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Chapter 16

  My feet led me to the rooftop of the school. Can't say i'm surprised. This place somehow became my safe haven in this hell prison. The place where I can find comfort in, with its open space and view. Here, I feel like I can breath and let go. 

  Being a person filled with secrets, I have moments when I just want to be free. Certain times when I feel suffocated by my own secrets. Staying in an enclosed building with high, towering cemented walls, such as Sekang High, makes it worse. 

  No. I'm not Claustrophobic. Though, I do have an actual mental disorder. My times at that Mental Facility wasn't just for show. My disorder, however, wasn't related to anger or behavioral issues. What I needed was a therapist. But my father decided to take a step too far. He finally got a reason to have me taken away. That didn't last long, to his dismay. 

  After making sure that there was no one around, I slumped down on the nearest bench and tried to steady my breathing. The panic attack was starting to catch up to me. By now, my body was shaking greatly. I can feel the familiar pain and heaviness in my chest come back. I'm positive that i'm drenched with sweat. Firmly closing my eyes, I tried to calm myself down. 

  Unluckily for me, I have PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder), a mental health disorder I had acquired when I was young. At 7 years old, I think. It used to be severe at one point, having frequent panic attacks at least twice a week. Though, as I aged, it gradually decreased. Became as uncommon as at least twice a year. Given that there would still be mild attacks here and there but not that severe to be noted as an actual panic attack; just hard time breathing and some chest pain. 

  As to how I got PTSD.. It has something to do with the accident that occured in Damyang. The very reason why I can't bring myself to go back there. It's not just because of the fear of having my most painful memories resurface. It's because i'm scared.. What if I suddenly get a panic attack? Or worse, a flashback? With my classmates being there, I can't begin to imagine how I'll be able to get out of that situation without having my secrets revealed.

  It would be best if I don't go.. Right? 

  As i tried to work on my breathing, I can already feel that this was going to be different from the other panic attacks I had in the past. Despite different, it's not entirely unfamiliar. 

 Great.. A flashback.. 

  As I realized it too late, there was no way I could get out of it. Black spots started to decorate my vision, my head started hurting. I laid down on the bench, preparing myself for the worst. That's when the flashback started..

  "I received your report card today, boy." The 13 year old Sungjae shrugged, shifting his weight from one foot to another. He was inside his father's study, just judging by the gray and dull design with shelves filled with books towering on each side of the room. His father was seated behind the large expensive mahogany table while he was forced to stand uncomfortably in front of it. 

  "Ok." Was the kid's short reply. He wanted to get the conversation over with. He didn't really liked to be alone in the same room with his father. Especially in his study. 

  "What do you have to say for yourself?" The middle aged man said, clenching his jaw. Sungjae can see him firmly clutching his pen. Clearly, he didn't liked the numbers he saw printed on his report card. 

  "I tried my best." The kid declared, though he sounded nonchalant. That ticked the man off. He stood from his chair and slammed the table. Hard. The sound made the boy flinch. 

  "YOUR BEST?! ARE YOU THAT STUPID, SUNGJAE?! YOU FAILED THREE OF YOUR SUBJECTS! THE ONES YOU DIDN'T, YOU GOT BARELY PASSING GRADES! HOW CAN THAT BE YOUR BEST?!" He stared down at his son, clear anger in his features. The boy flinched but refused to back down. He was scared but he needs to fight back. 

  "Apparently, that's the best I can do. I'll try even harder next time but i'm sure it wouldn't provide any better results."  The man rubbed his temple, feeling an incoming migraine. <