Changmin's P.O.V.


I aimlessly wondered the streets. I didn't feel like going home, knowing I would be all alone again. I loved my loneliness, but I couldn't take anymore of it lately. I was alone all the time. Of course, I chose to be like that, I could always go and hang our with Yunho and Eric. Or Jaejoong and Yoochun. Or even Hyesung and Dongwan. But I was alone all the time, I couldn't face anyone. I couldn't smile anymore. My mask became a burden.

A couple of weeks ago, when Dongwan saw me breaking down, I stopped spending so much time in my room. Instead, I would always go for a walk after classes and that stupid practice. I would breathe in fresh air and just avoid crowded places or well-known places. I didn't want to meet anyone, simply because it would mean that I needed to put on that smile I began to hate so much. I began to hate my own smile, how ridiculous is that?

It hurt. My own smile. That... grimace... unknown to my heart. I smiled because I knew it was a polite thing to do, I laughed because I knew I should. I did everything not to show pain just because I wanted to avoid unnecessary looks and questions.

I didn't want to think about Kim jerk anymore. I couldn't believe myself, even the fact that I couldn't call him jerk anymore hurt. I loved him. Like I never loved anyone, like I never thought it was possible. But it clearly was and no matter what he did I just loved him. No matter that he only hurt me, didn't pay attention to me, acted like I didn't even exist.

I discovered that he watched me, I noticed. And that made me love him more. I didn't question why he did it and, more importantly, why he acted like he didn't and went even further, like I was no one. I didn't think about it, just the fact that he watched me made me fall deeper.

It looked like there was no end to it... and I felt absolutely hopeless.


Junsu's P.O.V.


I followed him. Every day after that day when he came home late. I didn't want it to happen again, I didn't want to worry. I hated myself for being so weak, for falling for him. For still loving him after everything that happened. But I continued to love him, like some sort of a sick masochist. Did I enjoy torturing myself? I certainly did, but only when it came to Shim Changmin.

I didn't know why he took this walk every day. It seemed to me that he did it completely random. It was different route every day, as if he was searching for something. Or on the other hand, it could be that he was running away from something. It was like he always chose different streets because he thought that whoever was after him already found out about his previous whereabouts. He didn't want to risk it. Yeah, that's right, he was running away from something. At least, that became my theory after a week of following him. After that I just continued following him, not even thinking about it.

Wherever he went I was right behind him. We were completely alone. Just the two of us. Or rather... he was always alone and I was alone, but after him. He never noticed my presence.


Hyesung's P.O.V.


"Sungie?" Jaejoong called me during the class.

"Hm?" I murmured, not looking away from my canvas.

"I need to talk to you."

"Now?" I asked.

"No. Later."

"Is something wrong?" I asked again, looking at him.

"No, just... letting you know." I nodded.

"Today?"

"Better tomorrow." I nodded one more time.

"Are you okay?"

"Oh, just... peachy." He rolled his eyes. I chuckled.

"That's so gay." I commented.

"Thanks. You're too and I never complain." He poked out his tongue at me.

I pouted playfully, but then glanced at the professor who already raised his eyebrows at the two of us. I cleared my throat and went back to my painting. Jae followed.

He needs to talk to me? Yeah, we definitely need to talk.


Yoochun's P.O.V.


As Junsu and Changmin left I sat back down, pulling out sheet of a song I was currently working on. I've been working on it for quite some time, since we came back from winter holidays. Actually, I started it even before, during autumn. When I just met Eric. When Junjin told me to back off and give them space.

I started it back then, overwhelmed with some foolish emotions I didn't think about much at the moment. I just let the music take me over. The whole situation was my inspiration. As it started hurting me more I stopped working on it. But then, with New Year another wave of inspiration took me and brought me back to this song.

It's been almost three months. Every day I would give a little bit of myself to this song. Sometimes I'd just sit and stare at the music I wrote, not believing I did it. Somehow it didn't sound right. I didn't know what to do with it. On some other days I would write like a lunatic, I'd even wake up at night and write the lyrics, as quietly as I could I would hum the melody.

But up until now, I still haven't finished the song.

I started working again, but the whole thing again looked ridiculous. It was like it was one major confusion, causing another even bigger one in my head. I sighed, burying my head in my hands and thinking.

