Baekhyun had left in quite the foul mood, and I was nervously waiting for his and EXO’s arrival. It was about 7pm, and visiting hours just started. Manager Kim had picked up my personal letters, which explained the situation and the surgery, and she had managed to deliver them all in two hours, this she had told me proudly. So far Lee So Man, my mom, my manager and HANA had arrived. I was glad they arrived first. I was able to talk a bit in private with them. They were shocked and scared for me obviously, but they remained strong in front of me, and I was thankful for that. If they had expressed their horror and their anxiety, my walls would have crumbled down, and I wouldn’t have been able to talk freely with them, and enjoy the moment right now.

Sujin and the others had patted my back, and we had just talked about everyday life, and when the subject of my surgery came up Sujin swiftly put it off the table by saying, “Lian will just recover from the surgery perfectly and around June we will make our comeback with a full album.” Jinae was so excited by that idea, that she was totally distracted from the former subject. I mouthed a thank you to Sujin, and she softly laid her hand on my back. After that I had barely time to talk to them. B.A.P had arrived, and were standing in the door, looking around the room in an awkward manner. I hurried over to them, and greeted them warmly. “This seems more like a birthday party than visiting hours in the hospital Himchan remarked.” I smiled, “Well I prefer this atmosphere, don’t you?” I noticed Yongguk wasn’t there, Himchan caught my glance, he bent over to give me a hug, and when he rose he said, “Yongguk said he had some unfinished work left at the dorm, and that he couldn’t make it. He did tell me to give you his best wished for your health recovery.” I nodded, smiling to cover up the ache in my heart. I turned to look at the other members, hugging them as I greeted them. Zelo was last in line, and he was less outgoing and energetic than usual. The other members spread through the room, either to greet to others or to look around. I hugged Zelo too, longer than I would usually do.

“Zelo, please don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.” I let go of him slightly, just enough to be able to look up at his face, which had a pained expression. “How can you say you’ll be fine? When you have heard such news, and that surgery, only 40% chance of immediate recovery! Lian!” He whined, and his eyes glowed and shone with his tears. I hugged him again. “I know Zelo, I’m scared. But if you don’t talk and laugh with me like usual I think I’ll lose it.” Finally he hugged me back, tightening our embrace, “I’ll be strong for noona.” I nodded in his shoulder, feeling my own tear run down my cheek. When I was sure there weren’t going to come any more tears I let go of him and smiled. “Thank you for coming Zelo.” He smiled too.

I glanced past him, and my eyes were glued to the dark brown ones I knew so well. Zelo turned, and I walked past him to greet the new guests. The six boys from EXO-K, I had kind of expected EXO-M to be in China, and I wondered for a brief moment if and how manager Kim had been able to contact them. I hugged Baekhyun, feeling warm and safe in his embrace. After a moment I let go of him, and I greeted the other members. Everyone was here now, okay, it’s now or never.

