Chanyeol was in a good mood when you arrived back home. He seemed chipper and far more cheerful than he had been in the days previously. Launching himself into an attack, you found yourself enveloped in what could only be described as a 'bear hug'- a hug that meant you getting picked up at the waist and spun around. He was happy to see you, as always, but the thought of being able to fully concentrate on his feelings and not his arranged- and now dissolved- marriage. And you too were ecstatic to see him so full of life compared with the miserable and moody being he had been before. Having not seen 3 of the boys not including Lay earlier in the morning, the dorm seemed suddenly a lot more energetic. At least on the surface, that was how it appeared.

'Where were you this morning?' You asked Chanyeol, your voice slightly muffled as your head was still in his chest.

Chanyeol put you down and smiled widely, 'why? Did you miss me?'

You glanced over at D.O who had fallen asleep in the far armchair, his head and neck poking out from under a blanket that had been placed over him. He looked peaceful with his eyelashes resting against his cheeks and his cheeks flushing a pale pink color. But his lips were discoloring and nowhere near as plump as usual. A line was appearing between his thick and bushy eyebrows from frowning too often. He was slowly changing, withdrawing into himself and you were suddenly more aware than ever about what you were doing by leaving him waiting.

Sure, he had told you to take your time. Sure, that was exactly what you were doing. But it was breaking him, chunk by chunk, piece by piece, and you didn't want that. If you were going to turn him down, you should have been doing it now. But why weren't you? Kai acted as though nothing had ever happened and he had never confessed. Perhaps it was his way of dealing with the waiting? By not getting his hopes up. 

As for Chanyeol, he had acted like an insecure infant- flitting between spending as much time with you as he could and staying well away, not even attempting to talk to you. It was on those days that made you feel vile- like Chanyeol was purposely avoiding you because he wanted you to be out of his life and he wanted to act like you weren't there. And at this present moment, he was clinging onto the smallest amount of hope that by showing you how much he liked you, you'd do the same to him too.

But it was far more complicated than that. With every passing day, you began to feel more and more guilty. Whenever Kai held the door open for you and Chanyeol saw, you'd feel a slight pang in your heart for him. In the morning, when you'd hug D.O and he'd hold on to you for a split second longer than he had the day before, you'd see Kai wander past the kitchen pretending to not have seen anything. Every move you were making was a mistake and you were scared of making another.

'Of course I missed you, Yeollie,' you said, mentally slamming your head against the wall as you did so as you saw Kai look up in your direction, 'but why weren't you around?'

'Errands,' Chen said, 'you know, running errands, getting done, all that jazz.'

Luhan nodded as he passed by, 'yeah. Errands.'

You looked back up at Chanyeol who nodded, smiling in agreement. 'Errands in the early morning, Yeollie? I thought you didn't wake up until later than that.'

'I've turned a new page, princess, you know that.' Chanyeol said, bending down and whispering into your ear, 'I changed because of you.'

Your eyes widened and you stepped away abruptly. Kai's focus was on you and Chanyeol and his gaze flickered from you to him and to the floor. With the tension rising at a noticeable rate, you quickly excused yourself and left for your room, feigning a sudden desire to talk to Huiling.

 

It was dark inside your room as the curtains were still shut from the morning. As you padded your way in the direction of your bed, you stubbed your toe on a suitcase laid out open on the floor and groaned, furiously rubbing it to stop the pain. Your bedroom door opened, the lights and you looked around to find Xiumin standing in your room. He smiled kindly at you and pointed with his thumb to your door.

'Dinner's ready. It's mine tonight since D.O's out of it and I call it the 'feast a la Kim Minseok.'

Be prepared to be stuffed to your hearts content.' You nodded, not saying a word as you put your slipper back on.

Xiumin watched you, not leaving.

'He's not getting better, Haneul,' he said.

You froze knowing exactly what he was talking about.

There was a crash and the sound of cutlery falling to the floor followed by a 'it's alright! I've got it!' from Sehun outside and Xiumin looked back frantically.

'Let them know who it is soon, okay?' He walked towards you and gently patted your shoulder. 'D.O's quite stressed out at the moment, as is Kai. Chanyeol's also had a lot on his mind-'

'I'm not meaning to take this long-'

'No, I know that Haneul. Don't worry, I know that,' Xiumin said, 'but you're going to have to let all but one of them down eventually. Just don't wait too long. There's only so much time you can leave a confession and it's even shorter when you're living with them.'

'But won't it be awkward?'

Xiumin shrugged, 'only if you make it awkward.'

As he turned to go, you stood up from your bed. 'How did you know?'

'I could tell by the way you all act when something's wrong and when something's changed.' He chuckled and flicked his hair. 'Now come on, dinner awaits.'

 

'Dinner' was an understatement. As you sat at the table wedged between Chanyeol and Kris, you stared in amazement at the food. There were several side dishes consisted of vegetables and various different meats as well as a sort of egg omelet and some japchae. 'Oooh's and 'ahhh's echoed around the room as a jug of fruit punch was passed down the table.

'We all know it's Huiling's leaving party tomorrow-' Suho said

'When are you actually leaving?' Tao asked

Huiling laughed, seeing how flustered Suho was from being interrupted. 'In a week.'

