Two days had passed since your lunch with Kai and in those two days, you had successfully managed to not tell Chanyeol or Kyungsoo. Even with Lay's departure date nearing with every passing second, you were managing to float through each day with a seemingly normal outer aura. The same couldn't be said for the others however. Luhan became more irritable, and Tao was far more emotional. Chanyeol and Xiumin carried on going to work, carrying out their shifts with no real aim other than to bring home some money and occasionally some left over food. Xiumin especially appeared to be taking the sudden leave hard, realizing that Lay may well and truly never come back, even though he kept stating that he would.

Kris was his usual and recent angry self, banging his fists on the table and punching the wall in his room whenever Lay refused yet again to be co-operative and take part in a conversation. 

"For crying out loud just listen to me, will you?!"

A few shouts later, Lay would emerge from his room looking furious. He'd walk straight out, not even blinking when you managed to catch hold of him.

"Lay, wait-"

"Let go of me."

With a harsh tug at his jacket, he'd release himself from your grip and disappear, leaving you, Huiling and everyone else disturbed in his wake. Sehun sighed, placing down his textbook. He'd been aimlessly highlighting pages without actually reading anything or taking down any notes. He didn't seem to care much anyway and it was almost as if he'd just been trying to fill a void in his boredom by performing some sort of mundane task- namely highlighting pages.

"The atmosphere here is killing me. Can I step out?"

Suho nodded, far past the point of caring what trouble the youngest could get himself into. Since getting a girlfriend, Sehun had matured quickly. He was no longer a pain in the to shop with on Saturday mornings which Suho was so utterly grateful for and it was only once in a blue moon that Sehun would sneak a chocolate bar or energy drink into the cart without him knowing.

"I'm going to call Seohee," Chen announced, "it's like someone died in here. You're all bone dry."

"Lay's leaving in a few days..." Baekhyun mumbled softly, "don't you care?"

Chen shrugged, "Lay's leaving because he wants to. Who am I to stop him?"

Baekhyun sighed unhappily and began flicking through the television channels, before quickly giving up and reclining on the couch. Both you and Chanyeol looked at each other and at Baekhyun. He seemed to have lost his spark and his usual warmth about him. Sending a text to Maddie, you made sure she'd be coming around soon to give her boyfriend a much needed kiss and cuddle. Chanyeol only wished he could have the same.

An excruciating hour or so later, Lay arrived late for his lecture, pink faced and sweaty. He took a seat quickly at the front of the hall, right by the door, not wanting to cause a fuss by heading towards his usual seat in the middle of the hall. Suho shrugged it off, stating that he probably didn't want to get on the professor's bad side any more but you had other thoughts. And when Lay dashed out of the hall as soon as the hour hand struck, your presumptions were proven to be true. 

 

"He's hiding from you."

Kyungsoo's voice was low, almost dead. He too was described as ' dry' by Chen earlier that day but he had found it in himself to be, or at least try to be, a little more perky when he eventually found you sitting on the cramped balcony wrapped in layers of clothing.

"You know that, don't you?"

You nodded, blinking slowly. You had left telling Kyungsoo and Chanyeol about your decision because it had frightened the living daylights out of you to even so much as think about it. But this was it. It was time to come clean and tell the truth. Because that was what Kyungsoo deserved at the very least for everything he had done for you.

"Oppa... I-"

"I know what you're going to say."

You froze. And Kyungsoo sensed it.

He could feel that your body had stiffened. He could hear that your breath had quickened. He could see that your eyes had gotten that little bit wider. Everything he had tried not to believe was crystal clear.

"So I guess Kai wasn't lying when he told me," Kyungsoo said quietly, "it's Lay you're in love with."

You hadn't told Kai that you were choosing Lay and it surprised you a little that he had been the one to tell him. You had never mentioned it during that lunch break but you pushed the thought to the back of your mind, biting your lip, unsure of how to face the boy nestled up beside you.

"Kyungsoo..."

"Are you happy?" There were tears in Kyungsoo's eyes as he slipped his hand into yours. "Tell me if being with Lay is going to make you happy. I need to hear it from you," he breathed.

You nodded, "I hate him but-"

"You love him."

This time you found the courage in yourself to look at him. He was staring at you too with wet eyes and wet cheeks. His black eyelashes clumped together in wet spikes. You felt a lump form in the back of your throat and you started crying too, seeing him like this. You loved Kyungsoo so so much- just not as a boyfriend. 

"Kyungsoo..."

