Jongin had expected otherwise, but somehow, the two older boys were right. Nothing had changed at all.

In fact, a tension he never even noticed before washed away.

He didn't feel as anxious either.

Taemin probably put in a lot of effort in for that to happen though. He'd always wake Jongin up with the sweetest voice he could muster and held him close at night. He'd feed him during their lunches and amuse him any other time he could. The younger boy felt his feelings for Taemin grow. Maybe it wasn't true when he said he loved Taemin but he did now, or maybe it was and what he was feeling was far beyond love; something in its purest form.

It was something that "I love you" could no longer capture the meaning of but he tried repeating the three words over and over anyways.

Maybe that annoyed him, though. Maybe that was the reason why he pinned the adorable, lovable, beautiful boy he called 'hyung' down onto his bed that one night when Minho was out with his friends and lavished him with the love he didn't want to accept.

'Jongin, please stop!' he yelled but was silenced by Jongin's lonely lips each time.

The younger boy hated the wrong feelings Taemin's begging made him feel. He knew he was doing something wrong, but he couldn't hold back on his own.

Taemin’s struggling did little as his strength couldn’t compare to Jongin’s. If anything, it excited Jongin even more, causing him to whisper every dirty thought he ever had about the boy into his ear.

Sure it got the elder fully erect and sure he moaned a few times, but he never stopped resisting.

It took a half- blonde's kick to the gut to get Jongin to stop. As the younger boy clung onto where he knew a bruise would form, Taemin shoved him off. He ran to the door and only looked back once; giving the most disappointed look Jongin had ever gotten through those watery eyes.

After that, he went to sleep in Minho’s room, locking himself in and finding safety in his lover's scent.

He guessed that must have upset Minho a lot because the next few days were spent with angry grunts in place of conversation. He would keep Taemin beside him a majority of the time and tended to tease the boy the most when Jongin was around. It was the worst when Minho pulled Taemin into his room some Thursday night and made the boy scream his name endlessly until three in the morning all while their bed creaked.

He truly had messed with the devil and he regretted it.

Aiming for an apology, he started another unintentional argument instead.

“Hyung, it must have felt good… you got hard and you were …”

“Jongin, I can’t control that! A lot of things feel good and even if I don’t want to feel good, I can’t really stop it!”

“But, Hyung-”

“There are no buts; you can’t just do things like that!”

“You’re not giving me a chance!”

“I’m not in the position to!”

Upset, Jongin tore Taemin’s shirt open, the buttons flying to the floor as he forced the blonde against the wall and shoved his tongue past his plush lips.

Just as before, he got what he deserved, if not less. This time the slap he received stung so much in numbed the whole side of his face.

“Don’t touch me! You’re a monster!” Taemin screamed.

Seconds later, Minho ran into the room, examining the situation. He ripped Taemin from Jongin’s reach and held the small boy as tightly as he could, glaring towards Jongin.

“Listen, I’ve put up with this until now because Taemin calls you his best friend, but this is not what best friends do and if you can’t keep your hands off what isn’t yours, you’re going to have to find a new place to live.”

With his lower lip quivering, Jongin ran up to his room. “You wouldn’t understand, Minho, you always get everything you ing want!”

The following week was worse than the previous and the youngest boy avoided everyone. He’d leave before anyone was awake and came home when everyone was sleeping, spending night after night on the couch.

It seemed like him moving out was really becoming the situation.

Just as quickly as happiness had come, it left.

That seemed to be the case until he was searching for a place to be alone at lunch, accidently bumping into Taemin.

He expected them both to avoid each other and walk away but instead, the blonde’s thin arms wrapped around him.

He stared down on the fluffy hair he’d come to adore and wondered what emotions he should be feeling.

The embrace grew tighter and tighter until he finally heard his soft voice.

“I didn’t mean what I said… I don’t think you’re a monster…”

Hearing those words must have unlocked something in Jongin because the moment they registered, he burst into tears.

