(this will be Hwayoung's toughts as she read the diary) 

"I....Hwayoung when you get back and I’m not here too great you d-don’t get mad at me o-okay”

” I’ll never get mad at you"

"I want you to read my diary when you get home. It’s in my closet on the red box. You have to read it when you get home."

"I'll read it I promise."

"It will explain everything"

"Explain what? Hyoyoung you better tell me now"

"I have to go I love you Hwayoung you’re the best sister anyone could wish for and I’ll miss you I’m so sorry for everything wrong that I did. Goodbye" 

I keep repeating the last thing she said to me over and over again. Why couldn’t you tell me? WHY??? How can you say I’m the best sister anyone could wish for when I wasn’t there for you? When I couldn’t even help you? I wanted to know what explanation Hyoyoung wrote so I when to her room, which was next to mine and looked for the red box. It was sad entering her room, the only things left in her room were her bed and a table. I opened her closet and took a step back. I see the box but I’m too short to reach it. Finally, when I grab it I took the diary only to find that is was locked. Maybe she left the key in the box, yes it’s at the bottom. I put the key and diary in the box and walk back to my room. I lock my door just in case my parents come early and decide to come in. When I opened the diary there was a picture of us when we were 4 years old, I smiled and tears formed in my eyes but I wouldn’t let myself cry even if I’m alone. I count to 3 before I start reading.

Dear diary,

    It’s been a year since Hwayoung left. I miss her so much; it just doesn’t feel the same without her. Oh and I forgot to mention that Yongnam leafy shortly after Hwayoung left and then a few months later we moved. I’m gonna miss Yongguk oppa, we got closer after Yongnam oppa left. I asked umma if I could stay in the same school but she said that my school is too far from our new place so I guess I won’t see oppa again. :'(

 

Dear diary,

 

    Today was my first day in my new school. I already made some friends :)) Tomorrow I’m go to her house to play.  (I’m glad she was able to make friends that fast)

She didnt write much that year the last thing she wrote about that year was that they were moving again and she had to say goodbye to another friend.  

Dear diary, (June 30 Elementary school)

    wow i haven writen in this in a long time well its been two years sence Hwayoung left and we turned 8 last month. She still calls everyday and im glad for that, i wish i could tell her the truth but she sound so happy and i didnt wanted to make her sad.  (I remember that day, i was happy that Hyoyoung was safe. I had just gotten out of the hospital because someone crashed into the cab i was in)   I ws bullied today, again. Even when im not in school i still get bullied, i dont know what i did to deserve this treatment. I dont want to go back to school. I told Hwayoung that oppas were taking care of me but the truth is i dont even know if they still remember me or  Hwayoung. :'((   I want to tell umma and appa but they're never home and whern they are home their to tired to even say goodnight.  Well tomorrow is another day of school so i have to go to sleep now.

 As i continued reading i couldnt hold my tears anymore, Her whole elementary year others kept calling her names.

Dear diary, (May, Midle school)

    The first day of middle school was today, when i entered my homeroom i felt happy because i saw oppa after so many years (wait does she mean bang oppa or Yongnam oppa?) I was seated behind him. During the whole class i whised for him to turn around and recognize me. I was happy for once that i actually participated in class. ( If oppa was there then why did she tried to end her life?) When the teacher left oppa turned around and said " Hey nerd would you shut up already" everyone started laughing at me and the name calling started again. I guess he didnt recognized me and if he did he didnt care. When i got home i started crying my eyes out, and when Hwayoung called i wanted to tell her so bad what happened today but i didnt, you know why? Because she would have found out that i have been lying to her and she would be more upset about what oppa did. Well i guess he's not my oppa anymore. I guess this year will be no diffrent from the last few years. ( wait Yongnam said he left shortly after i left and he just got back today so that means. No, Bang oppa how could you?! I still wish you would have told me Hyoyoung, i wish you could have trusted me) 

Hyoyoung was treated badly in middle school, she was called many names and rumors were spread about her. Yongguk was only adding more wood to the fire by tripping her in the hallways and pulling her hair. He even got his friends and other students to bully her too. Hyoyoung didn’t have any friends because they didn’t want to get bullied with her.

Dear diary (May, High school)

 

    Well it was back to school this week, I was called names and one of Yongguks friends pushed me in the hallway, I think his name was Youngjae. I know this year will be different and I don’t know if I’ll survive this year. I wasn’t only called names, pushed or tripped. Yongguk's girlfriend and her friends beat me up. After they were done Yongguk hugged his gf and said that this was what trash like me deserve and walked away. (Hyoyoung I’m so sorry, I never should have left you for so long. But I promise you I’ll make all of them pay for hurting you for so long. Yongguk, I’ll never forgive you for this.)

I finally came to the last entry and it was the last day I talked to her.

Dear diary (June 27).

