I’m doomed. I’m devastated.

The moment I saw her tiny figure outside the window, staring at me with her hurtful eyes, I felt like the biggest bastard and tiest man ever alive. I broke her heart. I put her in pain.

I pulled my hair for the umpteenth time already. She needs to hear me first. She needs to know the truth. She has to. But, I don’t know where she is right now. I’ve called Tiffany and asked her whereabouts. She didn’t know as well and instead asked me what happened. I promised her an explanation later because I need to find her first, so I asked her to help to find her.

I’ve visited her house but no one is inside, not even her parent. I went to our office already and there is no presence of her. I called Yoona too, asking if she’s with her or not but the answer is the same. She didn’t know and just like Tiffany, she asked me what happened. And like what I said to Tiffany, I promised her an explanation later. I even called my cousins, asking them whether Taeyeon might contact them but of course no.

And yes of course, I called her ‘till I’ve lost count on it. At first, it’s still connected but she didn’t answer it. After some calls, it’s no longer connected. It might be she turned it off or she threw her card away and change it into a new one.

I decided to ask Kai to track her number because he has a friend who’s capable of doing so. He found it, but the location itself stated it’s somewhere in a street near here. Of course I’ve checked there and found nothing. Thus it indicates she has changed her number and thrown the old one away.

“Whatever happened between you two, you must fix it. I’ll try to ask my friend to find her too. I got some connection, you know. Be strong,” is all what Suho hyung said to me before he ended the call. I pulled my car into a stop near the park we visited before. The place where I told her my feeling. The place where she accepted me. The place where our beautiful days began.

I leaned back on to my chair. Where are you, Taeyeon? Seriously, this is suffocating. I just want to surprise her with my plan. But somehow, Hyemi successfully twisted it. Now I don’t even know what kind of person I am right now. I hurt Hyemi too.

“What is that for, Hyemi!?” I pulled back from her sudden kiss. I’m so mad. This is not her, the Hyemi I know should never act like this.

“I…like you oppa,” she said quietly.

“But I’m already taken, and I have no plan of leaving the girl I’m in love in the moment,” I said as I raised my tone a bit. Instead of replying me, she just glanced at her side. I followed her gaze and that’s when I saw the biggest fear of my life. Seeing Taeyeon, outside the window, staring at me. She looked hurt. And I can’t think of anything. I watched her statue figure. Her eyes piercing right into me, and I can see sadness on it.

I snatched my hand away from Hyemi’s grasp and immediately run outside to meet her. When I was outside, she’s already in the taxi. But I don’t want to lose her, so I tried to catch up with it. But of course, I failed. The taxi went away faster than me, leaving me behind. I hurt her… I ing hurt her.

“Oppa…” suddenly a hand tapped my shoulder. I looked at the person and immediately snatch her hand away.

“Don’t touch me,” I said coldly.

“What did you see from her that you can’t see from me?” she asked. Her voice is so small and she looked sad.

“A lot of beautiful and good thing that I never find on you. And most importantly, she never put me in such trap like this,” I snarled at her. A single tear escaped her eye.

“Don’t cry,” I coldly said. After all, she’s the dongsaeng I am close to since our childhood days. She’s that kind and sweet Hyemi that always bring laughter to us. But now, she’s different. And I don’t know how to react. I sighed and gave her my handkerchief. She glanced up at me and I met her wet eyes.

“You are…not the Hyemi I know. The Hyemi I know is a kind girl with beautiful smile, a girl who loves to joke and bring us laughter. But you now…are different. I don’t like it… I’m sorry but I had to leave. Goodbye,” I said as I left her alone.

I closed my eyes. Who should I call right now? Where to find her? What to do? I feel so disgusted towards myself.

Suddenly, my phone rang. It’s a call from Yuri.

“Yes…” I answered it weakly.

“What happened?” her voice sounded stern.

“I know you are going to blame me and yes I am so ed up right now. But please you need to hear me first. And I need her to hear me too,” I said.

“Then spill it,” she simply said. And I did. I told her everything. My plan to surprise her, Hyemi who asked me to have dinner first and my father who asked me to accompany her first when I tried to reject her offer. I told her about what happened at the restaurant too and what I did to find her.

“And you didn’t call me?” she said.

“If she’s with you right now, I’m sure she will cry her eyes out and you, being yourself will immediately call me and holler at me like there is no tomorrow,” I replied sarcastically.

“Tch, I thought you don’t know me,” she said. I didn’t reply.

“But still, you hurt her even when you didn’t intend to do so,” she said.

