--Yerin's POV--

I took a deep breathe as I hold the doorknob of Jonghyun's hospital room. I needed to gather my strength first and prepare myself before I enter and see him unconsciously lying on the hospital bed.

It's been two days since the accident but still, it kills me to see him on that state. He still haven't woken up yet but the doctor said it's just because of the medicine that was injected to him and he's fine now.

I held on the doorknob tight and slowly twisted it. Sodam unni and their mother immediately got up from the couch when I walked in. I bowed to greet them and placed the basket of fruits that I brought, beside Jonghyun's bed.

“Yerin, you came early.”, his mother said.

“I want to stay here longer, umma.”, I said as I sat on the chair beside the hospital bed.

“Yerin, is it okay if we'll leave you here for a while? We'll just go home and get some things.”, Unni said.

I looked at her and smiled a bit. She looks stressed too because she's the one taking care of Jonghyun when I'm away though she still has to work.

“It's okay unni. You could rest. I'll stay here with him”, I said.

“Thanks Yerin. I also needed to check the company. Don't worry, I'll go back soon.”, she turned to her mother. “Umma, let's go. You should rest too.”

Instead of heading out, umma stood behind me and my hair while I'm staring at Jonghyun. Unni went out of the room first so we could talk.

“Yerin, thank you very much for staying with my son.”, umma said.

“That's all I can do for him right now.”, I bowed my head as I held Jonghyun's hand tighter.

She bent a bit and hugged me from behind. “Don't worry too much. The doctor said he's now out of danger. He'll be fine soon. He'll wake up, I know he would.”

“Yes he will. And I'll make sure by that time, I'll be here.”, I sniffed, holding the tears that is about to fall again.

Umma whispered another 'thank you' before standing up and walking out of the room. The room became so quiet and all I can hear are the machine and Jonghyun's slight breathing.

“Jonghyun...”, I softly called him.

As what everybody believes, though one is unconscious, he could still hear what's being told to him so I would always talk to him.

“It's been two days but why are you still lying there? Don't you think you're sleeping too much?”, I forced a little smile but instead, tears that I've been holding earlier continuously flowed down my cheeks.

I don't know why my eyes don't get tired of crying. I don't have any idea either where else does my body gets liquid for my tears, it never dries out.

“You're still going to scold me because I lied, remember? And by that time, I won't answer back anymore, I'll take all your words and when you have finished talking, I'm going to hug you so tight and apologize non stop. You like a lot of skinship, right?”, I chuckled in between tears.

I kept on squeezing and massaging his hand, hoping that it could help him gain back his consciousness, but still, no signs that he's waking up. The sight of him lying on his bed without any movement, with an oxygen machine connected to him and bruises all over his body, it makes me extremely weak but as what unni said, I needed to be strong for him. I know he wouldn't want a stressed-looking girlfriend when he woke up.

“Yeobo... wake up soon, okay? I promise that you'll see me when you wake up... I'll just be here.”

-------------------

I ordered a nurse to watch over Jonghyun while I'm away to have lunch for a while. Onew called me a while ago and said that they'll visit after their classes. I ate my lunch very quick and came back to the room as fast as I can. But when I opened the door, I'm surprised that instead of the nurse, I saw Jisoo inside, sitting beside Jonghyun's bed.

“Jisoo...”, I called as I walk in.

She turned and looked at me but her eyes weren't that nice. I actually don't want her to be here but I have no rights either to drive her away.

I sat on the couch and just observed her while she's staring at Jonghyun. The room became very silent for a few minutes until he stood up and faced me.

“Let's have some coffee for a while.”, she said.

I don't want to leave but I felt that Jisoo and I needed to talk to settle the issue that I don't even know what. I called a nurse again and told her to take care of Jonghyun.

We headed to a cafe just beside the hospital. I thought we're going to talk but minutes have passed, she's just quietly sitting while sipping her coffee. It feels uncomfortable to stay like that with her so I initiated the conversation.

