“Great performance girls!” Sujin patted me on the shoulder, “I couldn’t have wished for more.” Yumi looked around, “So we are free until the ending ceremony?” Sujin nodded, “Except Nana,” she directed her glance at the blond girl in front of her, and Nana waved back, “Yes yes I know, I still have the collaborated stage with the other SM vocalist. But that one won’t be up until one hour.” I smiled thinking about my plans, “the performance went better than expected, with the fact of our amount of practice.” There was a silence, and Jinae was the first to brake it when we returned to our private backstage room, “when are we going to promote a new album again?” The maknae eyes Sujin closely, she sighed and patted her hair, “I’m not sure. Let’s just concentrate on our performance in the last stage for today.”

I felt a stone in my stomach. This wasn’t unexpected, I somehow had seen this coming since I decided I wanted to join SM and I did my research on the other groups. Like it or not, SM mainly focusses on one or two groups, cough cough SNSD cough Super Junior cough cough. Don’t understand me wrong I like and respect both of my sunbae’s, but the amount of comebacks isn’t really divided fairly. The newer groups got most effected, SHINee, F(x) and EXO all didn’t get that many comebacks. But I just couldn’t get it over my lips with Jinae looking so lost and longing for the stage. Instead of speaking my mind I patted her back, and sat down beside her on the couch. Turning on the tv on the channel of the Gayo Daejun.

I hadn’t told the others of my plans tonight, and I wasn’t planning to. I just had to sneak out some point, with a lame excuse, like I was going to visit some of my friends, which was in fact true… I had prepared a basket of tropical fruits, and was hoping to be able to apologize to B.A.P for my weird behavior lately. I barely greeted them in the hallway, and most of the time I just evaded them until they were gone. I had been extremely embarrassed and insecure after Jiyeon had expressed her feelings about me, or more correctly, had told me I didn’t belong in this industry. But I was embarrassed the most that I had actually believed her for some time. Oh, and I almost forgot, she also revealed I liked Yongguk, though I hadn’t been sure myself yet, I was sure I had feelings for him now. Though I was impossible since he was in a relationship with the devil in person, Jiyeon.

~~~

“Guy’s I’m going crazy here waiting. I am going to walk around for a bit okay?” Jinae looked up, lazily, from the couch. “Sure, see you later.” I walked out the door when I heard the first tunes of B.A.P performing their first song of tonight. Thanks to my connections, little Zelo, I knew they would perform a total of four song right after one another and return to their room afterwards. I had it all planned out, first I went to fetch the basket with my present from the janitors room, passing him a signed card of HANA, his granddaughter was a fierce fan of us. Then I would head to the room of B.A.P, this was the tricky part. I wanted to prevent rumors at all cost this time, so I had t be careful to stay unnoticed. I didn’t need to pay attention to the older artists, since they had enough to tell reporters about themselves, I had to watch the juniors. The war about air time was harsh, and if a new group was able to gain attention by spreading rumors about others, well I could only say death would be easier.

I tried to look as relaxed as possible when I strolled down the corridor, politely nodding and bowing to the passing people, I deliberately passed the room of B.A.P, and when I reached the end of the hall I glanced at my phone, making annoyed and rushed noises I started pacing down the hall, and when I reached the door of B.A.P I quickly got inside. I had planned out this little theatre beforehand, and I hoped no one would question my reason to go inside the room. I looked around the empty room, spotting the disregarded clothes shattered, and the TV in the middle of the room. I turned it on to keep track of the show so I would know when B.A.P was finished, I guessed they had finished three songs right now, and they just started the fourth. My travel to the room had taken less time than I had expected and liked. The longer I had to wait here, the bigger the chance of being discovered before B.A.P arrived.

I placed the bag of fruits on the table and roamed around the room, I was just inspecting the closet when I heard a faint click. With lightning speed I rushed in the closet and closed the door enough to hide me, but open enough to keep an eye on the intruder. The person stood still just out of my sight, but the voice and clicking of heels were enough to get shivers rolling down my spine. “Yon.. Oh.” She had spotted the basket of fruits and I clenched my fists as she grabbed a mango. “Hmm, maybe I won’t break up with you tonight. Seeing you still got some things to offer.” The way she empathized the some make me cringe in distaste. Cheap . She left again after taking one bite of the mango and placing it down again. By that time I was furious, she didn’t love not even like him. I really felt a lot for the idea of going after her and pulling all the perfect hair out of her scalp.

I noticed I had been clutching my phone tight in my hand and had pushed some of the buttons. The red dot of recording was flickering. I pushed it again to stop recording, and my finger hovered over the delete, uncertain why I couldn’t just remove it. Instead I locked it and shoved it back in my back pocket. The music on the TV stopped and the MC reappeared, which meant B.A.P were heading back to their room, and  since the broadcast had a few seconds delay they could arrive any minute. I sprinted to the door to turn off the lights, and I relocated myself in the middle of the room. Anxiously waiting for the door to open and the lights to turn on again.

