Chapter Forty Six

“May I bug you for this while?”

The most deafening sound that I had heard after approximately a month would have to be the silence following that question.  Probably, more deafening than the sound of my heart loudly thumping inside my chest. And once again, with eyes still closed, silence took over. Or perhaps, after the echo of the mere sound of the voice.

With the whole of my body still plastered on the snowy, trimmed lawn of the soccer field, I opened my eyes, with anticipation growing much tenser. 

However, my eyes were met with nothing but black. 
Nothing but the same night winter sky above me. 

I was sure I heard the voice. His voice.

It was just probably me. 

I, myself, playing pranks on myself. My mind taunting me. My heart bugging me. Do I miss him that much that I was starting to deceive myself? Perhaps, I should try harder getting used to the single set of heartbeats resonating on repeat in background. Get used to the difference. To my newfound solemnity.

Not peaceful. Not tranquil.
Just raw silence.

I was about to close my eyes once more, so as to, at least, calm my frustrated, rigorously beating heart. But that annoying voice just had to resound once again…

…annoying Kim Joonmyeon just had to speak again.

“Does that mean permission denied or what?”

And now, I could no longer subdue my heart to its previous dormant state. Or maybe, my heartbeat was not really suppressed to its inactive state in the first place for the month that had passed…when my mind did not stop bugging me with the mere idea of him.

I could not form in mind the reason I wasn’t able to move from my position. Why I wasn’t able to open my eyes once more.

Maybe, he does not deserve my attention after ignoring me for a whole month.
For avoiding me in the school hallways.
For leaving the dorm without even bidding a word of notice.
For being always the one to break eye contact.

Or maybe, I could not move…for I was afraid if I did, I would just prove myself that it was only my mind and heart playing tricks on me.

But call it overreacting, I still did not shoot up from my lying position. His fault anyway. He ignored me for a whole month, and now, he didn’t know how awkward it was for me to feel that he was near me, beside me, or far from me. I couldn’t tell actually because my eyes were still closed. Actually, my eyes were shut tightly in an unnatural way, that I could feel creases forming on my forehead, and on the skin beside my eyes.

I suddenly heard a small stifle of laughter above my head. Based on what my sense of hearing could perceive, a figure, with its head seemingly almost in contact with the top of my head, was carefully bolting up from its lying position, with the faint sound of cloth and snowy lawn rustling against each other. 

After a couple of seconds, I realized there were footsteps trudging through the grass beside me.

With my eyes still shut, I noticed the shadow of the figure blocking the path of light through my eyelids, as if it was observing me, with its frame standing beside me, probably beside my right thigh. It didn’t take long when the figure settled in a sitting position, just beside my waist.

Then the shadow leaned down toward me…
...with arms being placed on either side of me, on the spot of the grass just above my shoulders.

“I was watching you earlier,” the figure spoke in a half-stern and half-mocking manner. “It looked like you learned nothing about soccer from me.”

I did not respond, but if there was any extent that I could shut my eyes much more tightly, I did. I crossed my arms in front of my chest. 

And what an arrogant jerk. Fine, he plays soccer really good. So what? I mean, how can a student learn from a crappy soccer teacher? Well, okay. He’s not ‘crappy’. But  does he really need to flaunt how good he is at the sport? And excuse him, I successfully sent two shots to the goal earlier.

I heard him sighing to himself, with a single resonation of gentle laugh mingling with the gesture. 

He proceeded speaking, in the same manner, with his gentle voice. “You know, you remind me of a person I taught soccer one Friday. She had that same kind of expression. An always displeased, annoyed expression. Dark eyebrows furrowing against pale white skin, nose slightly crinkling, reddish pink lips unyieldingly pursing…”

I wanted to retort at his statement. However, my statements for blurting out just exploded confinely in my mind. I stayed still in my position, eyes closed.

However, I could feel his gaze boring into every feature of my face. I just had that strange feeling. Maybe I should just open my eyes, shoot him a look, push him off of me, and walk away.

But my body, mind, and heart were telling me otherwise. How could I compete against these entities with my stupid self? 

He resumed speaking. “Do you want to hear the story?”

What is he even doing? What story?
And no, don’t wanna hear it-

 “One Friday afternoon,” Without permission, he proceeded. “I taught soccer to a girl with this beautiful raven black hair that fell just past below her shoulders.” For a short while, I felt a lock of my hair being gently held on its tip.

But then, the figure recommenced speaking, releasing that lock of my hair. “I told her the basics of soccer. And of course, at first try, she didn’t get it…”

See? He just needs someone to vent out his arrogance when it comes to soccer.

