A stupid and naïve idiot doesn’t even describe how you felt like the moment you ran out of the restaurant. With all your friends behind you, you ran towards one of the cabs that waited for you in front of the building. With a quick ‘Bye Mr. Bang’ you entered the car and immediately put on your sunglasses over your eyes to cover the tears that were forming in your eyes.

You have never felt more betrayed in your life than now and yet you were angrier at yourself than at him or Gyuri. How could I let them get at me so easily?
You felt like everything that happened the day before was so fake that it made you feel desperate and ridiculous. The ache in your heart was unbearable and you hated showing everyone that you were indeed affected by the sudden information, but you couldn’t hold it in.

All those months of hating and arguing with Yongguk should have been a sign for you to never trust him. Your badass image that you have built up a long time ago and managed to keep during majority of your life, was just thrown away like that the moment you entered the taxi.

You were so caught up in your thoughts and emotions that you ignored your friends and a shouting Yongguk who half ran after the cab that just drove off. With a pair of sunglasses on and your hand covering half of your face, you looked out of the window and that’s when you felt the first, totally fresh tears slowly running down your cheek and leaving small moisturized traces behind.

It was really silent in the car and no one said a word to you or even each other. Everyone was still a bit shaken up from the scene they witnessed a moment ago. Because you were too many people for one taxi, there were two cabs and you didn’t even know who was in the same car as you. It didn’t matter either because all you wanted was to get the hell out of there.

You lowered your head because your eyes became more watery before a weak sob left your mouth in a whisper. It felt horrible. You felt horrible. You fell in love with a jerk and even gave him something you will never get back again. Ever.

You have a really hard time trusting people and thanks to Yongguk, it will just become even worse now.

***

 “Jin Ah, where are you?” Amber’s calm voice echoed in the airport’s toilet.

Once the taxi drivers dropped you off, you immediately went to check in your stuff and head to the toilet where no one could see you. You tried to stay calm in front of your friends and thanks to your sunglasses, which you wore inside too, they couldn’t see your puffy and red eyes. Once you told them that you would be back soon, you ran away without waiting for anyone.

As soon as you entered the toilet and took off your shades, the women inside gave you looks. Some of them had weird looks and others’ were mixed with sympathy. You mentally cursed at them all and entered one of the small cabinets. Their sympathy was the last thing you needed and wanted.

The minute you closed and locked the cabinet’s door, you leaned on the wall on the opposite side and let your body slide down till you were sitting on the ground. You didn’t give a damn about if it was clean or not. Nothing mattered anymore. You rested your arms on your knees and hid your head while letting your tears drop one after one and soak your oversized t-shirt that ironically enough was Yongguk’s.

This whole wonderful and fantastic trip to the world’s best skating event was ruined just in minutes by an idiot and his . You closed your eyes at the thought of Gyuri’s satisfied expression once she blurred out everything. Slowly but surely, you didn’t hold anything in anymore. No one could see you at the moment and you needed to let everything out. You gave in and the once single tears turned into a full, defeated cry. You sobbed silently into your arms and although you knew that everything was true and you are not dreaming, you still had a hard time believing it.

How could he sink so low? How can all this effort be worth a one night stand?
How heartless is he? What about the fact that he agreed on coming here just because of me? Or was that also just a lie of his?
Thousands of questions circled in your mind and you always ended up by at same answer. He is a heartless and selfish son of a and nothing is real for him.

“Jin Ah seriously where are you?” Amber’s voice cut off your train of thoughts and you snapped your head up at her serious tone. “I can clearly hear you but I don’t know where your voice is coming from thanks to this damn echo!”

With your bare hands you quickly wiped your tears away but it was all useless because once you did that, the next ones started running down. You were heartbroken and you didn’t really get the whole situation. This was the first time you let someone into your heart just to get it destroyed in matter of minutes.

“Huh! I hear you,” you heard her steps running towards your direction before you saw her feet standing right in front of the door. “Jin Ah, open the door!”

You closed your eyes, which pushed even more tears down your wet cheeks and shook your head as if she could see you.

“Gina… please,” she said with a softer voice but you remained sitting on the ground. You bet your lower lip and looked away from the door in hope for her to leave you alone. “I will go and call for someone of the staff here,” she threatened instead.

You looked at the door again and inhaled deeply. Even though this was way against your will, you had to do it because you didn’t want to make a big deal out of it if she brings someone to open the door for her.