~~~

“Haha!” I slapped Yongguk on his shoulder. Today was new years eve, and we had just finished our performance and were heading back to our room. We were laughing and goofing around, it was the first time since Lian had left our company that we were so sincerely happy with all the members together. I eyed my leader and friend Yongguk. He seemed more relaxed too, though I could tell he wasn’t totally sincere when he smiled at the maknae. I snickered, who would have thought she would influence us so much. The maknae had been throwing tantrums nonstop for the last weeks, and Yongguk had seemed to stressed out. I smiled as I laid my hand on the door knob, savoring the moment while we were still in this mood.

When I opened the door I noticed the room was dark, which was unusual. I stopped in the doorway, and held out my hand to stop Yongguk too, who looked up at my face question. Before I could raise my hand to the light switch, a small light appeared as the Christmas lights in the middle of the room. I located that it would probably be on the small table between the couch and the TV. After another moment of silence the full lights switched on and I could see a person standing behind the table holding an remote for the light switches and an long round box. She smiled, though a bit hesitant, and pulled on the box. “Chugha Hamida! Happy new years!” I smiled, happy to see her, and I paced over to her, hugging her tightly. While I straightened again, looking down on her happy and flushed face, “It’s not even 12 o’clock yet. Babo!” She smiled.

Lian gestured to the box of fruits and waived a bit helplessly at the others. Until Zelo exploded, “Noona!” And ran up to her and tackled her. I grabbed his collar, and pulled him away from Lian. “Yah, do you want to kill her?” He sobbed, and sniffed, “Noona, Noona.. noonnaa” Clawing with his hand at her, but she was out of reach from him. She smiled, such a beautiful smile, and patted him on his head. Yongguk was still frozen in the door, but Jongup walked in and greeted Lian too. “Hi, Lian.” Just like it day been days instead of weeks since we had seen each other. Lian visibly relaxed by his casual greeting. I knew she had been scared to see us again since the incident with Jiyeon, but I was glad she was back. “Come on Daehyun, don’t stand there, she brought your favorite fruit, pineapple~” His eyes widened, “Jinja?” He patted Lian a bit uncomfortable on the back while he hugged her too, before he asked, “Are these for us Lian? Can we really have them? Pineapple?”

~~~

I was a bit taken aback by Daehyun. He never said so many word to be in such a short period of time before. He must really love pineapples. I smiled at him and nodded, “Yes, I kind of brought them to congratulate you all with the success of your latest single.” I hesitated, and continued, “And also to thank you for the time I spend at TS. It was wonderful working with you.” Himchan waved with his plum, “Don’t make it sound like it was the last time we will work together.” I felt warmer and more relaxed by the minute.

I noticed Yongguk was still standing in the door, a bit scared of his reaction, I turned to him. His expression was unreadable as he just stared at me. “Hi, Yongguk.” I greeted him, warily. He continued to look at me, with the same scared and angry look. He seemed to take a deep breath, like he wanted to say something, but he sighed. Again he took a breath, but again he shrugged like he had changed his mind.

~~~

Himchan opened the door and he held out his hand. I looked at him questioning. From the corners of my eyes I registered a colorful light and a movement. As I turned to look at it the lights switched back on. My heart thumbed high and hard in my through. He r long black hair falling over her shoulders, it had grown even longer in the weeks I hadn’t seen her, it almost reached her hips. I felt paralyzed by her presence, I furrowed my brows. When did this happen? I had been alone with her so many times, never had she had such an effect on me. It was totally different from the demanding feeling I felt as I looked at Jiyeon. Her presence demanded attention, and I always felt so overwhelmed by her stern glare.

This feeling was softer and warmer. Her presence didn’t demand it, it just attracted my attention. Like an fly to the light. Unable to tear away from the longing and string that pulling him towards the light. I furrowed my brows deeper, she was wearing a different  outfit from her performance. It was a simple black dress, with a funky underneath. Is was a classic and neutral look. Why was she dressed differently than her stage with HANA? She didn’t have any more stages tonight. Though I refused to admit it to myself I had double checked the program for her stages, and I had watched her performance while I was pretending to be concentrated on my phone. This confused me.