“The doctor said Jonghyun's already fine.”, I started.

It took moments before she put down her cup and looked at me blankly.

“I know you fought before he got into an accident.”, she said.

I furrowed my eyebrow because of her unexpected statement. I don't know why did she said it out of the blue.

“You lied to him because you where with another man and you made him very angry before all of this happened.”, she continued that just added confusion in me.

“What are you trying to say?”, I asked but I can feel that she's trying to say something that isn't nice.

She laughed bitterly and rolled her eyes.

“I doubt that you don't know what I am trying to say.”, she said with a sharp look on her eyes.

Realizations came to me. Even though how many times I denied to myself that it is what she is trying to say, I always end up getting that same idea.

She's telling me that the accident and all that happened to Jonghyun is all my fault. It's all because we fought and I made him mad.

I can't counter what she is accusing me because in the first place, she is right and that's exactly what on my mind right after I found out about the accident.

She huffed after seeing that I can't answer back.

“Now you can't talk? You can't answer because you know I'm right. Jonghyun got hurt because of you. What kind of girlfriend are you?”

I blinked, trying to compose myself but I just ended up helplessly defending myself.

“I-I didn't m-meant to do that. I-I don't want any of these to happen...”, I said softly.

“You know, I really don't want to blame you for this but I really can't bear how Jonghyun is suffering because of you...”, she paused for a while, which I thanked she did because it gave me time to breathe and allow myself to cool down a bit.

But then she continued. “Everytime Jonghyun would come to me and talk about you, he would sometimes tell me that if you two are arguing, even though that it's not his fault, he'll just the one who'll apologize first. Come to think of that... Is that even right? Then you always make him jealous. Don't you know it's hard for him?”

“Enough Jisoo...”, I told her but it seems like she has a lot of things to say.

“Listen...”, she crossed her arms. “Actually, I really don't like you.”

I frowned and looked up at her. I wanted to answer back but I waited for the next words that would come out from her.

“I pity Jonghyun for picking you as his girlfriend. You lack on everything and I think he deserves someone better. He's a nice boyfriend and the last thing you could do for him is to let him experience a better relationship than you have right now. Just think about those times that he got hurt because of you, those times that he should have been happier and those times that he should have experienced something better if not because of you.”

I was taken aback with all those things that she said but luckily, I still have the instinct of being tough. She doesn't know everything and she has no rights to tell all of those things to me. She's being too much.

I breathe deeply to gather all my strength to finally answer all her attacks. I tried my best to look strong.

“Are you done talking now? Sorry but I think and I believe that you're not on the right position to tell me these things. The last time I checked you're just his friend.”, I picked up my bag and stood up.

“Yes I'm his friend that's why I care. But think of it Yerin... think of it.”, her lips twitched which just made me more pissed.

I turned my back to her to walk away but I remembered to say something so I faced her again.

“Thank you for letting me know that you don't like me. Don't worry, it's mutual.”, I said and immediately walked away.

I stormed out of the cafe and didn't bother anymore to know her last reaction. We're even now but it doesn't feel good. No matter what I told her, I know I'm the one who lost.

Instead of going back to Jonghyun's room, I ran to the restroom and stayed there. I just felt the need of hiding for me to calm myself and to analyze everything that happened.

I stood in front of the big mirror for moments. My mind has nothing on it but Jisoo's words. I tried my best to look strong in front of her while we're talking and I think I succeeded but now, that toughness I showed earlier, is completely gone and I have no idea how to gain it back.

'I pity Jonghyun for picking you as his girlfriend.'

Jisoo's voice suddenly broke into my mind and that's when all my weakness bursted out. I cried silently, holding on to the sink tight for support because I feel like falling down.

'Just think about those times that he got hurt because of you, those times that he should have been happier and those times that he should have experienced something better if not because of you.'

Those words kept on recalling in my mind and each of it was like bombs exploding inside me. Memories started to flood me.