'A week?!' you said, 'is that all?!' 

Huiling nodded, 'my family really want me back home.' 

'A week really isn't long...' 

Kris looked over at Lay who watched you the entire time and felt happy seeing his friend having an internal battle with himself over what to do. He almost definitely shouldn't have felt so gleeful over his friend's misery but it was his inner voice telling him 'Lay deserves it for being such an idiot' that let him cast aside any feeling of guilt. When simply rolling around in Lay's grief wasn't enough, Kris kicked him under the table, giving him a look that said 'see, I told you so. You're regretting it now, aren't you?' to which Lay responded with a quick clearing of the throat and mouthing a firm 'no' back.

'Your party is tomorrow' Sehun said, 'are you excited?'

Huiling shrugged, 'its nice to have a celebration but I'm still a bit nervous about leaving.'

'That's understandable' Kai said, 'we'll miss having you around.' 

You looked over at Kai and felt a little odd seeing him be so caring towards Huiling. Wasn't he supposed to like you? You pinched your own leg under the table, rolling your eyes at yourself.

Get a grip, Haneul. Kai's allowed to talk to Huiling. You don't own him, fool. You haven't even given him your reply so why be jealous of her?

You glanced at Kai.

...Because I don't want him to like her?

You pinched your leg harder this time, only stopping when Chanyeol started shovelling a little too much rice into your bowl. 

'Yeollie, I think that's enough-' 

'But my Hana Banana needs food to grow though. Look at you- you're getting skinnier. It's worrying, princess.'

But then again, I have Chanyeol... So does it really matter if Kai looks at other girls? Chanyeol's only ever seen me now that I think about it.

'Hey Huiling, you should have some more rice too!'

Turning your head to Chanyeol, you frowned. Okay so maybe everyone's nice to Huiling and I'm the only one feeling immature and bratty about it. D.O was still fast asleep under the blankets and seeing him stir slightly when the blanket covering him fell down, you excused yourself from the table to wake him.

'Haneul, are you sure that's a good idea?' Chen asked, 'he looks pretty tired...'

'I'll just put this back over him,' you said, holding up the blanket. Xiumin looked up from the table and nodded, giving you a thumbs up and you turned your back on the table to gently place the duvet over him. After slowly placing the blanket over D.O, you tucked the edges behind his shoulders so it wouldn't fall back down and brought a footstool over to the armchair. Hauling his feet onto the stool, you wrapped the remaining length of the blanket around D.O's legs to keep him warm before taking your place back at the dinner table.

'You've mummified hyung...' Tao said, eyeing D.O

'All that matters is that he won't catch a cold though, right?'

Xiumin nodded, 'right.' 

 

***

 

You slipped out of the dorm with Tao when everyone was watching a movie. Chanyeol had carried D.O to his bedroom as Suho had been worried about the noise waking him up and when everyone had settled down, you had gently whispered to Kris who happened to be closest to you that you and Tao were going for a walk. He nodded, dismissing it easily as his focus was entirely on the film and watching the main character try to wrestle his way through a barricade of aliens. It was chillier up on the roof- summer was gone for sure- and you with Tao on upturned crates usually used for tables.

'You said it's getting harder...'

The night air was thick and Tao swallowed.

'I really want to go home.'

'For good?' 

Tao shook his head, 'I just want to see my mom in person again. I want to walk around my neighbourhood just once more.'

You lay down and rested your head on the crate. Tao followed suit after taking off his coat and placing it over the two of you like a blanket.

'Everyone talking about Huiling leaving makes me miss China. I grew up there after all and I only got left here by accident. A happy accident, mind you, but it was still... all an accident. Haneul, was this all a mistake?' 

'Do you believe in fate?' 

'I suppose so.'

'Then no, it wasn't a mistake. And you wanting to go home isn't a mistake either. So go. Go back and then come back. See your family, spend as much time as you want there and when you're ready, come back. We'll welcome you home with open arms.'

'Is that not selfish of me?' 

'Tao...' you said, 'Tao, if I could see my parents again, I would. And I'm sure if D.O-oppa could see his mother again, he would. It's not a sin to miss your mom. No one would think you were being selfish. Do you really want to go?' 

Tao nodded. 

'Then what are you waiting for?' 

 

 

 

---

Pretty short chapter but the next one scheduled is hopefully going to be written by Yixing's birthday (7th October GUYS) and lets just say... I think it'll be a biggie!

In case you guys weren't aware, I've started writing a new story featuring Baekhyun! It's not romance unfortunately but it's about friendship and has a whole lot of drama for you to look forward to so please check it out if you're interested. Chapter one has been posted and Baekhyun will be fully introduced at Chapter 3 (you know how I like to drag out these initial meetings...) I've planned out the story and it shouldn't be any more than 30 chapters!

It's called 'Just Breathe', is a swimming!:au and is very personal to me. 

Check it out HERE

 

Again, I don't say this enough here but I'm truly so grateful for all the lovely messages and support you give me. I'm honestly so so thankful to you all for being such lovely readers and yeah, all I want to say is thank you thank you thank you!! ❤