Chapter 20

Kyuhyun’s pov

Tears still flowing after reading the letter from Siwon, my heart is even more broken into pieces. H-he prefers to sleep in my apartment than in his luxurious bedroom at his mansion? And he has no appetite?  So, that means he couldn't sleep and eat well these past couple of months? It's all my fault, I should not just walk away from Siwon. I'm supposed to make him hate me first. Hyukjae said, Siwon looked unhealthy and pale, certainly due to lack of sleep and not eating regularly. I’ll hate my self if something happens to Siwon!

What should I do now? Go back to Siwon? But, how about his dream? I want to protect his dream.

I felt more confused and more desperate, I really don’t know what to do? Should I talk to Siwon about his dreams? M-maybe, just maybe it's changed? Or should I make a phone call to Siwon's mother, to ask about him? Oh no, I've promised her to keep Siwon's dream. I can't... I won’t change my decision. I have to endure this, it's been 2 months, Siwon will soon get use to it... he is very strong and tough. Siwon’s definitely going to get through this all, I know Siwon.

Yes! That’s it! I won’t come back to you. So, be strong Siwon, I’ll pray for you...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One week after receiving Siwon's first letter, Hyukjae texted me, saying he had slipped again Siwon’s letter in my locker. But right now I'm in London, I can't hardly wait... Going back to Paris tomorrow and read Siwon's letter immediately.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We arrived safely in Paris, after checking and making sure all the instruments and gadgets were properly closed, shut down, then signing all the necessary documents, I immediately thanked the co-pilot for his cooperation, reached for my luggage and drag it then walked quickly toward the office and my locker. Rolled my key code and open it, I found the same white envelope, written 'to my love of my life, Kyuhyun'.

I sat on a bench near my locker before open his letter, while controlling my breath since I was running so fast, I slowly opened the envelope...

Dear my lovely baby Kyu,

Baby, three days ago, I had a business trip to France. I don’t understand why, but I felt something different when I was there. Probably my mind is too obsessed about you, somehow, I felt your presence there, are you now living in Paris? Or, maybe I felt  that way because I proposed to you to be my boyfriend there at that time, right? Sure, that's the reason why, right, baby?

And tomorrow evening my plan is to call Hyukjae ssi, I want to give him this letter. I’ll ask him, about my previous letter, he promised me that he'd give it to you. He did give it to you, didn't he?  But there is no letter from you. Do you hate me now? Don’t want to reply my letter?

And I asked Jung Hoon hyung too, but he said you never called him either.

This life won't last forever... come to me and let me be your one and only...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“S-siwon...my love, y-you did nothing wrong... n-no need forgiveness from me. And..and I miss you too... I love you too...so, so much, Wonnie...” unconsciously I whispered between my hiccup sound.

So, it's already one week past and he was still feeling sad and lonely? Is he able to eat well, have a good sleep at night? Looks like I have to do something, I dial up Hyukjae's number,

“Help me Hyukjae-ya !”

: “No...no...not you too... aissh... I already have Siwon and Donghae, now you too? Please, let me live in peace.”

How could he know that I want his help deals with Siwon? “You will REST IN PEACE if you won't help me, HYUKJAE!” I snapped.

: "Whaaat... RIP?" *sigh* “OKAY...okay... Aissh, spill it...”

Siwon’s pov

I was sitting on a stool in a bar, enjoying my first glass of Romanee Conti wine, I know I should not drink wine every day, but I don't know how to live my life anymore, everything that I did was bland, seems meaningless. I don't want anything, no craving for other things in life, I want nothing but Kyuhyun to comeback to me.

I've only ever sipped a little champagne in front of my important guests at a dinner party before, because my kidney...err... Well, but now, here I am, almost every night, enjoying the wine and other alcohol drinks in this bar. Usually after a few glass, I will get very dizzy, and to add more misery, I'll usually keep vomiting for a while, until nothing comes out from my stomach, my eyes will be all red bloodshot and swollen. Only the taste of bitterness coming out from my stomach... but, at least, I can distract my mind away from Kyuhyun...

