Chapter 23

 

 

Siwon’s pov

 

I have completed my general check up and will get the results tomorrow. I want to hope all is fine, but looking at my condition especially since a couple days ago... I can't dare to hope for the best.

 

I tried asking doctor Leeteuk to give me painkillers, since I can’t bear the severe headaches and back pains that come more often than before. And to add the pain, I have also felt some pain when urinating. So, I guess, there's no need anymore for me to go to a bar to get headaches, right? That way, I still can keep my promise to Jung Hoon hyung too. Unfortunately, doctor Leeteuk didn't give me the prescription for the pain killers, because according to him the painkiller is not safe for my empty stomach, and for my kidney too. But I just can't take it anymore, so I’ll secretly buy it and take it.

 

Just now, doctor Leeteuk was able to give preliminary outcome of the result due to his obeservation from the incidents occured, he said that my kidney is not in its best condition anymore, but to know for sure, we should wait for the result, ‘Blame the alcohol, please ...’ *sigh*.

 

~~~

 

A-and... and... I-I think, I should let my babyKyu free now, I can’t keep trying to go back to him now in this state... since I don’t think that I will have much time anymore. As my doctor said, hemodialysis is my only chance for survival without surgery, but it seems it won't do any significant improvements in the long term because of the condition of my kidney gone bad. And I won't do transplantation again, no way... I'd rather be dead.

 

With everything that's come out, and even though it will hurt me more, I really hope my babyKyu will find his happiness. He should be happy... he deserves to be happy with someone he loves, someone who's healthy, not someone dying like me.

 

Geez... I feel so down right now, but I have to be strong... for the sake of my Kyuhyun, my parents, my daughters, my friends... at least until my time comes.

 

Now I’m wearing my suit, I’m smiling in front of the mirror, practising my natural-smile-look before I come out to see Jung Hoon hyung...

 

"Hyung, let’s go to Seongbuk-dong district.”

 

"Siwon, you should rest at home, I've emptied your schedule today." His face looks sad.

 

"I can’t Hyung, I want to meet with the villagers, they said they would wait for me even till night. Hyung, they just want to treat me a bite to eat, barbeque time... come on... it will be fun. They were so glad I quickly resolved the land acquisition problem. Pleasee...?" I pleaded with my puppy eyes.

 

“Siwon, but you won’t be able to swallow a piece of meat.” He sighed.

 

“Ooh... hyung... You can eat my food then, ne?” I squeezed his hand assuring him that’s what I want.

 

Even he still looks worry, “Okay, but for an hour only, after that we should go home!”

 

“Neee... arraso, thank you hyung. You’re the best brother” I’m so excited, and that reminded me to take my painkiller, double... well, I don’t want look pale in front of the villager.

 

After stopping by to the drugstore, and buying the painkiller by myself because I didn’t want Jung Hoon hyung asking too many question about the drugs, I asked Jung Hoon hyung to sit beside my driver, since I need privacy here on the back seat to write my last letter to my babyKyu. My hand was trembling, even my hands never trembled when I signed the billions of dollars projects. The tears just flowed down on my cheeks, I can’t imagine of  living and spending the rest of my life without my babyKyu. Omg, I miss him so very much. I want to see him for the last time, but I know he wouldn't want to meet me.

 

And... and after Kyuhyun receives this letter, it means I should not bother him and have my hopes to have him anymore, right? But like I said, I want my babyKyu happy.

 

I wiped my cheeks, I made sure there were no trace, “Hyung... “

 

“Yes, young master.” aissh... Jung Hoon hyung with his formal language, looking back to see me.

 

“Jung Hoon-ssi, please stop by to Donghae's apartment.” I saw him raised one eyebrow, I just smiled as stuck out my tongue while waving my letter.

 

He sighed and turn his face to my driver, “Ahjussi, to young master Donghae's apartment please.”

 

“Yes Sir.”

 

Hyukjae's flight is tonight, and he said he may be able to see Kyuhyun tomorrow morning, ‘I love you so much my babyKyu... I promise that I’ll forget about you, even if I still have time and we accidentaly see each other again somewhere, I'll be cold to you. Saranghae my Kyuhyun, goodbye...’

 

~~~

 

I have so much fun today, the villagers are nice to me, they treated me like their son, they told me a lot of funny stories.

 

I'm thankful my painkiller works well, most of the times I don't feel the pain. After nearly an hour, hyung very politely told the villagers that I had an appointment that I have to attend, he bowed and thanked them, dragged me to the car.

 

But, about 20 minutes' journey, suddenly the pain was back, it hurts so badly unlike before. What’s happening? My brain was like stabbed, my back is in real pain, I didn't even touch the soju that was offered by villagers, but why does my stomach feels very nauseous too, may be I took to many painkillers? I can not take it anymore... "Hyung..." I whispered, then... my vision suddenly blurred, and turns black...

