*SLAP*

I was still on the bed, one arm still gripped by Sehun. Sehun on top of me, his cheek red. A few tears escaped Sehun's eyes.

We just stared at each other. None of us could speak. I couldn't figure out what was going on in his head, no, I didn't want to know what was going through his head. Shoot, I didn't even know what was going through mine. Everything was just...blurry.

It's been a few minutes already, and we both were still and silent. What should I do now? Was the question I was thinking. Do I tell Luhan? Of course. I couldn't keep this from him, or could I? It'd just hurt everybody. But I didn't want to lie either.

I was getting tired of the silence, it was making me uncomfortable. Not really, but you know what I mean. I just stared at him. I wasn't mad at him; I couldn't be mad at him. I felt sorry, guilty even. He wanted my love, he always wanted it, but he knew he could never obtain it. It was impossible. That's why, Im guilty. 

"Im sorry." I whispered. 

"No." Sehun shook his head. 

Silence fell upon us again.

I wiped my tears with my free hand and closed my eyes,"Sehun...I really do want you to be happy."

"Then love me." He whispered, begging softly against my ear. 

"It's impossible." I reopened my eyes and stared into his dark orbs of saddness,"I can't Sehun. I can't make you happy." I restated, hoping he'd listen.

Sehun closed his eyes this time. I studied his face. Sehun was right. He had turned into a man these past years. I placed my hand on his cheek,"I have to go, Sehun."

A tear dropped from his closed eyes, onto my face. It felt so heavy against my cheek, I could literally feel his pain. I scrunched my face,"Sehun, let go." Two meanings behind my words: Letting go of my wrist and letting go of me completely.

He slowly released his grip from my wrist, and then got off me. He sat on the edge of the bed, his sagging back facing me. I slowly got up, sitting next to him. 

I stood up and faced him,"Be happy. Find a true, mutal love. A love like that is the most perfect kind. Not one like this, Sehun. Don't hold on to me. Im begging you, let go. Im not the one you're supposed to be with. Someone loves you with all her heart, but you're hurting her by not even giving her a chance. You'll lose her, Sehun." 

Sehun stared at the floor, not givng me a glance. I bent down and kissed his head,"Good bye Sehun-ah."

Then I left. 

Luhan was laying on the couch, watching tv with Kai...and Jihye. I rolled my eyes at the sight of her. Good luuord. I forgot about her existence for a bit.

"Hey babe." Luhan smiled at me. 

I cringed, remembering was happened between Sehun and I.

I waved,"H-hi...Luhan."

He gave me a weird smile,"Luhan? No 'My y hubby~!'"

"Not in the mood." I muttered and went to the room.

"What's wrong with her?" I heard Jihye scoff. 

"I don't know." Kai mumbled.

"I think you guys should leave." Luhan muttered at them.

H followed after me, and shut the bedroom door. I was changing into a baggy shirt, pj shorts, and Luhan's hoodie. I laid down on the bed and hugged a pillow. Luhan came beside me,"What happened? Did everything go ok?"

I furrowed my brows, wondering if I should tell Luhan. If I tell him, he'd go cray in the hay and won't talk to Sehun for months, but he'll probably beat the heck out of him first. And if I don't tell him, the guilt will eat me alive. And eventually he'll find out, beat the hell out of Sehun, break up with me, and won't talk to either Sehun or me forever. Exaggerating, but whatever.

I decided I'd tell him. 

"Sehun..." I started off. 

"Sehun..." Luhan echoed.

"Kissed me." I finsihed.

"Kissed me- you-wait...WHAT?! HE WHAT?!" Luhan's eyes glared with fury and he sat up. I sat up along with him and laid my head on his shoulder. Luhan was panting hard, but he calmed down a bit. 

"He's hurt and confused Luhan...I can't give him what he wants. And it killed me, but I had to be firm and...and I just hurt him even more today." I sobbed on Luhans shoulder. 

Luhan didn't say much, but he hugged me in a comforting way. It was warm, Luhan's hug. "He'll be fine. Sehun's a big kid."

"No, Sehun's a man." I whispered,"He grew so much. I was actually scared of him for a bit...he's a good man."

"You're right. Sehun's grown up into a fine man. And he deserves a good woman. He'll find her soon, don't worry too much about him. First loves are always the hardest, remember?" Luhan softly kissed my head. 

"Yeah. I remember." I thought about Zelo. I pulled away from Luhan and looked up at him,"I slapped him too." 

Luhan chuckled and wiped my tears,"You slapped Sehun?"

I pouted and nodded,"It's not funny! I hurt him emotionally and physically! Also when he was in the process of getting sober!"

Luhan stopped laughing and narrowed his eyes,"What was that last part? He was in the process of getting sober? Was he drinking?!" 

I held up my hand,"But he had a good reason too, ok? And you shouldn't be saying that! You did the same thing too! So, don't tell the others, I don't want them scolding him." I poked his toned chest,"Promise?"

Luhan eyed me, but sighed,"Fine." 

Luhan and I lay side by side on the bed and had our own little pillow talk. I told him I was going to talk to Hana the next day. I was worried though, but Luhan said it was going to be fine, joking around saying Hana better not kiss me too. I laughed and hugged him and promised him I won't let anyone kiss these lips ever again.

That night I texted Sehun and told him to to eat some more porridge, take some medicine, and drink a lot of medicine. Along with a 'good night' of course. 

Sehun texted back. 

From: Sehun

Subject: None

Yeah, mutant rodent noona.

Night.

I smiled. I hope you find a better love than this one Sehun, I really hope you do. No, Im sure you'll find it. I mean, it could be closer than you think. Pabo.