"Paradise" rang again. For you don't know how many times in your life.
You woke up and as usual, it's 6am.
You turned off your alarm and began to walk outside the room.
Noone is up yet. Not even Hoya.
Maybe he got tired from yesterday's hectic activity.

Not even thinking anymore, you wore your shoes and went to the house next door.

--------------

The door is not locked. Yet you can hear some sounds from the inside.
Guess people inside the house are awake already.
But why so early?

You knocked the door a few times, ...
only to have the troublematic person opening your door.
Yep, it's Daehyun who opened his door.
You expect his mom though, as you don't think Daehyun will seriously be awake this early...
But reality said the other way.

You tried to seek what Daehyun is feeling by treasuring his face expression when he finds you out of his door, but...
you see nothing.
Daehyun hides it with the straightest and the calmest face expression, and you seriously can't read what is he thinking or feeling.
His expression looks totally fine, totally okay...
But how could he act like nothing happened when he just drowned his girl and almost making her die, yet shouting in such a dramatic scene when the girl is asleep, and having a cold fight with the girl he -is said to be- loved - in less than 2 days ago.
Is he just a great actor, or is he just a great great jerk.

Miraculously, he smiled.
He freakin smiled to you like you're his best friend who came over to play a round of soccer in his backyard.
"Ah, it's my turn today huh?", he said cheerfully, "Come inside. My mom is cooking. You can eat or read some books in the living room. Just spend the day like this is your own home. I won't bother, I'll play my xbox in my room. Hehe."

.

.

.

What the hell?

So you came inside to find Daehyun's mom is cooking a very yummy-smelled omelette with sausages, smoke beefs and milk. She said to prepare non-korean food for you today.
You were going to smile and be talkative to Daehyun's mom, when Daehyun said with the most annoying cheerful voice ever.

"I'll be playing in my room, okay?", he smiled and left.

You're left with such a big big big question mark hanging in your head.
What the hell is he doing.
Why he tries to look okay..

Daehyun's mom realized your turn of expression.
She smiled gently, "That boy is lying. Don't even bother to worry.", she said.
"Eh?", you don't really get it.
She smiled again, "There's NOTHING to play in his room, really.
All the xbox or playstation or even wii or psp or nds or everything, it's all in the living room.
Not even his collection of comics- it's in the living room as well.
He can only play with his phone, pillow or clothes inside his room. Really."
...
Then what's the point of going to his room, even lied about 'playing'?

His mom smiled again, "It's like a foolish lie that he hopes only I can understand.
He lied to you but he hopes I understand.
And I'm supposed to shut up and not telling this to you, but.. since I think his decision is too childish to avoid you like this.. I chose to let you know and try to solve your problems together."
Silence for a while.
"He's broken, that's for sure.", her mom explained, "You know how much he eats, but... seriously, yesterday he didn't even eat a half of his usual portion. No, not even a quarter. He ate slowly and he only ate a few, even though I cooked his forever favorite food yesterday.
When I asked what's wrong, he said he's okay and nothing's wrong... but which mom could take that as the real answer and just leave without trying to understand her son's problem?
Then he explained everything slowly, and I can see his eyes tried its best to hold his tears.
Seriously you-ah, the last time I saw him like this.. was when Hoya left Busan some years ago."

Silence.
You don't know how to react.

"I must admit his acting to look fine and to be as cheerful as possible, succeeds to fool anyone who doesn't know the problem.", her mom said, "He's always good in hiding his own feeling, he's too good in making cheerful expressions."

Silence.

"Now eat this breakfast first.", his mom said while giving you a plate of breakfast, "Use that bathroom to take a bath. I'll prepare the towel. After that, I'll be enjoying my time in the rooftop. Go and finish your problems, I won't even bother, I won't even see. You two are both mature beings, even though Daehyun acts like a five year-old.
I know you can melt his heart and pride, you-ssi."

So you ate the yummy breakfast while chit-chatting a bit with his mom.
She's a fun mom, really.
Now you even miss your m------ ah. what are you talking about.

Finished eating, you took your bath just like what she said.
After bathing, you went out of the bathroom, and true.
She's not there anymore.
She leaves everything to you.
She believes in you.
She knows you can handle this problem and situation.

Now...
What do you do.