 

~~~

 

 

Mrs. Choi’s pov

 

I was sitting on the couch in our living room, it's been almost a couple days I thinking about what should I say to Kyuhyun-ssi and I was about to dial his number when a call from Jung Hoon comes in, “Ne, Jung Hoon-ssi.”

 

: “S-siwon... c-collapse... h-hospital...” his voice was trembling, “I-I’m sorry...”

 

I hung up the phone and shoutted to my maid to tell my driver while I was running out from the house to my car, “T-take me to the hospital, HURRY!”. My heart is broken into pieces.

 

~~~

 

I cried like crazy hearing doctor Leeteuk’s explanation, *sob* “Doctor Leeteuk... please help my son... It is supposed to be children who brings us to our grave not the other way around. Please...”

 

“I’m so sorry Mrs. Choi... I understand. But there is no other way except kidney transplantation to safe Siwon-ssi, hemodialysis won’t do much help anymore.” Doctor Leeteuk looked down.

 

*sob* “But, you know he won’t have the transplant...” I’m so worried, “W-what should we do? What...?”

 

He looked at me frowned, “Do you know anyone who could persuade him to have the transplant?”

 

*gasp*, “OMMO! You’re right...!” I directly dialed someone on my mobile phone.

 

 

 

Kyuhyun’s pov

 

My colleagues kept saying, 'Yo, Marcus, why are you so desperately to get a buck like that, Are you so buried deep in debt? You work too very hard man...'

 

Yeah... I haven’t taken my days off since my flight from Tokyo, Tokyo-Paris, and tonight Paris-Tokyo again, well... I want keep my brain busy, but it’s hard, Siwon’s words keep popping into my head,

I don't wanna breathe
I don't wanna think
I don't wanna sleep
I don't wanna do anything

What if those words are really Siwon’s current condition? If it’s true, I’ll feel so guilty, what if Siwon’s sick?

 

*riing...riing...*

I looked to my mobile phone, un-indentified number? Hmm... this is Korean code number, I shrugged, “Hello...”

 

: *sob* ”H-hello son, this is Siwon’s mother speaking...”

 

Ommo... S-siwon’s mom? “Y-yes mam... H-how are you? A-are you alright?” I asked her since I heard her sobs, 'Is he alright?'.

 

: *sob* “Yes, s-son, I've got your number from JungHoon, and I... I’m sorry... b-but may I talk with you, directly. W-where are you, son?”

 

“What... oh I mean, I’m sorry but I have a flight to Tokyo about three hours from now, mam.”

 

: “What time will you arrive in Tokyo, son?”

 

“Tomorrow morning mam, about 8 o’clock.” I answered her, I’m still confused to why suddenly Siwon’s mom called me and asked me to meet her.

 

: “Son, please give me your time to meet me. Forgive me, because I may seem to force you, but help me, p-please son?” Oooh... what happened?

 

Why did she ask me to disappear before, but now she wanted to see me? M-maybe... is he... “Mam, is Siwon fine...?” I don’t know where my courage came from to ask about Siwon, but I'm very concerned about him.

 

: *sob* “I-I’m not sure...” She started to cry again.

 

I'm so worried, “I understand...” I said, since I don’t want to make her cry more, “Mam... I don’t know how can I help you, but where can I meet you?”

 

: *sob* “T-thank you, p-please meet me 9 o’clock at the restaurant of Hilton Tokyo Narita Airport Hotel.”

 

“Yes, mam... And don’t worry... Siwon will be fine...” I said, omg... I don’t know the condition of Siwon, but I told her that, as if I’m saying to myself, cheering my own heart, ‘Don’t worry Kyu, Siwon is okay.’ I feel my eyes getting hot now.

 

: *sob* “I-I know... M-my son will be fine... t-thank you, s-see you tommorow son...”

 

N-nothing bad will happen to Siwon... he still sent me a letter a few days before, and even Hyukjae said that he won’t intervene, but he would tell me if anything bad happened to Siwon, r-right?

