I can’t pinpoint it exactly. It just sort of evolved and now I’m stuck. It’s not like I mind or anything...it’s just difficult, to say the least. I mean to have someone so close but yet so far, cliche right? But it’s like every fanfic trope out there collaborated and turned my non-existent love life to every known overused cliche plot in this world. Let’s start with one, if not, the most common cliche: falling in love with your best friend.

 

Oh boy….where do I even or should I begin with this one? Well, to really understand let’s start from the beginning. It was the start of the fourth grade, and I had just moved schools from Australia...for the 3rd time. It’s like my parents wanted me to attend every known grade school in the world. You’d think with the amount of times I moved, I’d be a social butterfly...but nope. I was a total introverted extrovert, an ambivert if you will. I’m quiet and shy at first but just wait cause once we’re close, you’ll see the other me and be like who is this crazy person?

 

Anyways, where was I...oh that’s right fourth grade. Walking into class I had half expected to be isolated until spoken to, but to my luck I wasn’t the only new kid. It was there that we met. We didn’t really click right away it took awhile since again, I’m an ambivert and she...well she is definitely an extrovert with some, a very miniscule some, amount of introvertedness.

 

So yeah, fourth grade...and grade school in general was where we really began establishing our friendship. Thankfully, my parents decided that we were going to stay and so we became best friends. I know everything and anything about her and vice versa. But it was our senior year in high school, when I finally accepted the fact that I caught feelings for the one person I should not have caught feelings for, Jennie Kim, my best friend.

 

“Chaeng! You’re late.” Jennie huffed, grabbing me by my arm from my locker and dragging me to AP Physics.

 

“Remind me again why I took this class. I hated regular physics what more than AP.” I whined, trying to keep the butterflies in my stomach at bay.

 

“Because we’re asian Chaeng, do you think our asian parents gon let us not get out of this hell hole with a GPA less than a 4.0?” Jennie deadpanned.

 

“Touche.” I chuckled, “Good morning Lisa, Jisoo.” I greeted our other friends, Lalisa Manoban or Lisa as she likes to be called and Kim Jisoo who we met during Middle school when she transferred from Seoul.

 

“Morning~” Lisa smiled, while pinching my cheeks.

 

“Ah, please let go of my anatomy.” I pouted causing the two to chuckle.

 

“Anyways, I heard that there was a new girl in school. Seems like she transferred here from Seoul. Same year as us.” Lisa suddenly mentioned, super excited. Before we could react Mr. Monroe walked in with a new face right behind him.

 

The seat next to Jennie’s was unoccupied so the new girl sat with us.

 

As the semester progressed Im Nayeon, the new girl, became closer with us. She has a good personality and is really kind. She really clicked with us right away, I guess it helped that Jennie, Jisoo, and I are fluent in Korean. The only thing that I had trouble coping with was when Jennie told me about her secret.

 

“Chaeng you awake?” Jennie whispered as soon as I picked up my phone.

 

“No Jen, this is her subconscious answering, her body is still asleep.” I sarcastically replied, my voice a little hoarse since she decided to call me at 4 AM on a saturday...I repeat a freaking SATURDAY!

 

“Rosie…” Jennie trailed off, and I knew something was off.

 

“What’s wrong? Do you need me to come over?” I was fully awake now.

 

“No..I just..I don’t know. I’m...Chaeyoung-ah...I think that I’m in love.” Jennie confessed in such a tiny voice I thought that I was imagining it.

 

“Rosie? You still there?” She asked after a moment of silence, her confession caught me off guard. My heart started to pound so hard I thought that she could hear it over the phone. I was stunned speechless.

 

“Yeah Jen..I’m here and I..”

 

“With Nayeon.” She continued, right when I was about to lay it all out there. Thank God she did, because it would have made things awkward and I might have lost the most important person in my life after my family.

 

Jennie confessing that she was in love stunned me, her confessing she was in love with someone else broke my heart.