I was ripped back to reality when she talked to me, “Hi, Yongguk.” I studied her face, still confused about my feelings and her outfit, I hesitated, inhaled to ask her about the dress. Stopped again. Inhaled start again, but then I shrugged. I couldn’t ask her. Maybe she had a date with that Baekhyun, I thought annoyed. I walked closer to her. “Hi Romy.” I said in a low voice as I passed her and seated myself between Jungup and Daehyun, who were to emerged in the food to notice the weird atmosphere. I couldn’t look her in the face, scared of what I would feel.

~~~

A shiver went down my spine as Yongguk greeted me in his low voice. “Hi Romy.” I couldn’t recall if I had ever told him my real name, or if I had ever heard him say it before. But it definitely had a nice ring to it when he said it in his low and husky voice. He passed me and sat down on the couch between him friends. I was somewhat surprised, did we really only greet each other before? Wasn’t there more between us that just people in the same room? Himchan coughed uncomfortable, I gazed at him, still unsure of how to handle the situation. He seemed to understand my gaze, but instead of breaking he ice, he pushed me in the cold water. “Yah, Zelo, Jongup Daehyun, help e get some drinks.” He started pushing and struggling the members out. No, I’d be alone with him in the room. I send pleading looks at Himchan, but he didn’t see or ignored me.

The door clocked behind them, and there fell an awkward silence. I looked at my feet, feeling Yongguk’s presence still on the couch. I heard Yongguk’s chuckle, and looked at him. “He didn’t even ask what we wanted. Himchan has never been a good liar.” I didn’t know what to answer, so I said nothing. After another silence I decided to say what I had wanted to say the moment I walked away from TS. “Uhm Yongguk, can I ask something?” His smile disappeared, “sure.” He said hesitantly. “Well, I, euhm, are you and Jiyeon really dating?” He looked at the basket of fruits, grabbed a piece and studied it. “Yes.” I swallowed, “Do you love her?” He remained silent, and I quickly glanced at his face, it was hard, and unreadable, but his eyes didn’t really reflect his face. They somehow seemed warmer. I felt stabbed, and murmured the rest of my prepared piece.

“Well, I wanted to say sorry for fighting with your girlfriend, and for leaving so suddenly after that. And I wanted to thank you again, thank you for helping me.” I smiled, but my heart felt shattered. I didn’t know what I had hoped for. Him to declare his love? To tell me he would leave Jiyeon for me? “You should share the fruit with the team behind B.A.P too. Good luck on the awards.” I turned around, to hide my eyes and made my way to the door.

Before my hand reached the door knob I felt two warm arms wrap around me. Preventing me from moving away from him more. He was just a big taller than me, just the perfect height difference. He leaned his head against my hair. His husky voice and his aroma made me dizzy as he said, “Could you please be true for a moment.” I frowned, when had I ever been fake? He turned me around, but kept his hands on my upper arms like he was scared I’d run away. “Could you explain what exactly happened that day you fought with Jiyeon? And why you started to avoid me after that, and why you left TS?” I frowned deeper, “Didn’t Jiyeon or the other members say?” He shook his head surprised, “No they always switched subjects when I would ask about it.” He frowned too and even smirked, “Now I’m even more curious.”

My heart raced, I hadn’t expected this. Putting aside the fact that he was holding me so lose and gazing steadily in my eyes, which made my heart flutter even more. How could I explain to him what happened and what Jiyeon fought about. I had expected Jiyeon to tell him immediately, and that he would know I had feelings for him, and that’s why I evaded him. In the end he hadn’t known of anyting, and I was about to destroy that because he was looking at me, pleading to tell me. “I-it’s hard to explain.” He waited for me to continue, but when I remained silent he let go of me, and frowned deeper. “well if you don’t tell me, I can guess of course.” He smirked at my shocked face, and I felt my feelings around him return to normal. We were playing around, though I still felt my heart beat faster than normal, and my skin tickled where he had touched me.

~~~

“Well,” I started, “first possibility is that Jiyeon offended you, and that’s why you too quarreled.” Lian looked surprised, and I smiled again. “I might be dating her, but I know her personality. But that wouldn’t explain why you have been evading me.” I frowned, “Of course it could also be that Jiyeon thought you liked me, and that’s why you too started fighting.” Lian evaded my eyes, and I frowned, “But that wouldn’t be a reason to evade me, unless…” What, why is she looking at me like that. “But that’s impossible.” I coughed uncomfortably. Her face was turned away, but when she looked back at me her expression was gone, and she looked angry, annoyed even. “Yeah? What did you want to say? That I could have liked you, and that Jiyeon found out? Well, why didn’t you finish your sentence? Was it too absurd to you? Then don’t start about it.” She sighed frustrated, and I could only look, my heart jumped but I wasn’t sure of it was from shock or happiness. She glared at me, “Well if you want to know. I liked you, and Jiyeon found out. Happy?” I stared at her, frozen in shock.

~~~

“Damn,” I sighed, trying to cool down my temper. When I was calmed again I looked up. His eyes stood shocked, and I felt empty and grey. “Sorry, I came to thank you and apologize, not to confess. I’m over those feelings, and you are happy with her.” I pulled my hand through my hair, but my frustration was cooled down. I managed to smile, “You know, it’s even worse to know you don’t even think it’s possible for me to like you than if you plainly rejected me.” I smiled more sincere as I grabbed the door knob, “Thank you Yongguk, you helped me a lot, and you made it possible to write my first solo song.” I left the room leaving my first crush behind.

~~~***~~~

Damn xD such a long chapter!!! Enjoy!!

How did you like the “reunion”?

Did she make the right choice to tell the truth?

Should she have evaded them longer?

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