“At the second try…” he paused for a short while, and gave a small, short ripple of laughter again. “…she still did not.”

I tightened the arms crossed in front of my chest. This is not getting any fun.
I pursed my lips even more, eyes still shut.

“She chased me after I got the ball, going towards the goal. She said she wanted to send it to the goal, so I gave way. But she set a condition…that I should stop bugging her for good…”

“…So she kicked it. You don't know how shocked I was,” a hint of slight mockery emerged in his tone, but gradually faded. “She sent it to the goal. Then she flashed a genuine, happy expression plastered on her face. Captivating smile…”

Why is he even telling me this?

His voice proceeded. “I know I had to keep my word about stopping to bug her. But I had a tiny problem with staying true to my words, and this later became a huge problem. Because she turned around and looked at me with those…”

Preparing myself to push this figure casting a shadow on top of me, I opened my eyes.

“…beautiful dark brown eyes.” Kim Joonmyeon resumed muttering in a toned-down manner, using his tamed, deep voice. With words being spoken slower and slower.

His eyes began searching mine, with a small, closed, gentle smile playing on his lips.

He leaned closer, inching his face down, toward my face. He whispered, with his gaze never leaving my eyes. “Dark brown eyes that I won’t get enough of.”

He stared at me much longer.
As if savouring every second he was laying his eyes on mine.

“…I’ve seen them before. But it can’t be helped. She looked at me. One time. Many times..."

"...Only to find myself falling….over again. Over. And over. And over again.”

With the cold winter wind blowing through the open area of the field, my skin started getting frozen, or perhaps warmed up. I wasn’t so sure. It was as if I was becoming numb to the effect of the harsh atmosphere.

Was my dominating, restless, beating heart the one rendering me numb?

How could I tremble,  when my thumping heart was contained inside my chest and protected against the cold atmosphere of winter?
Thumping and pumping vigorously.
Warmth being generated with those melting, penetrating, stern dark brown eyes looking right through me.
Heat emanating from the body hovered on top of my own lying one.

We remained in our position, with our gazes unyieldingly locked with each other’s. 
How could a single gaze from Kim Joonmyeon do so much to my heart?

What are you doing to me, Kim Joonmyeon?

I didn’t know if I was itching to return his snobby gesture toward me from the past month, or maybe, if he continued looking at me like that, I might completely give in and succumb to him like what he always did…

“Stop that, Joonmyeon,” I untangled my crossed arms and pushed him off of me, with my hand being in contact with his chest for a moment. Without any protest, he freely allowed himself get shoved to his side. I continued uttering. “That won’t work on me.”

But truth be told…
It does.

It completely and perfectly does.

What are you doing to me, Kim Joonmyeon?

I dusted off  my jacket and uniform skirt as I stood up, brushing off the snow and dirt that I caught from the lawn of the soccer field. I partially, blindly, cleared my hair of any snow remnant as well, if there were any.

Without another word and without glancing back at him, I my heels, starting to walk away from our spot. With the rustling of the lawn behind me, I could decipher Kim Joonmyeon standing up from his spot. However, though I presumed him to be catching up to me, I maintained my cool. I didn’t scramble on my feet and ran. 

With the nearing footsteps behind me, it seemed that Kim Joonmyeon was trailing behind me, calmly walking.

His footsteps started coming closer and closer. 
I increased my pace. But his footsteps never faltered, keeping up with me. Probably much faster. But still refraining from running.

As if not giving up.

“You know, it was just like that Friday afternoon. Just like that, you suddenly started walking away.” He spat at me, but still keeping a calm demeanor in tone.

“No, it isn’t. And I wasn’t.” I coldly replied, without facing back at him, still carrying onto my track. 

However, his voice suddenly lit up, with seriousness still etched in it. “You’re probably right. It isn’t like that time…”

“…because I’m sure that it was raining back then.”

So as to mock him childishly in front of his face, I stopped dead in my track and turned around. “Exactly. It’s winter and how’s it gonna-”

I stopped mid-sentence when I was only met with Kim Joonmyeon’s frame the moment I spun around.
With his body invading the intimate space in front of me.. I looked up at him. 

However, I just wished I didn’t.

Because he had those gorgeous dark brown eyes.
And I thought I was getting lost in them. Not once. Not twice. But many times.

And this was just one of those many times.

With him gazing down at me with those piercing yet tamed dark brown eyes of his, he reminded me with a sly smirk as he seemingly observed the familiar distance between us in the middle of this soccer field. “I told you…it's just like that time.” 