 

This brings in cliche plot numbers 2 and 3: One-sided love and Selflessly loving. I allowed myself to love Jennie from afar, to do anything I needed in order to keep that smile on her face; even if I was slowly dying inside. I guess this is why I got so good at hiding my emotions from everyone...well almost everyone.

 

“Aww Jen, you guys would be so cute together. Is this what’s keeping you up?” I cooed, trying to stop my voice from breaking, as tear after tear fell.

 

“Wait aren’t you like weirded out...I mean you know that…”

 

“Jennie Kim, you are my best friend, my wifey. I will forever support you in anything you do and anyone you love...unless that person hurts you than I have no problems throat punching him or her.” I sincerely replied, earning a chuckle from the girl on the other end of the line.

 

“Thanks Hubby...You..you don’t know how much that means to me. You’re the best you know that?”

 

“I’ll always be here for you Wifey, remember that okay?” I softly, whispered.

 

“I will...well I’ll let you get back to sleep. Let’s hangout this weekend okay?”

 

“Sure, anything for you. Sleep well.” I replied, before ending the call.

 

I couldn’t go back to sleep. I tossed and turned, but I couldn’t get rid of Jennie’s confession. So I allowed myself to cry, to let the pain out.

 

“You need to stop...please please stop.” I begged, while clutching my heart, “You need to stop loving her in a way that will never be returned. She will only ever see you as her friend, so stop.. Stop right now” I scolded myself, but I knew..I knew that I was already drowning. I dove right in without me even knowing, and now I’m drowning in my own love for her. But my heart refuses to swim up to the surface and escape from what I feel for her.

 

I don’t remember falling asleep.

 

“It’s already noon, mom and dad are wondering if you’re okay?” Alice, my sister, gently woke me with a worried tone.

 

“Oh Rosie what happened?” She asked, noticing my puffy eyes.

 

“Nothing...I just watched The Notebook last night.” I chuckled, trying to fight the pain.

 

“Jeez you worried me there. C’mon let’s have some lunch downstairs.”

 

After lunch I went back to my room to get some homework and studying done. Hoping that AP Physics can distract my emotional pain for a little bit.

 

By mid-afternoon I finished all my homework and I was actually upset, because now I’m back to the crushing realization of being heartbroken.

 

Thankfully my brooding couldn’t transpire into another bout of crying due to Lisa and Jisoo suddenly barging into my room.

 

“Chaeng Chaengie Chaeng Chaeng.” Lisa was extra skippy today, while I heard Jisoo chuckle besides her.

 

“What is it Lisa?” I mumbled, still wrapped in my blankets like a burrito.

 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Jisoo asked, while taking the spot next to me, trying to unwrap me from my blankets.

 

“Nothing, I just don’t feel like doing anything today.” I replied.

 

“You know Chaeng, Jennie may have known you the longest, but Lisa and I are also your best friends. I know you guys like the back of my hands. So, I know when you are hiding something or lying. Now tell me what’s wrong? Hmm?” Jisoo, gently said, while pulling me into her embrace.

 

“I like someone...but that person likes someone else.” I confessed, waiting for them to go crazy because I never told them about my personal crushes.

 

“Who does Jennie like?” Lisa calmly asked. I whipped my head up to look in Lisa’s direction then back at Jisoo who didn’t looked surprised at all. Was I that obvious? How does Lisa and Jisoo know? Does Jennie know too?! My thoughts were running and I guess it was obvious because a small chuckle escaped her lips.

 

“You're wondering if your that obvious, how we know, and if Jennie knows too am I right?” Lisa was spot on, I nodded.

 

“Well, first your not that obvious because Jennie or anyone else for that matter knows how you feel about a certain dumpling. And like Jisoo told you earlier, we know you guys like the back of our hands. Your a total softy and care for everyone, but when it comes to Jennie there’s just more. I don’t know how to explain it, how about you Chu?” Lisa turned over to Jisoo, who shrugged her shoulders and said, “I guess the simplest way to put it, is that when you look at Jen...it’s like all your worries in life disappear.”

