It was almost a week since I had had the uncomfortable conversation with Deahyun. I had tried to evade him since. Instead I had spent a lot more time with Yongguk. He seemed happier, and more friendly lately. I didn’t invest much thought in the sudden change of attitude, I just enjoyed working and spending time with him. I helped him with his songs, and he helped me write my own songs. I hadn’t finished the song I had composed the day I talked with Deahyun, and I didn’t feel like sharing it with anyone yet. I had written it when I had been down, and currently I was feeling so happy I couldn’t bring myself to lower my mood again to finish that song.

Instead Yongguk named a feeling, and I would try to work with it, and after that we would listen and correct some things about it. This way of working was very simple, and day by day I grew more comfortable around Yongguk, he hadn’t played the song which had set me off so much anymore, and I tried to forget why I had gotten so upset. Which worked pretty well. But luck didn’t stand on my side for very long.

Today was a Tuesday, and tomorrow B.A.P would go to the music shows again. I grabbed this chance to arrange a lunch for everyone to be able to catch up. I had grown very attached to the maknae, and most of the time I spend with B.A.P I was laughing and goofing around with Zelo, and Jongup. I had woken up early that morning to prepare a boxed lunch for everyone and since I was already making for seven people I figured I could just as well make for 15, including my members, and the fact that the boys would probably eat for two. I was just finishing the chicken for in the sandwiches when Sujin entered the kitchen, rubber her eyes from sleep and disbelieve. “Lian, are YOU cooking?” I smiled “Yes, why do you sound so surprised?” I continued to fry the chicken and when it was finished I placed it on the kitchen counter and started to slice it in thin slices. “I just never thought this day would come.” Sujin stretched and studied my face a bit closer in the dim room. I ignored her and continued to make the sandwiches, softly humming to a song in my mind, unable to keep the small smile from my face.

Suddenly she gasped, and I almost dropped the sharp knife, “What?!” She stared at me with hudge eyes, “Y-you are in love!” I blushed, ”How did you come to that conclusion? Can’t I make lunch for my members once in a while?” She eyed me suspiciously, “Nah, it’s way too much food for just five.” I evaded her eyes and hustled with some of the sandwiches, changing the topic, “can you hand me the pepper?” She opened one of the cabins, and handed me the pepper. Luckily for me she didn’t continue about my behavior. I placed four small boxes on the counter, and the other big box in a bag by the door. After calling a cab, I said my goodbyes to the members and left the apartment. Still humming and feeling fuzzily and warm. I couldn’t wait to see their faces when they saw the food.

I had only asked them if we could lunch together today, I didn’t tell them I would bring the food, I had given them the impression I was taking them out to celebrate their success of the past months. Zelo hadn’t been able to contain his excitement when I had proposed the lunch, he kept bugging me about the place where we would eat. I felt my phone vibrate, and fished it from my pocket, as expected it was the maknae. “Noonaa~! Please tell me where you are taking us? Does it have meat?” I chuckled, what’s it with Korean people and meat? “Kekeke, it’s a surprise Zello~ just wait and see.”

I got off the cab, and even the weather seemed to love me today. The morning sun was shining brightly through the fog, it gave a breathtaking view of the city. For a moment I stood in awe of the beautiful morning, but then I paced quickly inside, tough the sun was shining the temperature remained cold. I walked to my usual room, thinking of composing some more before lunch. It was just 7 o’clock, and we had agreed to meet each other at 12 in one of the smaller practice rooms. I was planning to go there about 30 minutes earlier, to prepare the food for everyone.

I carefully placed the bad of food down next to the door, and sat down on the working chair, opening laptop. I was planning to finish writing my lyrics for one of the songs I was working on. It was a song about the strong feeling of attraction to someone who was not yours to love. But instead of sitting down, and sulking the protagonist takes action. I really liked the feeling, and meaning, I only needed to put those ideas in good and fitting lyrics. I had already finished most of the coulets, but I was having a hard time writing the refrain. Because in my eyes it was such a vital part of the lyrics, it was repeated several times and it had to fit the music and feeling well. I reread the lyrics I had already penned down, making slight corrections here and there. The sweet melody echoed in my mind and I though back to the last time I had seen Yongguk. His smile always made me feel so warm, yet I couldn’t warm my hands to it, since he wasn’t mine. My hand scribbled some things down while I pondered over the situation, and how I couldn’t do anything to get closer to him. I had sworn to myself I wouldn’t try. It would not only possibly ruin my career but also those of my friends.