What do I want to say with this? What am I feeling? What kind of feeling should it give away? I turned away from it, from my music, my art. It can't hurt me, but I'm still afraid to open up to it. After that day... I'm afraid to pour my emotions out into my music.

Eric...

Yoochun.

I quickly turned around. I stared at the door for a couple of moments, then shook my head. I'm hallucinating again. He can't be there. He's not.

I stood up and gathered my things. I didn't bother to look at my best buddy, the piano before I walked out of the classroom.

Enough for today. I'm afraid.

I'm losing my touch... I'm losing myself.


Jaejoong's P.O.V.


"Jae!" he called me as I went out of my classroom. And here I thought he won't be free enough to wait for me after classes. I glanced at Yunho and Junjin, who were grinning like idiots and then at Hyesung, who gave me a weird look. I guess he was surprised. I finally turned around and looked at him.

"Minwoo." I said flatly. He walked over, with that grin of his plastered on his face. He put his arm around me and gave me a small soft kiss on lips. I didn't pull away. He could have that. He smiled again, clearly happy. "What are you doing here?" I asked, blushing a bit as I became aware of people staring at us. I uncomfortably looked around and then down, just wanting to disappear. Or move out of there as quickly as possible.

"I wanted to see you." He said. "And I have free time today, so I thought we could go and grab something to eat."

"You mean like dinner?" I blurted out, quite shocked.

We haven't seen each other much and I was pretty content with that. Don't get me wrong, I would love to see him all the time, to be with him and not think about anything, but this way I really didn't need to think about anything. I didn't want to think how I have to control myself, how I have to stop before things go out of hand, how I have to be careful and not fall for him. Well, it was already too late and I knew it, I already fell, I just didn't want to admit it. There was a difference. And that's why I was afraid of meeting Minwoo.

"Well... yeah." He nodded finally. "Let's go."

"Umm... I... I have some stuff to do." I quickly lied.

"But you must be starving." Minwoo said still smiling. "You have to eat in order to get anything done. Come on, I really wanted to spend this day with you. At least those couple of hours." He added.

He didn't whine, he didn't sound like he was pressuring me into doing it. It was just a dinner. And deep down, I wanted to go. Silently, I nodded.


Junjin's P.O.V.


"They're becoming closer." I smirked, clutching onto Yunho's arm as we went into Heechul's and walked over to our usual table. I sat down, pulling my boyfriend close to me.

"Well, I expected it from Minwoo. He gets whatever he wants." Yunho chuckled. Heechul came to us with our coffee. After so many months we stopped ordering it, Heechul would simply bring it to us.

"Yeah, well, he deserves Jae." I nodded.

"We didn't think so before, but yeah, you're right." Yunho said. "We learned a lot about Minwoo in this past couple of months."

I nodded again, sipping my coffee in silence. We stayed like that for a couple of minutes.

"Thank you." Yunho spoke. I glanced at him.

"What for?" I asked chuckling a bit as I haven't expected those words from him.

"For talking to Eric. He needed it." He said. "He told me what you said."

"People shouldn't thank me for that." I replied looking back at my cup of coffee.

"You should stop blaming yourself. It's not your fault they're not together."

"It is." I replied. "If I wasn't such a jerk..."

"We've been dating for two months and they're still not together. It's not your fault anymore." Yunho said softly, taking my hand and caressing it with his thumb. He was right. Why haven't they gotten together by now? I talked to Eric almost a month ago. And he did exactly what he said. Nothing.

"Why?" I asked, thinking about it. Yunho gave me a puzzled look as I looked back at him. "Why haven't they gotten together yet? What is stopping them?"

"Well..." Yunho started, thinking about it now as well. It took him a minute to figure it out. "I don't know." Not. Okay, he was as clueless as I was.

It bothered me. Maybe because I started it all, maybe because it was my fault in the beginning. Maybe because I talked to Eric, I told him everything and he still haven't done a thing. Maybe because... because it concerned my brother. My dongsaeng's happiness.

"Ho, I have to go." I said quickly kissing him and rushing out of the café, leaving my boyfriend behind, completely confused.

I had to take care of this. I had to take care of him. For the first time in my life.