Jiyong

I am in my living room in my apartment drowning myself with alcohol. It's been two months since Youngbae's accident. After a month in the hospital, he woke up, and another month after he was released from the hospital.  

Dara was true to her words. Earlier I received a call from my mother asking me to go back home for Dara's and Youngbae's wedding this coming end of the month. 

As soon as I heard what she said it seemed like my world turned black and white. My heart feels like it was being ripped off from my chest. 

My mother was ecstatic while sharing the news, but she didn't know I was slowly dying while she was blabbering about their wedding. How happy she is for them. 

It is just a civil wedding with the Kwon, Dong, and Choi families only. It is hidden from the public and media because that's what Dara wants. 

And now here I am drowning myself in alcohol hoping to ease the pain I am feeling. It seems like my happiness was drained from me and I could feel sorrow for the love I feel for her that I don't even have a chance to tell her. It's ing hurt. 

This is the first time I love a woman,  I always have a woman but they are just a fling. I don't have any serious relationships. Dara, she took my heart without her knowing, and it is ing killing me.  

I don't know what to do to ease the pain I am feeling right now.  I bawled like a kid hugging a pillow on my chest. 

"Dara! Dara! Dara!!!!! I screamed and plunge the bottle of wine on the floor. "I love you, I love you, I love you!!!!!  Did you hear me? I ing love you. Why you don't recognize me? Would you love me if you know that I am the man you slept with at Jeju? Would you love me too?" I pulled my hair screaming letting out the heavy feeling inside my heart. Bit its ing still there suffocating me and slowly killing me inside. I cried and drank until I passed out. 

"Jiyong!  Jiyong!!! I groaned and pushed the hand that was shaking me and buried my face on my pillow.

"I know this thing will happen once you hear the news. Get up!!! I winced when a pillow smacked on my head.

"What the !!! I screamed and bolted up from the couch that I was lying on. I cursed and slumped back on the couch when my surroundings suddenly spun around me. I massage my temple but wince again when I was hit by a pillow again. 

I stood up from the couch ready to pound whoever was hitting me but I was surprised to see Seunghyun standing in front of me with his arms crossed over his chest glaring at me.

"That hurt," I muttered and settled back on the couch. "Enough!!! I hissed when he smacked my head.

"You're awake now?"

"Who wouldn't after you hit me?" I glare at him and lay back on the couch.

"What do you think you are doing?" Look at yourself?" He snarled and harshly pulled me up in a sitting position. 

I leaned my head on the backrest of the couch looking up at the ceiling and my tears rolled down my cheek.  He cursed and sat beside me.

"Snapped it out, Jiyong. Can you just be happy for them?  Youngbae is expecting you to come home to attend their wedding."

"I don't want to. Ouch!! That hurt." I wince when he punches my shoulder. "What the hell Seunghyun." 

"You are going home." He said with finality. I turned my back to him, wiping the tears that kept rolling down my face.

I silently cry while Seunghyun keeps sighing beside me. "You should go home, little bro." He softly said.

"I cannot. I might do something stupid." I murmured, wiping my tears. "You know I kissed her? I kissed her during dinner before I went here."

"You what?"

"I'm drunk, though. She slapped me." 

"Ji, I want to help you but what can I do? Why don't you find another woman? There are a lot of beautiful women here in New York."

"They're not Dara. Stop hitting me!!"

"Because you are stupid. Forget Dara and move on. She doesn't have a feeling for you so get over it." He snarled.

"Ouch, that's a grain of salt in my wounded heart. Stupid Seunghyun he should console me but he only adds pain in my bleeding heart." I thought. 

"I don't want another woman. I only want Dara."

"Damn, you are hopeless." He stood up and grabbed my wrist pulling me up.

"What are you doing?"  He was dragging me despite my protest, then pushed me inside the bathroom under the shower and the water. I gasped when ice-cold water drenched my body which is still covered with my office clothes. It's winter now in New York and the water is freezing.

"!! I screamed, shivering. It's so cold. Seunghyun stepped out of the bathroom leaving me behind. I hurriedly took off my clothes and adjusted the water temperature and took a bath. The warm water soothes my aching head as well as my body but the pain in my heart wouldn't leave me.

After my bath, I wrapped a towel around my waist and wore sweatpants and a shirt before I returned to the living room.

I felt guilty seeing Seunghyun cleaning the mess I created. I join