I went to stand by the window, and when I passed Baekhyun I pulled him with me, I wanted someone to hold on to. “Hi everyone. I’m glad you are all here. You all know why I am in the hospital, and I want to tell you that I have decided that I will go through with the surgery, tomorrow morning at 10am.” I sighed, “I just want to let you all know that each and every one of you makes it possible for me to pull through this.” Oh no, I felt a knot form in my throat. “I’m sure everything will work out fine.” I tried to smile, and Baekhyun hugged me tighter. He rose his glace, “To Lians health!” All the others in the room rose their glace in response of Baekhyuns gesture. At the moment I felt an overwhelming love for all the individuals in the room, and I hugged Baekhyun back. He was the only thing that kept me standing, the only thing preventing me from breaking down.

~~~

“You bastard!” “Coward” “Weakling” “” “She needed you there! You had work left at the dorm? Bullsh-” I frowned, continuing to look down on the music sheets in front of me, trying to ignore the words Himchan was throwing at me. “Do you know what she told us? Have you even read the letter? She has to undergo surgery! Only 40% chance of immediate recovery.” I stiffened, I hadn’t read the letter, this revelation explained the mood in the group today. It was late at night, and the other members had just returned from visiting Lian in the hospital. She had written me a letter too, but I had been too furious to even look at it. I was confused, about my feelings for the girl, and Jiyeon kept pestering me.

Himchan threw a pack of paper at me, and surprised I finally looked up from the music sheets at the package Himchan had almost hit me with. He continued in the coldest voice possible, “these are the details about the procedure, if you are able to rip your thoughts from your own little problems and are able to focus on those of the people you cherish.” I frowned again, “Himchan, what is this all about?” Himchan grabbed his hair and let out a very un-Himchan-like roar. “I really can’t believe you. She is slipping through your fingers, and you don’t even know or care.” “Of course I care,” I reacted calmly. Somehow Himchans rage calmed my brain, and I was able to think again.

I looked my friend in the eye, he glared back, but after a few seconds his fighting spirit faded from his eyes, and he slumped down on the couch next to me. His head was in his hands, hiding his face. I placed my hand on his back, trying to soothe him a bit. “Himchan, why are you so upset?” His shoulders shocked, and I realized he was crying. “Lian… Her condition is worse than we all thought… She is going to get her surgery tomorrow morning… We are allowed to see her just before she enters the surgery room… It could be the last time we talked to her… I… You… We could lose her just like that.”

While I continued to soothe Himchans back, I felt something wet trail down my cheek.

~~~

I wasn’t able to sleep that night. The thought of the surgery tomorrow dreading my mind. All the fear I have been hiding until now has come creeping up. Yes, I’m still thinking that a life in the bed isn’t worth living, but now just hours away from the surgery, the feeling of the chance that this might really be my last night, I couldn’t shrug it off like earlier. A tear glides his way down, and though I’m not really strongly religious, right at that moment I feel the need. “Please, god if you are there, protect me. I haven’t done all the things I yet want to do.”

Finally I drift off in a light and disturbed sleep, waking up from nightmares several times. By the time the light started seeping through the curtains I was exhausted and unable to drift back to sleep. I continued to stay in the bed, and I think about my day. I dreaded the surgery, and I prayed everything would work out well, and the precaution I had taken by writing my letters would end up unnecessary. I sighed, and got out of bed. I took more time getting my morning routine done than usual. I did everything very concentrated, suddenly appreciating every small thing I was doing. The feeling of my brush in my hair, the warm water gliding over my body, the fresh toothpaste in my mouth and the warm day light that shone down on my face when I opened the curtains. Everything seemed so valuable at the moment.

~~~

I hurried out of the dorm, after I had called my manager to ask if he could drive the members to the hospital. Lian was scheduled at 10am, and it was about 5 right now. I was planning to run by some shops before I headed over there too. I threw my wallet and my phone on the passenger seat and as I fastened my seatbelt I fired the engine. I sped off on the highway, feeling my heart clenched at the guilt thinking about yesterday. She had made a difficult and a emotional decision, and when she had wanted to inform everyone I had been so stubborn. “Damn.” I hit the steering wheel with my fist, noticing the directions above the road I turned and took the exit from the highway. I headed down to a small shopping area. Just a few days ago I had been here too, Jiyeon had dragged me down here, to go ‘shopping’. It was more of her way of showing off our ‘relationship,’ But I hadn’t been there with my mind, and in the end we had left with a quarrel.

I now remembered the cute shop Jiyeon had wanted to go to so badly. She had been pestering me to buy her a present. I had noticed a cute necklace but when I showed it to Jiyeon she had laughed and stalked off to the other side of the shop, with the expensive jewelry. The necklace had been simple, and beautiful. It was a silver chain with a beautiful flower hanging on it. It wasn’t a flower I knew, but I did see it would look beautiful, but apparently it wasn’t her taste. When I thought back to the necklace, I noticed I saw it hanging down Lian’s neck, and I realized it was perfect for her.

When I entered the shop a small bell ringed, indicating a new customer, and a friendly looking lady appeared from the back. I decided I didn’t want to waste any time and I walked over to her, just when I opened my mouth she held out a box for me, when I looked down I saw the necklace I remembered laying there, sparkling and even better than I remembered. “How..?” I started to ask, but she shook her head, “I saw the way you looked at it, and when you left the shop with the” she seemed to hesitate but continued, “that girl, I put it apart. I had a feeling you would come back for it.” She smiled at me and walked over to the counter, I grabbed my wallet and started counting out the money, and I paid her. “Thank you very much.” Her smile faltered a bit when she said, “I hope it’s not for that girl you came here with earlier?” I was the one to smile now, “No this is for someone special.” “Good, have a nice day sir.”

When I returned to the car I had also picked up some flowers, not a bouquet, but a potted version. It kind of looked alike to the flower on the necklace and I was confident Lian would love them. With higher spirits, like the flowers would cure her illness, I returned to the highway, speeding over to the hospital. My phone vibrated, and without looking at the caller I answered the phone.

“Yongguk!” I almost groan when I heard that voice, worst timing ever. “Come over here, I don’t know what to do. I need your help.” She whined. I grew a bit worried, but couldn’t shake the desire to head over to the hospital. “I’m busy right now, what’s wrong?” She sniffed, “I tripped, and I’m all alone, my members are all busy with schedules and I can’t reach my manager. Can you help me?” I sighed, where are you? “Thank you Yongguk, do you remember the shopping area where we went last time?” Oh, the irony, I had just left there. “Yes I remember, tell me exactly which shop, I’ll be there in 5 minutes.” I took the nearest exit of the highway, and turned around, speeding up as I hurried back. It was almost 9am.

