At first glance, I’m a type of girl that you would fail to notice and wouldn’t bother to spare a second look for. 

There isn’t anything special about me, I can admit that about myself. 

I have average looks, I do okay in school, and my personality doesn’t make me striking either. I’m one of the students who observe rather than take part. I didn’t like getting into trouble or make my sisters worry about me. I prefer to stay out of people’s ways and take care of my own business…well, unless it came to Sanghee because there isn’t much I can do other than into her life every once in a while –  I could never leave her totally alone. Though, I do think it’s because it’ll somehow cause trouble for me later on if I allowed her to continue her worrisome ways.

I didn’t really date…scratch that, I don’t date at all. It wasn’t like there were opportunities to – no one has ever really caught my eye. I never looked at someone and felt my heart beat fast or out of rhythm. I didn’t have someone that consumed my mind, where my only thoughts were thoughts of them. I just never had that tingling feeling towards anyone before.

I am a type of someone who wanted to worry about things worth worrying about and I am someone who wanted to deal with things that were worth the time. One of the things that was definitely not worth my time was love.

Love was the word my best friend, Sanghee, mentioned. It was also something I have heard my sisters, Jiyoon and Jimin talk about before, and it was also the main topic among my female classmates.

But, what was so great about it?

Love was never included in the equation of my life. Maybe it was the fact that stories of tragic love were the only stories I heard.

It was like purposefully making yourself vulnerable to all kinds of painful things. I have seen my best friend cry, I have seen my sisters cry, and I have seen classmates cry. And those tears were always shed over what their boyfriends or girlfriends did to hurt them or over the unfortunate end of their relationships.

After seeing all that, did I want to get on the same train set to go towards the same horrific destination? Of course not.

Those were subtle warnings that I was happy to take into consideration.

So honestly, there was absolutely nothing great about love.

And after that fateful meeting with two people, it seems that theory of mine has only been proven more strongly. I didn’t ask to be thrown into this mess. I just wanted to go through school without much trouble. And if I could be honest, it wasn’t too much to ask. 

It was like God misheard my desire and mistook it for the opposite. That day, I should have just minded my own business like how I always told myself I liked to do. I didn’t have to stop, I didn’t have to say anything, and thinking about it now, I think I could have lived with the guilt and left the situation alone.

It wasn’t like the kid was going to die. He would have some bumps and cuts but he’ll live, so why did I have to do anything?

***

“Unnie, I’m on my way home.” I spoke through the phone. The single plastic bag dangled from my hand and would occasionally hit the side of my knee as I walked. “I do have it.” I looked down at the small box of green mochi ice cream I got from the convenience store just moments before. 

The sun had already set and she was rushing me to get home. I don’t know what for, it wasn’t like my legs could move any faster and she was the reason why I was out here to begin with – all because she happened to crave this Japanese dessert that I needed to drop everything to go out to get. 

“Give me five minutes.” What would happen in those specific five minutes, right? I shut off the phone and slipped it into the pocket of my dark navy sweatshirt.

Well, lots of things can happen.

The streets were empty with the exception of some cars driving by but everyone was already pretty much in the comfort of their own homes. Somewhere I also wanted to be. One by one, the street lamps lit up down the sidewalk. It wasn’t ideal to be out at this time since this part of the neighborhood is known to be a little rough but I was only five minutes away from home if I speed walked.

I’m not exactly a coward b