Slowly you stood from the ground and just unlocked the door to return back to your sitting position from before. Amber opened the door and walked in. She closed the door after her and remained standing in front of you while watching you with sad eyes.

“Gin…”

Once again you shook your head and hid it into your arms just to let another sob out.

“Aish..” you heard her sigh before feeling her presence closer to your body, “Jin Ah, he is not worth it.”

Amber put her hand on one of your shoulders and warmly rubbed it to calm you down. The two of you stayed like that for a couple of minutes before she bent down and hugged you tightly, which only made your emotions even stronger.

“Why…” you started off in a whisper which totally caught her off guard and made her release her grip from you, “Why did you let me, Amber?”

Finally you looked up and straight into her eyes. Craving for an honest answer. Amber looked down at you with sorry eyes and shook her head.

“Out of love, Jin Ah… From both my and his side.”

“And his was faker than Gyuri’s personality!” you clarified.

Amber only shook her head at that again, “Yet no one knew about it. Not even his friends. Did you see Zelo’s face after you ran away?”

You looked away from her at the thought of his friends, especially Himchan. He knew about this the whole time yet he didn’t say a to you, and he is even in a relationship with Luna.

“Luna…” you whispered in realization, “Get her away from him!”

You didn’t need to mention his name for Amber to understand. She let out an ironic laugh, “No need to worry. She is already sitting on the other side of the airport.”

“Good for her,” you commented.

You didn’t know who to trust anymore beside the two of them. Even though you loved Zelo and the rest as your own brothers you were still unsure about the fact that they might or might not be just like Yongguk and Himchan.  

Yongguk.

Whenever you thought about that person you felt like . You hated yourself. You hated him. And you hated that ing Gyuri.

You have never felt this way for someone as you felt for her. Hatred wasn’t even in the same category of emotions you felt for her. What you felt for her was a hundred times stronger. In a bad way.
You would seriously rather die and burn in hell for the rest of your life than spend another minute near her. She wasn’t worth your strength and time so you wanted to stop thinking about her.

But it was hard because… she won over you in the end.

She got what she wanted and so did Yongguk. The one who lost everything was you. You closed your eyes for the God-knows-what time and covered your face with your hands.

“Jin Ah, stop it,” Amber kneeled down beside you and held your arms, “This is not good for you. Especially before the flight.”

“Why does it even matter anymore?” you softly spoke through your sobs and into your hands.

“Ahh,” she groaned frustrated and pulled you up which surprised you, “Goddammit, where is the Jin Ah that I know?! The one who doesn’t care about Yongguk and his stupid games. The one who doesn’t give a about anyone but herself. The one that lives in her own little world?”

You pulled away from her grip and looked at her with red eyes, “Crushed by two s,” you simply answered with a look of disbelief.

“Two s that can go and die right away!” Amber blurred out after finally getting a proper view of your face, “Gyuri has always been a and once she comes back home, I will make everyone hate her even more. And Yongguk…”

You looked down at the mention of his name.

“…he just lost the most precious thing in his life for a stupid game.”

Amber pulled you into a hug which you accepted gladly. She caressed your back with one of her hands and stood like that for a moment.

“Ladies and Gentleman, Flight SK2031 to Seoul, South Korea is ready for boarding. Please proceed to gate 7 immediately where the final checks are being completed and-“

“Time to go,” Amber pulled away from the hug and shook you slightly while still holding onto your shoulders, “Be strong. Be the Jin Ah I know and everything will be alright. I’m sure of it.”

You took a deep breath and put your shades back over your eyes before leaving the small cabinet and with that, the airport’s toilet.

***

“How was the flight?” your father asked you while driving back home after picking you up together with Amber and Luna.

“Good,” you answered in a low voice from the passenger seat and looked ahead on the road.

During the whole flight you ignored everyone as much as possible and you were grateful that the guys didn’t bother you too much. You needed some time alone so badly but the timing was bad for that. You decided to stay as silent and anti-social as possible to avoid any uncomfortable situation that could get unwanted attention several miles above the ground.  

“And how was the festival?” your father kept on with his questions to avoid awkward silences.

You rolled your eyes behind your sunglasses and looked through the window beside you, “Also good.”

“Oh,” he threw a glance at you before turning his attention back on the road again, “The flight was good, the trip was also good and everyone is happy.”

