Shutting the door to my room, I clutched my heart. It feels like it’s literally breaking. Why do I feel like I’m losing Chaeyoung. I don’t like it, I don’t like this feeling. I don’t like knowing that I’m not her number 1 anymore. I stood in front of my door for a bit, hating how happy her voice sounded on the phone. Hating how her smile was so bright when she saw that girl’s name on her phone. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I mean I was okay when Rosie went on dates before...walking back to the living room, I saw Jisoo and Lisa cuddling on the couch.

 

“Hey you okay Jendeukie?” Jisoo and Lisa looked at me and I just shook my head no. Before I found myself crying again, I don’t even know why I’m crying. God I’m losing my mind.

 

“C’mon why don’t we talk in your room?” Lisa suggested, but I shook my head.

 

“Chaeng..she’s in there.” I managed to say, wordlessly, Jisoo dragged me to her room with Lisa trailing behind.

 

“So what happened? We were fine earlier, you ran off, and Chaeng went to check on you. But did you two fight?” Jisoo asked, while Lisa held me in her arms.

 

“I don’t even know...like I don’t know why I’m feeling like this. Like my heart is breaking.” I admitted, and Lisa and Jisoo looked at each other with an almost knowing stare. Why do I feel like they know something I don’t.

 

“Is this about Joy?” Jisoo asked, and I felt my blood boil at the mention of that name.

 

“I’m guessing that’s a yes.” Lisa said motioning to my tightly closed fists.

 

“I don’t know okay. I just hate how she’s close with someone else now, like someone other than us. And how she does the things that she only did with me for someone else. I hate how I feel like I’m slowly losing her, and how I’m not her number 1 anymore. I hate that someone else can make her smile with just a stupid phone call. I just hate it! I hate this feeling.” I just rambled my thoughts out loud, without a care in the world.

 

“Wow, well that’s certainly something isn’t it.” Lisa spoke up first after I finished my rambling.

 

“Jennie let me ask you this and tell me your honest feelings okay?” Jisoo carefully asked, while taking a quick glance at Lisa. Again, with those two exchanging knowing looks.

 

“Do you really not know what’s wrong or are you just pretending for Nayeon’s sake.” Jisoo asked, her gaze stern. I felt a chill run down my spine, the answer do I know it or am I just really pretending?

 

“Look Jen, I don’t know if you’ve noticed but whenever we talk about Chaeng’s love life you seem to get possessive over her. Like you don’t want her to find someone to love. I’m not saying that your stopping her, because you haven’t. You’ve actually been quite encouraging which is weird because everytime Chaeng went on a date you would sit here and wait for her like a lost puppy.” Lisa chimed in, her eyes boring into mine like she’s trying to tell me something.

 

“With that said, the real question here is did your feelings for Rosie change?” Jisoo asked, but I stayed quiet...did my feelings for Chaeyoung change?

 

“You don’t have to answer us Jen. But you should figure it out, because as someone once told me, you should tell her before you lose her.” Lisa smiled, patting my head.

 

I was about to speak up, but a knock on the door and Chaeyoung’s head cutely popping in interrupted me, “Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I’ll be having dinner with Joy. You guys want me to bring anything back?” She asked with a soft smile.

 

“I think we’ll be fine Chipmunk. Go have fun.” Lisa smiled and Chaeyoung nodded. The door was almost shut when she popped her head back in, “Hey Jen...let’s finish our talk later okay?” She gently asked and I couldn’t refuse so I nodded my head yes.

 

“Why don’t we also go out for dinner?” Jisoo tried to change the mood.

 

“You guys go ahead, I just want to be alone for a bit.” I gave them a small smile, and they nodded.