“I’m so sorry, Hyung… I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to, I promise… it’s just whenever I’m with you, my heart and my brain don’t match up and I just end up hurting you… But really, I didn’t mean to… I’d never want to hurt you, but recently, that’s all I seem to do…”

“Jongin, I’m not upset anymore… I got over that already, please just come home…”

His tears brought out Taemin’s and the boys went somewhere they wouldn’t be seen until they had calmed down and their eyes had dried.

“I know I should give up, and I want to, but I just can’t. It’s also hurting me, but you don’t know.”

“I know.”

“Since when have you ever felt like this? Everyone loves you. Literally nine out of ten people want to date you.”

“Well then I guess that one was Minho.”

“What are you talking about?”

Reminiscing, Taemin sighed. “I asked him out, it wasn’t the other way around. He said no.”

“What?”

“He said no. I told him I like him and everything and he basically ran away without giving me an answer and then disappeared for some time. I cried. A lot. Ruki helped me through it.”

“Then how did you end up dating?”

“Um, it’s actually our one year anniversary on Christmas. I went to spend it with his family and towards the end of the night; he kissed me and said he wanted to be with me and everything.”

“Really?” Jongin asked, suddenly hopeful.

“Really.”

“Well maybe I’m just in your spot right now. Maybe someday, you’ll be the one asking me and I’ll say yes just like you did.”

Smiling, Taemin nodded. He dried his face on Jongin’s shoulder, nudging the boy in the ribs. “It’s never bad to dream as long as it’s something worth dreaming about.”

“You’re worth it. On another note, I think we’re the only two guys who would skip a class to cry together.”

Both of them laughed, looking at the time. “I guess that’s why we’re best friends, isn’t it?”

“Best friends… at least I’m some kind of number one to you.”

That day, after school, as uncomfortable as it made him feel, Jongin approached Minho. The elder didn’t look happy whatsoever, but it had to be done.

Taking in a deep breath, Jongin bowed as deeply as his body could manage, shouting an apology. It rang along the lines of “I’m so sorry,” and “I’m incredibly stupid, I promise this will- I’ll try my hardest not to make this happen again”.

He wasn’t sure if the apology was accepted or not, seeing as Minho gave no direct answer, but he figured that when the elder brought piece of cake into his room while he was doing homework, it was a silent ‘I’ll forgive you’.

After that, their situation seemed to readjust to its previous case. Christmas was also nearing and all parents had been contacted. Jongin’s parents said that they’d be happy to come while Taemin’s said they’d try their best to free up room for a few days to visit. Minho’s parents, however, were unsure and needed some more time to think as they always did.

“I think I’d be really happy if my parents finally met yours, Minnie.” Minho stated one morning, over coffee.

“Why’s that?”

“Because they’ll be in-laws someday, right? Oh, you have some whipped cream under your nose; let me get that for you.” He smiled, leaning over and kissing the boy’s chin, lips, and cheeks.

“You’re so embarrassing, hyung.”

“Well you’re still kissing me back, so I guess I’m not a hopeless case yet.”

“Hyung, just- just completely out of innocent curiosity, is there anything in the stores that has caught your eye recently?” Taemin suddenly asked.

“Kitten, you don’t have to get me anything for Christmas. Knowing that you still will regardless of what I say though, please, absolutely do not, not, not get me something as expensive as last year. That was an amazing gift and I love it and use it every day, but that was really too much money. Small, simple things can be very good to.”

“Small and simple?”

“For example, chocolate, or a sweater. Things like that.”

“I want to give you something you really like though…

                “Then the best thing to give me would be you.”

                “You’re stupid.” The younger boy pouted, burying his head in his arms.

                “Well… what do you want?”

                “’The best thing to give me would be you’” He mimicked in an annoyed voice.

                “Okay, okay, fine. My colognes running out and I’ve wanted to try out a new brand.”

                Taemin smiled, peeking over the folds in his sleeve and catching Minho’s gaze.

                “Thank you, hyung. I honestly don’t know what I want though… I never do. I mean, I think I need a new pencil case for school since mine is tearing at the hem.”

                “See, you’re no less difficult to work with than I am, Kitten.”

                “I don’t really care if you get me something or not. You know what? Surprise me Minho. I’ll be happy with anything, but you have to put a lot of thought into it, okay?”

