"How many times do i have to tell you that your medicines are only for one year?
You have to re-new it every time you have your birthday.
I thought this has happened throughour your life, how could you forget about it?"

.

.

You woke up.
Ah, it's just a bad dream.
You're still inside the train, on the way back to Seoul.

You check your phones.
No texts or calls from them. They're doing it well.

Usually, at this kind of situation, Hoya would be the naughty one and he can just pop out from nowhere. following you to everywhere you go until you tell them what's going on.
But since it's a sincere wish, you guess he can't do that.

---

Seoul!
...
And this building again.
You hate this building.
You hate this day.

You entered the building while enduring the pain.

"Can I meet Dr. Kevin?", you asked the receptionist.
"Sure. He's been waiting for you."

------------------

You woke up.
Ah, this kind of situation again.
You on bed, no comfortable pillows or dolls.
Everything's in white, and noone's inside your room.
Just nurses.

"You've woken up?", a nurse came and approach you.
You nodded.
"Doctor, she has had her rest.", she reported to the doctor.

A few minutes later, the doctor came.
Ah, him again, you think.

He began to check your condition.

You avoid his eyes.

"You know..
I thought you won't come.", he said.

You keep your silence.

"So my messages did reach you, huh?
And i suppose now you finally have reasons to fight for your life?", he asked.

Silence.

"What happened? It's the first time you ever come to a doctor by your own sanity.", he said.

"Just shut up, would you? How is my condition?", you asked. Even more harsh than how you would treat Woohyun.

"You know your family would be so happy if i tell them that you're still alive, and even looking for me to be healed, right?"

"I have no family. And you know i can't be healed."

"I thought you now have a little bit more reasons to live now? That's why you come to me?"

"I do. But i'm also a realist, i know i can't be healed. I just wanna live slightly longer if possible."

"Why is it? You find your love here?", he laughed.

"Shut up and just do what you have to do.
I came here because you told me you're working here now, 
and you said that if i come and let you handle my health again, you would not tell my family."

"Okay okay~
Ah you never changed, really.
Just exactly like how i saw you since you were a kid.."

"I said shut up.
Where's my medicine?"

"I heard you have became a successful person here?
I'm sure even if i don't tell your family, they can track you easily just by your achievements.
I still don't get why you have to leave your home when everyone loved you that much."

You laughed, "LOVED ME?
Are you crazy?
They hate me.
They never approve what i want and they never appreciate me as a person.
They always think there's nothing i can do and no matter what i do, they will never praise me and they will compare me with anyone else.
I am not a daughter nor a sister, i was a trash."

"They just can't express it.", he said.

"No. They just hate me.
Even that i finish high school with perfect scores, they don't even let me go pursue my dreams.
They wanted me to be hatever they want me as.
They never think what I want.
They never supported me.
My brothers and sisters will always be better.
I am the youngest, so i'm the worthless one, no matter what i do.
That is not family. 
That's why i decided to collect money since high school, work my off while still doing the best i could in school,
so i can go pursue my dreams and career wherever i want even without their permission."

He laughed, "Yup. And you leave my brother too."

"He did. Not me.", you said.

"You know he's the only younger brother I have.
You know he's a spoiled guy..
You should've understand him."

"Why don't you tell him that?
Tell him to understand me sometimes."

"He was too selfish."

"See? You knew the problem.
I didn't leave him.
I mean, even with all his selfishness, i would be able to keep up with him.
But in the end he started to tell me to follow my "family" 's words when he knows exactly how much i want to be free."

"They just want the best for you."

"Is hurting me the best for me, then?"

"You received my brother's last letter, right?"

"Yes. I'm not gonna accept that."

"Come on. This way you can live longer, with your loved ones."

"It doesn't feel good to live because of someone sacrificed something for you.
Specially when you know this person was your ex-lover,
he used to mean a lot to you until he became a monster that hit me on a daily basis,
telling me to be his slave forever, 
make me bleed and even make my condition worse.
After making my body even weaker, now after he's dead, he wants to donate his stuffs for me?
Too late."

