Let me Free

---

-----Minho-----

Almost everyone went out except for me and Taemin. My face still bore the mark with that mean punch from Skye’s manager. I couldn’t go out even if I wanted to.

 

With only Taemin with me in the dorm, it was too quiet. He was in his room doing whatever interested him these days while I busied myself with a book, a change of scenery compared to watching sports.

 

I never expected that the unexpected vacation would bore me to death. Initially, I thought it would help me relax. I’ve been staring at the same page of a book Key recommended for me to read. It was a good book. The only problem is that my body didn’t like being in one place for so long. Days have passed and I was still confined inside the dorm. The idleness made me crave movement and outdoors.

 

I was restless. This was worse than what I’ve felt during the times I’ve been almost eliminated from my trainee days.

 

My body was begging for a workout. Frustration was creeping out from my body. I had the sudden urge to throw the book across the room.

 

How long will have I to stay inside? I checked myself in the mirror and most of the marks have gone yellow. The color was a good sign that the injury was healing well, but still not enough for me to go outside. It would still take days before they are gone completely.

 

It has been almost a week since I’ve been unable to come out without receiving odd looks for my face. Suzy have checked on me a few times, asking about my health. Like everyone else outside the management and my group, the rest thought that I was simply sick. She told me a few times that she missed me. I couldn’t help myself but feel guilty whenever she tells me of it. I couldn’t say the same words to her.

 

I am a moron and a jerk to her.

 

From when I was still a rookie and until now, my heart hasn’t changed. Jieun, the girl that remains to be the one who owns my heart, is still alive. I know now that Haejin is the same girl I knew as Jieun.

 

This fact complicated things.

 

Everyone close to me knew that I am currently dating Suzy. They knew I was involved someone years ago but didn’t know that it was Jieun. There news about my relationship with her but her face wasn’t revealed to the public due to the airline tragedy. Only those who has close connections with SM and were part of the funeral rites saw her face. The company managed to spare her face from the public but doesn’t mean that those would be safe when someone caught wind of any rumor regarding the past.

 

Thinking about the past made me think that most people would probably hate her right now when they’re in my situation. I can’t help but think about the times I was lost without her. The times I’ve cried so hard knowing she was gone. They were still etched in my mind. My heart still clenches tight at the memories.

 

I should be mad at her for the lies I believed and suffered for. And yet, one look at her face, the pain felt all worth it. For some reason instead of anger, I felt happy for simply seeing her alive.

 

She’s still the girl I kept dear.

 

I wish I could take her in my arms but in front of the eyes of the public, she’s taken. Nichkhun is the lucky guy. I heard their relationship was fully supported by both companies, making it a good match in everyone’s eyes.

 

Knowing that, the hurt felt more than a pin prick.  A stab wound would be a more apt description of the pain.

 

It sounds melodramatic; something that came out of a script, but it’s neither a line nor some scene from a story.

 

It was the truth when I told her that I still love her. My feelings for her didn’t fade in time. I think it only strengthened it.

 

When I confronted her the last time, I really hoped she still loved me. The terror proved how much wrong I was. We are finished like some ancient history buried somewhere in a book.

 

A broken sigh rushed from my lips. I was thinking of the bad things again.

 

I learned my lesson after the beating Skye’s manager, Alex had given me. It was time to move on and accept the facts.

 

Nothing good will come from forcing my feelings for a woman who had moved on and chose to leave the past as the past. I know she made mistakes and regrets not staying to tell me the truth to me. But there’s really nothing she and I could do about it.

 

They say that in order to get over an old love, you have to fall in love again. Suzy could be that woman. But I wasn’t sure if I’m ready to forget the old one.

 

Taken or not, my feelings are the same.

 

I just don’t know what to do with them.

 

I groaned this time, rubbing my hands on my face. Here I am again, thinking about love. The book Key gave to me was on the floor. I gave it a good kick and leaned back on my bed.

 

But before my head could touch the bed, my phone’s ringtone came blasting through the phone speaker surprising me to sit upright. My eyes widened slightly when I saw Nichkhun’s name flashing on the phone screen, calling me.

 

“Hello?”I answered.

 

“I have no time to explain but if you want Skye to be around you longer, you need to get to SMENT as quickly as possible.” The older male’s voice said. He sounded a bit desperate.

 

His words made me pause, wondering if I just heard him correctly. “What?”

 

“What don’t you understand about There’s no time to explain! Just get your here!” Nichkhun gave me an earful that got my ears ringing for a few seconds.

