'It's been months, and I don't see any sign that he's looking for me or his son. Maybe he's happy with his new family now.'

Jaejoong sighed. "Yamapi, I cannot live like this. It's been a month since I got here and I'm not doing anything yet. I need to find a job. I don't like it when you're the one who pay for everything." Jaejoong whinning while watching Yamapi feeding Changmin the strawberry jelly.

Yamapi thought long and hard about what Jaejoong had said."Okay, what kind of job do you want?"

"Anything, but I need to keep low. You know what I mean."

Seeing his face with that frown instead of his usual bright smile made Yamapi feel bad. "I understand. We will think of something, okay. For now finish your food because Changmin wanted to go inside the Small World. Right Changmin?"

Changmin squirmed and twisted in his seat until Yamapi picked him up. He kissed him on the nose and Changmin smiled toothlessly.

They reached home about eight thirty at night. Jaejoong took changmim to his room, wiped his body with a wet towel and by the time Jaejoong finished put on him a fresh clothes, the little boy already fell asleep. Yamapi meanwhile, sprawled on the floor in front of the tv. Jaejoong went to the kitchen make two mugs of tea and went to the living room. He put the mugs on the coffee table and laid beside Yamapi. Both of them staring at the ceiling. Exhausted.

“I really had fun today.” Jaejoong jolted slightly, and looked over at Yamapi, who was lying beside him.

“Yeah, me too.” Yamapi answered. He turned and propped his head up on one hand and he watched Jaejoong quietly, a strange look on his face. "This is a bit of a strange time to be bringing all this up, Jaejoong. But why you always looked like lost? You always looked like…. I don’t know how to explain to you."

Jaejoong sighed. "Yeah, I guess. Just been doing a lot of thinking, that's all. I’m sorry." he breathed, adopting a repentant look. He had to take a moment to remember where he was, and what was happening.

Yamapi watched Jaejoong  for a long moment, 'there’s beauty to him beyond his physical appearance, but he’s wounded and closed off and apparently his walls are effective enough for most not to see through them. He doesn’t want or ask to be saved, and yet I'm the one who has been looking out for him.'

Yamapi clear his throat. "Do you want to talk about it now?”

No response from Jaejoong.

“I guess this was too hard for you to talk about.” Yamapi told him, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.”

There was an awkward and respectful silence as Jaejoong sat up and leaned against the couch, took his mug and sipped his tea slowly, silent for a long moment. "Sure.” Jaejoong wet his lips, lacing his fingers around the ceramic mug, even though the heat of it hurt his hands.

He sighed. Brows furrowed and head cocked to the side, his gaze went back to Yamapi's face.

And that's what it really is, a goodbye.

Goodbye to my friend for the past several years, goodbye to the man I've fallen for, to the lover who's taught me so much more about loving someone, giving and caring for someone, than any other person has before.To my husband who always cherished me.

He has a family to be a part of, and I have a life I need to continue living.

"Well... that’s the story. I just can't be there for him anymore. And I left my wedding ring in the safe box. I know he will find it." Jaejoong try to get his breathing under control, putting his emotions in check so he didn't freak Yamapi out right away.

“And you think leaving him was the best option? Is that what you really want?”

"Time will erase memories." Jaejoong  whispered, but loud enough for Yamapi to hear it.

"Is that what you want?" Yamapi repeated his question.

“I don't know," Jaejoong replied, wishing he could take that hurt away. "Because… because I'm afraid to hurt him."

"Even if it hurts you?"

“I had too much in a short time. I couldn't think anymore. I need to have some space for myself. Sometimes you have to cross a line that no one should ever cross, even if it's for the one person you care about.” Jaejong said softly. He glanced away, conflicted, not even looking up as Yamapi moved closer, even though he could feel his gaze, his hot breath against his bare skin, "Even if it hurts you?" Yamapi asked again softly.

"I'm not important." and Jaejoong shuddered.

Yamapi took a deep breath and leaned back leaving space between them. “What makes you say that?”

“I started to have this feeling that Changmin and I becoming the next second important thing in his life since I know about Karam. I know he didn’t mean it that way. I do not want Changmin to grow up feeling that way too. I’m sure Ara will not just stop at there. She even admitted that she will never stop.”

"I don't blame you to feel that way, though. Decide for yourself who you want to be. You are, if you think that way. Do you think you’re the second?"

Jaejoong closed his eyes as he took a long and deep breath. "I'm so confused...." When he opened his eyes, he wasn’t looking at Yamapi either, it was taking all his strength to keep his coolness and look strong. “That’s why I said I need to find a job or to do some work so that I will not be thinking about him. About all this mess.”

"Thank you, Jaejoong. For trusting me. I promised I'd bring you back, didn't I?" He smiled. He  glanced at his watch. "I'd better head off," he said, almost a little wistful. "Let’s do this again sometime?"

"Yeah, definitely."  Jaejoong replied.

It had started raining outside, thick heavy drops that were falling on the ground with a loud noise. A lightning lit up the black sky through the curtain and a thunder suddenly roared near them.

"Mmm... maybe you should until the rain stopped then you can head home. Or you can just sleep in the spare room." Jaejoong suggested.

"It's okay. I need to go now." He had to get out, as soon as possible, he told himself he had to stop imagining himself in that house, in Jaejoong's bedroom.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jaejoong sat silently in the passenger seat in Yamapi's car with his hands resting loosely in his lap. He stared outside the window and exhaled. “Yamapi, this is the third time I'm asking, where are we going?"

Yamapi didn’t answer. Glancing at him even as he maneuvered a turn at a junction, he smiled. 'You asked for this'. He said in his head. Yamapi stopped by the road side in front of the row of shops. His mouth that was currently set in a little smirk. "Let's go."

Jaej