Yelling at the sky

Screaming at the world

Baby, why'd you go away?

I'm still your girl

Holding on too tight

Head up in the clouds

Heaven only knows

Where you are now

She was just sitting there, letting the rain fall on her, unmoving, unminding. It’s been like that for a while now. She would go home from work, force herself to eat, then go sit out at the balcony. Sometimes she’ll fall asleep there, but since the colder months started rolling in, she’s found some strength to crawl back inside their...well actually, her apartment. It’s still new to her, calling everything her’s instead of theirs.

“It’s cold today love.” She bitterly chuckled, letting the bitter taste of the drink she’s been nursing numb her, “It’s been really hard, but I’ve been doing well you know. I’ve slowly forgotten what’s it like to love you…” She lies, hoping it’ll one day become the truth.

How do I love

How do I love again?

How do I trust

How do I trust again?

“It’s been two years, don’t you think it’s time to move on? C’mon, let's go out with the girls. It’s been so long!” Jisoo, her best friend, tried to convince her to once again do something different from her usual routine.

“Not tonight Chu...I’m just tired.” She sighs, questioning if she’ll ever move on. How can she, when the love of her life is now gone.

“Chae..” Jisoo looked at her friend.

“I really am. Just…” Chaeyoung paused, “Next time. I promise.” She forced a smile, one that reluctantly Jisoo nodded to, “Okay fine, next time. I’m holding you to it.”

“You got it.”

That evening, Chaeyoung got home, poured herself a drink and sat out on the balcony.

“How can I love someone when I promised you that you’ll be the only one for me?” Chaeyoung sighed, looking up at the sky wishing the stars would be visible.

I stay up all night

Tell myself I'm alright

Baby, you're just harder to see than most

I put the record on

Wait 'til I hear our song

Every night I'm dancing with your ghost

Every night I'm dancing with your ghost

Today, it had to be today. She marked her calendar and told everyone she was busy all day. It had to be today. She told herself she would do it today.

“Are you sure you're okay doing it all alone?” Jisoo called her, knowing the true reason Chaeyoung decided to tell everyone not to bother her today..of all days.

“Yeah I’m fine Chu. I told you, I’ve been doing really well.. I mean look I’m even moving her things.” She lied, because she was still far from okay. But she knew that she needed to help herself, like really help herself. And what better way to start then to pack Jennie’s things up.

~

It was going well. She managed to get Jennie’s movie and camera collection boxed up and was starting to pack some of her Vinyl’s when she came across one she knows so well.

Taking the disc out, Chaeyoung made her way to the record player on the other side of the master bedroom. Placing the record on the turntable, she moved the needle over and gently placed it on the vinyl, letting the music slowly take over the room. As the first song played, memories of the last time this was played came rushing back to Chaeyoung.

“I’ll pack this after I listen to it one last time.” She told herself, but as the third song played, Chaeyoung stopped from packing. It was their song. The song that described them best.

Getting up, Chaeyoung somehow found herself with Jennie’s favorite Chanel hoodie in her hands, draping the arms over her shoulder and hugging the article of clothing close to her body, like the owner was still in her arms. Slowly, Chaeyoung began to slow dance to the music.

“No, there’s nothing. Like doing nothing, with you.” Chaeyoung whispered the last line of the song. Wiping the tears she unknowingly shed.

Never got the chance

To say a last goodbye

I gotta move on

But it hurts to try

“So how bad was it?” A random stranger asked Chaeyoung as she sat at the bar. She agreed to meet up with the girls, after Jisoo played the “You promised me last time” card.

“How bad was what?” Chaeyoung turned her attention from the drink in front of her to the girl next to her.

“The breakup.”

“We didn’t break up.”

“Ah denial. I was there to hon.” The stranger replied, taking it as a cue to take the seat next to Chaeyoung at the bar. “Don’t worry you’ll move on from them.”

“I don’t think I will.”

“Ah was it an abrupt break? One from nowhere? Cause I’ve been there too and does even more. Maybe you should call them, you need closure and maybe to say your last goodbye.”

“I can’t call them.”

“Why not? You can use my phone if they blocked your number.” At these words, Chaeyoung turned her attention to the stranger, her eyes asking why this girl was so persistent.

“I admit, I came over here because I found you attractive and I was watching you for a while now. I knew you’re probably heartbroken over something, you give off that vibe. But I thought hey why not shoot my shot, so I came over here...but after talking to you..I think you need a friend more. So now I just want to help.” The girl explained.

“Thanks, but she won’t be answering my phone calls.” Chaeyoung replied.

“Oh..then text?”

“Do you think she’ll have cell reception in heaven?” Chaeyoung replied, not knowing where that sarcastically morbid response came from.

“I..uhm.” The girl was flustered, she didn’t see that one coming.

“It’s fine...it’s been over two years. I just...you’re right. I do need closure..I didn’t even get a chance to say I love her one last time...much less a goodbye..it was abrupt. She left and now I have to pick myself up. I gotta move on, but it’s hard to try.”

How do I love

How do I love again?

How do I trust

How do I trust again?

As time passes, Chaeyoung found herself slowly smiling again. Memories of Jennie and their life together would often pop-up into her mind every so often, making her wonder how can she open her heart up to someone else, how can she ever trust someone else...but Lisa would be there.. Lalisa Manoban, the girl from the bar, who unexpectedly began to be a new constant in Chaeyoung’s life. A constant that is slowly helping her put her broken pieces back together.

I stay up all night

Tell myself I'm alright

Baby, you're just harder to see than most

I put the record on

Wait 'til I hear our song

Every night I'm dancing with your ghost

It was another rainy evening, Chaeyoung was on the balcony watching the city below.

“It’s been years now Jen..and I..I think..no I know I’m doing fine.” Chaeyoung whispered, letting the Bruno Major vinyl play and when the third song began. Chaeyoung smiled, walked into their, her’s and Lisa’s, closet and pulled out a familiar Chanel hoodie. Placing the arms over her shoulder Chaeyoung once again swayed to the song.

“There really wasn’t anything better like doing nothing with you Jen...but I can’t keep dancing with your ghost forever. So, when this song ends...I’ll let you go.”

When the song ended, Chaeyoung took the hoodie and the vinyl, made her way across to the city where Jennie was and placed the items on the ground.

“I love you. Goodbye.” Chaeyoung smiled genuinely, mirroring the gummy smile Jennie had in her photo.

~ ~ ~ ~

A/n: Here’s a little short something I wrote after my friends decided it was going to be one of those nights and play sad music while I’m trying to watch my shows in peace.

Hope you guys enjoy it and let me know what you think.