Embrace...
Forget Our Memories018: Embrace...
--Haejin--
I am living my life.
I think I am.
As Skye, I feel like I could face the world.
There's so many things that she and I are different.
I am still living in regret while she moves on from the past.
Sometimes I wonder if it will get any easier.
Promotions for my album has reached it's peak. My album managed to reach the top 15.
Competing with experienced idols such as Sistar and B1A4, it was luck that my album was selling well. Thanks to SM and JYP, I managed to get this far.
"Great performance Skye!" Sistar's Hyorin told me as I got off the stage.
I blushed from exhaustion and her praise. "Thank you sunbae. It means a lot to me." I bowed.
She smiled and patted on the back. "Sooner or later, you'll be one of the top solo artists. You're really good."
I smiled. "You too sunbae. You're routines helped me a lot during my rehearsals."
She giggled. "All that y moves did help strengthen my back and trim down my weight."
We laughed for a bit and headed our separate ways.
Almost in every music programs I go into, idols from different companies would visit me. They were either curious on the solo artist signed to JYP and SM's joint label or wanted to meet the rookie singer garnering attention.
It was fun.
It was like meeting a distant relative.
There were times like when one of my growing favorites, Infinite, came and gave me advice on performing in front of the audience.
At my growing popularity, JYP was so happy that he decided to throw a congratulatory party. We didn't have one during my debut because he was also preparing 2pm and Joo's comeback promotions.
My manager and I arrived at the party minutes after it officially started.
There were a lot of fans outside. Reporters were also present.
When I got out of the van, pictures were taken nonstop. I have gotten used to them and I waved at the fans.
They screamed. There were a large number of male fans.
It was flattering.
I signed a couple of autographs and posed for the cameras before going inside.
The screams for my name were muffled once I entered the building.
I had to dress up again for this party. It was tiring.
I excused myself for a minute from my manager before going to the party.
I really needed a minute to myself.
My reflection showed a glamorous me. The 'Skye' version of me looked beautiful. But my eyes... the 'Haejin' part was tired.
My dream came true...
But at what price?
I'm happy but I felt incomplete.
"What are you really doing Jieun?" I asked myself.
I just want to dress in my sweats and eat something outside. Unfortunately, I can't. My unique hairstyle made it easy for me to be identified.
"Jin! Why are you still here? You're the main lead at the party." Fei dragged me out of the restroom.
She's one of my closest friends here in JYP. I could even consider her like a sister. She's like Jieun.
They were rebels.
She only let me go when I entered the function room.
Idols from both companies were mostly present. TVXQ was overseas promoting in China while Wonder Girls went back to America for another album promotions.
"Skye!" Junsu exclaimed when he saw me. He enveloped me in a hug that caught me off guard.
"Yah! I should be the one to hug her first!" Wooyoung tried to pry his group mate's arms around me but Junsu was stronger.
"No way chubby cheeks. You sneaked out and went to Skye's debut performance and didn't invite us." The older idol retorted.
"You even had the guts to brag those pictures you took with her." Nichkhun joined in.
"Nichkhun sunbae!" My facial expression brightened when I saw my confidante, Nichkhun.
I removed myself from Junsu and gave the good-looking idol a hug.
Junsu looked offended for brushing him off like that but I knew it was an act.
He smiled later on.
"How's JYP's maknae?"
"Exhausted. I just want to sleep for a week." I told him honestly as I released him from the embrace.
He laughed. "It gets better with time." His hand almost ruffled my hair but I managed to defend myself just in time.
"The hair took forever. I need to look good in pictures." I reminded him. "Where are others?"
I couldn't see the rest.
"Taecyon's with Jessica. While Chansung's probably hogging the buffet and Junho... I'm not really sure where he went." Wooyoung was the one who answered.
"hmmm... " My eyes scanned the room. The party was full of people. I don't even know most the people here.
I wasn't really listening. I didn't know why I even asked.
"You should have the decency to listen." Wooyoung knocked my forehead lightly to catch my attention.
I could only smile tiredly. "I'm really in the mood to celebrate anything."
"Stay at least for man hour. You need to show a good image here. These are the people that will help you in your career. After that, you could spend some of your time in their private lounge on the rooftop. JYP reserved it for people to relax without the loud music." Nichkhun reasoned with me.
I understand what he was trying to tell me.
Even though it was my party, a part of it was still work.
"Can I really go there?" My voice asked softly.
"Later. We'll tell the boss that you need the rest." Junsu assured me.
I sighed and clapped once. "Catch me if I faint."
They chuckled and went our separate ways to enjoy the party.
As promised, I stayed for more than hour. I was introduced to people I would be working in the possible future and I talked with the other idols that I have worked with.
JYP was kind enough to let me go and rest on the lounge at the rooftop. The room had a glass roof that showed a nice view of the stars and the moon.