"Hey! Are you crying? Don't cry!" Kyungsoo's arms found their way around you and he held you, humming lightly, occasionally hicupping from his crying. "Shhh, shhh, shhh... Everything will be okay... Everything will be fine..."

"But he's leaving-"

"It'll be okay, Haneul. We'll make him stay."

"I really love him. I don't want him to go. What do I do?"

"We'll work together and we'll find a way to keep him here. Just, please don't cry anymore."

"Kyungsoo... I'm sorry. I shouldn't be saying all of this in front of you-"

"Haneul, if you're happy with Lay then I'm happy too. I just want you to be happy. But you're not at the moment. So let me comfort you, at least just for now. Until Lay wakes up and sees just what he has and what he's missing."

"I'm sorry..."

"What for? For being here?" Kyungsoo pointed to his heart, smiling sweetly. "Don't be stupid. Why should you be sorry?"

"I thought it'd be you... I really did." You said, "you have no idea how jealous I was when you were with Shinyeong last year."

"I do actually... Haneul, you're not very good at keeping your feelings to yourself. When you know them, you let them show. I know you used to like me which was why I suppose I thought you'd choose me this time. I guess I was a bit late, wasn't I?"

You stayed still and silent.

"You've known for a few days now that it's Lay that you love, haven't you?" Kyungsoo said, "I could tell... You're taking his departure the worst, if we don't take Kris into account of course."

Kyungsoo was desperately trying to lift the mood and the atmosphere, intentionally ignoring the fact that both of you were crying.

"I still do love you..."

You shouldn't have said it but you felt compelled to. It was Kyungsoo, someone you loved with your whole heart. Kyungsoo could almost hear his own heart shattering but he bore through it anyway.

"And I love you too. I love you the way I love Luhan and Sehun. I love you the way I love Jongin and Jongdae," he said, trying to convince himself as he said the words aloud, "I'll change my unrequited love into sibling love again, the same way you did."

"I'm so sorry-"

Kyungsoo smiled, gently thumbing away your tears. "Haneul, it was just bad timing. We weren't meant to be. You're happy with Lay and I'm happy if you are. I'll always be here for you, whatever you do- always." He placed a hand on each of your shoulders and looked at you deep in the eyes, almost searching you. "So do what makes you happy. Make sure Lay doesn't leave. Make sure he knows how damn lucky he is."

"You're not angry with me?" 

You were crying harder seeing Kyungsoo be so understanding even when he was so hurt inside. But Kyungsoo shook his head, closing his eyes and kissing your forehead, the same was Luhan had done.

"I won't leave you just because you didn't choose me. I love you, Haneul and I always will."

 

Dinner came and your skin felt dry. Your eyes felt irritated and puffy and you decided to go out for a stroll as the others still hadn't come back from their lectures and talks that day. Everyone had had a late start and Kyungsoo was still in no mood to cook. Instead, Xiumin had suggested going to his workplace to pick up something for a discounted staff price. With no one else around in the dorm to help out, you finished up washing some rice and put it in to cook. Then you took your coat and ran out after Xiumin, not wanting him to go by himself.

"Hey, it's okay. I'm a big guy, I don't need any protection!" Xiumin joked, as you left the dormitory block and began heading towards the main campus. "It's you that needs the protection!"

"Oppa, you do realise you're only the slightest bit taller than me."

"Every little counts."

You rolled your eyes, letting the cool wind at your cheeks. "So what are we ordering?"

"I'm feeling like Chinese food."

"But you... don't work at a Chinese place..."

"Chanyeol knows someone who does though."

"But... you're not Chanyeol," you uttered, deep down hoping that Chanyeol wasn't going to come with you and Xiumin. You weren't sure if you'd be able to stomach more alone time with him and admittedly, it was Chanyeol's reaction you were most afraid of. He had so little self confidence in himself what with his parents and personal family problems. And that wasn't even bringing his arranged marriage fiasco into account. "Unless..."

You saw a figure crouched by the gate. He had his hood up and he was looking for something. You gasped a little too loudly and gripped Xiumin's arm causing him to yelp a little in surprise. The figure stood up hurriedly, finding whatever it was he was looking for and waved.

"Princess!"

You felt your heart drop into your stomach.

"Xiumin!" you hissed, "oppa, please tell me it's not going to be us three getting dinner. Please."

Xiumin shook his head, "no, it's going to be just you and Chanyeol. I just remembered I've got a few things I need to get ready before Lay goes."

