Junsu's P.O.V.


I took a sip of my drink as I leaned against the bar, pretending to listen to the girl in front of me when all I did was trying not to fall asleep. This club became like a second home for me, every night meant a different girl and I could clearly feel a slightly disgusted look people who worked here started giving me. My playerish ways started annoying the hell out of them. Heck, they annoyed myself as well. I felt slightly sick of my life.

I sighed with a nod at the girl and looked away from her as she moved to order another drink. My eyes focused on something across from us, on the other part of the club as I recognized him. He looked as handsome as ever and I was extremely surprised to see him here. As much as I tried to stop myself from hurting so much I couldn't do it. My heart would beat faster each time I saw him, especially at moments like this, when he'd appear in front of me in all his glory. Moments like these were rare, since he obviously wasn't the kind of person who would go out to places like this. Actually, go out at all. And my heart just couldn't stop aching whenever I looked at him and remembered how much he hurt me. What's worse - each time the realization of him never being able to become mine hit me like tons of bricks, crushing me down.

I straightened myself slightly as I kept my eyes on him, not paying attention to anyone else around me. But then I realized one more thing - he wasn't alone. In fact, he was with some guy, happily talking and laughing at whatever the other was saying. I observed him for a long moment. Everything about him, the way he looked at him, the way he smiled and laughed, touched the other's arm from time to time, everything made me feel so jealous, made me fall down harder.

I couldn't take it anymore, so I decided to go over to them. I don't even think it was some decision of mine, it was more like my own legs took over my brain and simply leaded me there.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, although not half as angrily as I thought I would. He turned around.

"Oh... hey... Ryeowook, you know Junsu?" he asked as he turned back to the other guy. The guy looked at me and smiled. He was... attractive. A mixture of being cute and y. It annoyed me, he kind of... reminded me of me, being able to pull off both looks.

"Kim Ryeowook." He introduced himself politely, bowing slightly and I smirked just a bit.

"Kim Junsu." I replied, but then Changmin interrupted me.

"He's my roommate." He said simply, not taking his eyes off Ryeowook as I turned back to look at him. Ryeowook said something and Changmin continued to talk like I wasn't even there. I just kept staring at him for a moment, before I turned around and walked away and out of the club.

It felt like I stopped breathing for a moment and when I walked out I tried to inhale fresh air desperately. And even though my lungs did work perfectly I still felt like it wasn't enough, like I wasn't able to breathe. I walked quickly in the direction of our dorms, feeling so exposed out in the open like this. I just wanted to reach my room... our room. Surprisingly, I wasn't feeling angry. Well, I did, but another feeling was suppressing that, less important one. I felt absolutely miserable.

The moment I walked into our room and closed the door, the feeling of not being able to breathe culminated and I gave in to the only way to ease it a bit. I let my tears fall down, finally following me to my land of misery.


Changmin's P.O.V.


I slowly walked up to our room, not knowing what's expecting me on the other side of it. I hesitated for a moment, thinking about tonight, the way Junsu walked up to us, the way he asked that simple question. I assumed he would be surprised to see me there, but his voice was far from being unpleasant. I didn't know what to make out of the way he approached us, although the way he watched Ryeo and then me made me feel worried about him when he walked away from us just like that.

I sighed finally willing myself to turn the knob and walk in. The atmosphere in the room was frighteningly calm, silent and if his curled form wasn't awkwardly resting on his bed, I would've thought the room was empty. He didn't move, his legs drawn up to his chest as far as they could go, his arms resting around them, his face buried into his knees as his messy black hair nicely contrasted his pale skin.

He looked like a little boy and as I slowly made my way towards him a strange fright washed over me again, making me catch myself being scared of intruding his peace. I even held my breath as I slowly kneeled down next to his bed and silently continued watching him.

He didn't look up for a long time and I thought he either hasn't noticed me being there, either he was asleep. Somehow I didn't find the latter so convincing considering the position he was in, it must've been extremely uncomfortable. I bit my lower lip as I moved slightly to change my position on the floor, my back resting against my own bed as I continued watching him.

Unwillingly, I let out a small sigh again, surprising myself one more time with holding my breath. I breathed quite unevenly and felt really ridiculous because of that, but it wasn't really anything strange. My whole relationship with Junsu was ridiculous from the beginning. So much that I became ridiculous along the way, or maybe I was ever since the beginning. I couldn't do anything about it though, it was so much stronger then me that eventually I just gave up. May it all be ridiculous, may it all be a joke. It started off as joke and turned me into one.

I continued watching him breathe until I finally noticed that he, afterall, wasn't sleeping. I've been watching him for too long and I haven't noticed it. I was too deep in my own world to see it. He wasn't breathing evenly, much like me. I swallowed slightly, not moving an inch as I watched him curl his toes slightly, reminding me of a small kid even more then before.

"What do you want Changmin?" he asked then, breaking the silence, but not looking up. His voice was calm and quiet, sending shivers down my spine. I don't think I've ever heard him talk in that voice. I stayed quiet, not knowing how to answer it. I wanted a lot of things. And most of them, if not all, included him.

"You've been sitting there for an hour, you know..." he added and I thought I heard a slightly sniffle as he finished his sentence, but decided to brush it off as my imagination. He wasn't crying, there was no reason for him to... Although, maybe there was, I just didn't know. I didn't know anything about him, about his life for such a long time.

"H-how do you know?" I stuttered, clearing my throat in embarrassment immediately as it became too dry for me to speak.