 

“Yeah well...Jen...she likes someone else. She called me at like 4am and confessed it all out. So now I’m here wallowing in heartbreak, but it’s better this way. I don’t want to destroy our friendship.” I forced a smile while the two looked at me with sadness in her eyes.

 

“Oh Rosie...just promise me that you’ll talk to us okay? I don’t like it when your sad and gloomy.” Jisoo wrapped me in a tight hug, she’s a few months older than us and is the mom of the group.

 

I nodded my head in agreement, and Lisa beamed a smile, “Great, now go get ready I wanna go out and play.” Lisa pushed me out of bed.

 

Lisa, Jisoo, and I hung out for most of the day, they even insisted that we have a Disney movie marathon at my place.

 

The following morning we woke up to someone loudly clearing their throat.

 

“Ugh what?” We woke up eyes tired since we were up all night.

 

“What’s the meaning of this Park Chaeyoung, Kim Jisoo, Lalisa Manoban?” A familiar voice asked with a hint of anger in her tone.

 

“Jen is that you?” I sat up, eyes still closed.

 

“Yes it’s me, I told you we were going to hang out this weekend, but you guys had a sleepover without me.” Even with my eyes shut, I can tell that she’s pouting with her arms crossed.

 

“Sorry Jen it was super last minute we were hanging out yesterday and decided in the spur of it all. We totally forgot to text you and Nayeon.” Jisoo spoke up for me, while she stretched her arms up, trying to get rid of the sleep in her body.

 

“Fine just this once I’ll forgive you guys, but Chaeng has to help me with something important today.”

 

“What is it?”

 

“Why can’t we come?”

 

“Let me sleep some more.”

 

Lisa, Jisoo, and I spoke at the same time, earning a chuckle from Jennie.

 

“It’s strict Hubby Wifey stuff guys, maybe next time?” Jennie replied with a firm nod.

 

“Hmmmm nope. Let me come please Jen please please please please please.” Lisa kept begging, while Jennie just stared at me and Jisoo asking for help. I know why Lisa is so adamant about coming with us, and I appreciate her for it. But a part of me knows that in order for me to keep things the same with Jennie I need to either move on or pretend that I’m not head over heels in love with her.

 

“Lisa.” I spoke, and she looked at me with worried filled eyes and I just smiled, “next time okay? I promise.” I gave her a small nod to assure her that I’ll be fine.

 

“Hmmph, fine.” Lisa pouted, and rested her head on my shoulder, while holding my hand and giving it a gentle squeeze.

 

Jennie dragged us out of bed for breakfast at our usual breakfast spot.

 

“Are you sure your going to be fine?” Jisoo subtly pulled me back while we were walking back to Jennie’s car.

 

“I have to be. I don’t want to ruin things.” I answered with a smile.

 

“Chaeyoung….” Jisoo pulled me into a hug, “I’m just worried about you.”

 

“You make it sound like I’ll kill myself or something. Look, I’ve been in-love with her for a long time, plus you noticed my feelings for her so you know that this isn’t anything I’m not already used to.” I smiled pulling away from her hug.

 

“Okay...it’s just…”

 

“What’s going on with you guys?” Jennie suddenly turned around, looking at us with daggers in her eyes.

 

“What do you mean?? I asked.

 

“I just feel like there’s something I’m missing.” Jennie admitted, and I noticed the sadness in her eyes. The three of us looked at each other before smiling and running towards our little dumpling.

 

“Aww Jen don’t worry we’re not hiding anything from you. I promise.” I beamed, while squishing her between us in a group hug.

 

“Okay okay.” Jennie laughed, and I couldn’t help but laugh along.

 

After dropping Lisa and Jisoo off at their respective homes, Jennie and I watched a movie and ate a late lunch at our usual Korean restaurant. Before we went home she took me to our secret lookout.

