“Let me explain.” Dr. Cho interrupted, “Most times when people faint, it’s because lack of oxygen, which is true in your case, except for the fact that with most people this problem is from their lungs and with you, it’s due to your heart.” He sighed and looked conflicted to tell me this, but when I continued staring at him he coughed uncomfortably and resumed, “You have to understand, this is very uncommon, and if you want to continue living an ordinary life we have to do something. At this moment you have only fainted after a great deal of exercise, but we expect the amount of times will increase and will continue to happen with less and less cause.” I nodded slowly, “So it will get worse.” They both nodded, and I asked “if we don’t do anything, will I be unable to perform or even live an ordinary life? Will I be bound to a hospital bed?” Dr Kang nodded slowly, “That’s the worst case scenario, but performing will be impossible if the situation is left like this.”

“And the alternative is?” “There is a surgery which can provide full recovery, it might even give you the opportunity to continue your career.” “Can provide?” I asked. “It’s a risk full surgery. About 40% chance of immediate recovery, then 40% chance that it goes wrong and that the patient is temporarily in coma.” I swallowed, to scared to ask about the remaining 20%, but I already knew what that was. Dr. Cho patted my leg, trying to comfort me, “Please think about it very seriously before you decide on anything.” Dr. Kang and dr. Cho rose from their seats, and looked at me again, their eyes stood sad. “I will make sure you get the information about the surgery on paper so you can look through it more detailed later.” I nodded, unable to form any words.

After about an hour I found myself completely dressed and I headed out the door, the nurse in the hallway eyed me suspiciously. “I’m just going to get some fresh air, I won’t leave the garden.” She nodded curtly and continued folding the clean towels. I headed for the elevator, and down to the ground floor. They had make some kind of closed off garden in the middle of the hospital. It was very quiet, and almost impossible to think that I was still in the middle of the capital. A young girl with a knit hat passed me, curiously eyeing my face. I lifted the hoody from my vest and hid my face in the shadows it provided. I didn’t want to talk to anyone right now. I don’t know how long I sat in the garden, I felt numb and defeated. I was ripped back to my body when my phone vibrated, and without looking at the screen I picked up. “Annyeong Lian.” I didn’t answer immediately. “Baekhyun?” He seemed more hesitant now too, “Yes.” “Could you come alone this morning? I have something to tell you.” If he was scared he didn’t let it through in his voice. “Sure, I’ll tell the others. I can be there in about 15 minutes, would you like that?” Quietly I answered “Yes, and I’m in the garden.” “Okay, just stay there, I’ll see you in a minute.” “Bye.” Just like that we hung up again. I just didn’t feel the strength to tell everyone the results of the tests.

In nearly 10 minutes Baekhyun was standing in front of me. I didn’t raise my head to meet his eyes, but I recognized his shoes. He knelt down, and gently lifted my chin, to make me look at him. My lips trembled and my eyes flooded with tears. “Oh, Baekhyun.” I burst out into tears at the sight of his face, and he hugged me tight. I hung to him, hugging him tighter. He was the only thing that kept me from drowning in my own disappear. “It’s okay. Relax. It’ll all be okay.” He whispered, while he soothed my back. When I was calmed down a bit, I managed to get the words past my lips. “The results…” “Shh, it’s okay, tell me later.” I sniffed a few more times, hiding my face in his shoulder.

By the time we had returned to the room I had told Baekhyun everything, he was looking thoughtful, and I knew he was brooding on something. When he finally spoke he worded my thoughts. “Lian, you could just not get the surgery.” I sighed, and his cheek, “But Baekyun, if I do that I’ll end up living in a bed forever.” I paused, “That’s not the life I want.” He frowned, he knew I was not that kind of person, but I read in his eyes he still hoped I would do the surgery. “I don’t want to love you.” We looked in each other’s eyes for a long time. “I don’t want to lose my life either.” I sighed, “I just don’t know what to do.” He hugged me again, “We’ll figure something out.”

~~~

When Baekhyun had left I asked him not to tell the others yet, I wanted to tell them myself, but just not yet. I wasn’t ready to see their faces too. That evening I didn’t expect any company, I had asked all my friends to stay home, and just focus on their schedules for today. I was surprised when I heard a knock on the door, and even more when Lee So Man entered, with manager Kim and my mother. I could see she had cried, so I guessed they already knew the outcome of the tests. I was glad, I felt to exhausted to tell everything again.

Lee So Man went to stand by the window, manager Kim sat down in one of the chair, and my mom took the end of my bed, lightly patting my foot. Lee So Man was the first to talk, “We heard the results.” I nodded, not sure what to say. I looked at my mom and saw she had tears in her eyes, I looked away, feeling my own tears build up too. Instead I looked at manager Kim. She wasn’t crying, all the expression was drained from her face, only shock remained. When I saw her face, I felt my strength return a bit. Since Baekhyun had left I had been thinking a lot. I scraped all my courage together to say what had been on my mind. I looked directly at Lee So man, who was still studying my face. “There is only 40% chance that I will be able to promote with HANA on a short term.” He didn’t respond, he just waited for me to finish. “The other 60% is that either I fall in coma, or…” I couldn’t word it. But I continued, “At this rate there is only a small chance I will be able to promote with HANA ever again.” I looked at my hands, suddenly unable to look at Lee So Man or anyone in the room. “I don’t want the be the reason I ruin the career of my friends. I know that IF I fall into coma, they will want to wait until I get better.” I sighed, “But even IF I fall in coma, and wake up again, it’s not sure if I will be fit enough to promote.” I sighed and looked up at Lee So Man’s face again, and also back at my mom and manager Kim.

“You know I wouldn’t want to spend the rest of my life in a bed. Even there three days have been a torture.” I paused, choosing my words carefully, “I have no choice but to do the surgery, that’s my only chance for a happy life again. Living in a bed is no life for me.” My mother silently started crying, I couldn’t bear to look at her face. Only my determination to tell my whole idea kept me from weeping too. “If I don’t wake up from the surgery and if I am in coma, I want you to tell the world I haven’t survived the surgery.” Manager Kim gasped, and I knew she too was crying now. I forced myself to only watch Lee So Man, who was still staring in my eyes. “I want you to tell everyone that I have… That… I… I-I died.” I batted my lashes hopelessly to force to tears back. “If I don’t wakeup immediately after the surgery I will give up my career, to safe the career of my friends, to safe HANA.”

He nodded slowly, “I can do that,” he walked closer to me, and I saw his eyes too were wet, “You just make sure I won’t have to.” I nodded suddenly overwhelmed by emotion, and unable to speak.

