---

 

010: Confession

 

---HAE JIN----

I can’t stop seeing him.

 

He continues to haunt me even in my dreams. There has never been a moment where he left my mind.

 

The management advised me to take a break but I don’t think that would be the best thing for me. Giving me time to think would just make all the memories of me and Minho replay in my head over and over again. If that happens, I don’t know until when will I stay sane.

 

So with my crutches on both sides, I went to work.

 

For the majority of my first day back at work, I was alone in an empty practice room with nothing but a piece of paper, and music that I couldn’t dance with because of my injured leg and arm.

 

I tried writing about anything that I could think of. Minutes passed and turned into hours and all I have written on the piece of paper was a scribble of my name .

 

This is going nowhere, I mentally told myself.

 

My eyes wandered around the room and I could see myself on the mirror in front of me, looking as clueless as I should be of what I am doing.

 

Being helpless like I am now, was making me feel worse than being actually sick.

 

I couldn’t dance. That was a fact until I get better.

 

But, there was one thing I haven’t done for a long time.

 

Sing.

 

I’m not sure why I stopped. I know how to sing. I got training when I was still a trainee under SM Entertainment.

 

~Is it okay if I call you mine?

Just for a time ~

 

I just started singing. Hearing my voice resound s it echoes felt good. I didn’t realize how much I missed singing.

 

~And I will be just fine 

If I know that you know that I'm 

Wanting , needing your love 

Oh ~

 

It didn’t register in my mind what song I was singing at first. But as I sang, I realized why.

 

~If I ask of you is it all right 

If I ask you to hold me tight 

Through a cold, dark night 

'Cause there may be a cloudy day in sight 

And I need to let you know that I might 

Be needing your love 

Oh ~

 

~And what I'm trying to say isn't really new 

It's just the things that happen to me 

When I'm reminded of you ~

 

This song was about me hoping I could be with him even for a short while.

 

Like when I hear your name, 

Or see a place that you've been 

Or see a picture of your grin, 

Or pass a house that you've been in 

At one time or another. 

 

It sets off something in me I can't explain. 

And I can't wait to see you again. 

Oh, babe, I love your love 

Oh 

And what I'm trying to say isn't really new 

It's just the things that happen to me 

When I'm reminded of you

 

My chest hurt after finishing the last verse. It was as if it has been assaulted. The pain felt real but I knew it was what I felt emotionally.

 

I brought my free hand over where my heart was and felt my heart beating.

 

“You didn’t tell any of us that you could sing.”

 

I was lost in my thoughts until someone’s voice interrupted me. I snapped back to reality and saw one of the members of 2pm standing by the door, looking ecstatic.

 

“I haven’t got the chance to sing again until now.” I put on a smile even though I didn’t feel like smiling.

 

“So…. What brings you here sunbae?”

 

He scratched his head uncomfortably as he looked at me, smiling. “I brought the ring.”

 

My eyes brightened. I almost forgot about the ring. I smiled brightly this time and I extended my hand waiting for Nichkhun sunbae to give me the ring.

 

I was still sitting on the floor as he approached me and place the ring on my hand.

 

The ring felt cold on my on my palm. Though in my heart, it was as if the ring was a fire warming my heart.

 

It was the only thing remaining that Minho has given me.

 

I just stared at it for a while with a wistful expression. “You should know this ring sunbae.” My voice came out soft as I was looked straight to his eyes.

 

“Yeah, It’s a lot similar from mine, except from the engravings. Wooyoung told me that it was a gift from someone.”

 

“Yes. He gave it to me with a promise that he’ll protect me.” Minho and I believed that promise until things got complicated. “He had the ring engraved with our nicknames for each other…”

 

I smiled once again before looking seriously at Nichkhun sunbae. He was listening to me quietly.

 

“If I told you this, would you be able to keep it a secret? I haven’t told anyone about this.” I’m not even sure why I was deciding to tell him this. I promised to forget about the past though it kept on finding me.

 

His mouth formed a thin line as his brows creased. I took his reaction as indecisiveness and decided to drop the subject. “I’m sorry. Forget about it.” I was going to stand up when he stopped me.

 

He raised his hand in front of me. “Wait” He said before continuing.  “Okay. I’ll listen and keep this a secret.”

 

“This ring is the exact pair of yours, sunbae” I started to spill the secret slowly.

 

Wooyoung should be the one I’m telling this. Maybe, it was because he was connected to Minho. He would understand… I do hope so.

 

“If you’re confused, I understand. But before that, let me tell you a story…” Then, I started to tell my story that I have keeping quiet for so long.