 

Honestly, this entire day has been emotionally taxing. Before it was fine because Jennie didn’t have anyone she liked and all I had to do was hide my true feelings. But I didn’t realize how hard it was going to be to keep the pretense now that she’s in love with someone. I didn’t know how much it would hurt to see her talk about someone else with a twinkle in her eye and a slight blush on her face. A smile never left her face during our lunch, because all we talked about was Nayeon. My best friend is so deeply in love with her, that even if it hurts, even if it’s killing me on the inside, even if with each word my heart breaks more, I’ll still smile for her. I’ll still support her, I’ll still do anything to keep that expression on her face.

 

“You know how I told you about my feelings.” Jennie began while I tried to keep my emotions in check.

 

“Yeah.” I replied.

 

“Well, I was planning on telling her.”

 

“That’s great! OMG you two will be so cute.” I masked my pain with excitement. My poor heart, please hold on longer.

 

“Thanks Rosie, but I’m worried. I mean what if she doesn’t feel the same way and we become all awkward?” Jennie voiced her concern, leaning her head on my shoulder.

 

“Well...that’s just a risk your going to have to take. With the way you spoke about her earlier, I can tell that your..” I paused, feeling my voice about to crack, “ that your absolutely in-love with her. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you talk about someone like that, or seen you look so happy and in-love while talking about someone the way you did earlier. So shoot your shot Wifey. You never know, you might end up winning the game.” I whispered, while wrapping my arm around her.

 

“You know, for someone that’s never been in-love before, you sure do give great relationship advice.” Jennie chuckled, lifting her head up to look me in the eye, but I quickly turned towards the view of the city.

 

“Yeah well I guess since I’m on the outside it’s easier for me to see the obvious.” I closed my eyes tightly, before I turned and looked her in the eyes.

 

“Hubby...what’s wrong?” Jennie, wiped a stray tear from my eye. Damn my tear ducts for betraying me.

 

“Nothing, I guess I’m a little emotional because my Wifey is all grown up now. Soon you’ll have a real Hubby.” I forced a laugh, but Jennie kept her eyes on me.

 

“You know, you were never a good liar.”

 

Oh Jen Jen Jen, if only you knew.

 

“I’m fine. I promise, you know I’m a cry baby.” I squished her cheeks between my palms.

 

“Alright, I won’t push it...but if something is wrong promise me you’ll talk to me. Okay?” Jennie said, with her pinky up.

 

“Okay I pinky promise.” We locked our pinkies and the smile re Jennie’s face as she talked about when and how she was going to confess.

 

Months flew by, Jennie told Lisa and Jisoo about her feelings for Nayeon. The two were sincerely happy for her, but they also came to my house that night and cried. Both were torn between being happy for Jennie and trying to be there for me. I told them that we should be happy for Jennie, because Nayeon makes our friend happy. They nodded and hugged me tightly.

 

Senior year was coming to an end and Jennie still hasn’t confessed. To me, Lisa, and Jisoo it was obvious that Nayeon also harbored feelings for Jennie for a while now, but Jennie was terrified to confess. Finally, Jennie told us that she was going to do it after graduation.

 

“This is it Jen you ready?” Lisa asked and Jennie nodded her head nervously. Graduation just ended, and Jennie was about to confess.

 

“Don’t worry Jendeukie she’ll say yes.” Jisoo gave her a knowing nod.

 

“You got this Wifey, I’m sure she’ll say yes.” I whispered while I hugged her tightly. Letting go, I turned her around and pushed her towards the girl that stole her heart, “ Now go get your girl.” I felt my fingers tingle after her warmth left my fingertips. I knew right there and then, I lost my chance.

 

2 years later we’re all at NYU. Jennie and Nayeon are still going strong. While I’m still single and very much still in-love with her. Don’t get me wrong, I tried to get over her. I even went on a few dates, but nothing serious ever happened. I guess this is my destiny. I am destined to be in-love with someone that will never love me back.

 

“Ugh” I groaned in frustration, laying my head on the cafe’s table. Currently, frustrated at myself for musing about Jennie again and this project that’s due for my music composing class.

