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003: A new life

 

~~MINHO~~

 

I just can't believe it. 6 years have passed and still I feel like she's still here in this world waiting for me to hold her again.  

 

Sometimes I hate this feeling of being pitied. People just give in to whatever you need. They feel you needed to be given some slack. It's the same feeling right now. If it wasn't for her DEATH, Soo Man, our CEO probably an iron hand in every decision he makes with relationship issues. We, wouldn’t have the freedom we have now.

 

There were still a lot of things that I wanted her to hear. I want to tell her how much I love her every single day. For me, this feeling I have for her is not just simple emotions that would fade through time. I truly believe, my love for her would last as long as I love. Overrated but it’s the truth.

 

I still have a lot of things I regret I should have done with her when she was still here. But now, the only thing I can do is fulfill the promise I made to her. I will move on for her sake even though it feels like I am being torn apart everyday without her.

 

I promised to move on but it doesn't mean I will forget her completely just liked she asked me to, that’s impossible even if I tried to. She is a part of me, an indestructible piece that holds me whole. Just this once, I wanted to give her something. She may be in heaven but I want her to see that she may no longer present physically, but she will always remain in my heart.

 

For our special concert, me and the rest of the group decided to dedicate it all for her. We even planned this concert on her birthday, January 4. It was something I thought I could do for her, just this once.

 

At first, I thought Soo Man would be totally be against the idea but it turned out to be the complete opposite. He even suggested that it would be great if each one of us dedicate a song for her since technically most of our songs were created because of her.

 

I felt a hand slapped my head on the back. I looked up and saw Key eyeing me for not paying attention, "Yah MinHo! Snap out of your lala land and rehearse! You wanted this so be RESPONSIBLE!" 

 

"Neh Hyung!"I obediently obeyed. Key was being such an Umma today since he too wanted this concert to be perfect.

 

"And that means you too! Jjong! Taemin! Quit Goofing around!" His eyes diverted to Jonghyun and Taemin. They were playing around, poking each other here and there. Key's eyes were like laser beams burning holes on the 2 members. It took a second before they noticed Key. They were frozen in their spots and slowly retreated away from each other.

 

"Oops! Sorry..." they smiled awkwardly for their behavior.

 

"POSITIONS EVERYONE!" Our manager pressed the play key on the player.

 

We took our positions and composed ourselves and before the music started Onew, our leader cheered.

 

"Remember Guys! We have less than 48 hours before the concert. Let's do our best!"

 

"FIGHTING!!!"We replied with enthusiasm.

 

And as if on cue, we revert back to our professional selves and danced our hearts out.

 

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My feet felt awfully heavy. My heart kept on racing as if I've been running. The color of my face looked pale and I kept on shaking for no reason. No matter how many times I convince myself that there's nothing to be nervous about, my body didn't think so.  I thought going to this event would be easy, emotionally... I was totally wrong about that.

 

It's been years since I went to a concert. If not for my foreign friend, Carol ,who wished to see a concert with me, I wouldn't have come in the first place.

 

"Please put on a happy face for me and have some fun" My best friend pleaded me.

 

My face was stiff like I was trying not to squirm from pain.

 

"Ahh come on. It's your birthday!" She tugged the end of my shirt, trying to act all child-like. Her cheeks were like of a chipmunk.

 

It was very cute but the uneasiness I was feeling weighed more than her cheery vibe.

 

"I know you too want to come to their concert. I've seen the look on your face whenever they pop up on screen and when we pass by a poster of them. So PLEASE be HAPPY"

 

This time I couldn't deny of her accusations but she was missing a piece of the puzzle. The longing I have was different from what the truth is.

 

If she only knew...

 

I sighed and gave up. I gave her a forced smile and agreed.  "Alright. I'll try my best." Truthfully, there was nothing to be afraid of. They can't even see me from this crowd.

 

"That's the spirit" She then gave me a tight hug that felt like crushing my bones.

 

Just then, a familiar tune came out from the speakers. Fans screamed in excitement and started chanting. "SHINEE! SHINEE! SHINEE!"

 

A loud boom came from the stage and images of each member popped out on screen making fans scream louder than before. It was a heart-stopping moment.

 

Carol said something but I couldn't understand a thing.

 

I leaned near to her shouted loud enough for her to hear. "What?!I can't understand what you're saying" The crowd was really loud.

 

"I said, Aren't you lucky? As if they prepared it for your birthday!" she repeated. This time I was able to hear every word she said. It made me smile. Really smile.  

 

The group first started with "Shinee World". Then by their following tracks from the debut Days until the most recent, Juliette. (note: the releases aren’t according to the real timeline). All of the upbeat songs were sang first. All the fans screamed with every performance including myself. Even Caroline went gaga like an obsessed fan saying how much she wanted to devour the group. I can't help but to be amazed by how many sides SHE HAS. I may have denied knowing her if someone would ask but as I look around me, everyone was the same as her, telling on how they would violate or marry these guys. I couldn't help myself but laugh. No one paid attention to me because as expected all eyes are on SHINEE. Well who wouldn't? Even I couldn't as much as I don't want to.

 

Before, these boys were just rookies and now, they are shining just like how they are suppose to. I am very proud of them, making it in the industry; Fulfilling their dream.

 

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Backstage was total chaos even for us members. The stylists kept on checking if there are any problems with our clothes while our manager kept going to the concert coordinators to check if everything was running smoothly. Even the members are ....including me.

 

"Guys! 1 minute!" Our manager reminded everyone backstage.

 

All the members including me huddled up in a circle together with the manager and some staff. The manager was beside Onew , then Jonghyun, Key, me, and Taemin were right next to each other with some other staff. We placed our hands in the middle of the circle and said a few words.

