She changes, she knows it well enough. She changes, she become insane, she become crazy, guess she has come to realization. She was unsure of everything; the uncertainity was overwhelming that she has gone crazy. No matter how many times she shook her head to shove off the crazy thoughts, it keeps coming back again and again. She can’t stop herself from thinking deeper.

She keeps glancing at Myungsoo, the man who has brought lots of pain upon her. She keeps worrying over him, his condition and how he has been doing. She can’t take her eyes off her, giving constant glancing to the man. She can’t stop thinking about him; his figure keeps on haunting her, even in her dreams. She lingers for his touch, for his warmth, for his cool and arrogant, for his means words that struct her, that brought pain upon her. She suddenly misses him.

She has less than 10 days, before leaving. She might have to leave after this 10 days passed by, leaving Korea and everything behind. She has told no one but Hoya, even Jiyeon has no knowledge of it. Wooyoung, too, has been keeping himself cool and calm despite the struggles that he’s undergoing. He was wishing upon a star, for her to go with him. She hasn’t given him the exact answer yet, but the possibility of her going with him is high enough to be confident of.

She has less than 10 days and all of this will turn to memories only. In 10 days, there will no longer be him. He won’t be there, that man, that has caused her nights of sleepless and tiring day, that has caused her heart to ache and cried over nights, that has caused her to suffer in pain. He won’t be there, there will be no longer feelings, it will die down, and by the time these 10 days has passed by, and she will make sure to kill it. He won’t annoy her, she won’t have to worried about him. Pain, it will disappear for sure. Happiness will be the ultimate results for leaving him and Korea and going with her first love. Yes, maybe that is the answer, leaving will be the best. But why is she hesitating?

Think about it, think about what your hearts feels, think about what your brain thinks, don’t deject, don’t reject, and just accept.

She has done it, listening to her heart and true feelings, letting it all being poured out. Yes, she has tried to think about it, emptying her mind, and let her heart talks. Her feelings turn clear at the time, when she simply forget everything and listen to her heart. It turns clear that she could shove off all the uncertainity, but the result was unsatisfying. Instead, it makes things complicated and harder. Therefore, she decided to reject it, again and again, rather than accepting, simply to make things easier.

Yesterday, Kim Myungsoo didn’t come to school. He raresly come to school lately, two days ago he didn’t come either. It left her lonely and worried; she keeps glancing at his empty desk, wishing he will be just fine. Her legs brought her to his house multiple times, but it ended with her leaving empty-handedly. Yes, she has to forget him or she might suffer from greater pain. She keeps worrying over him, him and his condition. Her head can’t cool down without seeing him first.

They haven’t talked yet, Jieun and Myungsoo. They have been keeping an eye on each other from a distance. She didn’t dare to approach him, knowing she might get in further trouble or things might get messy. She was being cautious, afraid to get hurt, afraid to feel love; she was being fragile and very cautious. Myungsoo didn’t even dare to lay his eyes on her. He fears that even the slightest glance of her might break her apart. He was afraid that his gazes could strike her heart and killed her. He fears that even the slightest bit of his presence might hurt her. He didn’t want to hurt her, not anymore.

She realizes how her feelings have developed. She knows her heart well enough to undertand her feelings, but refuses to accept the reality. She doesn’t want to be naïve anymore; she doesn’t want fairy tales, or even reality. She doesn’t want anything; all she ever wanted is the feeling of secured, warmth, and certainity. It will be more than enough, to have all of them being fulfilled, because it is her only wished.

Her feelings have growed, developing slowly. It was slow steps, the things she done very slowly, but it could give the absolute certain results that may gave her the satisfaction she has been waiting for. However, rather than giving her happiness, the feelings have given her much troubled that she cried over nights. It has never happened before, Lee Ji Eun, is a young lady who never cries. But as time passed by, she may have gone weak because of the overwhelming feelings that left mystery and misery inside.

Today, too, she has found no sight of him. The empty desk behind her has been left empty for days, its cold, as her skin brush against the tip of it. The desk has been lonely for quite a long time, leaving it cold. It has no presence of human being warmth- his warmth, and also his scent that has turned missing. She could only take a glance of it, before turning to an ignorant young lady towards love.

She misses him.

Her feet brought her to nowhere, for the fifth time in the week. She has been wandering around, without knowing her exact goal. It’s silly, how she keeps going back and forth to his house, everytime the school ends, it’s like she has become addicted to the place. But today, she was wandering around, walking toward the place where the last piece of their moments remains as memories. As always, it is her favorite and lovable backyard; a secret place where no one could find her, where no one could bother her, a secret.

She needs to clear her head or else it might explode soon. Even the fresh air seems suffocating now, that she might have to leave in ten days. Yeah, leaving him, leaving Jiyeon and Woohyun, leaving Korea, won’t be easy at all. She might have relied too much on them, especially him, despite the hurtful feelings that have caused her to suffer for the past months.

And now she is lost again. She sighed, bumping her petite-weak body to the bench, before looking up to the sky, being faithful to the cruel fate. Its cold now, that he’s warmth is no longer wrapping her like a birthday present. The breezes that used to be friendly, has turned ignorant. Have they gone too far away to be reunited? Today again, she failed to meet him.

