He spent the rest of the afternoon roaming the streets, enjoying some time away from the members, and even more importantly, Doo Jun. slowly but surely, he got closer to the dorm. When he finally realised he was walking on the familiar street leading back to the dorm, he stopped. Taking a look around, he noticed it was dusk, and he thought it was still a little too early to return. Spying a new café around the corner, he went over to check it out.

Lost In Thought. So that’s the name huh? Dong Woon stood outside the café, pondering if he should go into the store. Peeking in from the outside, he could see a little of the interior. Warm golden-brown walls, low sofas accompanying antique looking tables, dim lights just bright enough so patrons can read comfortably. Dong Woon had to admit, the café looks pretty inviting. Even though he doesn’t drink coffee much, he stepped inside.

Sitting himself down on the sofa, he looked over place. It was comfortable filled, not too crowded, and Dong Woon liked it that way. He chose a corner table, and parked himself in the seat, finally giving his feet some rest after all that walking. One of the serving staff came over and gave him the menu. He looked over it, before deciding to order a safe drink, since he hasn’t been here before. The same staff came over with his hot chocolate in a short while, which pleasantly surprised Dong Woon. They were pretty efficient, it seemed. Cupping the cup in his hand, he enjoyed the warmth it gave out. He liked the ambience of the café, music flowing softy out from the speakers. It was soothing and peaceful, but also busy enough for Dong Woon to lose himself in.

Even though he promised himself that he would finally find some way for him to get rid of the wall between him and Doo Jun, he still couldn’t decide on what to say to the leader. He was afraid. What if Doo Jun hates him now and doesn’t want to mend the rift between them? But he is the leader! He would never let the band down by allowing the rift to stay. That thought comforted Dong Woon somewhat. He knew what he had to do. He had to explain himself to the leader. He knew it was going to be really hard for himself, but he felt that he should at least let the leader know why he was being treated so coldly by him. He didn’t deserve what he got from him, he didn’t do anything wrong. It was Dong Woon himself. He let something as trivial as some feelings get in the way of his and Doo Jun’s friendship. He had given up any hopes of him and Doo Jun. it was really unlikely Doo Jun would like him back, and Dong Woon was just wishfully harboring this one sided love. He will tell Doo Jun that he had no intentions of pursuing any of the feelings now that he had gotten over it. He will tell him that he was content staying friends. He will tell him that he was sorry for letting their friendship deteriorate. But what he will not tell him was how his heart will be breaking when he said all those things. He will not tell him he still has feelings for him. He will not tell him how agonizing it would be for them to finally be back like before.

Stretching in his seat, he took out his phone. It was already past 9. He finally opened all the messages he received. Ki Kwang asking him where is he going to, asking where is he, what time is he coming back, Jun Hyung asking the same things, Hyun Seung reminding him not to be home so late since they had practice the next day. He didn’t reply to any of those messages and left the café. Walking that short distance from the café to the dorm, his heart started beating very fast. He knew what he had to do, and he was determined to do it. Standing outside the door, he could hear the TV blaring, most like another soccer match going on again. in a deep breath, he pushed open the door. The first thing he saw was Yo Seob, Ki Kwang, Jun Hyung and Doo Jun sitting in front of the TV, a soccer match in progress. They all turned to him at the same time, causing him to blush even though he didn’t do anything wrong. Ki Kwang looked like he wanted to grill him for his disappearing act but a nudge from Jun Hyung settled him down.

‘Hyung.’ He greeted as he took off his shoes.

‘Hey, you’re back.’ Jun Hyung gave him a small smile, before turning back to the TV. Dong Woon wordlessly thanked him for keeping Ki Kwang away, he didn’t feel like dealing with anything right then. He didn’t dare look in the leader’s direction.

He went to Hyun Seung’s and Jun Hyung’s bedroom.

‘Seungie hyung, I’m back.’ He poked his head into the room, spotting the dancer lying on his belly and using his laptop.

‘Enjoyed your day?’ Hyun Seung gave him a knowing smile.

‘Yeah, I did.’ Dong Woon replied honestly, surprising himself as well. It was a good idea to go out and get away from them once in a while.

He took a shower, relishing the water flowing over his body. He took a long shower, letting the running water calm and sort out his thoughts, thinking about what he was going to finally say to the leader. But when he stepped out of the shower, the first thing he noticed was the missing presence of the leader. His first instinct was to call him immediately and ask his whereabouts, but he realized that wouldn’t do. He shot a quizzical glance to Jun Hyung but the rapper didn’t seem to know where the leader was as well.