“Mhm.”

It became silent and your father pulled to the right, away from the main highway and towards your area. You saw from the corner of your eyes that he glanced at his review mirror a couple of times to see Amber’s and Luna’s reactions at your conversation.

“What do you think about the trip, girls?” he asked happily.

“It.. It was a nice experience, Mr. Lee,” Luna answered in the same tone to avoid any suspicions.

“Yeah, it was really nice,” Amber added.

“Great,” your father smiled and pulled once to the left, “We are here girls,” he parked the car in front of Amber’s house that was located a block away from Luna’s.

“Thank you so much, Mr. Lee,” Luna said and opened the door.

“No problems, kiddo. I just wish I had more place in my car to fit the guys too,” he added concerned.

“They will be alright!” commented Amber and opened her door as well. She tapped your shoulder from behind and jumped out of the car, “Bye!”

“Have a good day,” your father said and started the engine again to drive you straight home.

***

After a long and very difficult dinner time with your parents, where they asked as many question as possible, you could finally go to the bathroom and take a shower to give yourself some peace. When your parents questioned your puffy eyes, you blamed it on a fake cold that you got from too much swimming and then skating through the wind. Luckily they bought it and you had one less problem to worry about.

When you were done with your long and relaxing shower with many thoughts in your mind, you looked at yourself in the mirror and spotted the three hickeys on your neck. Immediately you felt like a desperate idiot again and groaned in regret. Quickly you covered the stains with your foundation and left the bathroom to head towards your room, shouting a ‘Good night’ to your parents before closing your door.

You looked around in your room and spotted your bag in the middle, “I will just unpack in the morning,” you said to yourself and jumped on your bed instead.

You laid down with your back facing the ceiling, and just closed your eyes to enjoy the silent moment for a while. You were exhausted but far from sleepy. All the thoughts about Yongguk promised a sleepless night. You groaned into your pillow and you felt another round of tears threatening to come out.

Quickly, you sat up and shook your head, “Get yourself together, idiot,” you said to yourself but deep inside you knew that it was impossible.

You could still feel your heart aching and you still felt really weak emotionally. By trying to act like it’s nothing would only make it worse. You would only be lying to yourself and that is the last thing you wanted. You have had enough of all the lies and were tired of bull.

You glanced over at your night table when suddenly your phone caught your attention. You turned off the device before showering at Yongguk’s hotel bathroom because you knew that you would forget to do it before boarding the plane.

With a tired look on your face, you stretched out your arm and picked up your phone. Once you pressed and hold onto the turn on button, your phone started vibrating like crazy. You furrowed your eyebrows at the crazy device and waited for it to calm down. Seconds later you got the explanation to why your phone acted like it did.

You received a tons of voice mails and messages from Yongguk.

You pressed the listen button on the screen and brought the phone near your ear. The voice mail lady informed you about the amount of mails you received, which was ridiculously many, and after the first beep you heard Yongguk sigh into the phone.

“You have probably turned off your phone but-“

You clicked on the end button and threw your phone away to the other side of your bed. It wasn’t that you weren’t ready to hear his voice but you didn’t want to. You didn’t want to listen to his bull and only cry about it. You were so tired of his games that you decided to stay away from him.

“Hate you,” you whispered while a single tear formed in your eye.

Without a second thought, you picked up your phone again and delete every single voice mail that you got from him. After that, you went to your inbox that was also full of his messages. Every single one began with your name or ‘Please..’.

Just when you were about to mark every text message to delete them, somehow your phone slipped out of your hands and you accidently hit the open button on one of them.

“!”

You picked up your phone again and studied the screen. Thanks to today’s technology and social network nerds, you could now see whenever someone reads your message. You started cursing under your breath and quickly erased every message from him when suddenly your phone started vibrating.

Your heart began beating in an uneven pace and your face became red. For the first time in a long while, you could feel your familiar headache crawling back towards the back of your head. With a horrified look, you glanced down at your phone only to see what you have expected:

Incoming call;
Bang Yongguk.
 

A/N: It's the day of BADMAN MV release and I expect a lot of you to be emotionally dead, just like me!
There is a little favor I have to ask my fellow BABYz, please read this post from ITSBAP http://itsbap.com/post/57453558544/where-to-search-vote-listen-to-badman Our boys need our support!

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