“Jieun-ssi, wants some coffee?”

The sudden voice caused her to look at the man, who stands not too far away from her. A huge smiled was transplanted on his face, grinning widely, showing his white teeth. His slanted eyes gone missing because of his wide grin. Jieun almost jumps when she saw him, but calm down after finding the vibe of friendliness radiating from him.

“Ah, I know. You hate coffee, don’t you? L told me that, so… how about chocolate?” He offers her a can of chocolate that definitely come from the machine.

Oh, he does remember. It was the first thought that come out from her mind, greeting her with a friendly feeling. Its nice knowing he does remember her, her likes and dislikes, although he might only known a little fact of her. And she, herself, has learnt lots of facts about him, by studying him like a proffesinal psychologist every single day. It was good thing though, she didn’t regret wasting her time for doing something people would call useless.

“Let’s hang out, have some drink, and talks, shall we?”

“You are welcomed, Sunggyu-ssi. Come and take a sit.” Jieun smiled.

“We have get friendlier, haven’t we? You never smiled to me before, especially after that incident years ago.”

“You are not as bad as I think, you’re better.” Jieun took the can and sip it.

“The weather is nice, isn’t it? Different from usual, this autumn looks very pretty.”

“It’s a bit cold though, I prefer drinking something warm, but this is fine.”

“Yeah, I know. I should have brought something warm, but the machine doesn’t have anything warm. All of them are cold, including your so called hot-chocolate and my coffee.”

“It’s fine, thank you.”

“Let’s drop off the formality, Jieun-ssi. Make yourself comfortable and just call me something like… oppa or maybe just Sunggyu. Let’s talk comfortably.”

“I’m sorry, Sunggyu-ssi. I don’t feel comfortable to drop off the formality. Let’s just talk, comfortably and formally. Let’s just be friendly and talk casually.”

“Sure, shall we start? I want to ask some question but I’m quite unsure about it.”

“Let’s just be friendly, Sunggyu-ssi. Ask me anything but please don’t push it.”

“What actually happen between you and L? I and even the INFINITE have no clue of it.”

Jieun found it quite surprising, the fact that the INFINITE doesn’t know about their little games that brought their relationship to a dead end. As usual, she took quite a while to explain all the detailed explanation. Their little game, it’s all she could say, with some extra explanation to make it easier to be understand.

“He’s quite a man, you know. He didn’t open up easily, he can’t express himself, and knowing he has gone insane and hurt you, maybe he truly has some problem.”

“He’s absent for the last few days.”

“You care about him, don’t you? I notice how you keep glancing at you, how your face turn pale each time he gone missing, how you feel lonely without having him by your side, how you slowly developed feelings, and how much you care about him. So, do you love him?”

“Sunggyu-ssi, it’s an instinct. I have decided to figure it out by myself, the feelings, and the result wasn’t satisfying. It was too complicated that I decided to reject it out of me.”

“He turned mad, Jieun. He turned mad, that’s why he hasn’t been attending school. He’s undergoing a hard time; he’s feeling an uncontroable and overwhelming feelings that he had a hard time figuring it out. He can’t express himself well, that the feelings drive him crazy. That is why he hasn’t been attending school for days.”

She was stunned, to hear the truth from Sunggyu. He’s not someone she’s very fond of, but she know he was reliable enough, that he won’t spill out some unnecasary things and lies that might broken them apart even more. He’s having a hard time, just like how she’s feeling at the time. But the question is… who?

“Do you love him?”

Why do people keep asking her the same question? Why do people turn very curious to her heart and feelings? Whether she loves him or not, wasn’t that hers to decide? So why do people keeps asking the same question again and again. She remains silent, sealing and words as she was unable to find the right answer.

Another one kind of troll, she got herself to a kind of it. She’s never been the one who loves to troll around, but just make today an exception. She’s wandering around again, her body may stay still, but her mind has yet to rest in peace. She wanted it to stay peaceful, at least get some rest and relax, forgetting all this troublesome matter. In this life of hers, one thing that she regretted the most was… having these feelings for him.

“She’s on it again.” Jiyeon sighs.

“Ask Wooyoung to pinch that pink cheek of hers, maybe she would smile.”

“Or he would get a smack on his head.”

“I don’t think she would be that cruel. She’s a mature and kind young woman, unlike you one rude old hag.”

“Yah! Nam Woohyun! Did you just call me an old hag?!” Jiyeon yelled.

“I do, there’s nothing wrong with it, and it’s a fact after all.”

“Yeah, right. You must be another annoying troll then.”

“Idiot, dino.”

“Meanie, troll.”

They’re at it again, fighting as usual. It’s been awhile since the two met and argue with each other. It’s been very rare lately, this sight of them arguing over some trivial matter that may caused Jieun to laugh awkwardly and chocked her breath. But today, her mind is off somewhere else, wondering about things she has yet to found the answer.

Cling….

Or at least that’s how it sounded like. The class radio suddenly rings with such a sound that pricks her ears so badly. She gasped, closing her ears with her palms, with a cringe covering her face. Jiyeon followed her acts, before cursing at the non-living things. Woohyun sighs, it’s going to be another nonsense announcement again, something trivial and definitely not important; another boring lecture.