“I know…I feel like the world’s greatest bastard right now,” I let out a frustrated sigh. I can feel tears b on my eyes.

“I don’t know where she is. Good thing that I’m not there with you or else I will punch you without trying to hear your explanation. Thanks to Tiffany who told me to call you and hear whatever you are going to say,” she said. Still, I didn’t utter any single word. Long silent engulfed our conversation.

“I’m honestly afraid. It’s night already and we still didn’t know her whereabouts. I’m scared if—“ she choked on her words. And that’s when my tears finally found it’s way down to my cheek. I glanced at the watch. It’s late already, and hell I’m scared as well. I shut my eyes, trying to ignore all the worst scenario inside my head.

“You…better find her as soon as possible. I don’t want to think negatively. Find her or I’ll kick your mercilessly,” she said.

“Yeah…” I said. I feel so weak.

“She’s my best friend, Baekhyun. She’s my sister. Just…make sure you’ll find her,” she said. I can still hear her sobs in between her words.

“I will. I’m sorry,” is all I said. Then she ended the call. I pulled my hair again. God, it hurts. I want to meet her, I want to hug her and tell her everything. She needs to know the truth. But God, please. At least, wherever she is right now, let her be fine.

---

Until the next day, I still have no information about her. She didn’t come to work. I can’t even concentrate on my work. I called all of her friends but no, there is no result. Suho hyung and Kyungsoo came to my room to comfort me a little. Suho hyung said he even asked police to find her. Yuri came too. She even slapped my face first.

“That’s…for breaking my best friend’s heart,” and I fully accepted it. I didn’t even mad at her. I felt too weak either to talk back. But, she also gave me a quick hug, which I found surprising.

“That’s…to give you some strength to find her. And you must,” she said before she left the room.

Suddenly, I heard a knock.

“Come in,” I said weakly. The door opened, revealing Tiffany who marched towards me with papers on her hand.

“I suddenly remember something,” she said. Her voice sounded panic. And I felt myself squirmed at her saying. She gave me the papers and I read through it. Training?

“What is this?” I asked her.

“Taeyeon…she got offered for training in America. The departure is today. I’m sorry that I just remember this. And I…seriously don’t know whether she’s going or not. She wanted to tell you before but she didn’t want to disturb you either. Besides, she seemed like she is not going to take it since she didn’t want to leave you and her job here but I don’t know now. What to do—“ she told me while crying.

A wave of insecurities spread across my body. No. No. She wouldn’t leave me right? , no, not America. That’s so far. I immediately contact Suho hyung and asked him to come to my room. Minutes later, he’s already inside.

“Hyung please help me, please I need you to give me a number or anything to contact the organizer of this thing,” I said as I gave him the papers.

“Ok, I’ll try. And Baekhyun, eat something. You look pale and mess,” he said before leaving my room.

“Yuri had told me everything,” suddenly Tiffany spoke. I sighed as I closed my eyes. We are both are standing oppositely.

“I don’t blame you. Well it’s some kind of misunderstanding after all,” she silently said.

“I really want to explain everything to her. I want her to know the real truth,” I said. My voice sounded so different.

“You will meet her. I will help you, whatever happened, you must clarify everything,” she said as she rubs her temples. We’re both the same, worried over her. And I felt so weak right now, like all energy were up from me. And it seems like so did she.

“Baekhyun!” suddenly Suho hyung barged into my room. “I got the number,” he said. I immediately walk to my desk and dialed the number he gave from the telephone. Tiffany followed next to me.

Minutes later, I got connected with them. I told them that I need to know if Taeyeon is joining the training. At first, they reject me but then I told them that it’s an emergency and they finally agreed upon sharing some information about her.

“It’s written here that she did apply for the trip. But I can’t tell you any more information. Sorry,” the girl said.

“How about the place she will stay? Can you please tell me?” I asked her again.

“Sorry sir, we have no authority to tell you the information,”

“Ok then when will be the departure?” I asked. I’m afraid, of hearing the answer I never want to hear.

“Sorry sir, but it has departed from an hour ago,” she said. And that’s when the world fall crashing down on me. Suddenly, I forget how to breathe. I ended the call and sit weakly on my chair.

“I lost her…” I said as tears rolled down my cheeks.

“What do you mean?” Tiffany sounded panic.

“She’s gone. She left me,” I said. Suho hyung just patted my back while I can hear Tiffany’s sobs. I shut my eyes. It’s bad. Really bad.

And even worse, I lost her.