"But-"

"Which is in less than two days, Haneul. That means you have less than two days to tell Chanyeol. You can't keep avoiding it, not anymore."

"Oppa, how did you-"

"Haneul!" Chanyeol interuppted cheerily, "are you sure you're wrapped up warm enough? Your nose is a bit pink."

You rubbed it self conciously, "no it's not!"

"I'll be leaving you guys, if that's okay," Xiumin said, grinning and bowing, "I owe you Chanyeol, thanks!"

"You can take my next washing up shift at work then."

"Sure."

"I'm going to hold you down to that. Haneul's the witness."

"Aye... aye," you said quietly.

 

You were tired already. Crying with Kyungsoo had taken up a whole chunk of your energy out for the day and all you wanted to do was crawl into a ball and sleep in Lay's arms. It was funny to think that you missed him when only a week or so ago, you were completely indifferent towards him. You guessed his confession had woken you up the same way your slap had done the same to him. And if Chanyeol wasn't oblivious, he certainly seemed it. 

"I saw Maddie arrive earlier," Chanyeol said, slipping his hand into yours.

"Oh really?" you replied, taking nervous glances at his fingers wrapped around yours.

"She called and asked me to let her into the dorm. I think she wanted to surprise Baekhyun."

"What time was this?" you asked, "was I not in?"

"You were with Kyungsoo outside... Maddie told me not to disturb you."

"Oh, I see." You weren't sure whether or not you wanted him to pry further into the nature of your conversation but he did anyway.

"What were you talking about?"

You bit your lip, "well..."

"Actually, it's okay. You don't need to tell me."

"No... No, you should know."

Chanyeol shook his head, "no, no. Don't feel oblidged to tell me. It's your conversation so you can keep it amongst the two of you."

You noticed his hand was starting to pull you to keep up with him as he raced forwards. "Chanyeol, wait-"

"No, really, because you know, you wouldn't ask me to reveal something I had been talking to Baek about so it's a bit unfair if I make you do it and-"

Chanyeol was rambling and almost running through the crowd. His forehead glistened with perspiration as he sweat under the collar. Suddenly the cold night didn't feel so icy. He wanted to run, not wanting to face reality. Feeling hot when it was cold was just one way of feeling like you were in a different place entirely.

"Stop walking so fast! I'm trying to tell you something!"

As Chanyeol's pace quickened and you attempted to match it, you stumbled and tripped on a step. Chanyeol only just managed to pull you up and keep you from falling flat on your face and he did so with a red, embarassed face.

"Haneul! Sorry, was I walking too fast?"

It had to be done. 

"Chanyeol," you said firmly, "look at me."

The time was now. 

"There's something I need to tell you. And you need to listen to me."

On a cold day like today, two hearts would be broken.

"Because I don't think I'll be able to repeat myself once I've said it."

 

 

 

 

---

Did you like Kyungsoo's part? I wanted to include the actual part where Haneul tells Chanyeol but I really couldn't bring myself to write it, sorry guys~

Today, I found out that my art teacher is leaving at the end of December and I almost cried. We were in a gallery and she came and told myself and my really good friend. We're both applying for art-type degrees at university and hearing her say she was leaving really brought a bomb down on us. She's been my favorite teacher since I was 11 and she's honestly my school mum. In my school where everyone (students and teachers alike) are so willing to throw health away for good grades, she was the one teacher my art class believed genuinely cared about the welfare of her kids. Art at my school is so badly recieved because people choose academic subjects like maths and the sciences and I UGH really feel like she made me the person I am. 

I know I'm being overly sentimental and none of you guys know my teacher but I feel strangely compelled to tell you guys about her. I literally don't know what I'm going to do without her. She's constantly working on helping me build up my confidence. She's been helping me get over my fear of public speaking and oh my god I love her so much. I knew she'd be leaving at the end of this school year in July 2014 but I'm leaving the school then I thought it'd be fine. Just hearing I only have one month left with her has sort of killed me a little inside.

 

 

However, two more chapters left! Sorry for the long-ish wait this time! (but hey, at least it wasn't a week, right?...)

p.s a while ago, a reader of mine tweeted me a link on tumblr (I think) which had a bunch of good songs to listen to when writing. If that was you, please please please can you tweet it back to me again? I lost the link and I'm so sad :( 

alternatively, if you guys know any songs that would be good to listen to when writing angsty things (like Chanyeol's scene in the next chapter) then please do comment and share them with me!