Fifty seven days.

It’s been fifty seven days since Taemin declared he was upset with Minho.

It’s also been fifty seven days of Minho making no effort to fix anything.

They didn’t even celebrate Valentine’s Day.

Why?

Taemin didn’t know.

These days, he didn’t know much about their relationship.

He just wondered how he would tell his parents that they’re calling off the engagement.

Maybe his mom was right, maybe he wasn’t ready. Maybe he was still too young, living too fast.

He still wore the ring every day, but at this point, it was just a decoration.

Or maybe his embodiment of hope.

He just wished he knew why Minho was doing this, or why he didn’t listen.

Why didn’t he want to talk?

Why did they have twice or three times a week but ignored each other the rest of the time?

But honestly, he wished they could have all the time.

At least then, he’d be able be with Minho most of his free time.

Thought after thought went through his head as he laid awake in the dark, watching Minho’s sleeping face.

He’d reach over and caress his cheek, but he felt like that would be strange.

He didn’t have the privilege anymore.

“Hyung… I still love you… I’ll never stop…”

Minho walked into the same bar he always did.

The same music greeted him along with the same coworkers.

Sighing, he smiled at them.

I have to get through today, he told himself, just like yesterday and the day before.

He changed into his uniform, heading over to the bar he was assigned to for that night. A co-worker walked up to him. She smiled.

“How’s it going?”

“Good.”

“What about with the money?”

“Another three months and I should be okay. I’ll still keep working though.”

The place was empty so she sat across from him on one of the stools. “Where are you at then, huh?”

Minho recalled the numbers in his bank account proudly. “Rent and school aside, I have enough for the rings and a small, private wedding. If I get another promotion, I’ll be able to save up for a bigger wedding and I can’t start putting money away for whatever college or university they want to go with.”

“Ah, I envy her so much!” She whined, burying her face in her hands. “Here you are, getting ready to start a life at nineteen while I’m here, thirty three and going through my midlife crisis, still single! I bet she loves you so much. I can imagine you coming home and she meets you with a kiss, telling you that she waited for you to come home before eating. Then you cuddle on the couch. You have a perfect life!”

Laughing, Minho wondered why his heart hurt. Thinking back, when was the last time he even ate with Taemin? When was the last time they went on a date? He’d have to get around to that. Trying not to drown in the sadness that tended to creep up on him, he grabbed a beer, offering her one which she took.

“I’ll just have to up to the boss as much as I can and keep getting raises.”

Jongin took Taemin’s hand while they waited at the stop light,

The elder smiled as he interlocked their fingers.

“I want to watch the sunset today.” He whispered into the brunette’s ear.

“Let’s watch it today then.”

“I know a place. I saw a picture of the sunset from there and I found out how to get there.”

“Wow, really? That sounds great.” Taemin said, guiding Jongin’s arm around his shoulders.

They took the bus out of town, but only enough for the buildings to no longer interfere with the landscape. There was a few minute walk to a small tower, purpose unknown, before Jongin announced that they had reached their destination.

“Climb up here with me.” The younger boy said, scaling the bars up to the flat roof where he sat on it, urging Taemin up.

“I’m not an acrobat.” The brunette reminded him, following the path that was laid out for him. It was one pole that he couldn’t reach that caused him to sigh. “Help me up.”

Sticking his tongue out, Jongin refused, but moments later offered a hand anyways.

Climbing on top, Taemin was given a spot on the younger boy’s lap and accepted it, although he usually wouldn’t. Facing Jongin, Taemin pinched his nose. “How are you going to guarantee my safety? There’s still about half an hour left until sundown and that’s a lot of opportunities for me to fall off.”

“I’ll protect you.” He whispered.

“Okay. I’ll trust you. Tell me a story to pass the time.”

The stars were high in the sky now but Jongin only finished his tale now.

“And really, it was just one photograph that made me realize I was gay.”

“But I don’t look very cute in that photo, do I? My face was super chubby with baby fat.”

“Yeah, but I loved your baby fat. I loved everything about you. I still do. But there are still some things I don’t know. I’m sure I’ll love them too. Maybe you could… show them to me?” He asked, his hand sliding along Taemin’s inner thigh.

“N-not here! If there were ever a more obvious place, I’d be surprised. We’re on top of a tower!”

“Not here? So maybe if we… found somewhere more private, it’d be fine?”

Taemin’s heartbeat sped up as Jongin leaned in, his lips leaving kisses along his neck.

“D-do you have a place in mind?”

“Oh, Hyung, I’d settle for anything. It’s whatever it would take to get you to agree that matters. So tell me, where would I have to go for you to let yourself go a bit?”

“I… I don’t know…”

“My birthday… passed, but I can still wait forever. My first time… will be yours…”

“Jongin… Why are you waiting? You could be so much happier with someone else…”

“Because I don’t want someone else. Because I believe that… that we were meant to be and I know I might have to wait so many years, but it’ll happen, it will! I know it’s stupid and you’re probably just thinking that I should it up-”

“I would never tell you that!” Because I know how much it hurts when the person you love tells you that with a serious expression and drunk tone.

