(A:N- wanted to do a Key pov for this chapter.. enjoy ^^)

                     I was beyond surprised when I saw Jonghyun and the rest of the guys burst through Jisun's house, hell I was thinking it was her mother coming back with groceries or  something. But I knew they already figured me out, how I've ignored their messages. 

                     Was I being too confusing? Not that long ago, I wanted to know everything that was going on with grandma. I was worried sick for her, I didn't know what to or how to handle myself at the time. Each and every time it happened, I ended up getting worse and worse. I was snappy, rude, irritated, and just...not myself.

                     But to say that ignoring their messages meant that I no longer cared either, that's wrong. I'm not hiding from anything am I? It still hurts. It hurts everyday, I feel my heart aching from all the numbness and there really isn't anyone who can alleviate any amount of pain except Jisun.

                      I'll get back to the messages later. 

                  That was the first thing I thought when I saw the messages pop up on my phone. My heart was pounding furiously and I needed it to stop. To go away, to just go back to the steady pace it had been moments before. I wanted that so bad.

                      So that's why I tried to push those thoughts away, but do you think that'd actually work? When I was in the shower, all I could think about were the freaking messages. As hard as I wanted to ignore them, to pretend I never seen them, I just couldn't.

                      Mom called, doesn't that mean she has good news? 

                       Wow, look here. Taemin, Onew, and Jonghyun tried reaching me too. Must be pretty important huh? 

                       I should be happy with this news right? This must be so important... 

                        I was thinking that the entire time but something bothered me. I was shaking again. My hands were trembling in worry, my legs were beginning to ache and lose its balance. Where was all this sudden anxiety coming from? Please go away.

                        I felt that same anxiety the night before when mom called. I should be happy right? I deserve to be happy don't I? But how come...I didn't feel that way?

                       Pushing the thoughts away, the pain away is only temporary relievement. No matter how long you hold the painful thoughts in or try to push it away, they'll always find a way to come back. I wish it wasn't like that.

                        After I finished taking a shower, I walked back to Jisun's room to see her a bit paler than usual. I didn't want to question it though and wondered why she wasn't downstairs for breakfast like she said she would. 

                     Seeing Jisun though, somehow was better than pushing those thoughts away like I had originally planned. Her presence felt natural, it made me feel normal and I liked it a lot. I found myself calming down within moments as we went down to eat.

                       Did you know Jisun's incredibly easy to tease? I can say almost anything I want to her and the most she'll do is slap my shoulder or pretend to be mad at me. It's okay though, because she's cute. I don't like making fun of her a lot anyways, I save that for my ridiculous bandmates. 

                       Well as I was saying, when I heard the door ring I really did think it was Jisun's mom. The pained expressions that were plastered on their faces scared me for a minute until I realized that it should be me. I was the victem here wasn't I? Jonghyun immedietely pulled me over while the others went on their merry way to scavange the house. 

                      I couldn't bring myself to look at him. Because he knew.

                      And I couldn't deny anything, because he was completely right.

                   "Coward," Jonghyun whispere