=====JI EUN=====

We were warned when we started this relationship. We wouldn't listen then, both of us were too foolish to let our feelings go. Young love as they say.

This relationship was never meant to last this long. He's famous now and having me by your side would only create great pains not only for us but also for the people that surrounded us. I just hope that this night, I could see him smile and I could disappear quietly.

He promised he would protect me and stay by side. I believed him and he did keep his promise until the end. I was the one who broke it, not for selfish reasons but for his sake.

Just by watching him smile at me makes my heart ache, because I know that once we close our eyes I will never get to his wonderful smile, his eyes looking only at me.

I can't help but smile back at him, pouring every ounce of feelings I have for him.

With my last night with him, we were by the beach. Just the two of us, no one else.

I thought when he invited me all of a sudden to sneak out and spend some time with him, maybe unconsciously he knew what was to happen between us.

He looked at the sky as he held my hand. "It's a nice night, isn't it?"

I followed his gaze and looked at the sky. He was right. The sky was filled with stars and the breeze felt nice. I nodded in agreement while I squeezed his hand tighter. I was wanted to make sure that he hasn't disappeared yet and we were really alone with each other.

"You're hands are cold", he commented, still looking at the stars.

I only felt cold when he brought the subject up. Minho offered his arm so I could sit beside him for warmth. Slowly, I scooted closer to him and rested my head on his shoulders. His warmth was very comforting and I no longer felt cold.

"I love you", he said smoothly.

A pang of pain hit me emotionally. I could have said I love you back but how can I? Instead I hugged him tighter trying to avoid to look at his eyes.

If only our lives weren't as complicated as it is....

He did not suspect anything when I did not answer. Maybe without words, he already knows that I love him as he loves me. By being on each other's side we are the happiest person in the world.

Everyone knew Minho. He is a member of the famous idol group, SHINee. A lot of girls older and younger have fallen to his charms, including me. They characterized him as reserved, very charismatic and athletic. All of these are true but what they don't know is that he's not really reserved. He's the most unpredictable yet very caring person that I have met. Sometimes, this personality of his scares me. And yet I love everything about him.

Sometimes I wonder that of all the pretty girls out there, why of all people, he picked me. I'm no super model or a braniac. I'm just a regular girl who has a passion for music while he was an upcoming artist that looks like a supermodel in everything he wears. Those charismatic eyes that could hypnotize right just about anyone chose me. Even at this moment, I still can't believe it.

"You're too quiet today Ji Eun..."

"I just don't feel like talking tonight, Min" I smiled, hiding my guilt. Min was my nickname for him. Of all the nickname his fans made him, I wanted to have my own personal name for him.

"Jin....", he called. It was a nickname he made for me since he thought Ji Eun was already a mouthful. Jin just literally means JI euN. Although the names doesn’t like well thought of, especially my name for him but whenever he calls me Jin, I can’t help myself from being in a happy mood no matter what complicated situation I was in. He always made me feel safe and secure. I think it’s the same in his situation.

"mmmhm?" I looked up.

Without warning he pressed his lips with mine. I was surprised and just as I said before he was the most unpredictable person I know.

My cheeks were red when after he finally decided to let me go. Even after a few surprise kisses, I never seemed to get used to them. Every kiss he did with me always surprised me. It always me assured that I'm the only one whenever he was asked to be paired with someone for show.

"You're too childish, you know that" I informed him.

"Of course! That's why you never seem to get tired of me!"He answered childishly.

Again, he seem to make my day. I forgot the guilt and drowned in happiness as he poured his affections to me. Tonight was the night I never felt this loved by someone who was not part of my family.

I stood up. "Let's run like we used to"

"I'm not gonna lose to you!"

When he said that I started to run ahead of him. "Hey! that's cheating!", he said from behind as he tried to catch up with me.

I giggled. I ran faster as he started to catch up with me.

"I'm coming to get you!" In his tone of voice, I could sense that he was in his competitive  spirit.

Knowing that I was going lose to him, I stopped running. Minho continued running. I gave a shriek as he came closer and finally slammed me to the ground. Luckily it was sand that both of us were safe.

"That's your punishment from running ahead" he said catching his breath.

I looked at him as I too was trying to catch my breath from all the running we did. As always, he looked like a model from a fashion spread because of his undeniable charisma.

