Talking Eyes

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Talking Eyes by Mialafreve

 

 

 

Story Title - 5 Out of 5

 

So, the actual title is really eye catching.  Just the title, doesn't give any hint about what the story is really about. I think it does its job in catching the reader's attention and drawing them to read the story.

 

Summary/Description - 4 Out of 5

 

The attempt and idea behind your prologue is really nice. It teases the reader and works well with title and ropes the reader further along into wanting to read the story. However, you're word choice is not the best, but I'll cover that more in the grammar and spelling section.

Another note, in your foreword you put character profiles. I am not a fan of those because the reader goes into the story knowing basically everything about all the main characters. There isn't anything for you, as the author, to reveal, develop, and shock the readers with. 

 

Story Layout*- 3 Out of 5

 

The poster itself is fine. Although, I'm personally not a fan of the font with the filter/effect used. Also, the word enemies is misspelled. Another thing about your layout is the use of italics. You use it randomly. Its fine when you use them to show a characters mental thoughts, but you just put unnecessary things in italics.

 

"What can you do then? Can you continue to run after that dream even without their presence? Without their heat? Can you even continue to live without them?" -  I don't understand why this is in italics. Since you're writing in first person, technically everything is the character's mental thoughts. I understand if it I because of you trying to emphasize this section. However, I would've only stressed certain, key words. Lastly it seems as though this and all other italics are larger than the other words….?

 

That was just a generic example you can try to apply to all italics.

 

 

 

 

Grammar/Spelling - 15 Out of 20

 

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Author's Thoughts
CapriquariusMei
Calling myheartswishes, your review has been completed. Sorry for the wait!!
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snowflake16 #1
Chapter 54: Thank you, tyrhfjd, for the review! Picked up and credited! It's been a half century but it's here now so I'm not going to complain lol.
I'm glad you liked the story and I do agree with your points about the title and the confusion about 'Kris Leone' who in fact is not an OC but a real person in K-rock lol. I wanted to troll the hell out of readers by using 'Kris' xD
Thank you for your review. I enjoyed reading it :D
yuu_sama #2
Chapter 53: Dear, reviewer-nim ^^
Thank you very much for everything you have done. I deeply appreciate it. Actually I have been expecting that you would give this fanfiction very, very low score, but since you gave me higher than my expectation, I need to thank you once again. Well, I believe that reviewing my story was troublesome to you to some extent... I'm aware of how boring and badly-written it actually is, but thank you, you've worked hard to complete your review. And can I say that you point out everything PERFECTLY?? Your review is PERFECT, no doubt about it! I won't go against it either! Can I copy paste your review into my personal note, so I can use it for future revision?

About English, I've been learning it since 2006... and that's when I went to university. I always have the greed to know more and more about English, just because, yeah, I love English. It is like a door that leads me to the real, wide world. And through it, I can learn many things, new things I never know before. English is very helpful and I always encourage myself to learn it seriously, from books, movies, songs, everything! And I realize... "Six Drops to Ecstasy" is my experiment. It's more like the reflection of my will to learn English rather than a literature (hahaha, did I use the correct expression?). That's why, I've been thinking of starting all over again. Rewriting the story. Changing certain aspects of the characters. Simplifying my words. I need to do this, because I grow to love this story now and want to make it "more worthy to read as a literature work". For the sake of my six Sakamaki vampires, I'll never abandon this story... and yeah, because this is a tribute to Diabolik Lovers.

(OMG, sorry for my very bad English)
>//<
KnowRain #3
Chapter 52: Thanks for the review! I'm glad you enjoyed it and thank you so much for pointing out my grammatical errors...I've been extremely lazy and haven't bothered to edit anything since i'm currently busy struggling through the last year of high school, and the one thing about grammar that I often get confused about is tenses so...thanks for that.
Anyway, will credit you right now! xD
suzyelf #4
Chapter 5: Story Title: I Once Fell in Love
Story Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/912472/i-once-fell-in-love-vixx-ravi-ken-jaehwan-raven-wonjae-raken
Genre(s): slice-of-life, romance
Main Character(s): Ken, Ravi
Brief Summary: Girls should be the ones who make Lee Jaehwan fall in love.
Preferred Reviewer: Rebel
Additional Comment (ie. main focus?): Thanks in advance! ^^
Password (See Description/Foreword if you don't know =D): call me baby - exo
mischievous_akmood #5
Chapter 51: I saw my review, and thank you for the feedback ^^
EPIONE #6
Chapter 46: Hello, sorry I'm really late, but thank you so much for doing the review.
Hm. Have you ever heard of the Peter Pan Complex? It does exist in some individuals. It's a complex against growing up. In the shoes of someone who's never struggle with a neuroses, the sentiments must have seemed forced. Ga, this just means I need to work harder on my writing skills to portray the complexes. Thank you for pointing that out. I think maybe I over-generalised the fear of growing up, because I did have that fear to the point that I couldn't sleep at night, and leading to other health problems. Perhaps not everybody is like that, but from personal experience, I didn't think it wasn't an exaggeration. STILL It's a comfort to know that not everybody has to struggle through that haha. Thank you.
Anyway, thank you for a different perspective on the story. It's despairingly interesting. Haha. I will be crediting this shop right now.
Love,
Epione
ByungHannie #7
Chapter 27: May I just ask who did my review? I found her review very helpful and I want to put her username as a credit in my foreword ;)
snowflake16 #8
Chapter 5: Story Title: My Girlfriend the Cheater
Story Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/921011/
Genre(s): romance, comedy and light angst
Main Character(s): Chanyeol, Kris, Hani
Brief Summary:
Chanyeol is the typical lover. From chocolate boxes, sweet kisses, and flowers; he’s ideal boyfriend material. Willing to do anything for love, and oversensitive when he needn’t be, he always does what he can to indulge Kris.
However, his beloved is a little bit different because in Kris’ picture there exists a Hani. Being close friends can sometimes come with unexpected consequences; there are things going on behind Chanyeol’s back.
How will he cope when Kris’ fidelity is brought into question?
Preferred Reviewer: tyrhfjd
Additional Comment (ie. main focus?): plot, characters, enjoyment, grammar, punctuation; basically the rubrics
Password (See Description/Foreword if you don't know =D): The End - Kris Leone
Thank you :D
queenxb #9
Story Title: Star-crossed Killers
Story Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/921931/
Genre(s): Romance, Angst(?)
Main Character(s): Kai x Kim Haera (OC)
Brief Summary: Kim Haera may look the part, but she’s definitely nothing close to an angel. Bred to have the hands of a killer and be the next heir of the Kim Empire, she stops at nothing to get what she wants. That is, until she meets the equally ruthless Kai, who is next in line to rule the Exo Clan. Feared by many and trained to be an emotionless, heartless killing machine, Kai rules with an iron fist. This is a modern twist on Romeo and Juliet & Mr. & Mrs. Smith where two lovers, born by rivalry fall in love.
Preferred Reviewer: any
Additional Comment (ie. main focus?): Punctuation & grammar
Password (See Description/Foreword if you don't know =D): Angel 2 Me - McKay ft. Jeff Bernat
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