 

“Woah is you good Chipmunk?” Lisa was surprised at my outburst, and I just looked up at her and pouted, “At this point, I don’t know.”

 

“I think your over thinking this. Your a great composer Chaeyoung, just listen to your heart.” Lisa patted my head.

 

“Bold of you to assume that I still have a functional heart that’s not completely shattered.” I sighed.

 

“Jeez Chaeng, I honestly don’t know how your able to act like you aren’t dying on the inside everytime you see them together.” Lisa shook her head disapprovingly.

 

“Yeah well here I am.” I chuckled, and Lisa flicked my forehead.

 

“Ow that hurt.” I pouted.

 

“It should you idiot, anyways I have to go I promised Jisoo we’d hang out today.” Lisa said getting her things together.

 

“Okay, have fun on your date.” I , and she again flicked my forehead.

 

“Ah that’s two now!” I whined, rubbing my forehead.

 

“It’s not a date.” Lisa hissed and I rolled my eyes.

 

“Okay if you say so, but word of advice Lis...you should tell Jisoo before you lose her.” I smiled.

 

“I..I...I’ll think about it okay?” Lisa patted my head before literally skipping out of the cafe.

 

Why can’t those two just tell each other how they feel already, they already act like a damn couple.

 

Sighing for the nth time today, I decided that it was time to leave the cafe. I obviously wasn’t in the mood to write and Jennie wasn’t answering my call. On my way out, I accidentally ran into someone.

 

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry I wasn’t paying any attention.” I apologized, bending down to help grab her stuff.

 

“Hey, it’s fine no worries. I wasn’t paying attention too, so I guess we’re both at fault.” The girl smiled.

 

“Anyways, here you go.I’m sorry again.” I apologized, ready to run off when the girl caught my wrist, “Wait, uhm at least let me treat you to a coffee or a snack as an apology.” She smiled and I laughed.

 

“Uhm shouldn’t I be the one asking that?” I retorted, which caused her smile to get wider.

 

“Well it didn’t look like you were, so I thought I’d shoot my shot. I’m Joy by the way and you are?”

 

“I’m Roseanne, but my friends usually call me Chaeyoung, Chaeng, or Rosie.”

 

“So do you want to have coffee?” Joy asked and I found myself agreeing.

 

Joy and I got close real quick, we weren’t dating per se; however, we were spending a lot of time together.

 

“Why don’t you just ask her to be your Wifey already?” Jisoo asked, while Lisa leaned her head on the latter’s shoulder. If you’re wondering, yes the two are now together Lisa confessed the day I met Joy. Per Jisoo, Lisa was a stuttering mess and her confession was all over the place but she got the gist of it.

 

“I’m her wifey” Jennie deadpanned. You see, Jennie usually spends her free time with Nayeon, so I didn’t get a chance to tell her about Joy. Plus, I’m not sure how I feel about Joy. Is it romantic or just a friend?

 

“Nope you don’t count anymore Jendeuk.”

 

“Excuse me, Rosie will always be my Hubby. Just mine, no one else’s.” Jennie, clung onto my arm. Ah here goes my heart again.

 

“Nu-uh Jen, Nayeon is your hubs. Rosie here has a new wifey.” Lisa teased, and I felt Jennie’s grip on my arm tightened.

 

“Yeah an extra hot one at that.” Jisoo smirked, and Lisa slapped her shoulder.

 

“What? C’mon it’s true. You can’t deny that.” Jisoo looked at her girlfriend.

 

“Ugh I hate that your right, she is hot Chaeng.” Lisa agreed.

 

“Who are you guys talking about?” Jennie was obviously starting to get pissed.

 

“Wait Chaeng didn’t tell you?” Lisa looked at me then at Jennie.

 

“I..I haven’t had the chance.” I admitted in a small voice, and I felt Jennie move away from me.

 

“Okay well now’s your chance.” Jennie crossed her arms, eyebrow raised.

