It’s been nearly two weeks since we fought and there’s a word for what I’m feeling right now.

Terrible.

Lu Han flew back to Korea the next day that scene with Lay. He didn’t tell any of us. I just woke up to Lay telling me that he already left.

When we got back to Korea, I went home and he was there. Though, he didn’t say a single word and I could not find my words.

It’s been two weeks, two weeks of hell.

There came a moment where I just wanted to lock myself in my room and not come out, never.

I still cooked dinner for the both of us, and he’d eat. We’ll sit in the table, but not utter a single word to each other.  And that’s what pained me the most.

No one explained anything to anyone at all. We didn’t even bother explaining what happened. Lu Han never bothered explaining after I refused to hear him out the first time. And I regret it now.

I just want to hear his voice again. I want to see him smile again. The way his eyes twinkle when he does. He’s the most beautiful.

And at this moment, I’m desperately seeking for that beauty.

Right now, I’m cooking dinner again. He’s watching television to distract him from striking up a conversation with me. He does everything, anything at all, just to ignore me. And I appreciate it because I don’t think I’ll even be able to speak if it comes to talking to him.

I don’t even know how we’ll go on.

I went back to reality when I accidentally cut my finger, motherer is bleeding like there’s no tomorrow. I yelp out in pain.

Stupid knife ruining my deep thought. I was getting emotional there. Thanks for ruining my moment.

Lu Han immediately runs into the kitchen and runs to me looking concerned, he grabs my hand— instinct. He scans the cut and he gently washes it with antiseptic alcohol.

And that was when he realized what he was doing.

He didn’t stop, but that empty look on his eyes came back. Concerned eyes turning to hollow ones. No longer had feelings nor any single bit of emotion left. It was as if all the light has been out.

I wanted to tell him something, but I don’t know what.

“Be careful,” he says. I should’ve been happy that he said something. That was the first time in weeks that he ever said something to me.

I would’ve been delighted, if he didn’t say it in that bitterly cold tone. It’s as if he never even meant what he said.

“Okay,” I say as I bite my lips and continue my work, as he goes back to the living room. Not turning back.

Then the next day, we were in the living room sitting about a hundred miles away from each other, avoiding as if we had the plague.

We were just watching a movie, he’d laugh and I’d laugh with him then he stops.

him.

You know what, me too.

I was seriously getting tired of this, I don’t want to stay here any longer. Another minute in this silence will make me go mad.

Oh look, what a coincidence.

My phone started ringing, I sat up so that I could grab it. I saw Lu Han glancing at my phone’s caller id.

Zhang Yixing

I gulped, uh— this is just awkward.

He then glanced at me, as if he wanted to say something. I was waiting for him to say something, but then that something was never said.

He opened his mouth but then he closed it then returned to watching the damn movie.

Okay, I was hoping that maybe he’d stop me from answering the call or something but nevermind. Since he didn’t, I grabbed my phone and answered.

Lu Han just glares at me and I shrug at him.

You didn’t stop me, so why should I?

“Hello? Heejin?” Lay’s voice echoed from the other line. I could feel Lu Han’s attention in our conversation.

Why don’t you go watch your movie? Huh. Stupid.

“What is it?” I answer, deep inside my head.

“Uh— I was wondering if you wanted to eat lunch with me?” Lay asks, his voice wavering.

I take a side-glance at Lu Han, he was looking at me now.  He did not say anything.

“Okay, I’ll just meet you at the park.” I answered. Lu Han just closed his eyes and decided not to speak a word.

“See you,” Lay says and hangs up.

I hanged up and stood up.

As I walk out of the living room and pass by Lu Han, he was looking at me, and so I did. I looked at him,

“I would’ve rejected his offer.” I said, not really getting my hopes up with a reply. But miraculously, he did.

“Why didn’t you?” he asks, I could hear the tone of anger.

“Did you stop me? Did you say anything? If you said something, even just a word, a single word, Lu Han, that was the only thing I needed.” I snap, feelings getting ahead of me. Tears were starting to blur my eyes again. this, I’m not going to cry.

He looks at me, eyes wide at my outburst. He shuts his mouth and just looks down.

“I’m sorry,” I heard him whisper as I walked out.

But I’m not even sure if he actually said that.

 I woke up the next day, without him. Not a single trace of him.

I didn’t even know what was happening until Sehun called me, “Lu Han hyung had to go to China because of business matters. He told me to tell you because he couldn’t find the time to tell you,”

More like he didn’t want to tell me.

“Did he say anything else?” I say, did he say ‘I love you’, or even just ‘I’ll be back’. Even just a word, something that could reassure me.

“No, he didn’t.” he says, tone blank.

“Okay, thank you for letting me know, Sehun.” I say as I hang up. I drop the phone to the ground.

He didn’t even tell me, nor bothered leaving a letter.

I’m done. 

Merry Christmas to everyone! I know to some of you, it doesn't apply anymore. But since I live in Canada, it still is Christmas! To any of you who does not celebrate Christmas, I hope you have a Happy Holidays or Happy (insert what you celebrate here!)! I hope you all have a safe and happy holidays!

Moving on with the story, I know this was a pretty short update, but since it's Christmas. I'm feeling good, I'm almost done the next chapter! I will be posting soon~ Poor Heejin on this chapter ;~;, don't worry guys. It's okay to bash on Heejin, because sometimes I hate her too. WHY DID YOU LEAVE HER LU? /rage mode

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