If you knock his door and he opened it, after knowing it was you, he'll probably close it again and lie more about the games he's playing inside.
Wait, if he lied about the playing thing, means he's doing nothing inside.
Plus if his mom said the truth that he's broken and insecure, he won't be playing his phone all day long.
He'll surely be bored soon and go outside,
specially the fact that he didn't bring any water or food inside.
A person like him will be hungry in no time, or at least be thirsty.

Great.
Now you plan to just wait outside his room until he goes out by himself.

You sat right beside his room door.
You wait and wait.
Your heart beats so fast because he can go out of his room anytime.
You prepared what to say, you imagined any kind of scenarios.
You're nervous as hell.
You're scared that he won't forgive you.
You--------

Just in time. He opened his door.
He looks a bit weird when he finds you sitting in front of his door.
And boom! He started it again, his cheerful expression mask.

"W-what are you doing here you-ssi?", he said with his cheerful voice.
Hah, "you-ssi". Sounds pathetic.

Silence. You looked down, avoiding his weird eye gaze.
His eyes are seriously weird right now.
It's like his eyes and his words are both telling a totally different thing.

"you-ssi?
.....
You're not answering?
...
Fine. I'll leave then..?", he said.
You still didn't want to speak out, so he left to the kitchen.
He poured some water and everything, looks like he wants to make a cup of hot chocolate.

You can see clearly that he's insecure and nervous though.
He poured the water too much that it spilled,
yet the hot water is all over his hands.
He wanted to shout but he kept it, he wanted to keep his image in front of you who's still keeping your silence.

You'd laugh if the condition is not weird like this.
But now, it just feels not right.
If this is not the condition, it'd feel cute because he's nervous around you.
But now it feels like he's scared, he's uncomfortable, he's insecure around you.
And it feels not good. It feels bad.
It feels terrible.

"Here.", he offered you a cup of hot chocolate he just made. "One for you, one for me.", he said while sitting beside you.
"Chocolate is said to relieve stress. To reduce the too-many thoughts in your head.
I know I need one right now.. And I think you need one too.", he smiled.

He began to drink up his chocolate.
He seems to be enjoying it.
He seems to be all okay with the situation.
He seems... alright.

How?

He sighed, "You really don't want to speak up, huh?"
Silence.
"It's okay.", he said, "I'll go back to my room and-"

"What? You'll play?", you finally said something.
"..... Y-yeah. I'll continue my xbox game~ ahaha.", he lied.
Mixed feelings and emotions going through you.
How could he lie so normally like that.
How could he act like nothing happened.
How could he treat you like you mean nothing to him.
..... how.....?

"Really?", you said with similar cheerful voice as him.
If he wants to act, then you have to reply his act either.
"Then can I join the game?", you smiled. Smiled like nothing ever happened.
Smiled like how he did to you just now.

Now he's avoiding your eyes.

"Nah. Y-you won't understand the game. It's guys' game.", he lied. Again.
"As long as it's not a game, I know I'll understand. I'll beat you for sure!", you said- again with an energetic voice.

Silence.
"N-no you won't~ Ah. I really want to play with you but don't you think it's inappropriate for girls to go and spend time inside a guy's room.... hahaha.", he lied even more.
"It's okay as long as we did nothing wrong right?
I even got to sleep in Hoya's room yesterday.", you to see his reactions.
"M-Mwo?!", he got panic. Then he realized he just failed his acting.
"I.. I mean..", he got even more panic.

"Cut it off, Daehyun-ssi.", you're tired of the actings.
"I've had enough of lies already.", you said.

Silence.

"Who lied~ I'm telling the tr--"
"How..", you said with low voice.
"Eum?", he didn't hear you.
"How could you do this to me.."

Silence.

"The way you act didn't make me feel better, Daehyun-ssi. It breaks me instead.", you said.

Silence.

"The way you treat me not more than a friend. Even just for a day, even just for two hours...
It hurts me."

Silence.

"I'm not saying this because I want to see you suffer, but..
it even feels better to see you break because of me,
than to see you be alright without me."

More silence.

"Cut it off, Jung Daehyun. Cut it off..
It hurts.
It hurts a lot."

Even more more more silence.
You let your teardrops down.
You don't care anymore.
You're weak, you know.
But who cares.

He did nothing.
He didn't do anything to cheer you up nor calm you down.
He did nothing, but it's the best for now.
If he ever did something to calm you down, you know you'd even cry more.

You cried and cried, and he's still in his silence.
With your cries as the back sound, he began to talk with a low voice.

"When I saw him giving you his life... it hurts.
When I saw him taking care of you... it hurts."