~~~

Later that night, around 11pm, I was stil laying awake. I wasn’t used to the normal sleeping rhythms anymore. The radio was softly, but just enough for me to hear the MC. They were talking about me, about the fact that I was still hospitalized and that our comeback would be delayed. I recognized the voice of the MC as the same girl who had done my interview. She continued, “Though I haven’t known Lian for long, I really enjoyed the times she was here on the show. I would like to ask listeners and fans to call in or mail or chat their message for Lian, and we will make a ‘get better soon’ card from the nicest massages and sent them to Lian. I would like to add that the cutest message will get the single Ironic with signs from Lian, Bang Yongguk and Baekhyun for free. This single includes the original ost version plus the version from Lian and Bang Yongguk and the instrumental.” I smiled, it was nice to know they did think about me, even though I hadn’t debuted too long ago, the smile remained on my face as I kept listening to the program in the dark. “The next song is Ironic from Lian. Lian our wishes go out to you and we all hope you get better soon.” The MC tuned out again and my song started. I was curious to know which version they had chosen to play, and I was happy to think back to my performance with Baekhyun as I heard our version.

When the song finished the MC tuned back in and she started reading some of the messages out, my heart clutched and I felt so loved. “And we also have the first caller of tonight. Please introduce yourself.” “Anyeong hasseo, my name is Byun Ji Hoon.” “Ah interesting name, is it written the same as the singer Rain?” He chuckled, and I had the awful feeling of déjà vu, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. “Yes, it is.” “Aah, well, you have been trying hard to get picked, you called how many times?” “15 times.” He chuckled again. “Wow, well you have the chance to tell your message to Lian, imagine she is listening right now. What would you like to tell her?” “Thank you,” Instead of saying something, the boy in the phone started to sing, and my heart stopped.

“If you wish and wish earnestly
Will it come true, like the fairytales?
A never-ending happy ending, happily ever after
I will trust you, protect you and comfort you
I will be on your side
I will never leave your side”

“All the guys in the world are jealous of me
They must be jealous to death of me, for having you
My babe, baby babe, baby baby
I can tell, this is love
I will make you smile often like a child
I will make you feel the most comfortable, like a friend
My babe, baby babe, baby baby
Tell me, what is love.”

By the time he stopped singing my eyes were full of tears, and I was sure of the person calling, babo. I had definitely heard the MC gasp as she realized the identity of the caller. “That was beautiful,” she added mockingly, “You should think about an career in the entertainment industry. But of course you have already thought of that haven’t you? Baekhyun?” He chuckled again, “woops I got caught.” The MC continued more pleased now, “So Baekhyun, why did you choose Rain’s name as cover?” He simply answered, “Because I admire him.” “That was What is love right? From your debut album?” “Yes,” he answered, “I found the lyrics very fitting to the situation.” I could just see the expression on the MC’s face as she looked at the other guests in recording room, “Oh, would you care to explain this further for me, and the listeners?”

“Sure I do,” he answered, “I asked Lian to listen tonight, and I also asked the Exotics to listen, because I have quite the interesting announcement.” I gasped, no he wouldn’t. “It’s common knowledge that Lian and I produced Ironic together. And when we agreed to have Lian promote with Bang Yongguk I did that with one request.” The MC remained silent, listening very attentively, “That I would get to do this announcement after the promotions finished.” He sighed, “But since the promotions finished early I decided I would also make this announcement earlier.” My heart was racing, no it couldn’t be what I thought it was. The MC couldn’t hold out any longer, “So what is this announcement? I think I can speak for everyone if I’m saying that we are dying to know.” I could hear him take a deep breath,

“I would like to ask for the support from all the B1’s and the Exotics in my relationship with Lian.”

~~~***~~~

Yay two new scubscibers <3

OMO! XDD I’m one evil writer to stop the chapter right there Mouhahahaha

Please look forward to the next chapter~