That day when Jonghyun got injured just because he protected me from the ball... That time that he wanted protected me from those girls that is saying bad things to me but I misunderstood it... Those were the times were all he wanted was my good but he never received something good in return.

'...even though that it's not his fault, he'll just the one who'll apologize first.'

I recalled all that happened when we argue. I hate to admit it but that's what really happens. Why did I just realized it now? How uncaring I was...

'...the last thing you could do for him is to let him experience a better relationship than you have right now.'

That was the last sentence from Jisoo that made me want to go back to see Jonghyun. I washed my face with cold water, wiped it dry and fixed myself before heading out of the restroom. Luckily, no one has entered it while I was crying my heart out there.

When I got to his room, the nurse bowed at me first then head out. I slowly approached Jonghyun's bed and sat beside him.

“Jonghyun, have I really become a bad girlfriend?”, I asked helplessly while caressing his hand.

The silence and the sight of the unconscious him is the answer I got. The ONLY but most accurate answer. He could have not been here if it's not because of me. He could have not been hurt if not because of me.

Tears started to escape as I bent down to his forehead to kiss it. I hate my eyes for being so hydrated that it won't stop crying.

“Jonghyun...”, I whispered. “I'm very sorry for causing you to be like this. I'm sorry that you have suffered because I'm not good enough. I'm sorry for everything...”

I wiped his forehead that has been wet by my tears but it won't dry because of the droplets that kept on falling.

“You can hear me, right? I hope you really can so you could understand me... so you could understand everything that's going to happen...”, I paused to gather enough strength to continue talking.

“And the thing that I'm most sorry of... Sorry that I'm going to break a lot of promises. The promise that we'll stay together, the promise that I'll never leave your side and.... the promise that I'll be here by the time you wake up.”

Tears bursted out more by the thought of not being able to see him wake up and recover. I have to leave before that happens because I don't know if can can carry on with that anymore by the time he wakes up.

“I'm really sorry Jonghyun... I love you, more than how much you could think of.”, I hugged him, but in he most gentle way I could so he won't get hurt.

It's hard to let go because it might be the last time that I could do this so it took me quite long before I managed to let go of his body and exactly when I stood up, that's when the door opened then four boys came in.

“Yerin, you're crying again...”, Key worriedly went to me and hugged me.

I accepted the hug because I know it could give me more strength that I seriously needed right now.

“Noona... Hyung is fine now. We just have to wait for him to wake up.”, Taemin said.

I parted from Key's hug and wiped my tears before facing them.

“About that... By the time he woke up, i don't think I can be here...”, I sniffed.

They were all images of big confusion as they look at me with asking eyes.

“Where are you going?”, Minho asked.

“By the time he woke up, tell him I visited.”, I said instead of answering him.

“Wait Yerin. What are you saying? This doesn't sound good. C'mmon, tell us.”, Onew asked.

I bowed my head and avoided their stare. “Oppa, I have to leave sorry. I have to leave him so he could experience something better and he won't be hurt anymore in the future...”

“Seriously, what are you saying?”, Onew asked again worriedly.

“Please tell him things that could prevent him from being mad at me after this...”, I said instead

“Yah Yerin! Stop this non sense. What 'something better' are you saying?”, Key said with teary eyes and fear is all over his face.

“Just please... don't tell him that I left because of that reason.”, I said.

“But--”

“Oppa please...”, I begged.

They didn't answer and just looked at each other. I didn't wait for the next words their going to say and I went to the door immediately. I just held on the doorknob for a few seconds because it's seriously hard for me to go outside. Because if know if I go outside, things will never be the same anymore. My life wouldn't be the same anymore...

One last glance to Jonghyun then I tightly closed my eyes and stepped out.

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Finally, here's Chapter 41! BULK UPDATE ALERT!

Sorry for making you wait so long but I really intended not to post my chapters until it is all completed up to the chapter where you can all breathe freely. ^-^ The FEELS are fading when you have to wait for the next chapter right? It wouldn't be that intense.

The story isn't finished yet but it'll end really soon. Thank you for waiting. 

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