It is half past ten in the night but everyone in the house has went to bed. Pie glances to her right side, Alice has already drifted to her dreamland. Pie keeps forcing herself to sleep but she can’t. Her head was flooded with thoughts that bothering her mind. Tomorrow morning is the day. The day of Kim and Yam’s wedding. Tears come to her eyes whenever she thinks about it. Her heart feels like it is caving in because the pain and hurt are too much  for her to bear. She sits on the bed in the dimly illuminated bedroom with her diaries.

Well, they are not a really diaries. They are actually papers that she compiled into books but Pie assumed that to be her diaries. There are five of them. Pie started to write her diaries when she dates Kim. It was five years ago starting from 2010.

Pie flips the pages of her diaries. All she can see are characters cells that contain tiny palpable bumps called raised dots. It is a tactile writing system used by the blind and visually impaired people. Out of five diaries, four was written in braille while the 2014 diary was written in half braille and the rest is Pie’s handwriting. That was because Pie has restored her sight.

Pie picks the 2014 diary and she flips the pages. She doesn’t sure whether she still can read them but she closes her eyes and brings her finger tips to touch the dots.

11th January 2014

Today I woke up early. Kim took me for a date. Our SATURDATE! I know Kim didn’t really agree to go to the Art Gallery with me but he still took me there. That’s my boy. As you know,I am surely can’t see the paintings in the exhibition. Kim is the one who depicted the paintings for me and I’m so grateful that he never got tired of describing stuffs to me. I wish I can see the painting of seascape of Hawaii by myself. By hearing the way Kim depicted the scenery, I can feel that the painting is the most beautiful painting in the exhibition.

We went to the mall as I requested to Kim. He took me to my favorite food court. We usually had our lunch there whenever we come to the mall. I really love it when Kim spoiled me like I am his little girl. It is always wonderful to be loved moreover  to be loved by the man that I love. Okay,I don’t want to start it or else,I am going to be so cheesy here. When we ate our lunch, I can feel that people’s eyes were all on us. We ate like a little children, teasing each other and laughed like no one would notice us. I have always wish that this moment won’t stop here. I felt so close with Kim and I don’t want it to be over.

There come the part which I don’t really like when I went out with Kim. He insisted to get something for us. I know he will buy stuff for me and I don’t want to trouble him. I don’t really care about those stuffs or gifts. All I need is his time with me but I know I can’t do nothing when he finally dragged me to follow him. Kim bought a few shirts for his working attire. He thought I can’t hear what he mumbled to his self when I asked him to change one of his choice. I heard it. “I’m not a little baby to get rashes.”  Hahaha..He is so cute. Then he bought me a blouse. Kim said it suited me really well. Oh Kim, I can’t see it either.

The best part of today’s date was at the park. Kim told me his childhood story. Well, he rarely talked about his personal life to me but today he did. I learnt that Kim used to had a crush with a girl of his neighbourhood. The funny part was when Kim didn’t know how to count the numbers properly. I wonder how that could be but all I know, my Kim is a smart and wise guy. He doesn’t seem like a dumb boy after all. What caught my attention was the reason on why Kim hated Maths. Let me try. I think I still remember what he told me this evening.

“Maths tells us three of the most saddest love stories. First, tangent lines. One chance to meet and then parted forever. Second, parallel lines. Never meant to meet each other. And lastly Asymptotes. Gets closer and closer but never ends up together.”

I said to him that they were the utmost ridiculous reasons to hate Maths but when he guided me to draw the lines, I think his reasons were accepted. It was kind of sadist story though. But still, don’t copy Kim’s thinking. I think he is way too genius to have that kind of imaginations. All I can say for today’s date is, I am so happy to have a great time with Kim. My Kim, my prince and my guiding light through my dark world.

“Kim, I miss you.” Reminiscing the memories makes Pie smile. It feels like it was just  happening yesterday. The moment when they still happy together. She filps the other random pages and stop at one selected page. She touches it to continue her reading.

15th January 2014

Kim surprised me today. He brought a car to fetch me. I felt like I want to cry when he told me that I will never get drenched to my skin whenever it’s raining. I don’t know that Kim took my complaint seriously. What a thoughtful boyfriend I have. God, thank you for sending Kim in my life. I don’t know what will happen to me if it is not Kim who be my companion right now.