 

Walking back to my room, I crawled into bed. I stared at the photos I had on my nightstand. One was of me and Nayeon right after graduation. It was the day I confessed to her. I still remember how nervous I felt and how terrified I was of getting rejected, but she said yes and we’ve been together ever since. The other photo was of the five of us in front of the university. I chuckled remembering how Lisa just had to get the perfect shot so it took us 1 hour to take 1 photo. Lastly, it was a polaroid of me and Chaeyoung. It’s one of my favorites, Chaeyoung and I had our backs against the camera, my head was leaning on her shoulder and our pinkies were intertwined. I remember when Lisa took this photo she couldn’t stop squealing.

 

Staring at the polaroid, Jisoo’s question from earlier came back to me.

 

“Did my feelings really change?” I asked, remembering all the time Chaeyoung has been here for me. How no matter what happens she never judges me and always supports me. How even if I’m being moody and a to her, she’ll just smile and understand. How no matter where or when, if I called or texted her she’ll come right away. How she would always put me first and how no one would probably ever know me like she does.

 

“Jen look I brought your favorite milk ice cream.”

 

“Wifey always remember that I’ll be here for you, whenever and wherever.”

 

“Ride or die right?”

 

“Don’t cry, it hurts me when you cry.”

 

“Jenjen lets go have a midnight food trip I’m hungry.”

 

“Jennie.”

 

“Jenjen.”

 

“Nini.”

 

“Jen.”

 

“Wifey.”

 

All these memories I had with Rosie suddenly flashed in my mind. Chaeyoung’s existence in my life...I never realized how much of an impact it has.

 

I must have been spacing out for a lot longer than I thought, because suddenly I was being pulled into a tight hug.

 

“Hey I ran into Chaeng at work she said something was bothering you. Are you okay?” Nayeon asked softly, her fingers playing with my hair. I stayed mum though, I don’t know how to answer without hurting her and I feel like for it. Nayeon….I love her, I’m sure I do. She makes me smile, she makes me happy.

 

“You know Jen,” Nayeon sighed, “I’m not stupid. I notice it you know. I notice how much she affects you. I don’t think you realize it though. Did you know, whenever she went on dates you would get all depressed like this? You don’t shut us out, but you look like a puppy that lost her owner. Then you get all happy when she tells us that it wasn’t going to work out. So, tonight when I saw her with someone...I had a feeling that you were gonna be sad again. She confirmed my suspicions though..she told me that I should come see you right when I got off, because something was bothering you and she felt that only I could turn your frown upside down. But the thing is, I don’t think I can.” Nayeon paused, cupping my face, and wiping the tears away, “You love her right?” She asked with a smile on her face, but I can see her heartbreaking when I looked in her eyes.

 

“I don’t know who your talking about.” I feigned ignorance.

 

“Jennie….you are in love with Chaeyoung.” She stated, letting a tear fall, “You love her so much, so much more than you have ever loved me.”

 

“Nayeon, it’s not like that. With Rosie, she’s my best friend. We’ll only ever be friends.” I tried to assure her, but she just shook her head no.

 

“You know that’s not the truth. Do you know how heartbroken you look right now?”

 

“I look heartbroken because my girlfriend sounds like she’s about to break up with me.” I sniffled.

 

“Oh babe, even at times like this your still so adorable that I just want to keep you by my side.” Nayeon lightly chuckled.

 

“Then keep me by your side. Why are you doubting my love for you?” I asked her, looking into her eyes. I said that, but yet here I am doubting my love for her. No,no your not Jennie your not. You love Nayeon you do. You have for 3 years now.

 

“I’m not doubting you, I’m just telling you what I see. What Jisoo, Lisa, and I see. We all know that you love Chaeng, she’s been there for you through everything. But it’s obvious that something has changed with the way you look at her. It might be love or it might not..only you know the answer to that.” She explained, I knew she was trying to hold back her tears, but she wasn’t doing a very good job.

 

“I love Chaeyoung...as a friend, like a sister. That I’m...I’m sure of. She and I, will only ever be friends. I think it’s because of the change. I think that I’m scared of change. I mean it’s been the four of us for so long, then you came along and we’ve just been so close. And now...now she with Joy..It’s like I’m losing, like we’re losing her.”