                “Ah, then maybe I’ll give you an empty box of air and tell you it’s because I want you to be able to breathe and continue living.”

                “What? That’s so unfair!”

                “Oh, so you do care if I get you something?” Minho teased, smirking.

                “W-,” Spotting Jongin, Taemin left the elder’s question unanswered, “Jongin, come here. What do you want for Christmas?”

                “If you could wrap yourself in a ribbon, that’d be great.” He joked, although in all honesty, he meant it. “I’m not really sure. Actually, there’s this video game that recently came out and I’ve been wanting to play it. It’s for the computer.”

                “Okay, I’ll get you that!” Taemin happily chirped, happy with the cooperation.

                “Anything else?” Minho asked soon after.

                “Oh, um… a skateboard.”

                “Got it.”

                “What about you, Minho hyung?”

                “It doesn’t matter. My favourite band released an album that I don’t have yet, so that’s it, I guess.”

                “Alright. And you, Taemin?”

                “He’ll tell you the same thing he told me,” Minho interjected, “He doesn’t care what it is, as long as it has meaning behind it.”

                “That’s fine. I’ll figure something out. I’m really observant.”

                “I guess I’ll be extra surprised on Christmas.” Taemin laughed.

                It was the next day or maybe the day after. Taemin was walking down the hallway at school and for some reason, everyone he knew was there, mixed in with the crowd.

                Ruki, Heechul, Chansung, they were all there.

                Minho was there too.

He was standing beside Jongin.

They were talking.

Seunghyun appeared and he walked towards him.

Taemin felt like he wouldn’t do anything, because with both Minho and Jongin near him, it didn’t seem smart.

However, once he neared, he grabbed Taemin’s shirt and shoved him in his boyfriend’s and best friend’s direction.

Instead of catching him, the two stepped aside, leaving him to fall into the wall, hurting his arm.

“What are you doing?!” He shouted.

Everyone stared at him, but all their eyes were so cold and heartless, like he was worth less than the dirt underneath their shoes.

Seunghyun scoffed, kicking him right between the ribs.

“Do you think you matter? Do you think they care if you die?” The elder asked, kicking him again.

Taemin coughed and looked down at his hand, seeing blood.

“They don’t care if you die!” He cackled.

It felt like with each hit he got, a bone broke.

The words ‘they don’t care’ continued to echo and he wondered how everyone could watch this, how everyone he cared about didn’t help.

His eyes were tightly shut but when he opened them again, it was dark and he was in bed.

Heart beating and breath hitched, his hands shook as he looked around, trying to figure out where everyone went.

All he saw was Jongin fast asleep beside him.

“Jongin…” He whispered, nudging the boy. “Jongin…”

“Hmm?” The younger of the two groaned, clearly a little upset at being woken up.

“Jongin, would you care if I died?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Would you care if I was going to- if I was dead?”

“Why are you asking this right now?”

Taemin felt his eyes water as he sat up. “Would you?”

“Yeah, of course I would… can we talk about this in the morning?”

The blonde nodded, getting out of bed and walking out of the room. Leaving one boy to sleep, he went to wake another.

Walking into Minho’s room, he quietly slipped in next to him, wiping his damp cheeks on the elder’s shirt.

“Kitten…?” The elder asked with his scratchy, early morning voice.

“Hyung…”

“Yes, what is it?”

“Would you care if I died?”

The elder didn’t answer at first, reaching over his boyfriend and turning one of his bedside lamps on to the dimmest setting.

“Would I care if you died?” He repeated, fixing his position as he wrapped an arm around the blonde.

“Yeah, would you?”

“Hm… I think I would care a lot. What brought this up so late at night?”

“I had a bad dream.”

“Did I tell you I didn’t care?”

“Kind of… what would you do if I died?”

“I think I’d probably die too.” He answered. His thumb found the apple of Taemin’s eye, wiping it dry.

“Why?”

“Because I can’t imagine life without you, really. It’s easier to get used to something than it is to let go. What would you do if I died?"