 

“Her name is Joy Park or Park Sooyoung. She’s in the theatre department and yeah...we’re just friends.”

 

“Yeah friends who happen to spend every possible minute together.” Jisoo smirked, and I swear Jennie rolled her eyes.

 

“Seriously and are extra clingy with each other. I mean I’m pretty clingy with my baby Jichu but like you two are suppperrrr clingly and y’all aren’t even dating yet!” Lisa chimed in next and I felt my ears burn from embarrassment.

 

“We’re not clingy.” I denied, and the two idiots just dug my grave deeper, “Yeah well look at this.” Lisa showed me and Jennie a video on her phone. It was me on the piano finishing up my song I was writing for class. Joy was next to me and I had my arm wrapped around her while I played and sang.

 

Watching the video, I felt the temperature in the room decrease and the hairs on the back of my neck stand. I looked to my right and saw Jennie intently watching the video, her face darkening.

 

“Lisa when did you even get this?” I reached for her phone, but she was quick to take it back.

 

“We were looking for you and we just so happened to stumble upon this cute scene. I thought Jen would be the only person that you’d allow to sit with you while you played guess not. I mean you don’t even wrap an arm around Jen like that when you played.”

 

“Excuse me, I have to go. I forgot I had a paper to write.” Jennie suddenly stood from the couch and practically sprinted into her room.

 

“What’s her problem?” I asked looking at the two who had a mischievous smirk on their faces.

 

“Dunno, why don’t you ask her?” Jisoo shrugged her shoulders, nodding I got up and followed after Jennie.

 

“Jen, can I come in?” I knocked twice, before popping my head through the door. A silent hum was her response and I let myself in, taking a seat on her bed while she sat on her desk in front of her laptop.

 

We sat in silence for a bit, before I finally got the courage to ask her what’s wrong, “Hey what’s going on?” I asked, bending down slightly to wrap my arms around her in a back hug.

 

“Nothing. I’m fine.” Jennie shook her head, turning around. I loosen my hold on her and sat back down on the edge of her bed so we can talk properly.

 

“I’m your best friend Jen, I know when something is wrong. So c’mon talk to me.” I softly placed my hand on top of hers, gently squeezing to assure her that I’m here.

 

“Hubby….”Jennie started to tear up and I was instantly worried. What or who could have made her cry.

 

“Oh Jen, what’s going on? Tell me?” I ask wiping her tears, but she just shook her head and practically tackled me in a hug.

 

“Okay there is something going on with you. What’s wrong hmm?” I her hair, letting her cry in my arms, sitting us up on her bed.

 

If there is anything I hate more than avocados on this planet it would be seeing Jennie cry.

 

“I just...I’m just..I don’t know, I guess I’m just not used to it.” She admitted, I gulped when she snuggled closer to me. My heart racing, I wonder if she can hear how loud it’s pounding against my chest.

 

“Not used to what?” I asked, after composing myself.

 

“You being close with someone else that’s not me, or Lisa, or Jisoo.” She pouted and it looked so adorable I almost kissed her.

 

“I’m not close with anyone but you guys. Remember ride or die, besties forever.” I smiled.

 

“Then what about that Joy girl?” She rolled her eyes.

 

“Hmm I guess we are close, but it’s not like we’re…”

 

“See you just admitted it, your close. And you let her sit with you on the piano and you sing to her. Your practically dating.” Jennie interrupted me, fuming. I was confused by her outburst that’s for sure.

 

“You know that I’ve dated before and I’ve sung in public before too. Why is it different now?” I asked.

 

“You went on dates, not dated seriously and singing in public is different from singing to just one person.” She argued, and I sighed. I really don’t understand this sudden change in her.

 

“Okay, but I still don’t under…” but I was interrupted by the ringing of my phone. It was Joy, I smiled. I was gonna reject the call, but Jennie quickly left the room, before I could get another word out.

 

“What’s happening to us?” I whispered while answering my phone, “Joy~~ hey.”

 

 

 

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A/N: Hope y'all enjoy.