If there only was a way I could follow my own advice from the song. I sighed and looked down,

You will love me
To the point where you can’t even understand yourself

I’ll be the only one for you
You just need to come to me
You gotta Luv me
 

I was a bit surprised, but it did seem to fit the rest of the lyrics, just a few adjustments to make it fit the beat and tune. I might work. Below these short lyrics I continued to write, this time more aware, and continuing the feeling of wanting to express myself. After a long while of writing down and erasing again I brushed off all the mess and reread what I had written down. I had kid of adjusted the refrain, and I also had come up with lyrics which could fit the bridge.

You will love me
You will love me
To the point where you can’t even understand yourself

You will like me
I’ll be the only one for you
You just need to come to me
You gotta luv me
 

Luv me Luv me
Luv me you gotta Luv me
Luv me Luv me
Luv me you gotta Luv me

I’ve watched over you till now
I couldn’t hold it in anymore
No one can stop me

You will love me
You will only know me
Even if things can’t be turned back now

You will like me
I’ll be the only one for you
Until the morning sun becomes night
You gotta luv me

Feeling pretty content with what I had made I glanced at the clock. “Shoot it’s already 11:40” I left my work on the table, grabbed the bag of food, and hurried to the room we had agreed to meet. When I arrived I noticed the light already on, and when I stepped in I saw a familiar face. “Hi Zelo! Why are you here already?” He smiled, but quickly changed his expression to a sulking pout. “I kept messing up my rap during practice because I was so curious about your surprise. So Yongguk-hyung eventually sent me away.” I smiled, he was so adorable. “I’m sorry to hear that I messed up your practice.” He shook his head in denial, “No! it’s not your fault noona.”

I smiled again, “will you help me prepare lunch then, while we wait for the other members?” He eyed the back in my hand, “Omo, noona, did you make our lunch yourself?” I nodded, not sure if I should be happy or angry that everyone was surprised to find our I could cook. He took the bag from me, “Let me take that. I’ll help you.” Sometimes his gentleman manners surprised me, in my eyes he was still a child, but when he started to unwrap the food and placing it neatly on the floor in a circle I saw a different side of him. He looked up and smiled at me, his hyungs definitely thought him how to be a gentleman.