 I’m so curious how did he manage to buy a car when he is just a despatch boy but Kim told me that he borrowed his Papa’s car. Hmm..How would I say this. In my knowledge, Kim’s Papa is so stingy. How come he would lend his car to Kim? Then Kim told me that he used to tell  his Papa, he will use this car to bring his future daughter in law. That’s me! Silly Kim! He made me blushed.

Oh Diary, do you want to know what did I do today? I KISSED KIM ON HIS LIPS. Oh, I felt shy..I don’t know what to do to thank him and my mind is so naughty. When Kim wanted to help me with my seatbelt, I pulled his head and kissed him. Oh my God! This is the first time we kiss you know! I felt butterflies rise up in my stomach. His lips are so soft and also sweet too. What’s more? I wish I can smooch his lips even more. Oh No – No – No! I have to stop here. Go away my ert thinking!

Pie opens her eyes slowly and without her notice, she bites her lower lips. She can  feel the sweetness of their first kiss. It’s warm, it’s wonderful and it will remain in her heart forever. Pie proceeds to flip the next random pages.

20th January 2014.

            Oh, I feel so lazy to do anything today but I have a good news! Kim got a rise in her position. No more Kim the despatch boy! Kim will be a supervisor. Yeay! Hmm..But Kim will get busier after this. He needs to handle a million worth project. I am sure we will have less time together but as her girlfriend I need to stand by Kim, support him no matter what and always be there for him whenever he needs me.Yes! I am Pie, Kim’s girlfriend and I’m so proud to be his girl. As I said earlier,I am so lazy today. So, good night, Mr.Diary.

Well it was absolutely short things that Pie has ever written. She chooses another  pages.

26th January 2014

            I met a new friend today. She is Yam. Yam is Fern’s bestfriend since they studied together in Canada. How I’m going to describe Yam to you Mr.Diary? My senses and instinct told me that Yam is a beautiful lady. I can tell that by hearing her voice. It’s so soft and polite. I wonder how she really looks like. Mr.Diary, do you know? She even offered to drive me home because Kim can’t do so. Awww.. She is so kind. I think I like her and I want be friend with Yam. Urmm..One things that surprises me is she has no boyfriend and she sounded sad when we talk about love life. Ah, never mind. I know many right guys deserve to be with her. The right time will come. But..but..but..Oh I forgot one thing. Yam used to had a relationship with a girl. A GIRL you know. A GIRL. Oh my God! I don’t know that this beautiful and wise woman could be unstraight. Haiih..Mr.Diary, could you explain that to me? How could this kind of relationship even exist in our society? I think I should ask Alice tomorrow. Good night.

“If and only if I knew this from the start..” Pie sighs after she finished reading that. Yeah, that was the first time she met Yam. A kind hearted Yam, beautiful and polite. Back then Pie never had any suspicious towards Yam even if Pie knew Yam was once had a relationship with the same gender. She always consider Yam as her friends too but look now, tomorrow, this lady will marry her Kim. Yam will get married with Kim. The one that once had a relationship with Yam is Kim. The truth that hurts her so much. Pie shakes her head to yank away the thought. It’s too hurt. She continues to turn the pages.

1st February 2014

            I spent the whole day at Kim’s place today because it’s weekend! Kim baked me a chocolate cake, my favorite. Actually, I love every cake that Kim baked but Kim’s chocolate cake is super delicous you know. You can’t find it at bakery shop. None! For me, Kim is SUPER man.  He can do everything superbly from men’s stuffs to women’s stuffs. How lucky I am to have Kim. Ahh, I even  told him about Yam and he was glad that I am able to make friends with other people. And...of course I told him about Yam once had a relationship with the same gender but Kim seemed indifferent. Why Kim doesn’t shock with it?  We did talk about this matter and I even voiced out my opinion about TOM to him. What Kim expected me to answer him? Of course that kind of things gave me a goosebump. Doesn’t it feel weird when a girl wanted to be a guy or a guy wanted to be a girl? I told him that it was DISGUSTING.

Pie stops her finger tips from touching the braille dots. Hot tears streaming down her face. She just realized it. Did her words hurt Kim that time?

“Kim, I