I took my chance and gave him a quick peck.

"Getting aggressive, aren't we" he teased.

I felt my face heat up. He laughed at me as he saw my expression. I stuck my tongue out and eyed him. From that perspective, he knew it wasn't a good sign.

He immediately stood up and ran back to the house.

"Yah! Come back here!" I ran after him. "You're so dead!"

In the end, I finally caught him but not after running so much that we gave up. We were both laughing on how childish we've been acting. I couldn't even remember when we fell asleep. The last thing I could remember was him telling some lame joke.

When I woke up, his face was right across mine looking serene. He was still fast asleep with a innocent smile on his face. I just stared at him for a minute before I got up and dressed quietly. I think I only fell asleep for an hour or so, since it was still dark outside and the only thing that can be heard was the waves coming to shore.

I laid back in bed again and stared at him once more. Then I had the sudden urge to touch him again. My hand softly brushed across his face while I held his hand with the other without waking him. His skin felt so soft and smooth. I was trying to memorize everything I could about his face, knowing this will be the last time I could come this close to him.

Slowly, I got up and let go of him. Not only physically but also letting go of my possession of his heart.  My hand felt cold again. Our hands were no longer intertwined. I stared at his face once more for the last time. Just thinking that I could no longer his hand after I step out of this room makes my heart ache.

A quick look at my watch made me realize that I only have a couple of hours before I leave for Japan. I quickly put on a smile on my face thinking that it would be appropriate in his part that I would keep my promise to be happy as long as I'm beside him. And for the last time I held onto his hand once again and kissed his cheek. He stirred a little but not enough to wake him up.

"I love you" I whispered on last time.

I walked away from him quietly. I couldn't explain the heartache I was feeling as I maintained the smile I had earlier. All I could think was by the time I get through the door in front of me, everything's gonna be alright...better....for us......me and him. Maybe...

From the bed to the door, it took me 8 minutes. My feet felt like a ton as I was leaving. And now, everything's over.

I was already at the bus stop waiting for a ride, just a couple of meters away from the house. My eyes were already red and puffy from all the crying as soon as I closed the door in his room. It seemed ridiculous but I couldn't stop myself. The emotions just started rushing in.

Time flew fast on my way to the airport. Just thinking about him made time pass faster and bitterly at the same time. Honestly, I never wanted to make the choice but I am forced to, for both of our sakes.

My parents were already waiting for me on the lounge. Almost immediately, I masked a happy face in front of them even though they knew the choice I made.

"Oh good! my baby's here", my father said as he gave me a warm hug.

"Morning dad", I greeted.

"So ready?"my mother asked as she handed me my luggage.

"Of course! Why wouldn't I be?" I lied with the same facade on my face. And I knew better, I wouldn't be able to fool them.

"Enough with the fake smiles, will you?" Mom said.

As if on cue I stopped with the fake mask and sighed, "Never have I fooled you mom.."

She smiled and so did my father. Their smiles made my mood a little better but not enough to take my mind off him. Dad gave me my plane ticket. I looked at the ticket and read the name written on it, "Lee Ji Eun".

"Isn't suppose to be my REAL name written on it? Not my sister's name." I reminded.

"Sorry Hon but since you've been using that name, we have forgotten to change it since this was sort of a last minute decision."

Lee Ji Eun, is not my name but my sister's. My older twin sister to be exact. I don't remember much about her. My parents told me that I started to take her name soon after she committed  suicide. I don't remember why she took her own life. Maybe it was my body's way to protect myself from the pain. It was only recently that my parents told me about her. At first, they didn't want to tell me but my father urged my mother to tell me the truth. When I first found out, I thought they're just joking until they showed me a picture of me with her.

"It's okay. No Big deal."

No one knew about my sister and that includes Minho because they didn't register her death and soon after the tragic incident, we moved out of our previous home. That's why I was never pondered by people about her. I never knew about her existence also because of the trauma, even until now.

We gave our tickets and they checked our passports. "You may enter now. Enjoy your flight"

I took one last look at Korea. Once I stepped inside the plane, I would no longer have the privilege to be near him again. The only opportunity I will get the next time will be on the screens of a television or a computer. I would no longer feel the warmth of his hands holding mine.

Some of us think holding on makes us stronger, but sometimes it is Letting go 
---Herman Hesse

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