After we finished putting out the dished, leaving the wrapping on them until the rest would arrive, Zelo laid down on the floor. “I can’t wait to taste your cooking~” I tried to hide my smile, not sure how to respond, I silently prayed for the food to be good. Yes I can cook, but it is different cooking for you friends, and for friends who are accustomed to fancy restaurant of Korean food, these were simply sandwiches. I put the bag away, and leaned over Zelo who was still laying on de floor. “Zelo, are you coming with me to get the drinks?” Zelo opened on eye, “Well, okay. But only because you have prepared all this for us.” He winked at me and raised himself and walked to the door, opening it for me. A bit embarrassed I followed behind him.

~~~

I laughed at the remark Zelo made, as I opened the door. The others had also arrived and all looked our way as we entered the room. Immediately I noticed the ice cold mood in the air, I stopped laughing and my smile faded a bit. “Hi~” I waved a bit uncomfortable to the others. They relaxed a bit and waved back at me. I walked to the group and sat down next to Himchan, and Zelo sat down next to me. That’s when I noticed someone was missing. Himchan and Daehyun were chatting about their shows this week when I asked, “Where is Yongguk” There fell an uncomfortable silence, and I saw Himchan exchange looks with Zelo9, before he answered, “Something came up, I don’t think he will be showing up.” He looked at me apologizing, “But I’m sure the six of us can finish all the food.” I tried to smile and I unwrapped the few plates of sandwiches. I heard Deahyun mutter something under his breath but I caught it anyway, “Or someone.” I felt my mood drop a few grades, someone? I handed out the sandwiches, and took a small bite from my own.

There was a silence when everyone was chewing, and then they all told me how good the sandwiches were, and how they were going to stuff themselves, but it couldn’t lift the mood anymore. It wasn’t exactly how I had imagined the lunch to be, but the food was still okay. We all continued to eat, I heard the door click, but didn’t take the effort to look around. Only when I saw the cold expressions on the faces of the members I got curious about the newcomer. Well I almost chocked on my sandwich.

In the door stood not only Yongguk but also one of the girls who had looked at me so glaringly. I vaguely remembered Nana telling me she was part of T-ara, which had recently been through a whole bullying controversy. I knew immediately I didn’t like her. Her perfect hair, straight nose and the over kill of make-up, just no. She looked at me, like she was weighing a piece of flesh, which she probably was in her eyes. I decided to take the lead, I bowed slightly, “Annyeong hasseo, my name is Lian. I’m part of HANA” She looked at me, with the same superior look in her eyes. “Annyeong Lian.” She answered in informal tone. This threw me off, how could she be so disrespectful? And why didn’t she introduce herself, did she expect I already knew her name? I felt a fake smile creep on my face. “I’m sorry I didn’t catch that? What’s your name?” I stood, making myself tall. She glared at me, “My name is Jiyeon.” I already remembered her name now, but I acted surprised. “Ah Joyeon, are you a trainee here?”

I heard the boys behind me chuckle softly, they didn’t like her either. Her face got red, and she spat, “No, I’m part of the hallyu wave group T-ara. And my name is Jiyeon, not Joyeon.” I nodded still acting surprised, “Oh, I am sorry.” I looked back at the food behind me. “I would love to ask you to join us in lunch, but I’m afraid I didn’t cook enough for eight people.” With that being said I smiled one last time at her and I turned back around and sat down by my plate. Zelo looked at me, stunned, and Himchan placed a hand on my leg, smiling at me. I didn’t hear her stomp out like I had expected to hear, instead her heals made clicking noises as she walked around the group and sat down on the opposite side of me. “Well that’s okay, since I can’t have something like this anyway.” She turned her face to look past me, “Honey, would you go get an coffee for me? Favorably Latte Caramello.”

This rang a bell, Latte Caramello. I recalled the time I had helped Zelo get drinks for the members and for someone extra, but when we had arrived at the room of B.A.P the mood had been similar to now, and the drinker had left. I glared at her, it just had to be the same girl. She smiled angelic at Yongguk, but as soon the door closed behind him her expression changed. I noticed the other members of B.A.P were holding their breaths. I looked up from my sandwich and smiled at her, “doesn’t latte caramello have too much calories for your diet?” She squinted her eyes, and bend closer to me, “You know, you rookies have way too much attitude lately. You should learn to respect your seniors.” I scoffed feeling my temper rise, “Respect for seniors okay, but respect for you? Why? What have you done that makes you so special?” She glared at me, and I continued, “You are the face of the group, always looking bored or annoyed. Your eye liner is always the same, and you can’t hold a single note live. Tell me why should I have respect for you?” Himchan threw a warning glance at me, but Jiyeon answered my question.

“You know nothing!” She spat in my face. “What have you actually reached? You debuted, but have already stopped promoting after two months. You are playing with the big guys here.” She had risen to her feet, and so had I.

~~~

I exchanged a look with Himchan, this was escalating quickly. Jiyeon snickered, “You are nothing compared to us. Have you even once been recognized as you walked over the street in you cheap all-stars?” Lian opened to make an insult back, but Jiyeon was quicker. “You are the same as me. What talent do you even have? Dance? The industry is about looks and voice, you have neither of them.” Lian glared at her, but she didn’t say anything back. Jiyeon stepped closer to Lian, and whispered barely hearable for us, “You know nothing of this business girl.” A devilish smile formed on her lips, “I have seen the way you look at him. I have heard you on the toilet that day. And you know, you never had a chance with him. Not only are relationships pure business here, you are also not good enough.” She snickered out loud, and distanced herself to have a good look at Lian’s face. “If he can choose between you and me, who would he choose? The dancer with no other talent, or the extremely beautiful and successful face of the international group? Wake up.”

~~~

I walked through the hallway, somehow I had been able to find a latte caramello, and I was tryng to hurry back before it turned cold. My girlfriend didn’t like waiting nor cold drinks. When I finally reached the corridor with the room where we had decided to meet my heart jumped. Would she be glad I had been able to get her a latte caramello? When I almost reached the door, it swung open and a small person with long black hair dashed out, running strait into me. The coffee got spilled all over me and her, but she didn’t seem to notice. Instead of helping me up, or cleaning the coffee she muttered a apology and ran off. The short moment between our collide and her running off I caught a glimpse of her shining face, in an instant I knew those were tears shining on her cheeks. Surprised I watched her retreating back. I was snapped back to reality when a high voice chimed, “Honey, are you okay?”

~~~***~~~

Wohooo super long update for my sweetest readers!<3

I had such a fun time writing this chapter! There haven’t been enough Lian-BAP moments =,=

So I’m throwing them at you right now xD

Finally the story is progressing… kekeke we are slowly reaching the of the story

Mouhaha you exited?

Please leave a cute comment so I know you are still reading!