"I think I'd want to kill myself at first. I don't know though... I mean, there were other people in my dream too. Jongin, Ruki, Heechul, even Chansung. I don't want to leave everyone behind, but at the same time, I don't want to be left behind by you. They're both horrible. You're the most important person to me. Losing you is like losing everything." Taemin felt his tears come back at the thought of losing his lover and he tried masking wiping them as scratching his cheek.

“Don’t cry, Kitten. I’m not got to die. I’ll never leave unless you want me to.”

“Don’t leave…”

“Hm?”

“Don’t leave… even if I ask you too… please don’t. I’ll end up regretting it later and that’ll be even worse.”

“Okay, I won’t leave unless it’s with you.” Minho promised, earning a laugh.

“Then that’s not really leaving, hyung.”

“That’s fine then. I guess well be together forever.”

“Hyung, can I sleep here tonight?”

“You can seep here every night.” The elder reassured him.

“I love you.”

I love you too.”

Smiling, Minho peppered the blonde’s face with kisses, once again turning off the lights.

                The next day, all three went out shopping. Gifts where bought with half-assed secrecy and more confirmations were received. Everyone’s parents would come for dinner on Christmas Eve as well as Christmas and possibly stay a few days afterwards too.

                Because of this, larger preparations needed to be made instead of the quiet Christmas they had anticipated.

                They bought a huge tree to fill the corner of their living room and boxes full of ornaments to hang off of it. Strings of lights that ranged from blues to yellows to greens and everything in between would add the holiday glow while a large star would top it all off.

                Aside from that, Taemin bought three hearts made of wood which would hang by their red, velvet strings. He handed out the blank pieces for them to write their names above their dreams for the upcoming year.

                Taemin wished for health all around, little troubles, and happiness.

                Minho wished for wholesome relationships, to make lots of memories, and to be just as blessed as he is now.

                Jongin simply wished for what he was looking at to look back at him. No names, no specifications, just that alone.

                “You know, I really hope we can live together for a really long time. I love both of you so much.” Taemin said as he finished hanging his heart.

                The youngest of the three walked up behind him, resting his chin on the blonde’s shoulder as he hung his ornament up as well. “I don’t really remember what it was like living while you were gone. It must have been very boring on that farm.”

                “It wasn’t boring!” Taemin argued, “I like riding the horses. Your dad was so nice, taking us and all.”

                “You were short and couldn’t get on.” Jongin laughed to himself.

                “Shut up. I’m older, respect me!”

                “You never say that unless your pride is in danger!”

                Their voices seemed to shoot out from their mouths and bounce from wall to wall.

                Minho stood to the side, watching them argue over a life he wasn’t part of, memories he wasn’t in.

                Sometime he would wonder what Taemin saw in the tanned boy. There wasn’t anything that Minho could say stuck out, but either way, Taemin always spoke so highly of him and nurtured him as if he was abused, orphaned, and taken under his wing.

                Maybe that’s what Jongin thinks about me though, the eldest pondered to himself, wonders what makes me so special.

                Going back to Taemin’s schooling experiences; he came to the conclusion that maybe the blonde was just happy having someone care about him when all everyone else did was judge and fight.

                Or maybe Minho was just jealous.

                Maybe he was just jealous that there was someone out there other than him that Taemin would forgive unconditionally and love no matter what, regardless in what sense.

                Sighing, he set his thoughts aside for another day, coming back to the two younger boys pinching each other.

                “Ow! Jongin, you’re an idiot!”

                “Say that to my face!”

                “I am!”

                “O-oh… well don’t be so mean! Go pick on someone your own size!”

                “You are my own size!”

                “Stop!” Jongin finally yelled, surrendering to his horrible choice of words.

                “Kitten.” Minho suddenly called, garnering their attention, “I decided that I’m going out to the store. Is there anything you two want?”

                “Nope.” The youngest quickly answered.

                “I want… get me a pack of gum if you can. And also, it’s snowing, so please dress warmly.”

                Minho nodded before closing his eyes and standing still. He questioned if Taemin would understand.

                Moments later, when he began to peek through his eyelids, Taemin sprung up on his toes, giving his boyfriend a small peck on the lips.

                 “I love you.” He barely managed to hear.

                 “I love you too. Forever.”

                 “Forever.” Taemin repeated.