 

“Got it.” I ended the call as soon as I said it and ran out of my room. I didn’t dare disobey the male. I have never been able to see this side of him except now. I heard how scary he was from the rest of 2pm but didn’t realize how much.

 

My door made a loud sound as I closed it shut. I grimaced at the sound, cursing mentally at using too much strength.

 

“Minho-hyung?”Taemin’s head popped out from his room. He must have thought something was wrong.  

 

I ignored him and quickly put on a coat and slipped on my shoes. I was in a hurry to bother explaining and wondering if   Pretty face or not, I have to leave fast.

 

“I’m coming and you can’t do a thing about it. They’ll skewer me alive if I let you out without someone.”Taemin caught up to me and followed my actions, getting his shoes as well. Looks like I had to leave with him.

 

 I didn’t have to guess who he was talking about. Every one of the older ones including the manager would gladly do the skewering if I left alone.

 

 

 

In record time and a lot of luck, Taemin and I didn’t get caught by fans and arrived at the company grounds. Taemin had been bugging me all the way into telling him what was wrong. I couldn’t answer him because even I don’t know what was going on.

 

We entered the building and Nichkhun was there waiting for me. He looked very impatient and tense.

 

I approached him. “Now, can you tell me what’s going on?”

 

An almost smile broke from his face. He was still stiff and pulled me towards the elevator. “Skye’s going to tell Sooman everything.”

 

Taemin was following close behind when Nichkhun told that to me. Caught off guard by his words, I was then pushed inside and Sooman’s office floor button was pressed.

 

The elevator doors closed immediately and I was alone.

 

Skye’s going to tell Sooman everything…

 

The words were still ringing in my head, repeating over and over again until the annoying music in the elevator was cut short when the door opened.

 

Her past.

 

Our past.

 

Everything….

 

A glimpse of dyed hair caught my attention. I immediately knew it was her.

 

Skye was already making her way towards Sooman’s office. I ran out without and reached out as I caught up to her. My hand tightened on her wrist and pulled her before she could enter the office.

 

Her hair slapped on my face. I leaned back a little and winced, but never loosened my fingers around her wrist.

 

“You~”The irritated expression from her face changed into surprise. The look on her face was clear that I was the last person she expected to see today.

 

“Don’t do this.” I begged in a whisper and tugged at her hand. Even though what happened was the past, I don’t think Sooman would let go of the deception. There were always consequences.

 

“How did y-” She stopped herself as it immediately dawned on her who told me. I saw how her lips tightened into a line and a slight hiss slipped through them. “Nichkhun.”

 

I nodded.

 

“Skye, please don’t do this. This is your dream. Didn’t you say you want to be on stage? Why quit?” I said, hoping my words would remind her of that dream she shared with me years ago, before we have become who we are today.

 

She shook her head and looked at me straight in the eyes. “It is my dream and I have done what I dreamt of doing.” Her eyes looked glassy as what look like tears started to form from them. “But that dream isn’t enough anymore. I need to do this!”

 

“Skye?” We heard Sooman’s voice coming from inside the office. “Is there something you need?”

 

Skye immediately wiped the tears forming from her eyes, removing any traces of her small outburst.

 

! I cursed mentally. We had to get out of here fast.

 

Before Skye could muster a reply to Sooman, I pulled her farther away from the direction of the office.

 

But then, I remembered that the secretary was listening in. She was sitting behind her desk and didn’t try feigning disinterest. From all the years I’ve known her, she liked to be the first one to have a scoop with the news in our company. She would have made a lot of money leaking information, but she knew how to keep shut and remained loyal.

 

I looked at her and smiled like always as if I wasn’t in a private moment with someone. “Please tell Sooman-nim that Skye and I have something to talk about.”

 

The secretary nodded at me without a word and got up to deliver my message.

 

I continued dragging Haejin away from the office and brought her inside an empty studio where we could talk in private. Once alone, she glared at me and raised her voice. “You’re not supposed to be here.”Her finger jabbed my chest repeatedly.

 

I backed one step at a time. I winced at the sore spot on my chest and grabbed her wrist, stopping her from making another painful jab. “What are you thinking? Do you really want to ruin your career?! One word from Sooman-nim and it would all be over. Are you just going to leave me again?!”

 

“This is none of your business. Leave! This is my life not yours!” She angrily said to me. Her voice echoed in the studio and it only made the whole conversation tense.

 

It hurt to hear those words from her. Once it was ‘our’ life. Our lives were intertwined as we planned our future. So many years have passed and now she was reminding me of the difference from all those years.