 

“Jennie...we’re not gonna lose her. If anything we’ll gain another friend. And Chaeng she’ll have someone by her side to do things with that none of us can. She’ll have someone that makes her smile and that loves her with all her heart. There may be some changes, but that’s life right?” Nayeon asked and I nodded.

 

“Okay..good. Now come out of this room and eat with me?” She cutely asked and I found myself smiling.

 

“Just to be clear, your not breaking up with me right?” I pouted, and Nayeon pinched my nose.

 

“Not unless you want to.” She replied.

 

“Hmm I don’t wanna.” I clutched onto her arm tighter, and she smiled.

 

“I love you.”

 

“I love you too J.”

 

Nayeon stayed with for a little longer, but she had to go back to her dorm.

 

It didn’t take long for Lisa and Jisoo to get back, they bid me goodnight and assured me that Chaeyoung would be home soon. I nodded and minutes later the girl I was thinking about walked through the doors with a wide smile on her face.

 

“Hey Jen.” she smiled, plopping on the couch next to me, “feeling better?”

 

“Yeah thanks Rosie.” I smiled.

 

“That’s good. I’ll go wash up real quick, but after is it okay if we finish our talk?” She asked, while getting up.

 

“Yeah that sounds like a plan.” I beamed, she patted my head before walking away.

 

It didn’t take long for Chaeyoung to wash up.

 

“So...you want to tell me about what was bothering you earlier?” Chaeyoung asked me softly.

 

“I don’t really have a choice do I?” I asked and she cutely shook her head no, “I’m using my Hubby privilege to force you to tell me what’s wrong.” she huffed.

 

“Okay...well I guess I’m just scared.” I admitted, and Chaeyoung held my hand, “Of what?” She asked, rubbing circles on my hand with her thumb.

 

“Of change. I don’t know... it's weird right? Life is one big constant change, but now that this Joy girl is coming into your life into our lives, I just feel like things will be different. We can’t do the same things anymore because she doesn’t know how clingy we get with each other, with Nayeon it was different because we were friends first. But this Joy girl is a stranger to me, and now my Hubby is about to be taken away.” I sniffled, and Chaeyoung cupped my face.

 

“Listen to me Jennie Kim. You are my bestest friend and no one will take me away from you, Ever. Ride or die remember? Joy and I are just friends. I’m not sure if that’ll change, but for now we’re friends that’s it.” She explained, and I nodded.

 

“Good, I’m glad that’s settled. Maybe in a few weeks the six of us can all hang out together.” Chaeyoung beamed and I could never say no to her.

 

“Yeah that’d be nice.”

 

Weeks passed and the semester break is approaching. We just finished our midterms and the six of us decided to go to an amusement park to celebrate. This is only the 2nd time I’ve hung out with Joy, but she’s nice and she gets along with all of us well. I have no issues with her.

 

“Here, it’ll help with your headache.” Joy handed me an advil. We rode a roller coaster and my motion sickness was acting up. Jisoo and Lisa wanted to explore the haunted house, while Nayeon and Chaeyoung went to buy some food.

 

“Thanks.” I smiled.

 

“Hey Jennie can I ask you something?” Joy spoke up after a few minutes of awkward silence

 

“Sure, what’s up?”

 

“Did you and Chaeng have a past?”

 

“A past?”

 

“Yeah, did you guys date?”

 

“Me and Rosie?! Date? No no we’re just besties. What makes you ask that?” I asked, but Chaeyoung and Nayeon came back before she can answer.

 

We spent a few more hours at the amusement park before we decided to head home. Since, Chaeyoung had to pick Joy up, the two separated and Nayeon took me, Jisoo, and Lisa back to our shared place.

 

“That was so fun!” Lisa was still hyper, while Jisoo looked like she was done socializing for the day.

 

“Okay c’mon Lali let’s go wash up and sleep I’m tired.” Jisoo whined, and Lisa looked at her girlfriend with so much affection I couldn’t help but coo at them, “You two are so sickeningly sweet I can’t”

 

“So are you and Nayeon.” Lisa teased me, before dragging Jisoo away.