 

     Hwayoung if your reading this it means that I wasn’t there to greet you when you came home. Knowing you, you’re probably hating yourself right now. (How can I not hate myself when my sister is in a coma for something that shouldn’t have happened) I want to say I’m sorry I dint tell you what was going on and that please don’t blame yourself. When you go to school let everyone know that you're not me or they'll bully you to. I know you're strong so you'll get over my death. (You're wrong, you’re not dead and if you were I’ll never get over losing you. I’m not as strong as you think I am) Don’t go hating everyone, it’s not good for you. When people get to know who you are I’m sure they'll love you, so give them a chance to get to know you. Give Yongguk a chance too, I know I should hate him but I don’t because this hate is worth nothing when one is gone, right? Umma and appa just left so I don’t have much time before the maids come. I love you Hwayoung and I’ll be watching over you wherever I am. Always remember that you’re not alone, and if you ever miss me just think of the fun we had when we were kids and that I’m in a better place now. XOXO Bye now and don’t cry for me, smile because someday I’ll see you again but not anytime soon I hope.

 I closed the diary and started crying silently. I’m sorry big sis but I can’t do as you say. I won’t be able to forgive them or Yongguk. I will be myself but I won’t say I’m not you. I heard a knock and wiped my tears "come in" Luna came in " Mi-- um I mean Hwayoung, there’s a young man that wants to see you. He's in the living room waiting" 

"Thank you Luna. Tell him I’ll be there shortly" With that I watched as she left, When I heard her walk away I hid Hyoyoung’s diary under my mattress and went to wash my face. When I was done I walked down the stairs and to the living room. "Yongnam thanks for coming"

"It’s no problem, umm is Hyoyoung here." He looked too happy, now I know why Hyoyoung didn’t wanted to make me sad. It’s hard saying something when you know you'll hurt someone you care about, but I have to tell him. "Hwayoung?"

"I, um, I’m sorry I just. I don’t know how to say this" My vision started to get blurry. I closed my eyes tight so the tears wouldn’t fall. When I finally opened them Yongnam was looking at me with a worry expression. "O-oppa. Hy-Hyoyoung is, she tr-, she's in a coma" I whispered the last part but he still heard it.

"W-what? What happened?" Yongnam was crying so I when over to hug him. I didn’t know if I should tell him that it was all because of his brother or let him find out on his own.

"Umma told me what hospital she’s at. Do You-Do you want to go see her." He didn’t say anything just nodded his head "Come on I’ll drive. let me just the keys." I walked to the kitchen and saw no one there so I went to the back yard and saw the driver. When he saw me he bows down and ask if I needed anything. “Yes, can I please have the keys to the car"

"If you don’t mind, can I ask where you’re going?"

"I’m going to see my sister" He looked at me with sympathy again.

"I can drive you there if you want miss."

"No that’s fine, I would like to drive instead."

"Okay miss, here you go"

"Thank you" I walked to the car and see Yongnam staring at something in his hands, more tears were flowing down his cheeks, he looked like a little boy who lost a toy only he lost someone close to him. We got inside the car and didn’t say a word the whole ride.

We walked inside Hyoyoung's room and it broke my heart seeing her like that. She looked so fragile I just wanted her to open her eyes and say 'everything will be fine' but I know it won’t be fine I’ll be fine. I walked to her left side and gave her a kiss in her forehead. " Hey big sis, I’m here I’ll be here for you. I won’t leave you alone anymore, arraso." I looked at Yongnam as he sat down in a chair next to her and held her hand. "Oppa I’ll leave you with her for a while. Ima ask her doctor about her condition" He just nodded without taking his eyes off of Hyoyoung. When I found Hyoyoung doctor I asked him to update me on my sister’s condition.

"Miss Ryu Hwayoung, I’m Dr. Lee. There is a possibility that your sister will wake up but it’s very slim. We will do everything we can I can assure you that. Don’t worry she's in great hands. If there’s any news about her condition, I’ll inform you right away" 

"Thank you Dr. Lee" I waited a few minutes before walking to Hyoyoung's room. Yongnam looked calmer and mad? "Hey Yongnam the doc-" 

"WHY WERENT YOU THERE FOR HER?!!!!!SHES YOU SISTER AND SHES HERE BECAUSE OF YOU!!!!!! DONT PRETEND YOU CARE ABOUT HER NOW SO JUST LEAVE!!!!" I was shocked when Yongnam yelled at me but soon I got mad. Yes, she’s my sister and I already blame myself for this but he has no right to talk to me like that. Does he think he’s the only one that’s hurting?

"Don’t you EVER say I don’t care about her. You don’t know ANYTHING so shut it! This is because.... you know what I’m not gonna tell you, I’ll let you find out by yourself. If you want to keep on seeing her go ahead I won’t stop you.  Bye Yongnam" I know he’s mad so I just left him with Hyoyoung because I know he cares about her and won’t hurt her.

I drove around for a while to calm down. I went to the house my grandfather gave me when he passed away and cleaned the place before I headed home. I don’t want to stay under the same roof as my parents. It looked like they didn’t even care that Hyoyoung was in the hospital. When I arrived to the house I took my shoes off, when to the kitchen and grabbed an apple before I headed to my room and locked myself in. I grabbed my phone and talked to Hanna for an hour before she had to go. The clock said it was just 10pm, still too early so I stared unpacking my things before I fell asleep holding a picture of Hyoyoung and I when we were kids.

Tomorrow I’ll visit her again and hopefully Yongnam oppa is calmer.