 

I wanted to say that it’s not just her life that being affected. Mine would always be affected with hers. I wanted to say that no matter how much time had passed, our lives will always be connected. All these I wanted to say but before I could form a reply, we were interrupted by a group of trainees entering the room. They immediately bowed and greeted once they spotted us.

 

They didn’t seem to notice the tense atmosphere from the two of us.

 

I pushed my anger deep inside me and faked a smile. Some looked at us curiously but didn’t stop to listen. I remember during my trainee days, I was more interested in using the time I could get to practice. Practicing was everything. Our future depended on it.

 

It looked like they were scheduled to practice in the room I picked. I haven’t let go of Haejin’s wrist and she didn’t bother freeing herself. I was stronger than her and any struggle would only lead to rumors. We just can’t have that.

 

We excused ourselves and searched for a more private venue to continue our conversation.

 

It didn’t take long to find a spot where no one would disturb us. There are enough places in SM for that. It served as a haven for the company’s artists to find places to relax in the building as we are always busy.

 

My grip on her must have hurt by now. I was still holding her tight, afraid that she would run.

 

We stood face to face to face.  She looked at me with a determination that she still won’t change her mind. I returned her gaze with the same spirit. 

 

It angered me. Her decision to quit and leave was selfish in my opinion. She was gone for years! And now that I have the opportunity to have time to be with her, she would disappear again.

 

Maybe, I’m the selfish one but I just don’t care anymore. I want her near with me. If she quits, I will lose her again.

 

“You’ve only been active for a year. If the bosses are not happy with your confession, they’ll terminate you and then you’re gonna be buried in debt! They’ll sue you! Think about this carefully. It can destroy you. Please Jieun. Don’t do this to yourself.” I tried to reason with logic.

 

Her eyes said that she took my words into consideration but she had already made up her mind. She was stubborn that way and one of the things that I missed.

 

Haejin slowly freed her hand and shook her head. “Minho-ah.” She called my name affectionately in a tone I’ve almost forgotten. “I want to have peace. I have suffered for years just like you did. I want to live without looking behind me wondering if they could see the lies I’ve created throughout the years.”

 

I didn’t try to tighten my grip again. I understood that she would change her mind no matter how much I try to.  My shoulder slumped, already knowing what her answer would be. I tried and still she wouldn’t stop.

 

“But I still love you…” I whispered, unable to tell it confidently. I was scared that we would be separated again.

 

When I said the words, I watched her face turn soft. She smiled but it looked like it hurt to do so. “Then, you should understand that sometimes love isn’t always enough. I want to stop the lies. I’m tired from all of it.  The guilt… it’s eating me alive.” Haejin uttered the last sentence like it was consuming the very essence of her.

 

She really looked like she was at the end of her own sanity.

 

I closed my eyes and swallowed the scream of pain that threatened to come out of my mouth. Haejin deserves to be happy. I can’t stop her to choose what she thinks would give her happiness. Life had taken too much from her just like it had taken from me.

 

The well-used line, “If you love someone, set them free”, was appropriate for this moment.

 

In my pain, I almost jumped out of my skin when a soft pair of lips touched my cheek. “Thank you.”

 

I couldn’t say anything to answer her. I’m afraid that I would beg again.

 

 

In silence, we walked back to Sooman’s office. We walked side by side, and neither looked at each other.

 

I couldn’t look at her but I wanted to stay near her. I’m afraid of what might happen once Haejin tells Sooman everything. Nothing is ever certain from him anymore. He’s not the same harsh boss from when I started in the business. Things have changed but I could only hope he would understand her.

 

Skye didn’t have to knock at the office as Sooman was right outside with a welcoming smile on his face. He smiled at me and I greeted him. He didn’t seem curious as to why I was with the new artist.

 

Sooman looked at his new artist and spoke. “I heard you were looking for me? Is there something wrong?”

 

Haejin nodded with a tight smile. “Yes. I wanted to talk to you about something.” She paused before continuing. “Privately.”

 

I knew that the last part was meant for me.

 

Our boss went from friendly to professional. He had sensed the seriousness of Haejin’s request and the possible consequence of whatever this conversation would entail.

 

I still hope he would understand.

 

I watched the two enter the office while I waited outside with the secretary’s uncomfortable eyes on me.

 

“Please let this end well…” I muttered in a silent prayer.

---

Even with so much free time, I don't write as much as I want to.

Hopefully one of these days... I'll get to finish this story~

It's been far too long.

Thanks for reading^^