Taking in a deep breath, the younger boy leaned in and they kissed.

Minho was drunk.

He was always drunk when he came home.

Coming home drunk helped him forget that there were consequences to his actions.

That maybe working so much wasn’t as helpful as he thought it was.

That maybe the good he was trying to do might be doing bad instead.

And it annoyed him.

Because he noticed it.

He noticed that Taemin no longer looked at him the same if he looked at him at all.

He noticed the spark he lost was now there when Taemin looked at Jongin.

He drank to forget that too, because Taemin was his and if it was up to him, he’s keep the boy in a room where he wouldn’t talk to anyone at all.

But one thing that assured him was the , because Taemin wouldn’t have with someone he didn’t love.

So obviously, the case had to be that if they were having , Taemin still loved him.

That’s why they'd have every night now.

As a source of assurance.

For Minho.

But Minho never seemed to look at Taemin's face when they committed this loving act.

So he didn't see the tears or the pain. He didn't see the broken expression.

He didn't notice that Taemin hadn't moaned for a long time now or that it's been a while since he even got an .

He was just there to get ed so that he could go back to Jongin.

 Taemin and Jongin became a hotter topic around school now.

At this point, Taemin would be the one walking the younger boy off to class. He’d sit on his desk as they’d talk about what they’d do after school.

Jongin would just stare at the brunette’s lips the whole time, hoping that he could sneak in a kiss before Taemin would go.

“Don’t leave yet.” He would say.

“Jongin, you say that every day and what do I always tell you?”

“That you have to… but that’s stupid. No one has to do anything. You choose to, don’t you?”

He rested his head on Taemin’s lap, arms laced around the elder’s waist.

“It’s a bit unfair, isn’t it, with you two being together?” Some of Jongin’s classmates asked nicely.

Taemin stayed silent, figuring the younger boy should answer his own friends’ questions.

“Oi, why’s that?”

“Because both of you are so good looking, and instead of getting beautiful girlfriends, you get each other. That’s a pity, isn’t it? You know, most us are single.” One of the girls said.

“Ah, but he’s really good in bed and knows what makes a guy feel good. Don’t you understand?”

Red faced, Taemin pushed Jongin off of him, standing up. “Are you stupid?! Don’t say things like that! How would you know how I am or am not in bed? We’ve never done anything!”

“W-well yeah, but I- we will do something soon and I have faith! I mean, I know you’re good with your mouth because- Taemin, don’t go!”

He chased the older boy which was stomping out of the room, catching his arm.

“Jongin, s-stop! Let go of me! Don’t!”

An idea popped into his head. He looked towards the crowd which was his classmates before forcing his smirk away.

Flipping Taemin around, he squeezed the elder’s arms, staring deep into his eyes.

“No, I don’t think I will kiss you, although you need kissing, badly. That’s what’s wrong with you. You should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how.” Jongin rehearsed, the line from a popular movie earning applause. “But maybe I will.” He added on, breaking his character and stealing a long, passionate kiss from Taemin. Everyone whistled and clapped.

“You’re… I hate you… you always cause a scene.”

“But maybe one day, you’ll love me as much as I love you.”

“I don’t understand what you’re doing.” Minho said.

“I don’t understand what you’re doing.” Taemin replied nonchalantly.

“Don’t talk to me like that.”

“Like what, Minho?”

“Like I’m stupid…”

“You’re not stupid, you’re drunk.”

“Shut up.”

“You started the conversation.”

“You always want to talk, so let’s talk now.”

“There’s no point. You’re not going to remember it tomorrow. Or ever.”

“Stop being so god damn high and mighty.”

“I’m not trying to be. You know it’s true.”

“Taemin, stop acting so ing ridiculous!” Minho suddenly yelled.

“Don’t raise you voice. Why are you screaming?”

Why was he screaming?

What upset him so much?

That Taemin didn’t seem head over heels for him anymore?

That it was his fault?

That him trying to do better only made things worse?

He’s never messed up before.

“Do you still love me?”

Looking over, Taemin felt like a spear had pierced his heart. He was begging for his eyes not to water.

His body didn’t listen to his request though.

His bottom lips quivered and he did something he hadn’t in a while.

He leaned in and found a spot where Minho’s body perfectly accommodated his, a spot he’d long forgotten about.

It was so hard to lie.

How could he ever not love Minho?

“Y-Yeah… I still love you… so much… I- I never stopped… I just- you know, I just feel like… you’re the one who stopped… You don’t hold me anymore… and it’s just… I don’t know how to feel anymore… Should I give up?”

Minho stayed quiet, no words coming to mind.

“I’ve loved you ever since day one… but I’m always alone, so what’s the point? You know, tell me if I’m wrong, tell me if I’m right, because right now, it honestly, it’s like loving a ghost.”