 

I was going to wash up, but decided to do it later when Chaeyoung gets back. Grabbing the remote I opened Netflix and decided to watch Friends until then.

 

Not realizing that I fell asleep, I found myself in my room tucked in bed. I turned to my side and grabbed my phone that was charging on my nightstand. It was past midnight.

 

“Ugh gotta wash my face off.” I groaned, forcing myself out of bed and into the bathroom. Turning the light on, I was surprised to see my face bare, “Did I wash my face off?” I asked myself, trying to remember. The last thing I remember was watching Friends on Netflix while waiting for Chaeyoung.

 

Heading back into my room, I heard faint voices in the living room.

 

“So are you two going to make it official?” I recognized Lisa’s voice.

 

“I don’t know, I mean we get along well and..yeah.. I’m not quite sure how I feel. Is it just friendly or is it more. I’m really confused.” It was Chaeyoung.

 

I realized that they were probably talking about Joy and it irked me that Chaeyoung decided to talk to Lisa about it rather than me.

 

“Look Chaeng, are you confused between your true feelings for Joy as being more than just friends...OR are you confused between your feelings for Joy and a certain someone we know?” Now it’s Jisoo’s voice.

 

What the hell? I thought it was just her and Lisa, but it’s all three of them?! And who is this other person that my Rosie has feelings for?! Why didn’t she come to me? I thought I was her number 1. I wanted to confront them, but my legs wouldn’t listen to my brain. So I just stayed and listened.

 

“I…” Chaeyoung trailed off.

 

“Chaeyoung-ah listen okay? Maybe Joy coming into your life is a sign for you to move on. It’s been years. But don’t you think that it’s time for you to let her go? Let yourself be loved Rosie. Let yourself experience the happy side of love. You’ve been heartbroken and pretending that you’re not dying on the inside when you see them for too long. And I, no we, we can’t just keep watching you break everytime you see her.” Lisa spoke up next.

 

I feel like an idiot. I’m so stupid, my best friend who I claim to know better than anyone has a problem this huge and I didn’t even know about it. My Hubby...who hurt you. I couldn’t take it anymore, I had to know.

 

“Who broke your heart?” I turned the corner, and three wide eyes stared at me.

 

“Jen..when did you wake up?” Jisoo spoke up first.

 

“I said, who broke your heart?” I walked towards Chaeyoung, my gaze not leaving hers.

 

“I..I..It’s..uhm.” Chaeng was a stuttering mess, her head was down, she refused to look up at me.

 

“Can you guys give us some space please.” I looked at Jisoo and Lisa and the two nodded before scurrying off to Lisa’s room.

 

“What happened to no secrets between us?” I asked, taking the spot next to her on the couch.

 

“There is no secret between us.”

 

“You know that’s a lie.” I deadpanned, and she finally looked at me.

 

“Jen...I didn’t mean to hide it from you. It’s just I guess I was more obvious than I thought and those two figured it out.”

 

“Well that doesn’t change the fact that you hid it from me. So tell me, who hurt you?” I asked, my gaze bore into hers.

 

“It’s no one, I’ve moved on.” She lied to me again.

 

“You’ve lied twice now, that’s two more times than in the time I’ve known you. Why can’t you just tell me?” I kept insisting.

 

“I just can’t Jennie so please...drop it.” She begged and it pissed me off to no end. First she hid this from me, second she lied to me, third she refuses to share her burden with me, and lastly she’s making it seem like she can’t trust me.

 

“This is the first time. The first time Rosie, that your making me feel like I’m not important to you. So if you want me to drop it, then fine. I’ll drop it, but consider this friendship dropped too.” I venomously replied, before getting up and stomping into my room.

 

After slamming the door shut, I instantly regretted what I said.

 

“I’m sorry Rosie…” I slid down and hugged my knees to my chest and cried.

 

I think I may have just lost the most important person in my life.

~ ~ ~ ~

A/N: Okay but....part 3?