Bliss
The Library“Kyungsoo”
I didn’t even notice the words had come out of my mouth.
No.
It couldn’t be Kyungsoo.
Why out of all people, did it have to be Kyungsoo?
The person I loved, the person I wanted to forgive me. The person that I wanted to see smile again and say my name. I was afraid of checking for his vitals.
I put on my protective gloves.
With shaking hands I leaned in, tilted his head and placed my two fingers to his carotid artery in his neck.
I looked at his chest for breathing.
His chest wasn’t rising.
His heart was still beating.
It wasn’t necessarily good news.
“No, no Kyungsoo” I whispered. I quickly opened my first aid kit and took out my pocket mask. I checked his mouth for anything that could be causing an airway obstruction.
Two breaths first. I checked to see if there was any response. Nothing.
I told myself it would be okay, to continue the rescue breathing.
I began by giving the two breaths and proceeded with continuing one breath every 5 seconds. I checked after a while.
No breathing. I continued, the oxygen had to reach his head, he could have serious brain damage if it didn’t.
I felt the tears streaming down my face like a waterfall.
I had to have courage, I continued with the breaths.
I began to feel light headed, in addition I was an asthmatic.
“C’mon Kyungsoo” I urged like if he could hear me and miraculously breath.
It had been a little over two minutes. The lightheadedness was getting worse.
I felt like the world was spinning in circles while 300 earthquakes happening at the same time. The epicenter being below me.
I didn’t know what I would do if he died.
I don’t know how I would live.
I pushed the thoughts aside and continued, I needed to save him.
I felt like a boulder had been lifted off my shoulders the moment I saw his chest rise by itself, at that point I cried even harder than before.
This time tears of joy.
There was still a lot of bleeding going on.
The doctor then arrived next to me.
“You got him breathing, good job. Don’t cry, c’mon we need to stop the bleeding!” he said trying to cheer me on. I just nodded and passed him the gauze and ripped a blanket I had in my first aid kit so that he could use it to stop the bleeding.
I just watched as the doctor took over, I heard ambulances nearby.
I heard the sound of cameras clicking and people chattering. I saw the flashing lights from the flash photography and the ambulance lights. They looked like stars to me. Stars that were too close to the earth.
I felt the world spinning more and more. I held onto the earth with my hands as I saw the whole world turn peaceful, the lights disappearing and the noise going with it. Everything turned into a serene darkness. I wasn’t sure what to call the feeling. Bliss?
***
Author's Note:
When I read this to my sister she got mad and hated me for it. I understand.
Hopefully you guys enjoyed it nonetheless and were able to imagine it well.
I am a professional rescuer and trained in CPR by the way :)
I was inspired by Ingrid Michaelson's new song called Open Hands
If you guys want to check that out.
I commented on the video, soo if you guys want to look for that :p
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