"I know... I've been counting." He replied quietly again, still not moving. It felt weird talking to him like this. Watching him openly like this and just listening to his voice. That was full of some emotion I've never seen come from him. At least not towards me.

"You've been counting?" I repeated, not believing his words.

"Yes. Counting." He said again and the sound of finality that was hinted in his voice made me shiver again. "I was trying to distract myself... let's say..." he added more quietly. "Calm myself." He whispered, but I caught it.

"Oh..." I nodded even though I didn't quite understand him.

"So... you keep watching me." He continued and it definitely wasn't a question, but a statement. "Why?" he asked, finally lifting his head.

I almost gasped as I looked at his face, his eyes. He was crying. Not at the moment, but he was definitely crying. Probably before I came into the room.

"You were crying." It was my turn to make a statement.

"Why?" he asked softer and for a moment I was afraid he'll start crying again.

"I..." I swallowed, trying to think of a reason. "Why were you crying?" I asked another question instead.

"Was it fun?" it looked like he wasn't listening to me at all.

"What? Watching you?" I asked back, completely confused.

"No. Playing with me." He looked into my eyes, trying to sound cold, but I could see his eyes b with tears.

"Junsu..." I started, but he cut me off again.

"How was it? Placing a bet on me? Come on, tell me, I've been dying to hear ever since..." he trailed off, but then continued. "Was it worth me?" I expected those tears to fall out, I tried to focus on them, much like he was counting. I wanted to escape this. But they betrayed me, refusing to fall down. However maybe it was better that way. I probably wouldn't be able to bare him crying.

"No." I finally replied. "It wasn't." I shook my head.

"You're lying." He smirked, shaking his head. "Just because I'm crying... I cried... doesn't mean you should lie to me. Not after everything." He whispered and even though I expected him to sound angry he didn't. He just sounded... extremely hurt. "I got used to your lies anyway. I'm sick of them."

"I'm not lying." I said once again, but he continued again.

"I'm sick of me." He added, looking away from me.

"Junsu... why?" I asked then, for some reason those words hurt me.

"Why did you let me?" He looked back at me, obviously searching for answer.

"What?"

"Everything... sleep with you... feel this way..." he said, sighing again. I was surprised for a moment, but then realized what must have happened. He pretended he didn't remember us having . Because he discovered the truth. Although the truth he thought he knew was far away from real truth. "Go crazy?" I blinked, thinking of what he just said. Could it be that he wasn't just angry at me... well, it was obvious he wasn't angry, he was hurt and sad and much more. Why would he be all that if he wasn't feeling something... I didn't dare to hope but... something close to what I was feeling?

Too many questions... for both of us. It was time to answer them.


Junsu's P.O.V.


I couldn't stand looking at him, but I had to. I fell. I was embarrassed, but at the same time it didn't matter at all. I had to know everything. Exposing myself was nothing. Not after everything. I already exposed myself, I became something disgusting, I couldn't stand myself even more then I couldn't stand him. It was time for us to come clean. Even if I ended up even more hurt, even more ridiculous. I doubted it was possible. I reached my limit.

I couldn't be angry, I couldn't look at myself in the mirror, I couldn't look at him. I couldn't cry anymore. I couldn't even breathe. I couldn't live like this. It was clearly all I could do. Finally ask, talk, let it all out.

"I went crazy Changmin." I repeated as he stared at me. He looked like he was deep in thought, but I needed to break that. To get to him, to let him know. "I went crazy and I can't stand it anymore."

"Feel? What do you feel?" he asked then. Was he even listening to me?

"I... fell." I replied the only way I could. At the moment that was all I was sure about.

"I did too." He gave me a small smile. I didn't know if he understood me. Well, I didn't understand him. Or rather didn't dare.

"What?" I asked.

"I fell... I... love you." He said bluntly, now waiting for my reaction.

"You're lying..." I whispered, shaking my head. I didn't know I could still cry. "This is another stupid bet, isn't it?"

"No." he shook his head.

"You won. Go get your money, Kim Junsu fell in love with you. There. Satisfied?" I cried harder, the anger came back as well. I glared at him through my wet eyelashes, my vision blurred.

"Junsu..." he smiled that stupid smile of his. I so wished to wipe it off his face. "Su, I'm not lying."

"I'm not your Su..." I shook my head as he moved towards my bed and got onto it, putting his arms around me.

"I never said you were mine." He continued smiling. "But will you be?"


Changmin's P.O.V.


"Yah! Changmin." My Junsu woke me up and I groaned as I slowly blinked my eyes open and looked at him.

"What?" I asked back, quite rudely and he raised an eyebrow at me. I smirked pulling him closer, but he crossed his arms and glared at me playfully.

"You broke your own rule." He stated, pointing to the peace of paper that stood on his closet.

"Which one?" I smirked again, fighting the urge to chuckle.

"Well... first of all, you were wearing my clothes last night." He started.

"I like them. And you don't wear them... I'm lucky I managed to squeeze myself into them." I shrugged.

"Squeeze yourself into them?" he raised his eyebrows and shook his head. "Whatever... next. You're not allowed to sit on my bed, remember?" he smirked playfully.

"Oh, but I'm not sitting, I'm lying." I chuckled at that.

"Smarta$$." He pouted.

"Always've been..." I teased and leaned in to kiss him. "Oh but you broke them too."

"Hm?" he asked surprised.

"You're not allowed to fall in love with me, remember?" he grinned at my words. "But I guess we're both guilty of that." I whispered before I pulled him into another loving kiss.