As soon as I got out of the house and closed the door behind me, I froze. Going to Luhan's house now would mean I'll hear the heart-wrenching news directly from him in full blow.

Am I ready?

I mean, am I ready to get hurt?

Or better yet, am I ready to let him... go?

Wait, Sungchan. You aren't even sure yet. What if he does leave, but only for a few days? I'm not sure. There's a part of me that wants to know the truth, but there's also another part that doesn't want to. And I'm not sure which one's bigger.

I trudged down the porch and shoved my hands inside the pockets of my jacket. I looked up. Even though it was already night time, you would easily notice that the dark clouds are there.

I started walking. Each step that I took felt like I was carrying a big heavy metal on my feet, and with every step, it just gets even heavier.

Just like this ache that I feel right now. As I step closer to Luhan's house, I feel my heart beating faster than usual. It wasn't the sort of heartbeat when you meet your crush, nor the heartbeat when you watch a horror movie. No. It was different.

It was the the type of heartbeat when you're anticipating a bad announcement from the teacher.

It was the heartbeat of fear.

And I was scared.

Scared that I'll have to say...

I couldn't even say the word.

Still, I continued to walk. And as I got near, my heart was bursting with heart-breaking emotions. But the moment I saw Luhan peering blankly on their porch with his arms hanging on the rails, all the pain and ache caved in. And I felt so weak.

Luhan. He had always been that quirky, irritating, annoying brat to me. He's the one to always smile, laughs at random things, and derps out at nothing. Who would've thought that this brat could hide big things? First, his feelings for me. He was able to hide it from me for more than ten years without me even noticing. And now, this.

I stared at him from my spot without moving. The cold wind from the bad weather had started to act up again, and Lulu's hair was being blown by it. All that, and he still was looking out with a sad expression.

I must've been standing so long and made some noises, because Lulu's head snapped towards my direction. His eyes widened upon seeing me. "Chan-Chan."

He was about to push himself away from the railings, but I held up my hand to tell him not to, and I walked forcedly to his house and marched up their porch.

"I was about to go to your house," he started. "I didn't expect you to come."

"Me too," I muttered under my breath. I joined him on the railings.

For a moment, none of us talked. I'm not sure if he already sensed that I'm going to say something, and I also am not sure if I can say it right. I'm scared that I might break down as soon as I start talking.

"What brings you here, anyway?" Luhan asked. "You don't usually go here by yourself on y