“Test,” a man voice echoed.

Why does it sounded very familiar, as if it has lives within her? Jieun finally snaps out of her thought, putting a careful attention toward the boring announcement. She doesn’t really want to bother with it, but the voice was attracting her. She was attracted to listen to it, as the voice filled her hollow soul, with something she badly needs.

However, her eyes soon widen, followed by the scretching sound of sports shoes, six shoes to be exact, that brake theirselves right before entering the empty class. Jieun hates such a noise, it hurts her ear. But the steps were rushing and their scretching sound was followed by one another, and followed by a thump sound.

Her eyes moves, spotting six people, with various personalities standing by the door, with eyes directed to her. She tilts her head, confused, as the man bumps to one another. They soon crumble like the domino, letting the last one to arrive, survives. Rather than having Hoya or Dongwoo who has broad and athletic body to survives, it was their little maknae, Lee Sungjong, to survive as he’s very bad at running and ended up as the last. Lucky guy. The other five man groans in pain as their body bumps to the hard and dirty ground.

Jiyeon laughs, pointing at the five man who had just crumble like dominos. Woohyun pointed at Sungjong, laughing at how lucky he is. The maknae usually has a bad luck, that curses him, but today, it may have turned out to be his good day. He’s the second worse after Myungsoo, who’s very bad at things known as luck.

“Hmm… Good morning everyone, I’m sorry to disturb you. Oh, I mean, good afternoon.” That familiar voice again, stutters at the clear nervousity it radiates.

The dominos, which are no other than the five members of INFINITE groan and started to get up one by one. They helped one another, hand by hand. Jieun smiled, despite their terrible past, they have warm hearts and good friendship. They looks like brothers, it must be nice being a part of them. Myungsoo should be very thankful for being a part of them, having good friends with good hearts.

“Yah! Hyung! You’re all very lame, even Jieun noona has to hold back her laughter for you!” Sungjong exclaimed, excitedly, satisfied at the chance given for him to mock his hyung. It’s one in a life time chance, he had made sure to use it well.

“Yah! Lee Sungjong!” The five of them exclaimed in unison, bringing up the fear to their cute maknae that ended up shrinking to a cute little bunny, showing fears to his hyungs.

“Sorry if I’m disturbing you today, but I have something important to say.” The familiar voice continued nervously. However, the thought of him being nervous had made her smile.

The class turned to a mess, as the INFINITE couldn’t stop moving around and stumbling from one to another. Jieun needs Woohyun to cover her, or else she might get buried under their huge bodies. Sunggyu, who’s familiar with its grandpa attitude, groans as his body ache. Hoya cooly stand up, with another cool dance move to impress Jieun. Dongwoo politely get up, bowed before her. Sungyeol, who’s a childish like, couldn’t help but protested. Sungjong, who’s very lucky, sit next to Jieun comfortably.

“Lee Ji Eun! You need to……”

Jieun couldn’t quite figure out what they’re saying; each person, saying different things, all at the same time. She stays quiet, since her voice can’t stop all of them at once. Sungyeol who couldn’t stop talking with loud voice, Sunggyu who keeps blabbering around, Hoya who keeps talking with worry in his eyes, and Sungjong who keeps calling her noona! Noona! Dongwoo just stand back, keeping an eye on her, as she tried to dig more from him.

Jieun tilt her head, signaling her confusion. Dongwoo just shook his head at the unbelievable acts of his buddy. He smiled to her and bowed, in exchange of his friend’s stupidity. Jieun waves her head in front of them, only to hear more blabbers and something she couldn’t quite understand. Sunggyu, who’s supposed to be mature and understanding, couldn’t help but to continue talking. She sighs; it’s going to take years before they stop talking.

She laughs, she finally laughs at their childish acts. Then, she heard a faint voice of the guitar, being strums gently. It creates melody that suddenly her feelings tingle, giving a friendly and nice vibes, the feeling of falling in love. It sounded so familiar, the vibes it gaves, the touch. She could feel it, it was peaceful and nice, and she would like to hear more of it. However, it was a bit shaky, it was quite bothering but Jieun simply loves it.

“I have been watching over someone these days. I think I’m in love. I’ve been keeping an eye on her, I wanted to say something to her.” The voice continued.

She was paying much attention to the voice, too much maybe. She was listening carefully, enjoying the companions of the guitar. The INFINITe was very much an attraction to watch for, and never to miss, but the voice was even more attracting to her. It was warm and friendly, rather sincere than cold. It wasn’t something force but rather honest, that come from one’s heart.

“Lee Ji Eun-ssi. I’m dedicating this song to Lee Ji Eun, the girl I loved. I hope she’s there, to listen to my confession.”

She gasped, finally realizing who the owner of that familiar voice is. The sudden conffesion was too much to accept that she left wide hanging. Her eyes turn wide, as if it was about to bulge out of it’s socket. Her blank stares pierce through the INFINITE eyes, as they finally remain question.

“Jieun, its L, please save him.” The six of them said.

It’s Myungsoo. It’s L. It’s him.