Title: 3/5

The title reveals a lot about your fan fiction and this may make some people (like I) not want to read it due to the fact that it gives away a lot. A lot of people will pass it off as clichéd story and thus, they may not read it.

However, one thing I did like about your title is that you capitalized every word; some people overlook that and simply capitalize one word.

Forewords: 2/5
In the description, you have briefly allowed us, readers, to know what your fan fiction is all about. However, there are two things that particularly stood out to me. One, you have used: “...2^nd most dangerous...” when you should of actually wrote: “...second most dangerous...” due to the fact that in writing, you have to actually write the number in letters; the second thing that stood out was the ending question which gave away quite a lot: “Will the two somehow...fall in love?”This gave out pretty much a lot of the plot of the fan fiction as it is revealed that one way or another, the two main characters may fall in love.

Before you posted the teasers, you have also included a sort of author’s note; that should o been posted at the end of the forewords.

I think the two teasers also gave out a lot of the fan fiction so I personally think that you should of tried to keep away from inserting teasers or, if you really wanted to give the readers a sneak peak of the story, you should of posted something that is not as revealing. In the first teaser, I noticed that you also put IU’s thoughts in the same paragraph as Yoseob’s words- you should always start a new paragraph when another person thinks or speaks.

Plot: 10/20
The reason I only awarded ten out of a possible twenty points is because the plot is overused and clichéd: gangster falls in love with a school girl. Now, I have nothing against these sort of plots but I really wish it could of been a bit more original or at least, with some sort of twist that could really make me say: “wow, this is different!” The fact that a rival of Yoseob’s also happened to fall in love with IU also made the whole plot even more clichéd. There were times when I could honestly read a chapter and know what would happen next. Also, there were few fighting scenes between the two rival gangs which I found to be sort of dull especially the beginning when they pretty much exchanged words and it felt like I was reading a fight set out by both gangs as though they were following a script; better said, I imagined it to be a bit different with the two almost immediately fighting in order to build suspense and tension as well as to truly show their hate towards each other.

I also felt that in some parts, the story was moving too quickly. For example, Yoseob’s affectionate feelings for IU seemed to develop too quickly.

General Flow: 6/10
I like the way you were presenting your characters and getting them into the plot: they weren’t being introduced too fast or too slow so that’s what gave you most of the points. In terms of an overall flow, however, like I previously mentioned, I felt like the emotions between Yoseob and IU were developing too quickly as well as Wooyoung’s towards IU’s.

Characters: 5/10
I found the characters to be very clichéd: IU, the high school girl whose parents left for a business trip and then her life turns around once Yoseob randomly decides to step in her house out of so many other places; Yoseob, the gangster who has been hurt but develops a caring attitude towards IU despite him being in one of Seoul’s most dangerous gangs; Wooyoung, the rival who beats Yoseob and comes undercover to IU’s high school followed by more affectionate feelings towards the main female character.

Grammar, Spelling, Punctuation: 8/10
Your spelling and punctuation was very good and I was overall impressed with it. Same goes for the grammar but I think you could have used a bit more description about places, appearance of people and snuck in one or two words that were more interesting so it could make your vocabulary more varied. I’m happy that you did not use any sophisticated words that would have readers running for a dictionary or a thesaurus but a wider range of words could have made your fan fiction more interesting.

Story Detail: 4/5
Despite not many ‘fancy’words used, I think your story had the right amount of details; there wasn’t too much of it or too little but more importantly, I found your fan fiction consistent- every chapter was written in the same style/format. What I’m saying by this is that there wasn’t a chapter that had a lack of detail and the next one was full of it. That way, your readers did not become too confused or found it difficult to make it all out.

General Writing Style: 4/5
I like your writing style. The reason why I do is mostly because I did not come across many spelling mistakes or punctuation mistakes. The only advice I would have to give you is that you should always start a new paragraph when another person is speaking or thinking or doing something! I picked out on this mistake a lot throughout the fan fiction so I’m hoping you will correct this in your next fan fiction.

Overall Opinion: 14/20
As a closing statement, I would like to say that the reason for this amount of points is due to the act that it’s a very often used plot and there are many people that would skip fan fictions like these. I did enjoy the fact that your spelling was good, your punctuation was accurate and you had a consistent flow although I would of liked to see something different that could spark up more excitement.

Bonus: 3/5

Total: 59/100

Review by: dolcevita@playful melody

http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/59096/p-l-a-y-f-u-l-m-e-l-o-d-y-oneshots-reviews-oneshot-request-review

My thoughts: Honestly, I thought I'd get a lower grade grade than this :P This is actually my first time getting a review from any of my story, so yeah. :) I know I'm not a perfect writer or anything, so i'm actually glad to see such a score! ^^ I'll try my best on my other fanfics to improve my plot and make it more interesting :) Right now, I'm planning to end this fanfic after a couple more chapters, so there won't be anything sparking up :) Thank you for the honest score, Dolcevita! ^^ I really appreciate it! :D