Hyukjae's POV

I tried, I tried hard and the truth is I tried REALLY hard. I like her, I like yoona but I should love her I must love her I have to love her. These days I always be with her, she's pretty, nice and such a caring girlfriend. I had lunch with her, I send her home, she waited for me in front of school's gate so we could walked together to the class and I send her to her class, because we're in different class, and I protected her because these days after we were date, some girls tried to hurt and bully her. I must protect her, she's my girlfriend, right?

"Stop it already" sungmin said breaking my daydreaming and the silence. "You don't love her, stop it already, stop pushing yourself"

Now we're in some cafe near my school, we didn't went to sungmin's cafe because yoona worked there and sungmin hated to see yoona flirting and clinging to me, even in her work ours.

I played with the cake in front of me. It was the second time I didn't have any appetite to eat my strawberry cake, the first one is when choco, my dog, sick and almost dead, but thank god she’s not.

"I like her, and I know I will love her someday, just.. Need a little more time"

"No, you won't hyukjae" sungmin and kyu said at once. I frowned, they only called me hyukjae when they're serious, usually they always called me hyukkie . "Wow" Sungmin sighed and buried his face with his palms.

"Do you know why you won't love her, hyuk?" Suddenly kyu said, turned off his psp and looked intently at me. Somehow I'm feeling nervous and scared when kyu got serious. But I need the serious kyu right now.

"Why?" I dared to ask

"Because you don't want to love her"

..Huh?

"You always said you 'will' love her, you 'must' love her, you 'have to' love her. But do you 'want' to love her?"

I stunned

"I know you don't want to hurt her, I know. I know how kind you are hyuk, and I know how fool you are too. But you'll hurt yoona more if she knows that you couldn't love her, and without you knowing you probably already hurt someone who you cared the most, and the most important is, you hurt yourself"

He's right.

I will only hurt yoona more, hurt myself, I can't love her if don't want to. Yes maybe that's why.. I nodded slowly, but then stopped when I remembered,

"Someone who I cared the most?"

Sungmin sighed once again and smiled to me, kyu just stared at me.

"What did you mean?" Seriously I got confused now.

"Kyu.." Sungmin said softly, and they looked at each other. I saw how the eyes of serious kyu became more and more gentle, sweet, caring and little by little a smile formed from his lips. He patted sungmin's head and kissed his forehead. I know, I know how it feels, I know how kyu feels, don't ask me why but I know.. When was I felt it? With yoona? No.. It was before I met yoona that day. When? Ahh I really envy this couple really.

"Hyuk, let me tell you this" kyu said and suddenly his serious eyes came again. And I listened to him carefully.

"Think about protect, care, smile, tears, comfort"

I blinked my eyes, slightly confused.

"Think about something, okay? Something you want to protect. something you care the most that you don't want to break it. something that can makes you smile without any reason and when you realized, the reason is just because its this something itself. something that if it can cry you would do 'anything' to make the tears stop because you hate to see it has a tear. Something that could make you comfortable just by seeing it or beside it and you want it to feel comfortable too around you. Think about this ‘something’"

Silence.

"When you heard my words, did you thought about the same 'thing'?"

I slowly closed my eyes, I felt my eyes slowly getting teary, I felt weak when I think about the 'thing' I thought.

"And remember, its not something you 'must', its not something you 'should' nor something you 'have to'. But its something you 'want', something you 'need', something that if you break it you probably want to kill yourself."

Silence.

"And the last and the most important thing, think about 'love'"

I felt a tear fell from my eyes, slowly.

"Is this how you feel?" I asked with an unstable voice. "Is this how you feel when you looked at sungmin just now?"

Kyu smiled "yes"

Then my tears fell uncontrollably. And kyu and sungmin together said,

"So... What's the 'thing' that you thought?"

           ---------------------

I ran. I ran as fast as I could. I ran as fast as man can do. I've decided, I've decided I will tell yoona, I will tell her I'm sorry for being such a bastard, I will tell her everything, and I will make it up to her. Because I don't want to make her sad because of me.

I finally arrived at my destination, I panted heavily in front of the familiar house and rang the bell. I waited impatiently while tried to breath for air. There! Finally the familiar figure of a beautiful middle age women came into few. She smiled sweetly at me yet weakly, I bowed to her and I know something's wrong.

She gave me a gestured that I could walked inside and I followed her, when suddenly I spotted a bowl filled with water on the table in the living room. There's something, and I know it likes it tried to move but it couldn’t.

"Its nemo" she said softly.

- flashback -

"So its the 'thing'" sungmin smiled widely yet softly, and kyu smiled. I could tell kyu barely smiled, he always smirked to everyone even me, his bestfriend. He only smiled to sungmin. But this time, he smiled at me.

I cried in the cafe while buried my face on the desk and my arms around my head ignoring the stares from the people around.

"I wanted to kill myself.. That day when he cried silently and uncontrollably beside the rooftop door, I felt I really wanted to jump from the rooftop, even if I don't know why he was crying, but it really hurts.. I wanted to protect him, I wanted to hold him, I wanted to said 'please don't cry' but I couldn't move, I'm too shocked to see his tears. When I realized, he was already gone.."

I said between my sobs as I'm crying more hard. Sungmin moved to sit beside me and rubbed my back slowly, trying to comfort me.

"The next day when I saw him, my heart really broke into pieces as I saw his eyes, they were so red and puffy. His face so pale. He was so weak. I really, really want to hold him and asked what's wrong.. But I couldn't, he avoided me, he cried again in class, I wrote 'what's wrong? Please don't cry' on my left hand but he didn't even looked at my side. Whenever I wanted to approach him yoona always came and dragged me somewhere, even in class whenever I wanted to try to talk to him jessica would interrupted me"

I paused to catch my breath.

"When he went home, I told yoona I couldn't send her home because of club activity but the truth is I followed him until he reached his home, I'm too afraid, too afraid if he would hurt"

I cried as I remembered his pale face and fisted my hand. Sungmin hugged me.

"And the next three days.. I was really worried, really really worried I had to force my smile in front of yoona and everyone. The teacher kept telling he's sick and he’ll be okay, but.. I'm worried like hell.. Is he really okay..? I even wrote some words on my left hand even if I know he's not there"

I cried even more. Sungmin never stopped rubbed my back, "its alright hyukkie"

"But.. I know now, the first reason why I cried really hard right now.. Is because now I realized how I feel, but I can’t do anything"

"You can" I heard kyu said, "there's nothing you can't do hyuk"

I slowly turned my head up to kyu "answer my question, honestly" I said to kyu, he raised his eyebrows as if said 'ask me'

"Is this love?"

And he smiled widely while saying "you know the answer. Yes. Now go get him you idiot"

I smiled wiped away my tears and rushed to the cafe door, but stopped and turned to them for the last time.

"What if he doesn't love me back?"

"It doesn't matter if he loves you back or not, the most important thing is you, you love him, and when you love someone don't ever be afraid to show it" I smiled at kyu’s answer and ran outside.

- end of flashback -

Now here I am. Holding the most fragile person in the world. Someone who I care the most, someone who I want to protect, someone that I finally realized that I love him. And its not "a must" but its "a want". He was crying really hard while hugging me and I had to try my best to not cry too. And now he's sleeping calmly due to the exhausted from crying in my embraced. I hugged him tightly as I saw his sleeping figure. He surely is an angel, I caressed his cheek and kissed his head slowly. I don’t care if you love me back or not, I promised from now on I will protect you, no matter what. Here’s my promise to you.

Yes, the 'thing' that I thought is

Lee Donghae

“I promise”

a/n : *huuuggggssss you all whoever read this story* thank you so much! <3