Silence.

"When I saw him lending you to me... it hurts even more."

Silence.

"I'm jealous.
That's what I thought is happening."

...

"I'm jealous of your smooth relationship with him.
I'm jealous of how perfect you two could be.
I'm jealous of how he takes care of you, not hurting you...
And I'm jealous of how you look so happy beside him."

.......

"You've heard me.
You've heard my struggle.
He loves you... I love you...
He's clearly better than me and yet you still don't know who to choose.
He never hurts you. I hurt you everyday.
Even in a situation like this, when I tried my best to cover up my heart break and for you to think that I'm okay-- I still hurt you.
It's like.. hurting you is my daily routine, reviving you is his daily routine...
Everything I do will hurt you anyway, and there he comes to make you feel better.
And even in such condition, you still don't know who to choose."
He sighed, "Woah you're seriously an idiot."

"Then how about you?", you talked back.
"What about you, huh?
You said he's better than you... Then if I choose him without any reasons,
will you be happy with that?
Will you be satisfied with that crap?"

"Yes.", he said willingly,
"No reasons are needed, you-ssi. I've seen the reasons by myself.
Everything he does are all the reasons why you should pick him instead of me.
I'm happy just because you do.
If you're happy then I am.
If you're with him, then-------"

"Shut up.", you cried.
"I'll never be complete without you.
I'll never be happy without you.", you said,
"If you're happy if I'm happy, then clearly you're unhappy right now.
Why? Because you hate me.
If you hate me, I'll be broken. If I'm broken, then you'll be broken too.
Why would you bother to hurt yourself,
when you can easily be by my side, make me happy and make yourself happy too?"

Silence.

"I want to make you happy, Daehyun-ssi.
You're happy if I'm happy, right?
Then to make you happy, I have to be happy myself.
And you know how to make me happy?
...
Stay by my side.", you said.

"I don't bother if you hurt me by everything you do.
It feels better to be hurted by you, than to feel nothing from you."

"You said you hurt me whenever you're around, and he revives it whenever he's around.
Then so what?
That's the balance.
We need to keep both sides in order to be balanced."

"I need you, you need him, he needs you, he needs me.
We need each other and we can't be separated in any way."

....

"Then what about the future?", he asked.
"You're saying this because you don't understand what will be happening if we keep on going like this.
All of us need to get married someday.
Then what?
You want both of us to keep loving you, knowing you can only marry one of us later?
You want one of us dying of sadness in his own life?
You want one of us dedicated his life for someone's wife?!"

"Then what about you, huh?", you asked.
"You want me to let one of you slip out like that,
being broken,
lying to his own self,
acting like he's okay,
giving up his love,
breaks his friendship,
and cry everyday alone because he gave up too early?!"

"You think it's fine?
Even when I got married to him, and you being his best friend..
Visiting your best friend will mean visiting your ex..
Your ex whom you let go for too early. For too fast.
It's okay for you to see us marry each other because you let me go?
Cut it off, Daehyun-ah...
You can't even handle seeing him giving me his breath,
you sure you can handle seeing us kiss in a church to be together forever,
have kids,
and even have our kids become your kids' friend?
Is that what you want?
To see your kid playing with the kid of your best friend and your lover?
Seriously?!"

........

"Be honest to yourself, Mr. Jung. Just this one time. Please.", you begged.

Silence.

"You want me to be honest?", he finally said.
"You really are ready to listen to my honesty?!"

You nodded.

He tried to gather his pride and emotion.
"I let go of my pride to say all these, you-ssi.
I love you.
I want you back.
I want you to pick me instead of him.
I want you to be mine.
I want to be the one who saves you from death.
I want to be the one who revives your sadness.
I want to cheer you up.
I want to make you smile.
I want to hug you.
I want to kiss you.
I want you.
I want your heart.
I want your body.
I want to have kids with you.
I want to have a happy family with you.
I want to hear our kids call you 'mom'.
I want you to love me.."

You smiled, "Finally.
My pabo guy is back."
You can't handle your happiness, "I just don't want you to give up. Why?
Because the pabo guy I know, never give up. Never."

He smiled too, "Then let me be your pabo guy who never gives up."
"You always are my pabo guy.", you said, "Now go."
"Go what?"
"You said you want to give me your life.
You want to save me.
Now go.
Save me.
I'm dying...
because of you."

He smiled.

"Close your eyes.", he said,
"Get ready for some hot chocolate kiss."