldn't help appreciate the guy's rude, brash words.
Corrected: He couldn't help but appreciate the guy's rude, brash words.
Original: An tunnel with no light.
Corrected: A tunnel with no light.
Only use 'an' where there are vowels, such as: A, E, I, O, U. (Although there can be exceptions. Sometimes, or
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