 

"Okay Guys!!! Let's put a show that will put us in history" Onew led.

 

"I think that's a little too much Hyung" Key commented.

 

"Shut Up" Onew replied with a goofy grin on his face.

 

"Now Now Let's all concentrate on your performance and show them why Shinee became a Korean Wave!"The manager cheered with a Serious look on his face.

 

"For Ji Eun" I suddenly added. I scanned their faces and saw that the members and our were also thinking about her. She had been a great influence in my life and the reason why this concert was made. Taemin squeezed my hand to show his support. He always do.

 

Then Jonghyun shouted in excitement to give energy to us, to everyone."Shinee Let's Show them what we Got!" 

 

"Fighting!" Everyone Shouted loud before dispersing and went to their positions.

 

"20 seconds!!"One of the coordinators informed.

 

We rushed to our positions and put on our professional faces.

 

"Fifteen Seconds"

 

I could see that everyone in the group are as nervous as I am today.

 

"Ten Seconds!"

 

My eyes came across the members and each of them gave me an encouraging smile to do my best. And that's what I'm gonna do for her.

 

"Five"

 

"FOUR"

 

"THREE"

 

"TWO"

 

"ONE"

 

Here comes SHINEE!!!!.....

 

Fans were screaming at the top of their lungs. It has been our third solo concert but every concert was different from each other. The adrenaline is the same but the feeling is always different. Addictive, every time I stand on stage like this.

 

Shinee World was the first track on our concert. Then Replay until Juliette.

 

We showed our best to our fans. All those years of training, the sacrifices, friendship and all the things in between have taught us a lot of things. We have learned a lot and now we are showing the world just how much we have grown up and matured.

 

And in the middle of our performance, we tried to show a bit about ourselves.

 

The upbeat music stopped as planned. Fans were still screaming chanting our name.

 

Onew eyed each one of us and cued.

 

We greeted everyone in the audience. "Hi Guys!"

 

Each one of us took a moment and looked at our fans. We were still catching our breaths after all the intense performance earlier when Onew and Key flashed the fans a smile. The audience went crazy. I laughed a little. It still seemed so silly for fans to go crazy about the smallest comments we make.

 

"Wow.... It has been quite a long time since we debuted" Jonghyun simply said out of the blue.

 

"6 years.... Even I still can't believe that we got this far" Key added.

 

"Me too!" Taemin agreed and made an aegyo expression for fun. The fans screamed some more.

 

"So let's greet our fans once again formally this time just like when we were rookies." Onew led the group.

 

"Anneyeonghaseo, We are SHINING Shinee"

 

"Is everyone having a good time?" I asked the audience.

 

The fans cheered more in agreement. I felt happy. Somehow I fulfilled my promise. My dream... I did it.

 

"I'm pretty sure our fans would be thrilled to hear some of our less upbeat songs from these past years. Right?"

 

The fans screamed once more in agreement.

 

"So Guys! Let's calm ourselves a little bit shall we?"

 

"Then Let's get started!" Jonghyun cheerfully suggested.

 

"Wait!" I interrupted.

 

My hyungs and Taemin were surprised by my sudden interruption. I'm not usually like this. Out of us five, I was the one who usually sticks to the script. Maybe not tonight.

 

"It seems our flaming charisma has something to say since he was the one that decided this date..." Onew hinted to the fans. He was always looking out from me, just like when he kept me and Ji Eun's relationship in secret.

 

All eyes were on me.

 

"Most of you knows, the hardship we have endured to get this far... and a little bit of my history" I trailed.

 

"So...I would like to dedicate the songs that I have written to her. I know a lot of you guys know who she is....."

 

Just then, ‘In my room’ started to play and my hyungs went into their places. But before they sang, I looked up at the sky and greeted her as if she was there, watching us.

 

"Happy Birthday....Jin"

 

 

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My ears perked up when I heard him say those words..."Happy Birthday...Jin"

 

In my room started to play. I couldn't explain what I was feeling. It was a mixture of happiness, longing, regret. sadness, and love all together at the same time. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. The songs...these songs....were about....

 

Me.

 

Tears won't seem to stop coming out of my eyes. It was the first time I heard their songs. The last time I had was four years ago, during the Replay days. I avoided listening to their songs thinking it will just hurt me. Even though I wanted too, I just can't. There are things that should just remain unspoken.

 

Everyone in the audience seemed to be as emotional as I am. They were all crying which was fortunate for me. It means that Carol won't pry on me later when she see me crying.

 

With every performance they did, it made me realize how much I missed them, to touch them, hug them. God, I missed those days. If my life didn't become this complicated…

 

Everything was perfect. The finale was truly something I wouldn't forget. I won't to admit it to Carol but honestly I'm happy she forced me.

 

In the end, everyone in the audience were very satisfied that they kept on screaming despite the show has already ended. The adrenaline didn't fade immediately. Even my closest friend, Carol couldn't stop gushing how CHARISMATIC, Y & TALENTED" the boys are. It was a good thing I knew them somehow or else maybe I would be like how my friend is right now.

 

We bought a few souvenirs from the concert like a few Shinee shirts and key chains and then drive home peacefully.

 

On the way home, I couldn't help but wonder how my friend, Emma is doing now. She was a wonderful friend but I hurt her for disappearing with no hope of return. I just wished she's doing well wherever she is.

 

"I told you. You wouldn't regret coming" She had a smirk plastered on her face.

 

"Yeah." I admit in defeat. I realized there was no reason for denying, might as well tell the truth.

 

I hope the boys are happy. Especially him.... I wish for his happiness. I always do.

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