 

~A couple of years ago, there was a trainee who fell in love with a newly debuted idol. Since, being involved in a relationship was forbidden, they thought they could keep it a secret. They were young and naïve. They managed to keep it quiet for a few months but eventually, they were found out. Their friends knew about it and supported them fully but even they couldn’t stop the relationship from going public.

 

As you know, when relationships are discovered, managements like it to be dissolved as soon as they could. It was the idol’s manager who found out about their relationship and first talked it out with the idol. The idol refused to break up with the trainee and vowed that no matter what happens he won’t let her go. That was what the manager feared. Fans are not forgiving and very open with their idols having a relationship. They wanted to dream that they could have a chance with their idols. The manager couldn’t have his idol be endangered of falling when they just barely started.

 

The manager kept it quiet, but it didn’t mean that he approved of the relationship.

 

In silence, he watched the idol’s performance in his activities. At first, the idol was doing great but it didn’t take long before he saw an abrupt change in the idol. It started with the simple things like being in a daze or committing more mistakes than usual, but then the idol started on sneaking out in the middle of the or sometimes disappear for a couple of minutes before practice. As the manager expected, the idol spends his time with the trainee and it was affecting his performance.

 

He can’t have any of the idols distracted. And so, he went to have a talk with the trainee.

 

Just like the idol, she refused to break it up. She, too, strongly believed that they were strong enough to handle things. The manager pitied them.

 

The manager showed the trainee the effect her relationship with the idol. He showed her videos of the idol’s recent unsatisfactory performances.

 

The trainee knew that it was her boyfriend’s dream to be a great in his chosen profession but she also knew that for her sake, he could give it all up. She didn’t want that. Never did she want her boyfriend to give up his dream for her. It was wrong.

 

Maybe, if they were older, she would know how to face the dilemma more maturely but she’s just a child. She barely knew anything about the real world.

 

Eventually, she agreed with the manager to break it off with the idol.

 

She break it off with him and went to Japan.

 

But, the flight to Japan crashed due to an engine failure. ~

 

When I finished my story, I felt relief wash over me. Somehow, telling it made me feel better, like the burden got smaller.

 

“Jin-” Nichkhun started.

 

“Please don’t call me that.” My tone was begging. I wasn’t ready to hear that nickname. Minho always called her that.

 

“Okay, Jinnie”

 

I chuckled. For a moment I forgot about the loneliness I was feeling. “It’s almost the same.”

 

“Almost, but you have let us call you that.” He argued and he was right. “Haejin… I still don’t understand what you’re trying to say.”

 

“Do you remember that flight to Japan crashing due to an engine failure a couple of years, killing all it’s passengers?”

 

“Yeah, I do. Minho was pretty devastated when- okay.. this is creepy. Why is it similar to your story?”

 

I brought out the only photo I have with me that showed me and my twin sister, Jieun. I showed it to him and he went silent for awhile.

 

In the picture, Jieun and I were sitting side by side while we’re holding each other’s hand.

 

“In that plane, my parents including my only sister died. I was just a few minutes away from the airport.” I confessed.

 

“Her name was Jieun.”

 

I pointed Jieun who was the girl in the left. She had a mischievous smile on her face. “Most people wouldn’t be able to tell us apart except for a birthmark she had on her neck.”

 

From the photo, Jieun’s birthmark can be seen.

 

“Are you saying what I think I’m saying?” Nichkhun looking unsure.

 

“Wae? Why don’t you tell me what you’re thinking and I’ll tell you the truth.” I looked at him with a cryptic smile.

 

“I remember a girl named Jieun from Minho. Is she the same girl?”

 

I took out another picture from my things and it was a picture of me and Minho smiling happily toward the camera. We had our cheeks pressed to each other.

 

I handed the picture to Nichkhun sunbae and waited for his conclusion.

 

“Wait. You said that Jieun has a birthmark on her neck but the girl in the picture with Minho doesn’t have one.”

 

I could only nod. If I told him the truth he might not believe me. Most people would I have thought that the situation I had fallen into would only happen in stories but this was the truth.

 

“Are you saying that the person in the picture wasn’t Jieun but you?” His eyes widened at his realization. I could never blame him if he thought it was impossible.

 

“Yes.” Then, I told him everything up to the last detail.

 

He sighed heavily as soon as I finished my tale. “Dongsaeng… Why don’t you tell him?” He look at me with such pity and I answered him with a shrug.

 

“It’s far too late now, sunbae. I am already dead. I am Hae Jin.”

 

---

Though it was short, I hope you liked it.

Things would start to get interesting after this chapter.

Hae Jin's life would get more complicated.

And a spoiler.... a discovery by Taemin. 

I want to hear your theories....hehehe

Thanks a lot for reading...

I'm writing the oneshot request right now...

and  I can't think more of what to add to this chapter .

I want to know whst you think!

comment comment^^