Maybe.
After all, it was indeed like that.
He and I facing each other like this.

Being near each other like this.

“No, it’s not.” I challenged him, narrowing my eyes toward him. “Like you said, it was raining. Now, it’s not.”

He should be getting pissed at the statement I darted him, because, seriously, how can it rain in the middle of winter? 
However, a corner of his lips just turned up in amusement, with his glance still glued to mine. 

“Yes, it isn’t the same…”

“…but I’m gonna make it rain, Seo Myunjae.”

With my eyes still scrutinizing his statement and those gorgeous dark brown eyes, I didn’t budge. He continued eyeing me with a now stern expression.

Then…I felt gushing of water sprinkles. Initially splashing in our area, our vicinity.

Water sprinkling heavier.
And heavier.
And heavier.

I squinted at the unprecedented flux of water down on us. I observed the droplets of water around, blurring the area, coming from the sprinklers. No. Make that ‘bathing’ us. The uniform and jacket I was wearing were starting to get drenched with water. My hair was also being dampened with water, that it began clinging onto the skin of my face and neck.

I darted an are-you-crazy-look toward Kim Joonmyeon, who wasn’t even bothered by the fact that the whole of him was getting doused with water as well. He was slightly narrowing his eyes because of the heavy gush of water blotching our surrounding. However, his glance down at me remained stern and unyielding. 

My eyes never left him, batting an intimidating gaze in return. I furrowed my eyebrows at him. “Are you crazy?”

I meant that question. I mean, it was winter. And bathing in the middle of an open soccer field, during the peak of winter season, would do nothing to us but make us sick and bed-ridden.

I was starting to shiver uncontrollably because of the coldness. You know that feeling, like you’re a popsicle in the making, being molded to hardness inside the refrigerator. I clamped my jaws to prevent myself from involuntarily gritting my teeth. Though the view in front of me had just turned hazy, I could still notice myself puffing cold breath in and out.

Kim Joonmyeon was still observing me, with gaze plastered onto mine. He was furrowing his eyebrows, with cold breath also being huffed in and out of his system. His styled dark brown hair was beginning to get dampened by water that it was starting to frame his face so alluringly otherwise.

“Am I crazy?” Joonmyeon darted the question back to me with a blank expression. However, I just didn’t know if he was taunting me or proving a point.

“Yes, I might be. I just might be, Myunjae.”

He shifted his gaze to the ground, through the tiny space left in between the warmth of our bodies. He returned glancing at me. “Don’t you know you have been driving me insane, Seo Myunjae?”

I looked at him in disbelief. 
But my heart was feeling otherwise. Thumping. Flattered. 

Still, I guess I should respond to that statement of his.

“Well, breaking news. Don’t you know how annoying you are, Kim Joonmyeon?” 

“I’m annoying?” He asked in a partially flustered expression. “You are the one who’s annoying, Myunjae. No, let me re-phrase that using your terminology…”

“…you are the one who’s bugging me, Seo Myunjae.”

He enclosed the tiniest gap left in between us as he stepped forward. He resumed.

“You. Bug. Me. Seo. Myunjae.”

This guy has totally lost his mind that he is beginning to mutter non-sense.

“No, Joonmyeon. You’re the more, most, super, mega, ultra, hyper, annoying person I’ve ever met in my eighteen years of existence.”

I didn’t know what that statement of mine did to him, but I noticed Joonmyeon’s eyes starting to glint with amusement, flashing a closed smile as he looked at the lawn beside him for a second. He resumed looking at me.

Aish. That was supposed to insult him. 

Not seeing any further point in this situation, I shot him my annoyed look, if that was how he called it. “It’s cold. If you want to die freezing out here, you might as well do that. On your own.”

I spun on my heels and prepared myself to walk away. With the second step I took away from his spot, he gently latched onto my right wrist.

I turned to look at him and found him giving me the same cold, stern expression. 
He spoke once again. “You’re freezing…”

“Thanks. Thanks for spelling it out.” I tugged my wrist out of his grasp, so unsuccessfully.
“And you’re breaking away from me.”
“Glad you notice.” I gave my wrist another tug but Joonmyeon just clutched onto it tighter.
“Do you want to know what I want to do now?”
“I don’t know, mister-”

I then felt my body getting yanked forward, toward his frame.

Bumping against the firm figure in front of me.

Arms suddenly enveloped me in a tight embrace.
Gentle and tender.

Protectively and securely.
Warm and Longing.