 

~~~

 

 

~ the next day, at the restaurant~

 

Kyuhyun’s pov

 

I reached the restaurant about 10 minutes before 9, and I already saw Siwon’s mom sitting at the table next to the side window. I bowed, greeted her and we ordered some drinks. And I saw her sad eyes, and she was hardly sitting in cofidence as the first time i met her. Her eyes were swollen, she looked pale and skinnier than the last time we met, but she still looks beautiful and graceful. My mind starts to wonder, and immidiately I knew there is something wrong with my siwon.

 

“Son... do you remember... I told before that I almost lost my son?” Siwon’s mom said breaking the silence between us.

 

“Yes, mam. I remembered.” Of course I remember, I was worried to death that time.

 

“Actually, my son has deformities and con kidneys function...”

 

*gasp* “W-what do you mean?” I start to feel dizzy, “M-mam...?”

 

“He looks healthy right? You could never suspect that he was having a problem with his kidneys...” She smiled bitterly.

 

“Y-yes, h-he always looks fine...” he even has a great body shape.

 

“His doctor told him that patients with chronic kidney with fixed exercise can actually improve the quality of life for his body to be fitter in the midst of pain, so... he exercised, after he got his new kidney.”

 

“New, you mean... he got a kidney transplant?”

 

“Yes... when he was a teenager. That was a hard time for him. But, he is fine after the transplant, even though he only have one kidney.” She said.

 

“I’m sorry to say this, but the reason you want to meet me is because... ...?” I frowned.

 

“Because... his kidney is failuring again.” She squeezed her fingers, 'OMG, Siwon! My Siwon...' “He did that on purpose, h-he drank almost every night... not long after you left him. Oh son... this is my fault... I-I’m sorry...” her voice was began to crack 'Drank? My Siwon? Really? No... no.', “He already shows all the signs and symptoms of kidney failure such as fever, pain when urinating, weakness, poor appetite, nausea, vomiting, shortness of breath, pale face, severe back pains and headache... Oooh...” She covered her face with both hands, took a deep breath... like trying to calm herself.

 

“M-mam!?” Omg, what have I done? My Siwon is so much in pain. I didn’t even realize that I cried already “S-so... what could be done to improve Siwon's kidney condition, mam? Dialysis?”

 

She moved her hands and shook her head slowly, “It won’t help anymore...” *silent* “He has to get another transplant, son. The hospital and all of us are trying hard to find match a kidney for him.” She sighed, “But the problem is... he wouldn’t want to do it again.”

 

“Why...?” I may sound boastful, but I do hope... it’s because Siwon wants to looking for my attention, so thats mean I’ll easier to persuade him to have the transplant.

 

“Well, it because by chance, his first donor died just one week after the surgery... My son found out about it, although donors should be anonymous, somehow my son found him, at that time my son just wanted to say thank you to him properly, but instead my son found that out, and he blamed himself for weeks.”

 

“Oh...” though Siwon looks taft, but his heart is very gentle and sensitive, no wonder.

 

“And now, I need your help, to give him hope... encouragements... to do the transplant operation, son.” She looked at me with her teary eyes, “And the most important thing, please... return to my son, as his lover.”

 

Why is she... Do I look that easy... I think I... gosh, “Mam, I’m sorry... I know that he is your precious son, but... I’m so confused right now, you asked me to leave him to protect his dream before, and now you’re asking me to be back with him...? What exactly do you want...? I just can’t do everything for you just like that...” I stood up and just left her without letting her talk anymore,

 

‘Her precious son? What am I? A puppet? I’m a precious son too for my mom and dad... Stupid rich people! Eventhough I really wanted to get back to Siwon and help convince him for the transplant, but I also have my pride. I hate rich people who treat ordinary people like me arbitrarily. Me and Siwon had to suffer because of her, I'm so upset! Gosh, wishy washy woman, smug!’

 

~~~

 

When I was in the elevator, back to my hotel room, I’ve got a text from Hyukjae, ‘Another letter, you want me to slip it in your locker, or scan it like before ;-) ’

 

Another letter? My heart was pounding, I called him,

 

: “Hello, Kyuhyun....”

 

“HYUKJAE, I DON’T CARE IF YOU WANT TO INTERFERE, JUST GO AHEAD. OR YOU ARE IN SIWON SIDE, OR WHATEVER, JUST TELL ME HOW HIS CONDITION IS!” I yelled.

 

: “Wow... chill man...”

 

“TELL ME!!” now I scream loudly.

 

: “Kyuhyun-ah, I'm sorry, bu h-he is in the hospital, fainted, since yesterday afternoon.”

 

My knees went limp, I couldn’t stand up, I leaned against the elevator wall, slowly slumped on the floor and my hands are still supporting my mobile phone on my ears. This is not possible... impossible...

 

: "K-kyu, are you okay?"

 

“H-hyuk... scan his letter please...” I whispered feeble.

 

 

~5 minutes later~

 

 

Dear my lovely baby Kyu,

 

Do you remember,

When we fell in love, how it all began, it just seemed like heaven

I never felt so in love before, my lonely days are gone

So why did it end?
 

Do you remember,

Us holding hands, in each other's eyes we'd stare.

Us cuddling on the couch, i’m touching your face, we’d share sweet kisses.

So why did it end?

Do you remember,
How we used to talk, you know, we'd stay on the phone from night till dawn.
All the things we said, like...

   I love you so,
   I'll never let you go,

   You’ll be mine forever
So why did it end?
 

Do you remember,

You and me...

In the park,
On the beach,
In Paris,

In our bed

So why did it end?

Tell me...don’t you miss those special times?

But no matter what you said,

I will never forget what we did... what he we had

You will always be on my mind... always

I love you so much my babyKyu...

 

Baby, you know that I’ll always be here for you,

but I will feel blessed if I could grant you your wish

to-let-you-go...

So, this is my last letter

 

And...

Now, I want you to know,

That I’ve decided, I'm willing to let you free now

I won’t looking for you, I won’t bother you,

 

Be happy, with someone who you'll find

Forget our love we used to share, traceless

So you could love each other

To the end of life

 

Regards,

Choi Siwon

 

~~~

 

---

@all: thank you for your comments *hug*

@purpleungu: thanks for confused together with me when edited this chapter >_< aigoo...mian... and 사랑 해요.