~~~

I arrived by the shop Jiyeon had mentioned, but I didn’t see her laying down anywhere. The door of the opposite shop opened, and a laughing and shining Jiyeon exited. She walked over to me, with her usual flair and grace. “Yongguk, you’re here finally!” I stepped back from her embrace and furrowed my brows. “I thought you tripped?” She seemed surprised by my expression but her smile returned as she said, “Yes I did, my heal broke. But while I was waiting I saw this cute shoe shop, and decided I could just as well buy a new pair of shoes.” She smiled wider, “Since you’re here, what do you say about a nice coffee and breakfast together? I haven’t eaten yet, you?”

I stood there flabbergasted, “You called me for a broken heel?” my temper rose like a annoyed snake, “How could you? I thought you were seriously hurt!” She seemed to finally pick up on my mood, and she raised an eyebrow. “Why are you so angry, it’s not like I pretended to die.” I groaned, “Really you are so spoiled, and all you do is toy with me. I’m done here, look for someone else to drive you home.” Furious I turned to head back to my car, but I was stopped by Jiyeon yelling at my back. “Bang Yongguk! If you take one more step away, we are done for real.”  A smirk formed on my lips, and I turned to face her. I stepped closer to her again, and I saw her eyes suddenly stood a bit insecure. “Babe, that’s not a threat but a treat.” Her eyes grew large in shock, and I stalked off back to my car.

~~~

I hurried down the hallways, and I just followed my gut, not knowing exactly where to look for Lian. It was 5 minutes before 10. My heart was racing, and my hand was clutched around the little box containing the necklace. I had left the potted plant in the car. I was lucky that Jongup had once been here for a minor injury and he had been stitched up in a surgery room, so I kind of knew where to be. When I turned around the corner I saw a large group of people waiting in several chairs. I noted a bed moving past the doors, saying no trespassing, and a light above the room switched on, in operation. “Lian!” I yelled, but the doors closed just at that moment. The others in the hallway looked up, and Himchan walked over to me. Suddenly my knees gave away. “I’m too late.” Himchan grabbed my shoulder and helped me up, guiding me to a chair. “Yes, she just went in. What took you so long?” I sighed, holding my head in my hands, to hide my face, and my trembling hands. After so much afford of getting here, in the end I was too late. “Long story, I was held up.” Himchan patted my back, “We can only wait.” I sighed and nodded. We can only wait, and hope.

~~~***~~~

Noooooo he was too late!!!

Let’s hope and pray Lian will come out of the surgery healthy again!

Sorry to leave you guys hanging like this! I promise to update soon.