‘I think he went out for something. He wore his shoes out, but he didn’t tell us where he went.’ Jun Hyung told him when Dong Woon asked.

‘Oh…’ Dong Woon was at a lost. He finally gathered up the courage to speak out but Doo Jun was out somewhere.

‘Don’t worry. He’ll be back.’ Jun Hyung gave him a reassuring pat.

‘I know. It’s just…’ Dong Woon bit back the frustration.

‘Hey. It’s ok, Woonie. What happened?’

‘N-nothing. I’m fine, hyung. Don’t worry about me.’ Dong Woon sent him an unconvincing smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

‘Sure?’

‘Mmmhmm.’

Huddling under the blankets, Dong Woon was trying hard to control his frustrated tears. Why can’t things go his way for once? He felt as though the heavens got a thing against him, never letting things go easily or smoothly for him. As BEAST, he sometimes he felt like giving up, but he knew that would be too unfair for his hyungs, so he shut up and worked even harder. In his private life, things are complicated and vexing as well.

He couldn’t sleep. He kept staring at the empty bed beside his, willing the person belonging to it to be appear. He knew his hyungs went to their rooms a while ago, he kind of lost track of time just staring at Doo Jun’s bed. He knew when they fell asleep. The rooms became quiet, the rustlings of bed sheets stopped, and the clicking of the computer mouse became silent. An hour passed. Two hour passed. It was nearly midnight before the opening of the dorm door signaled the return of Doo Jun. Dong Woon, who was trying not to doze off, immediately sat up when he heard the door lock being turned. Soon, the door to his and Doo Jun’s room opened, bringing with it Doo Jun and the heavy smell of alcohol. Doo Jun walked to his side of the room with only a little stagger, meaning he wasn’t dead drunk, but that wasn’t reassuring at all. He could only stare wordlessly as Doo Jun collapsed onto his bed, and fell straight into dead sleep immediately. Dong Woon didn’t know what to think, what to do. He hated the fact that Doo Jun went drinking. He hated the fact that he was probably the one who drove him to drink. He hated the fact that the scenes earlier made him remember another Doo Jun in another time he would rather forget. He knew nothing happened just now, but his body wouldn’t believe itself. His mind kept replaying the punches Doo Jun rained on him, the yells, the kiss. He sat frozen there trying to rid his mind of the images, until he finally succumbed to sleep.

The next day, both of them woke up for their schedules. They had to go to the studio for practice. Doo Jun woke up with a slight headache, but he considered himself lucky for escaping the wrath of the hangover. Dong Woon on the other hand, woke up with a headache, and a crick in the neck. He fell asleep sitting up and his neck was sore for sleeping in a bad position. The room still stank slightly of alcohol, and it made him want to puke, and that totally ruined his appetite. The rest of the day passed, Dong Woon still not speaking to Doo Jun. After yesterday night, Dong Woon didn’t know if he could speak to the leader anymore. He didn’t want to admit that yesterday night disturbed him. He didn’t want to admit he was starting to fear the leader.

Doo Jun wasn’t aware that his drinking had an effect on Dong Woon. Nowadays, his thoughts were always preoccupied with how he was going to finally confess to Dong Woon, how he was going to tell him about his feelings. He kept discarding ideas as soon as they popped out. He was trying so hard to get the perfect way to finally tell Dong Woon. He knew he was making such slow progress was because he was still afraid. Deathly afraid. Because he couldn’t sleep easily with all the thoughts jumbled up in his head, he drank. He knew it wasn’t good. He knew. But yet, he still did it. Because it gave him the ability to fall asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow, so he doesn’t have to think. He became as quiet as Dong Woon is nowadays. It has been a few weeks since the talk with the other members, and he still hasn’t come up with any good way to confess. He thought of buying a ring, but he thought it was too cheesy, what if Dong Woon rejected him? What would happen to the ring? Keep it and torture himself? He thought of writing him a letter, but he thought it would seem insincere, and Dong Woon might just tear the paper into tiny lovely strips. He was at his wit’s end trying to think of someway that might convince the maknae of his feelings, not realizing at all how his current behavior only served to push him further away.

[a/n: hey guys! (accidentally typed guts and i cracked up laughing) sorry to keeo you guys waiting so long T.T still having a little block so its slow going.. adding on to it is my schedules... sigh.. exams next week T.T can i go jump off a cliff? >< anyhoooooo, comments please? at least to tell me that u are still here reading this thing? X.X silent readers, where arre yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo???? orz too sleepy]