“I know…”

“Jongin, I can’t do this.” Taemin said, lying beneath the younger boy.

“Wh- this? You mean ? But- ugh, Hyung, I’m already getting hard…”

“No, not -”

Relieved by those words, Jongin went on to attempt undressing the boy.

“Wait! Let me finish. I’m not talking about , I’m talking about all of this. I- I can’t- you know, lately I’ve been allowing myself to do a lot more than I should be and it needs to stop. It’s obvious that me and Minho are going through a tough time right now, but I can’t do anything unless I break it off with him first and-”

“But he doesn’t cherish you, Taemin! You think you’d be in this situation if he truly loved you?!”

“He- he’s not a bad person! It’s just… He’s changed.”

“Why are you protecting him?! He’s just hurting you!”

“Just because we’re not how we used to be doesn’t mean none of the good times happened! I look back on them every day to help keep my sanity! If I do anything with you, it should be because I won’t feel guilty afterwards! Be-because I really want to and I think it’s the best, selfless choice!”

Upset, Jongin grabbed Taemin’s wrists, pinning them to the bed with a single hand. “Fine, then don’t do anything. Just don’t move at all.”

“What? Why?” The brunette asked, feeling his pants come undone.

“If you don’t move, you can say I forced you. That I had you pinned down and that it was . That way, you can’t regret doing it, because it wasn’t you choice.”

“Jongin, no!”

“Exactly, say you don’t want it, beg me to let you go. Cry. Don’t worry, though, I won’t go too far… I just… I want to give you a . I’ve never given one and I want you to teach me how to make you feel good. I know you don’t want it. I know I’m forcing you. So don’t feel bad, don’t regret it. It’s not your choice.”

Jongin was apparently just pretending to pin Taemin to the bed, but the brunette really couldn’t move, even if he tried. “Jongin, no, please!” He begged as he felt a moist heat embrace the head of . “Please, I promise… Just let me… Let me talk to Minho first… I just need to find a good time to talk to him!”

“Hyung, I just… I just want to make you feel good. I know it’s my first time so I won’t be any good, but I have to start somewhere, right?”

The younger boy’s tongue glided along his shaft, causing a shiver to rack up his spine. He wriggled and attempted to loosen Jongin’s grip, but it didn’t work.

“I… I need to use my hands but-” He paused, looking around for something to restrain the elder with. Biting his lip, he took his belt off, using it to keep Taemin’s wrists tied to the bed frame. “There we go.” He smiled.

Now unoccupied, he propped up Taemin’s member with his fingers, giving himself a good angle at which to drag his tongue along the underside.

Taemin looked down, watching as the younger boy struggled to decide whether or not he should take it all into his mouth. The fact that Jongin was so good looking and attractive didn’t help keep his down. The way he looked up to make sure he was doing everything right and locked eyes with his made it hard to keep his heartbeat slow as well.

                It reminded him of when he was falling in love with Minho.

                Shocked by the thought, his feet landed on the younger boy’s shoulder, shoving him away with sudden force. “You need to stop, Jongin! I can’t do this! I really don’t want to do this right now! Please!”

                As he managed to unbuckled Jongin’s belt himself, he sat up, placing his arms between them. “I- Listen, I know we’re both hard and I already have my pants off, so it’s basically the best chance for you to have with me, but please consider the position I’m in right now.”

                “Then promise me you will.”

                “Promise you what?”

                “That you’ll take my ity. I don’t care when, just promise me you will.”

                Well my relationship’s obviously coming to an end, so it won’t really go against anything not too long from now.

                “I promise.”

                On a whim, or maybe the influence of 12 beers, Minho took the bus to the mall.

                His sober self knew why, but none of the logic translated to his current state.

                It was dark outside as the night had arrived long ago, but there were still more people than Minho could count on any amount of hands.

                Feeling the embarrassment of being in public while under the influence, he kept his eyes on the ground, allowing his feet to lead him.

                When he finally stood in front of a store, all white and too bright for him not to squint, he stepped inside. Instantly greeted by a woman in professional attire, she offered him help.

                “Is there anything I can help you with? I can show you our new arrivals.”

                “No…” Minho slurred, “I actually… I already know what I want.”

                “Oh, okay, well I can help you get your size.”

                Minho brought her to a case in the corner of the room, pointing at a ring with a delicately cut diamond on a thin, silver band.         “That’s the one. I need a size eight and a size six.”

                “Of course. Congratulations.” She smiled.

                “Thank you.”

                They went to the cash register where she checked him out, handing him an elegant bag. “So when’s the wedding?”

                “I want to get married as soon as possible. I can’t wait until he’s completely mine.”

                Assuming the choice of pronoun was a mistake, she didn’t let the confusion show on her face, simply nodding. “I’m sure she’s wonderful. That’s great to hear. Once again, congratulations.”

                “Thanks, good bye.”

                Making his way home, he smiled.

                He wasn’t anticipating his attitude to make the regular switch that’d lead to another night of emotionally straining .

                He never anticipated it.