So close that I could feel his heart thumping against mine.

With no words being spoken, we stayed still in the position.
With only the sound of sprinkling water hitting the lawn.
Faint, shallow, freezing breathing of two people.

Two sets of heartbeats.
His.
Mine.

“I missed you, Myunjae.”

“I miss you, Seo Myunjae.” His soft, stern voice resonated once more.

Something different must have come over me.
Something must have.

Willingly…admittingly…
I slowly brought my own arms around his upper body in return.

With my body, mind and heart screaming only one thing...I soon found myself mumbling the words. 

“I missed you, Joonmyeon.”

After staying unmoved from our position, I then felt his hold around me tightening as he lowered his head onto my left shoulder. I noticed him angling his face toward the side of my head.

Before I could realize what he had done, he placed a single butterfly kiss at the side of my head, against my dampened black hair clinging onto my temple. His lips lingered on it for a moment before slightly inching away from it.

The gush of water never stopped. Heavier. And heavier.

Too much that I thought I might drown again.

Sinking.
Further. Deeper.
And helplessly.

I was sure that it had been seconds, or probably minutes, that we had stayed in the position.
So cold yet so warm.

Warmth.
From the hold enveloping me tightly and securely.
From the blood being pumped vigorously due to the fast pace of my beating heart. Faster and faster.
From the body in contact with mine.

However, I noticed that the body holding me was gradually beginning to shiver.

I think I’m hoarding all the heat away from him.

“Joonmyeon.” I spoke softly, as if the syllable was mainly meant for him and him only.

He hushedly hummed, enquiring, once, still trapping me in his hold, the sound reverberating at the side of my ear.

“I think we better go now.” I muttered, still observing that he was becoming vulnerable to the cold.

He didn’t respond in an instant, as if processing something in his mind.
After a few moment, his soft fluid voice resonated.

“If I release you from my hold, will you run away from me again?” 

I gave a small smile to myself.

“I won’t, Joonmyeon…”
“…I won’t.”

For a couple of seconds, he didn’t move away from me.

Slowly, he inched his body away from me, releasing me from his embrace. With eyes still stern, he gave me a small closed smile. 

Even before another thought struck my mind, his right hand reached for my left hand. With his slightly cold, wet palm, he laid it flat against my own one, spontaneously intertwining his fingers with mine. He started leading me toward the nearby players’ bleacher, where two sets of folded white towels were already placed. I also noticed, near the stadium exit, the backs of two derps scrambling on their feet to get out of the stadium. Hulck’s Accomplices.

I didn’t know how Joonmyeon did it, but he managed to ease his shivering frame from the previous wet, freezing situation we had been in. 

We were walking on the sidewalk side by side, with towels wrapped on top of our drenched winter jackets. And it wasn’t really ideal to walk during this time of the winter night, all wet and soaked with water from head-to-toe. Also, you would be a hundred percent right to say that I, indeed, was a trembling mess. As much as possible, I tried to regulate my breathing, with my jaw clenching. I think that if a doctor would perform a surgery inside my body now, he would find nothing but an empty freezer filled with ice, because that was what I was feeling like. We were clutching onto our towels separately to secure heat remaining in our bodies, but these towels weren’t being too much of help if you asked me.

Joonmyeon must have been crazy to walk at a normal pace at a time like this. It was as if he was just walking in the midst of a lightly breezy sunny day of spring with that demeanor of his. He would look ahead at our path, often glancing at the partially snowy asphalt road beneath us, and occasionally gazing at me while he would just smile small to himself, based on what I could observe with my lateral view. 

I increased my pace so that I could just reach the dorm quicker. However, Joonmyeon caught up to me, stood in front of me and faced me with that drenched façade of him, and though the atmosphere and feeling was really cold, this guy in front of me looked hot with that dampened style. Tousled wet, dark brown hair, moist skin….uh, what am I thinking? Focus, Myunjae. Focus.

“What are you doing?” He asked me with a serious, blank expression.
“What? I…I’m cold.” I said through clenching teeth, though I tried sounding normal. I continued mocking him. “Ca-cause you-your…i-idea of wi-winter showering earlier…was ge-genius…rea-really.” 

He looked at the ground for a short moment, giving a small sigh to himself. 

He then stood beside me, facing the track ahead of us.
Suddenly…he draped his own towel over mine.

“Now, can we walk home?” He muttered sternly as he looked at me.

Even before I could answer or protest about giving me his towel in midst of coldness, or perhaps walk forward without answering him…

He placed his right arm around me, holding me closer toward him.

Si