“It happened again” There was a silence, I couldn’t make out the answer from the phone, but I did hear her reply. “The doctor said, it wouldn’t happen anymore.” Silence again, “I guess. It shouldn’t be happening though. I thought it was all solved, but it is coming back.” Again a silence, “Thank you mom, I will watch it for the time being, if it happens again I’ll let you know.” Her voice softened, “Yes I will. Love you too. Bye~” I didn’t know what to think of it, the conversation I overheard kept replaying itself in my head as I quickly headed over to the stage. Also on the stage I couldn’t collect my thoughts, I glanced at my friend and leader next to me. Should I tell him? I shook my head, No not until I knew the details.

~~~~

I sighed as I put down my phone and sank back on the couch, closing my eyes, hoping to fall asleep, but my thought kept rooming freely and my worries turned my belly upside down. It was probably just because of the exhaustion and from the heath, it was totally different from then. I couldn’t be the same, the doctor said the whole procedure went right and I wouldn’t have to worry about it anymore. I wished the doctor was right, and hoped this was totally unrelated.

I stared at the ceiling, unable to close my eyes, I decided to think about our debut stage instead. I relived the whole stage again and again, not being able to get tired of it. We still had a lot of room for improvement, but still we could be very satisfied with the debut stage. I thought about the upcoming weeks, we would be promoting for about a month or so. I sighed again, feeling content with the day. We still had a few weeks of promoting, this was the best way of living.

~~~~

The next weeks passed by quickly, Monday Tuesday and Wednesday we practiced the whole day, and Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday we participated in the music shows. I gradually became friends with almost all the members of BAP, except Daehyun, he kind of kept to himself and didn’t talk that much to me. Also I became very good friends with Mina from AOA, also a new rookie group. They debuted a few weeks before us, and I really liked their concept, they were part Idol part band group. I don’t know how, but somehow Mina and I just met each other while waiting for our drinks, and we just started talking. I was glad Mina was still promoting, I loved to hang out with her especially when she was playing on her bass. Thanks to Mina I had also met Jimin, she was just like Mina rapper but she played the guitar. She was a bit older than us, and she was the leader of AOA, but she was fun to hang out with and occasionally I visited their backstage room to chat a bit when I grew tired of just waiting.

I loved performing almost every night and the next weeks were like a dream. I had so much fun with HANA, and my new friends. We also visited a few variety shows and we got better at it. Everyone was so enthusiastic about us, and so loving and helpful. I could only be thankful for all their help and affection. Last week we had also gotten our own fan page on Facebook and M2Day so we could interact with our fans. All day I had felt a bit lazy and worn out, so I decided I would spend my time updating our fan sites instead of waiting. “Sujin, we don’t have a name yet for our fanclub, right?” “Hmm, no.” She answered distracted. I quickly logged my private account out, and logged in again with the one of HANA, and started typing my message. “Hey everyone, Lian here. How are you doing? Schools started again, have you been doing your best? Thanks to you guys I manage to pull through when I get tired, today we will be performing for our third time on Music core, are you all exited?” I paused for a moment, “You know, I was thinking, we don’t have a fanclub name yet, can you please help me get up with a good name? Keke I’m looking forward to your ideas! <3”

I sent the message and remained browsing online while I waited for our followers to react, it didn’t take long, in about two minutes we had already 50 replies. “Wow Jinae, check this out.” Our maknae who was sitting next to me rolled her chair to me and watched over my shoulder. “So cute, this girl proposed ‘Roses’ since our name partially means flower too.” We strolled down together, laughing at some comments. “wow some are really creative.” “Hey what do you think of this one, Bee1. It combines our nationalities perfect, for the Japanese bees since they are attracted to flowers, and 1 for HANA, and the combination sounds like be one, to be one with our fans.” Jinae nodded slowly as a smile formed on her face. “I really like it. We can also style it like B1.” “What are you talking about?” Nana yelled from the other side of the room. “Well, we were thinking about a fan name, I asked our facebook followers and they came up with B1.” “That doesn’t even sound bad…” I turned back to the laptop and clicked on the user who had first come up with the name, and bookmarked it. I would love to surprise her later with a gift or something if we really would use this name.

~~~~

The days passed by and today was the 23th of the month august. I almost couldn’t believe we had debuted more than 20 days ago, it all seemed like yesterday. Secretly I was kind of sad I hadn’t talked to Bang Yongguk for a while. I didn’t really run in to him anymore in the hallway, and I didn’t dare to go by his backstage room. I figured I would run into him sooner or later, and I continued to focus on my stage. We were waiting until the group before us finished, the audience was awfully quiet when they entered the stage, and the cheering was also not as loud as expected. “What’s wrong?” I whispered to Yumi, she slightly turned her face from the performance to me, “that’s T-ara, they are dealing with image damage since the scandal with the departure of one of their members.” I nodded, I remembered hearing something like that, I felt sorry for them, I didn’t know what happened exactly, and I do admit the whole controversy was a bit shady. But still, they worked so hard to obtain the hearts of fans, and now they all simply turned their backs on them. When the stage ended I had to resist the urge to clap, it was highly uncommon for us to clap backstage, but I felt sorry for them and their minimum applaud they got.

~~~~

I breathed heavily as I made my way to my bottle of water, I sat down, and tried to calm down my heart rate. Today was a Monday, and this meant we would practice all day, and today we would only continue to repeat the choreography while singing the whole day. My body was acting weird these days, since the day I passed out on Music Core I noticed my muscles wouldn’t be as energetic as usual. I was worried, but tried to conceal my discomfort and my lack of energy from the others. I didn’t want to ruin our debut period, I would just have to hold on two more weeks. The seventh of October it would be our last performance, after that we would have a bit of time to relax, and work on our comeback, and the new year’s performances. My eye sight sharpened again, and I felt my heart rate slow down a bit more. “One more time, after that we will head to Lee So Man’s office for our evaluation meeting at 1 o’clock.” Sujin encouraged us, we got up again, and stood in position to do the routine one more time.

~~~~

I watched their practice through the glass, they had really grown, not only as a group, also as individuals and mostly as artists. I smiled, I was very proud of them. I waited outside until they finished, then I entered, “Are you ready for your evaluation?” They nodded, and slowly followed behind me.

~~~~

We entered the room behind Kim-shi and sat down comfortably. By now we had visited this room so often it was not scary anymore, it felt almost like a nice chat about the past weeks. Lee So Man looked at us, “I am very happy with your performance until now.” He smiled at us, ”You were all very professional and that indeed deserves phrase.” His expression stood more serious this time, “In two weeks your performances will be done, and you will begin preparing for the follow up promotions of course.” He paused as he stirred his coffee, “I have decided that you will all get two days off from your schedules, though you are not allowed to leave Seoul, after the promotions for Bastard finish. After that you will have the rest of the month of October and November for individual activities, yet to be determent. Then the month December you will prepare for the new year’s stages and your comeback, and after that another month of preparations for your comeback  which will be in February.” He looked around us, “You have one week to choose a preference for your individual activities, if not I will decide for you. On the first of October we will have separate meetings will all of you, and we will talk through your schedules for the month October and November.” He smiled encouraging, “I want to tell you again how happy I am with your professionalism and your improvement.”

~~~***~~~

I am so sorry to you guy’s

I feel like the ending of this chapter is so ty T^T

Look forward to the next chapter, very interesting parts are coming up xDD

(I have used up all my hard work of the last weeks of summer vacation, I will have to write again xD. It will probably take longer T^T But I will try my best for you all!)

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