I thought I would finally had some peace and quiet when I saw that someone else was already inside.
His back was facing me that I didn't recognize who he was.
"Oh! I'm sorry. I thought this room was empty." I smiled politely and apologized.
Just when I was about to leave, he spoke.
"I think this place is big enough for the both of us." That voice...
I could never mistake it for anyone else.
My feet was glued to the floor. My smile froze on my face that it looked awkward. "Minho sunbae...Why aren't you downstairs?"
"You could just call me Minho, you know?" His lips formed to a smile. "My ears are ringing from all the music. I needed a breather. How about you?" He sat comfortably on the couch. His eyes were on the stars as he replied.
"Pretty much exhausted. I thought I could get some sleep here. " I answered honestly.
We were fellow idols. There was no reason to lie.
"It gets better once you're used to the schedules."
"That's the same thing Nichkhun sunbae told me." I chuckled. I sat on the other end of the couch.
I knew for a fact that he was moving on. Nichkhun personally called me to tell me about it. He set him up with IU. I wasn't sure what happened to the date. I never asked sunbae about it.
He turned his head to look at my direction. "It's a good advice. Leeteuk hyung said the same thing to me when I was still a rookie."
His eyes were mesmerizing that I needed to look away in order that to fall in it's spell.
"There are rumors that you have started dating again." I started a new topic for a conversation.
I knew it was a bad one but I don't know what else to talk about. I just said the first thing that was on my mind.
He smiled. "I really am actually. Finally after years of being indecisive, I am finally following your sister's advice. I' m trying."
At last... he was moving on.
I should have been happy that he'll forget me.
I should be relieved that he won't be hurting because of me.
But why? why does my selfish heart want him?
Am I too cruel to wish for his failure?
Tears pooled on my eyes. "I'm sure my sister would be happy for you." These words were too hurtful. I tried my best not to cry.
He smiled sadly. "I'm trying but I kept on going back to my old feelings."
I nodded as if I understand but I tried my best not think about it's meaning.
"Was she a good sister?" He asked me out of the blue.
My sister Jieun was good despite our past. She was lonely but when we grew up, she became strong.
I smiled at the memory of the last time we saw each other at the airport. "She's the best."
"Do you think I could ask you a favor?" All of a sudden he was sitting very close to me.
I didn't know what to do that I automatically nodded my head.
I was frozen in place when he wrapped his arms around me. "Sunbae..." I stuttered. "A-are you dr-unk?"
His strong arms made me feel safe. A feeling I have missed since the last time he held me back in the hospital.
When I was about to move away from him, he tightened his arms around me, afraid of letting me go. "Please...let me stay like this for a moment." I could sense that he was on the verge of breaking.
Tears wanted to fall but I didn't let them. I had to be strong for him to move on even though seeing him like this was becoming too much.
"Let me pretend you're her one last time. Maybe this time I can move on." His plea torn me to pieces.
I knew I didn't deserve to ask for another chance, but I wanted to so badly.
This was the only thing I could do for him. I could comfort him in this persona. It was killing me but what else can I do?
Tell him?
I'll only hurt him.
His tears soaked the sleeve of my dress. I let him.
He needed this short illusion. I was giving it to him because I love him.
"Minho..." My voice was rough as I tried to control my emotion. "Once we leave this room, you'll forget about me. You promised me you're going to move on for both our sakes."
He nodded, sobbing harder. "I know! But I love you too much. I don't want to let go. It hurts."
"We need to."
I didn't cry physically... in my heart, I was.
I don't remember how long we embraced. He might never know but he also gave me comfort despite of the pain.
He dried his tears as soon as he stopped crying and shyly smiled at me. He was a little embarrassed at his outburst.
"Don't think about it. You needed the closure." I gave him a friendly pat on the shoulder.
"Thank you for doing this." He smiled. It was the smile that I loved.
I couldn't help but smile back. "We're friends, right? It's the least I could do."
He squeezed my hand. "Thanks again."
Pleasure of warmth ran through me with the contact.
I watched him leave the room.
The happiness I felt was only for a moment.
It was my turn to watch him disappear.
My heart hurts. I placed my hand over it.
"I'm really happy for you."
This time bitter tears fell.
I cried a little at the last part...
I didn't know why but I did for some reason...
Probably because the realization was finally coming down onto Haejin.
She realized that she's selfish in love.
I cried on how hurt has been Minho all these years.
Haejin had to pretend to be her old self to help Minho!
Gah! Such drama...
Comments people^^
Thank you everyone for reading....
For my silent readers... a simple 10-character message will do even if it consists of dots like this......
I just want to know if you guys are still alive^^
5 long years and I'm happy with the long journey with you guys... I give you my thanks~
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