"You know he never wants you as his slave."

"Well he did say so, with his actions."

"Come on.. You gotta stay positive.
Your lungs are getting weaker, and if you could just accept his lungs, he would be happy up there."

"Then i don't want him to be happy."

"You read his letters, right?
He wrote it while he's dying because of an accident.
He even had the accident because he was thinking about you.
He was going to the university by car when he started to hallucinate about you.
Then boom"

"He ended up studying to be a doctor, following you, huh?", you asked.

"He did. But never able to finish it."

"Because of me?"

"Well, if you put it that way---"

"Ask him then,
we used to dream about having a really nice life together.
Why would he torture me like that if he really wants it to happen?
Now he's dead because his own fault."

"Come on.."

"He HITS me on a daily basis, okay?
You have seen my bruises.
He almost KILLED me with a knife.
He made my lungs worse by making me do things he know i cannot do.
You think i'm the evil one?
I was doing the right thing to do for myself,
I went studying in the US, be a nice student there,
follow my dream and go here to Korea, 
meeting great persons and even a family!
FINALLY i find a family here!"

"Are you happy this way?"

"I DO! 
Until you text me saying you're being moved here,
and you persuade me EVERY DAY to check up,
even promised not to tell my so-called-family,
and even reminded me about my one-year-medicine that i have to re-new every time i have my birthday!"

"You know after you leave home,
I have to stalk you every year and find your new address that keeps changing every year,
send the renewed medicines to you as if it's my gift."

"I didn't want to be found.
I didn't want to eat my medicines."

"But this year you do."

"I have found reasons to live."

"May i know?"

"No."

"Okay.
..
I have finished scanning you. I will analyze it and tell it soon.
Just rest well now."

He left the room.

Yeah, you're back to your reality.

A very bad life of yours.

All these years, you're stuck with an illness: there's something really bad going on with your lungs.
That's why you cannot run for long, or just be tired even for the littlest time - your lungs can't handle it/
You can't swim, because you never learnt swimming.
Why? Because your lung was weak ever since you were born.
You never learn to swim but as a kid of course you wanted to swim, and in the end you drowned yourself,
drinking so much water that it made your lungs even worse.
Daehyun made you drink it after all these time.
Maybe it will get worse.

The medicines...
It helps you so you can endure the pain, or live slightly longer.
People keeps telling you it can heal you,
but you know it's all lies.

Every year when you receive the medicines, you would just throw it all away.
Well yeah you keep some few pills, just in case the pain kills you.

Your ex was a psycho. He almost killed you.
He was a loving guy back then, and no matter how hurtful he can be, you tried your best to understand.
But when one day he tried to kill you with a knife, you know it's time to go.

You decided to go to the US with your own money,
because you feel you have no family.

Your family was in the worst condition -
it LOOKED fine, but it never was.

People will think you have a family, when in reality you don't.
Nothing they do actually feels like a family.
You think it's even better to have no family rather than thinking that you have, but you actually don't have it at heart.

You have a father, a mother, a brother and a sister,
but not a dad, a mommy, a sis and a bro.

Your friends? Hah.
They stayed. For some time, for some reasons.
The next day they're busy with themselves,
and they don't support you.
They don't even take your stories seriously,
they just kept on telling their own.

So now, leaving them to study and work abroad wasn't such a false thing to do, right?

And this doctor just now, your ex's older brother, your ex's role model.
Your ex had a huge s with his brother, so his brother has became a doctor ever since your ex was little.
Your ex had always dreamt to be like him.
Your ex told you to do annual checkup with his brother.
For several months, you wanted to.
You think you can be healed.
Slowly you began to stop hoping.
Things got worse - your ex became a psycho, friends left you, families became strangers,
you have nothing to hold onto and you started throwing your medicines.

You left home without saying a word, changing every number and ignoring every calls.
You started a new life.

Even in the US, you didn't find a family.
Now you do, 
and you, for once, want to live.