Yup, I look pathetic now...’the Choi Siwon’ people used to know was always leaving women or anyone who's crazy about me, but now the situation has changed... backfired 180 degrees, I, Choi Siwon, was dumped!! The ironic thing is that I'm still pleading to that man for his love. I feel so miserable. But I cant’ help it, I love that man so much, I really don’t understand why... *sigh*...why did he leave me?

I suddenly saw my mobile phone on the table vibrated, oh... Hyukjae! My heart skipped a beat, I hope he has news from my baby this time.

"H-hello, Hyukjae-ssi...any news about my babyKyu? Did you give my letter to Kyuhyun? Directly? Did you meet him? Did he read it?"

: “Breathe Siwon-ssi... breathe...”

Oh yes, breath... “I’m breathing now...”

: “I REALLY don't understand you two.” I heard him chuckle, “Well, I gave him your letter, but not directly since he was still flying to to another country. But I assure you that he read it, because just now he called me after reading your last letter”

“What did he say, Hyukjae-ssi?” Oh, I’m so happy he read my letter...it’s okey if he doesn’t want to reply my letter.

: “I'm sorry, but I will say exactly what he said, okey?“

“O-okey...” why do I have a bad feeling about this?

: “Kyuhyun said... Siwon, if you really love me, please forget me, and I don’t want to hear that you ruin yourself just because of me, you have to eat and sleep well. Don't over work or go out until late at night. Take care of your health and live happily, with the woman you love and your cute future children.”

W-woman...? Children...? Why is he suddenly talking about woman and children? He knew I’m gay now, what happened?

“Hyukjae-ssi, are you sure he said things about woman and children?”

: “Of course I’m sure, I even wrote it down for you, because he's going to beat me up if I don't say it exactly like what he had said.”

W-what happen...? That’s mean he want me to be straight? He want me to forget him, because he also wants to be straight? I raised my head up looking  at the ceiling, hoping my tears won't come out.

:  “Siwon-ssi... are you there...” I heard Hyukjae sounded worried, “Hello, Siwon...I’m sorry, please, are you okay?”

“Y-yes...t-thank you.” I hung up, since my voice cracked already, now I can’t help it, my tears ran down my cheek, I keep wiping my tears but it won’t stop.

“Shindong-ssi... give me high roller martini please, and put a lot of vodka in it.”

“But Sir... “ the bartender said.

“Don’t worry, my assistant will come soon, I wouldn't trouble you if I throw up like last time.” I smiled but still wiping my tears away.

“I didn't mean to... but you look in pain when you're drunk, Sir. Even your eyes are all red and swollen.” Shindong seems to worry, “And now, you look pale already, Sir.”

“Hahaha... don’t worry Shindong-ssi, I'm just having fun...” He nodded, giving me a box of tissue and began to prepare a glass of cocktail according to my order, extra vodka. I know Jung Hoon hyung would be very angry, but I need my headaches, I need distraction...

~~~~

I do not know how many glasses of alcohol I’ve drank already, but I'm feeling myself going out of conciousness, then I felt Jung Hoon hyung dragging me to the car. I feel my breathing becomes short and shallow, and I have a severe headache. Ah, the headaches is familiar, I'm concentrating on my headaches and a sharp pain feel stab into my brain, I feel so sick...

I suddenly leaned my body forward to vomit, I think I can feel hyung's hand patted my back, and I heard he say something but I don't know what he was talking about, I don’t care, I kept throwing up, my eyes feels hot and swollen now and throbing, like it wants to jump out of my eyesockets.  

I'm having poor appetite lately, so I do not know what exactly I am throwing up now, until suddenly I heard Jung Hoon hyung shouted to my driver before I feel like loosing my conciousness again, "Ahjussi, turn to the hospital, young master is throwing up blood! Hurry! "

@pupleungu : 감사합니다