Chapter Forty

Someone told me that a dream is only a shutter away.
For him, it is a scintillating harmony of colors in two dimensions.

I looked up to him.

For me, a dream is only a kick away.
And it is painted a dull black and white in three dimensions.

I looked up to him.
For quite some time.

In a family of four comprised of a father, a mother, and two sons, there would always have to be someone favoured among the two siblings. 
There would have to be the favoured one.

Someone who did better in academics.
In athletics.
At almost everything.

It was me who did better.

But there was someone who always received a pat on the back.
Someone always awarded with words of appraisal.

It was my older brother.
It was Joonsuk, the favoured one.

I had always admired Joonsuk.

He was intelligent and definitely knew many things for someone of his age. He was a person with lots and too many principles in life. He was an obedient and loving son that father and mother always admired. A kind and a generous older brother that taught many things, trivial and important ones, to his younger brother.

Among the things he taught me, he showed me one that he said could make our lives worth it.

Dream.

“What is your dream, Joonmyeon?”

I was eight when Joonsuk first asked me the question. It was not new for my eight-year-old hearing, particular to the fact that our mother would ask  me such question many times before. However, it did sound unusual coming from my older brother darting me the question all of a sudden. I just looked at him with curious eyes. I did not give a response due to the reality that nothing had completely, nor partially, taken my interest except for reading and studying. However, Joonsuk would just smile at me, and every time I asked the same question in return, he would give a consistent single answer.

“I want to be a photographer.”

During those times, he would bring up such question every now and then. As constant as what his answers were, my response would just consist of shrugs and probing stares while looking up from the book that I was reading.

Maybe, I was just too young to be answering such kind of question.
Probably, I would just study for the rest of my life.
Or perhaps, I just wanted to be like our father.

I was not exactly sure.

“Don’t worry. Someday, you’ll have one, Joonmyeon. Someday.”

I asked Joonsuk why he was bringing up that question too many times.

He said father never asked him the question himself.

I was twelve and Joonsuk was seventeen when I realized the reason father never asked him such question.

It was because father already had Joonsuk’s plans laid in front of the eyes of the latter.
Father already had his dream for him.

Sooner or later, he would have to become someone like father.
Sooner or later, he would have to run the company that father owned.

Joonsuk didn’t stop asking me the same question, as if to remind himself of the question, as if to remind himself of his answer. I didn’t stop giving the same reply.

But when I was thirteen, I began giving him a different answer.

I was in my first year of junior high school when the school administration required students to join organizations for extracurricular merits. I had a hard time choosing one since I admit I had no life besides studying. Although I had an array of academic subjects that I found interesting, nothing had basically stood out for me that much.

However, I did find one after hours of thorough glancing at the organization list and searching throughout the campus. 
And it was a hundred-eighty-degree different compared to what normally caught my interest.

Soccer. 

I signed up for the school’s soccer team. After a few drills and observations, the coaches said I played well for someone just starting out in the sport. After sometime training in the team, I was promoted from second string to first string. It was during autumn of that year when I played my first game in the soccer league. It was my first real game and my first win. It was a feeling of victory and belongingness that I had never experienced before, even if laid side by side with my academic achievements.

It grew on me. 

From that moment I realized I started having it.

I had it.
I had a dream.

“What is your dream, Joonmyeon?”
“I want to be a soccer player.”

Joonsuk always did well in school. Because of this, father praised him a lot. I knew how Joonsuk did in school, however, based on what he said before, I did better. I knew of that fact but I wasn't bothered with it in any way possible. However, when I had the chance, I asked our mother why Joonsuk got praised often.  She said it was to provide all the encouragements my brother would be needing at an early phase since he was bound to do something great for what our grandfather had built.

And for quite some time, I believed it. 

It never crossed my mind to ask my father himself why he never congratulated me for all the achievements I had acquired for the previous years. I admitted myself that I did not like voicing out my achievements to my parents. They just knew that I did well. I did well...it was enough for them.

However, it was only Joonsuk who knew every award and recognition that I obtained in school.